DH wants to quit job to join startup

[Anonymous]

Tell him he can do it after he makes another million dollars. Put a hard number on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5mm liquid, 1mm of equity in the house? Let him start his company

They don't have 5m liquid--it's 5 m net worth which includes college funds for 3 kids and retirement accounts.

Yes, they should be careful. They might starve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband has a high paying job with a lot of flexibility and seniority. His income varies but was around 800k last year. It’s always over 500k. We have 1 teen with mild special needs which require therapy and 2 middle schoolers. He wants to quit his job to join a startup. Basically I think he’s bored and wants to try something new and work with friends. Maybe a quasi midlife crisis?

How do I nudge him into realizing he should stay at his current job until our kids are launched? We have six years left until youngest is 18. In terms of money, we have 5M liquid but about 750k of that is the kids’ college funds, which we intend to spend. We also have our house (1 mil in equity) but, since you have to live somewhere, we wouldn’t be able to realize that unless we downsized or moved somewhere much cheaper which we don’t want to do. At the very least, I think we should have 5M liquid excluding college funds.

It’s not just money though. Joining a startup would mean longer working hours, more work stress, pressure to perform and prove his worth, and more stress about money. As it is, we live frugally enough that we don’t have to budget down to every last dollar. If the kids are going to the mall, we give them $20. We give them money to buy clothes. We get takeout a lot. We take nice vacations (our one splurge). We’d all have to start living very differently if he quit his job.

I teach preschool and barely make over $20k. Mostly just to have something to do. I could pay for our health insurance and that’s it, lol.

So what would you say to your husband in this scenario?

I would say, “let’s try to live on a $200k* budget for at least six months to see if we can do it.” Then do that.

* Look at your spending for the past year and figure out where you spend it - to see if you have to move first.

I would also ask how he plans on keeping up with his parenting duties if he is working more hours. Does he plan on cutting back on his free time? Or your couple time?

[Anonymous]

Team DH (and I am never Team DH)

This OP rubs me the wrong way. A paltry job making a paltry $20k *and* she can’t bring it upon herself to start cooking? She probably spends more on takeout than she brings in!

As a PP said, they have incredibly low savings for their age and HHI.

Sorry OP. You have more than enough to educate your kids and retire even if he were to stop working tomorrow. You just have to budget. The kids can go in-state or to less elite privates where they earn merit money. You can fly economy to domestic destinations for your vacations. You can get your a** in the kitchen to cook.

JFC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team DH (and I am never Team DH)

This OP rubs me the wrong way. A paltry job making a paltry $20k *and* she can’t bring it upon herself to start cooking? She probably spends more on takeout than she brings in!

As a PP said, they have incredibly low savings for their age and HHI.

Sorry OP. You have more than enough to educate your kids and retire even if he were to stop working tomorrow. You just have to budget. The kids can go in-state or to less elite privates where they earn merit money. You can fly economy to domestic destinations for your vacations. You can get your a** in the kitchen to cook.

JFC.

You can't win on the board. If you're SAH, they tell you you're dumb for relying on your spouse. If you work, but don't make enough money for DCUM standards, they call your salary paltry. But if you're an executive WOHM, they tell you you're selfish and vain.

OP I think it's good you have your own job, even if it doesn't make as much as your DH.

But you should make this about free time and time spent with family - at least until your oldest is launched. Otherwise people start sniping at your "paltry" job. It'd be one thing if this job change would take you from $200k HHI to $500k HHI. But money isn't an issue here. You have tons of savings. TIME is the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women have choices. Men have obligations.

Moms have obligations to handle children & the household. Dads have choices about how much they will engage with children and the household. Like it or not, that’s how it plays out whether or not the mother works outside the home.

So true. Men have tons of choices, including the choice to work abroad or enlist or take a high-travel and effectively check out of the family. While women have the “choice” to work full time both at the office and also at home, part time in the office while full time at home, or just full time at home! So many choices.

There are plenty of deployed women and traveling consulting types with men with teacher jobs or the like. They just don’t post on DCUM because they don’t think of men as bank accounts.

