Teen ruining her College chances

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are going to have to get over your dream schools, OP. She wasn't likely to get in anyway. It was always a long shot.

You don't want to hear this, and probably cannot process it at this stage, but it is far better for her to develop a strong social sense of self, have fun and friendships, and feel in control of her own life than is is to go to any particular college. A happy, confident, smart kid from a middling college will be more successful than a depressed, burned out, resentful kid with no social circle from Harvard.

This times a million!

I think this is a false fallacy. Like if you end up depressed, burnt out, resentful, and with no social circle from Harvard, you probably would’ve ended up similar situated from UMD or a liberal arts college. If you’re miserable at an Ivy, you probably would’ve been miserable elsewhere.

You think wrong. There are kids who go to Harvard because they're academically gifted, naturally high achievers. Strivers.
And there are kids who go to Harvard because their neurotic parents have structured every facet of their lives to such a degree that the kids are empty shelled puppets. That will eventually have devastating effect on the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are going to have to get over your dream schools, OP. She wasn't likely to get in anyway. It was always a long shot.

You don't want to hear this, and probably cannot process it at this stage, but it is far better for her to develop a strong social sense of self, have fun and friendships, and feel in control of her own life than is is to go to any particular college. A happy, confident, smart kid from a middling college will be more successful than a depressed, burned out, resentful kid with no social circle from Harvard.

This times a million!

I think this is a false fallacy. Like if you end up depressed, burnt out, resentful, and with no social circle from Harvard, you probably would’ve ended up similar situated from UMD or a liberal arts college. If you’re miserable at an Ivy, you probably would’ve been miserable elsewhere.

+1

There was a thread on the career forum a while ago from a college student at Columbia who wanted to leave the school because it made her “depressed, burnt out, resentful, and socially isolated.” But it was very obvious from the post and the comments that this young woman was maladjusted to begin with. Going to a specific college is not going to fix that, whether it’s an Ivy, a state school, or a LAC.

OP, you need to push your kid. Ban electronics and monitor PowerSchool like a hawk until she shows you that she can consistently turn in every single assignment. That’s the bare minimum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are going to have to get over your dream schools, OP. She wasn't likely to get in anyway. It was always a long shot.

You don't want to hear this, and probably cannot process it at this stage, but it is far better for her to develop a strong social sense of self, have fun and friendships, and feel in control of her own life than is is to go to any particular college. A happy, confident, smart kid from a middling college will be more successful than a depressed, burned out, resentful kid with no social circle from Harvard.

This times a million!

I think this is a false fallacy. Like if you end up depressed, burnt out, resentful, and with no social circle from Harvard, you probably would’ve ended up similar situated from UMD or a liberal arts college. If you’re miserable at an Ivy, you probably would’ve been miserable elsewhere.

You think wrong. There are kids who go to Harvard because they're academically gifted, naturally high achievers. Strivers.
And there are kids who go to Harvard because their neurotic parents have structured every facet of their lives to such a degree that the kids are empty shelled puppets. That will eventually have devastating effect on the kids.

You are wrong, plain wrong.

-HYPS grad who was forced into it by my parents and am very grateful that they did so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are going to have to get over your dream schools, OP. She wasn't likely to get in anyway. It was always a long shot.

You don't want to hear this, and probably cannot process it at this stage, but it is far better for her to develop a strong social sense of self, have fun and friendships, and feel in control of her own life than is is to go to any particular college. A happy, confident, smart kid from a middling college will be more successful than a depressed, burned out, resentful kid with no social circle from Harvard.

This times a million!

I think this is a false fallacy. Like if you end up depressed, burnt out, resentful, and with no social circle from Harvard, you probably would’ve ended up similar situated from UMD or a liberal arts college. If you’re miserable at an Ivy, you probably would’ve been miserable elsewhere.

You think wrong. There are kids who go to Harvard because they're academically gifted, naturally high achievers. Strivers.
And there are kids who go to Harvard because their neurotic parents have structured every facet of their lives to such a degree that the kids are empty shelled puppets. That will eventually have devastating effect on the kids.

You are wrong. They will be grateful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are going to have to get over your dream schools, OP. She wasn't likely to get in anyway. It was always a long shot.

You don't want to hear this, and probably cannot process it at this stage, but it is far better for her to develop a strong social sense of self, have fun and friendships, and feel in control of her own life than is is to go to any particular college. A happy, confident, smart kid from a middling college will be more successful than a depressed, burned out, resentful kid with no social circle from Harvard.

This times a million!

I think this is a false fallacy. Like if you end up depressed, burnt out, resentful, and with no social circle from Harvard, you probably would’ve ended up similar situated from UMD or a liberal arts college. If you’re miserable at an Ivy, you probably would’ve been miserable elsewhere.

+1

There was a thread on the career forum a while ago from a college student at Columbia who wanted to leave the school because it made her “depressed, burnt out, resentful, and socially isolated.” But it was very obvious from the post and the comments that this young woman was maladjusted to begin with. Going to a specific college is not going to fix that, whether it’s an Ivy, a state school, or a LAC.