If by “plenty” you mean “a tiny minority” sure!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team DH (and I am never Team DH)

This OP rubs me the wrong way. A paltry job making a paltry $20k *and* she can’t bring it upon herself to start cooking? She probably spends more on takeout than she brings in!

As a PP said, they have incredibly low savings for their age and HHI.

Sorry OP. You have more than enough to educate your kids and retire even if he were to stop working tomorrow. You just have to budget. The kids can go in-state or to less elite privates where they earn merit money. You can fly economy to domestic destinations for your vacations. You can get your a** in the kitchen to cook.

JFC.

You can't win on the board. If you're SAH, they tell you you're dumb for relying on your spouse. If you work, but don't make enough money for DCUM standards, they call your salary paltry. But if you're an executive WOHM, they tell you you're selfish and vain.

OP I think it's good you have your own job, even if it doesn't make as much as your DH.

But you should make this about free time and time spent with family - at least until your oldest is launched. Otherwise people start sniping at your "paltry" job. It'd be one thing if this job change would take you from $200k HHI to $500k HHI. But money isn't an issue here. You have tons of savings. TIME is the issue.

The problem is that OP is a SAHM with a PT hobby job, three grown kids, and still can’t manage to run a household or budget. And apparently she prefers to make her DH keep his nose to the grindstone at a soulless corporate job rather than learning how to budget.

As to time - they can negotiate conditions like be home by Xpm almost every weeknight, only X hours of weekend work. Though if her DH is a good father, he himself would realize if he is not spending enough time with the kids and make changes accordingly. But come on, these kids are largely independent with the exception of driving to activities, which OP can easily do after her preschool job. Why not let DH pursue a dream and thereby set a good example to the kids?

Like I said before, I rarely rarely side with the DH. But OP sounds lazy and selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he makes that much AND has maximal flexibility, DO NOT LEAVE. This is not the part of the economic cycle to take risks. Can he be on an advisory board to the startup or something...be involved there but not employed?

This. Maybe scratch the itch this way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team DH (and I am never Team DH)

This OP rubs me the wrong way. A paltry job making a paltry $20k *and* she can’t bring it upon herself to start cooking? She probably spends more on takeout than she brings in!

As a PP said, they have incredibly low savings for their age and HHI.

Sorry OP. You have more than enough to educate your kids and retire even if he were to stop working tomorrow. You just have to budget. The kids can go in-state or to less elite privates where they earn merit money. You can fly economy to domestic destinations for your vacations. You can get your a** in the kitchen to cook.

JFC.

You can't win on the board. If you're SAH, they tell you you're dumb for relying on your spouse. If you work, but don't make enough money for DCUM standards, they call your salary paltry. But if you're an executive WOHM, they tell you you're selfish and vain.

OP I think it's good you have your own job, even if it doesn't make as much as your DH.

But you should make this about free time and time spent with family - at least until your oldest is launched. Otherwise people start sniping at your "paltry" job. It'd be one thing if this job change would take you from $200k HHI to $500k HHI. But money isn't an issue here. You have tons of savings. TIME is the issue.

The problem is that OP is a SAHM with a PT hobby job, three grown kids, and still can’t manage to run a household or budget. And apparently she prefers to make her DH keep his nose to the grindstone at a soulless corporate job rather than learning how to budget.

As to time - they can negotiate conditions like be home by Xpm almost every weeknight, only X hours of weekend work. Though if her DH is a good father, he himself would realize if he is not spending enough time with the kids and make changes accordingly. But come on, these kids are largely independent with the exception of driving to activities, which OP can easily do after her preschool job. Why not let DH pursue a dream and thereby set a good example to the kids?

Like I said before, I rarely rarely side with the DH. But OP sounds lazy and selfish.

Why do you think she can't run a household or budget? They've saved $5m. They are budgeting just fine, and the OP says they are already frugal except for planned expenses. She also says their teen is troubled and requires 2 parents to handle. It's not just "someone has to drive Larlo to practice." It's "we need two stable figures in our child's life to be effective." It is clearly better if the father is around and involved vs. 100% mom and dad is still at the office. Teenagers are hard, and her teen is not "largely independent" as you say.

Yeah, if OP's DH can negotiate boundaries and stick to them, this would be fine. But will he? If he says he will, does OP believe it? They need to have a come to jesus talk about it, and draw out clear expectations and needs. I think the suggestion to live on a smaller budget for 6 months is also good. I would say this even if OP's DH wasn't leaving a lucrative, flexible position. Anyone diving into a startup needs to have a serious plan (for boundaries, for failure) and not just pie in the sky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team DH (and I am never Team DH)

This OP rubs me the wrong way. A paltry job making a paltry $20k *and* she can’t bring it upon herself to start cooking? She probably spends more on takeout than she brings in!

As a PP said, they have incredibly low savings for their age and HHI.

Sorry OP. You have more than enough to educate your kids and retire even if he were to stop working tomorrow. You just have to budget. The kids can go in-state or to less elite privates where they earn merit money. You can fly economy to domestic destinations for your vacations. You can get your a** in the kitchen to cook.

JFC.

You can't win on the board. If you're SAH, they tell you you're dumb for relying on your spouse. If you work, but don't make enough money for DCUM standards, they call your salary paltry. But if you're an executive WOHM, they tell you you're selfish and vain.

OP I think it's good you have your own job, even if it doesn't make as much as your DH.

But you should make this about free time and time spent with family - at least until your oldest is launched. Otherwise people start sniping at your "paltry" job. It'd be one thing if this job change would take you from $200k HHI to $500k HHI. But money isn't an issue here. You have tons of savings. TIME is the issue.

The problem is that OP is a SAHM with a PT hobby job, three grown kids, and still can’t manage to run a household or budget. And apparently she prefers to make her DH keep his nose to the grindstone at a soulless corporate job rather than learning how to budget.

As to time - they can negotiate conditions like be home by Xpm almost every weeknight, only X hours of weekend work. Though if her DH is a good father, he himself would realize if he is not spending enough time with the kids and make changes accordingly. But come on, these kids are largely independent with the exception of driving to activities, which OP can easily do after her preschool job. Why not let DH pursue a dream and thereby set a good example to the kids?

Like I said before, I rarely rarely side with the DH. But OP sounds lazy and selfish.

Why do you think she can't run a household or budget? They've saved $5m. They are budgeting just fine, and the OP says they are already frugal except for planned expenses. She also says their teen is troubled and requires 2 parents to handle. It's not just "someone has to drive Larlo to practice." It's "we need two stable figures in our child's life to be effective." It is clearly better if the father is around and involved vs. 100% mom and dad is still at the office. Teenagers are hard, and her teen is not "largely independent" as you say.

Yeah, if OP's DH can negotiate boundaries and stick to them, this would be fine. But will he? If he says he will, does OP believe it? They need to have a come to jesus talk about it, and draw out clear expectations and needs. I think the suggestion to live on a smaller budget for 6 months is also good. I would say this even if OP's DH wasn't leaving a lucrative, flexible position. Anyone diving into a startup needs to have a serious plan (for boundaries, for failure) and not just pie in the sky.

$5m is atrociously low for their age and HHI.

And none of the teens is troubled. One with “mild special needs”… which, is not too bad

[Anonymous]

You’re being silly. My DH is at a start up and the sky has not fallen. If it doesn’t work out he can just find a new one. It’s not like he’d end up unemployed and you all would be destitute. This isn’t Angela’s Ashes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re being silly. My DH is at a start up and the sky has not fallen. If it doesn’t work out he can just find a new one. It’s not like he’d end up unemployed and you all would be destitute. This isn’t Angela’s Ashes.

OP:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re being silly. My DH is at a start up and the sky has not fallen. If it doesn’t work out he can just find a new one. It’s not like he’d end up unemployed and you all would be destitute. This isn’t Angela’s Ashes.

Even if he never worked again, they would be fine.

[Anonymous]

Team DH. Let the guy do the type of work he wants to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re being silly. My DH is at a start up and the sky has not fallen. If it doesn’t work out he can just find a new one. It’s not like he’d end up unemployed and you all would be destitute. This isn’t Angela’s Ashes.

My DH *owns* a start-up and we have two young kids. He manages to make it work and still spends plenty of time with the kids. Means sacrificing some leisure time but he is okay working instead of sitting on the couch watching football. He considers time with the kids as leisure.