OP, you need to push your kid. Ban electronics and monitor PowerSchool like a hawk until she shows you that she can consistently turn in every single assignment. That’s the bare minimum.

DP. That was not the right takeaway from that post...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are going to have to get over your dream schools, OP. She wasn't likely to get in anyway. It was always a long shot.

You don't want to hear this, and probably cannot process it at this stage, but it is far better for her to develop a strong social sense of self, have fun and friendships, and feel in control of her own life than is is to go to any particular college. A happy, confident, smart kid from a middling college will be more successful than a depressed, burned out, resentful kid with no social circle from Harvard.

This times a million!

I think this is a false fallacy. Like if you end up depressed, burnt out, resentful, and with no social circle from Harvard, you probably would’ve ended up similar situated from UMD or a liberal arts college. If you’re miserable at an Ivy, you probably would’ve been miserable elsewhere.

+1

There was a thread on the career forum a while ago from a college student at Columbia who wanted to leave the school because it made her “depressed, burnt out, resentful, and socially isolated.” But it was very obvious from the post and the comments that this young woman was maladjusted to begin with. Going to a specific college is not going to fix that, whether it’s an Ivy, a state school, or a LAC.

OP, you need to push your kid. Ban electronics and monitor PowerSchool like a hawk until she shows you that she can consistently turn in every single assignment. That’s the bare minimum.

DP. That was not the right takeaway from that post...

Then what was? Just from reading that thread (which I think Jeff deleted) it’s obvious that the girl at Columbia would’ve been miserable anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Your child’s doctor can test her for ADHD with a series of questions using the Vanderbilt test. You don’t need to deal with a psychologist and waiting lists to get help.

My kid was having the same issue. Could also be anxiety. You sound like a stressy parent and maybe you are stressing them out.

[Anonymous]

This not that hard to fix. She needs a paper calendar and to put stuff on them and look at it every day. Every day you need to make her take 5 minutes and have her do those two things. For a high schooler this is not micromanaging them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is a smart kid and tested highly on every single test. However, her social life is taking over and her grades are falling (not terribly but a little). We've had endless talks about this. She says she is going to do better but it is not improving. A tutor would not help because she is not struggling with the content. She is struggling with remembering to hand assignments on time and when tests are scheduled. She is also having a hard time managing her time on her electronics. I want to take them away but my husband wants her to learn. It is true that in 2 years, she will be in college and no one will be there to remove her electronics.
She had great College potential but now, she is ruining it. She will get somewhere, just not what she could have had. I just know that when it will be time to apply to Colleges, she will be shocked by how competitive it is and her dream College will be out of her grade reach. I have expressed it to her but she says it is not true and she refuses to talk to the College application officer at her school.
I'll take all advice...

2 years seems like a really long time; surely she can turn things around easily in that amount of time.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been there. First of all, “endless talks” doesn’t work, might make it worse. Limit electronics usage if she’s addicted. Think about what you would do if it’s drugs. Let her do more chores or some parttime job.

[Anonymous]

Btw, if she’s still a sophomore, college talk is way too early. Kids these days hate it when everything is about college application.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are going to have to get over your dream schools, OP. She wasn't likely to get in anyway. It was always a long shot.

You don't want to hear this, and probably cannot process it at this stage, but it is far better for her to develop a strong social sense of self, have fun and friendships, and feel in control of her own life than is is to go to any particular college. A happy, confident, smart kid from a middling college will be more successful than a depressed, burned out, resentful kid with no social circle from Harvard.

This times a million!

I think this is a false fallacy. Like if you end up depressed, burnt out, resentful, and with no social circle from Harvard, you probably would’ve ended up similar situated from UMD or a liberal arts college. If you’re miserable at an Ivy, you probably would’ve been miserable elsewhere.

+1

There was a thread on the career forum a while ago from a college student at Columbia who wanted to leave the school because it made her “depressed, burnt out, resentful, and socially isolated.” But it was very obvious from the post and the comments that this young woman was maladjusted to begin with. Going to a specific college is not going to fix that, whether it’s an Ivy, a state school, or a LAC.

OP, you need to push your kid. Ban electronics and monitor PowerSchool like a hawk until she shows you that she can consistently turn in every single assignment. That’s the bare minimum.

DP. That was not the right takeaway from that post...

Then what was? Just from reading that thread (which I think Jeff deleted) it’s obvious that the girl at Columbia would’ve been miserable anywhere.

Having your parents push you too hard does tens to make you maladjusted.

[Anonymous]

This kid is not managing her time well on her phone. That's literally how these things are set up. It is absolutely her parents job to teach her how to manage that. Thats is not being an overbearing parent, that is parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Btw, if she’s still a sophomore, college talk is way too early. Kids these days hate it when everything is about college application.

She can certainly turn around her bad grades in such a long time before college.

Why is everyone freaking out here? Thread makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Btw, if she’s still a sophomore, college talk is way too early. Kids these days hate it when everything is about college application.

She can certainly turn around her bad grades in such a long time before college.

Why is everyone freaking out here? Thread makes no sense.

Everyone has a 4.0 these days. Freshmen year matters. It’s eye opening when your kid is a Junior.