Teen ruining her College chances

[Anonymous]

I’m reading a book that I saw recommended on here that addresses your teen issues. It’s That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week.
It addresses the overuse of electronics, organizing assignments, scheduling blocks of time so teen can enjoy free time instead of stressing about assignments etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are going to have to get over your dream schools, OP. She wasn't likely to get in anyway. It was always a long shot.

You don't want to hear this, and probably cannot process it at this stage, but it is far better for her to develop a strong social sense of self, have fun and friendships, and feel in control of her own life than is is to go to any particular college. A happy, confident, smart kid from a middling college will be more successful than a depressed, burned out, resentful kid with no social circle from Harvard.

This times a million!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest (11th grade boy) has serious ADHD to the point that he had an IEP.

My middle child (9th grade girl) is now showing signs but she has been able to get by through middle school without anyone raising and concerns. Once we had her screened my heart broke to see what she has been struggling with.

Please ask you daughter if she would be OK with a screening so that you can support her.

Not everything is ADHD and this is not about your kids. If she managed well all this time, getting a diagnosis and medication isn't going to fix it.

Seriously. Everyone wants to chalk up adolescent recklessness, laziness and stubbornness up to ADHD.

Sometimes kids just need a reality check and a kick in the pants. How about that?

If I hear 'executive functioning disorder' one more time I think my head will explode.

[Anonymous]

Well, she takes a lighter schedule next year. Talk to her about what worries her. Is there a single subject that's derailing her? and affecting everything else. Might be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest (11th grade boy) has serious ADHD to the point that he had an IEP.

My middle child (9th grade girl) is now showing signs but she has been able to get by through middle school without anyone raising and concerns. Once we had her screened my heart broke to see what she has been struggling with.

Please ask you daughter if she would be OK with a screening so that you can support her.

Not everything is ADHD and this is not about your kids. If she managed well all this time, getting a diagnosis and medication isn't going to fix it.

Seriously. Everyone wants to chalk up adolescent recklessness, laziness and stubbornness up to ADHD.

Sometimes kids just need a reality check and a kick in the pants. How about that?

If I hear 'executive functioning disorder' one more time I think my head will explode.

LOL! Right! We've pathololigzed teens just being teens with all kinds of nonsense! As if it's some radical, new phenomenon that parents struggle to get their teens to sit still, communicate responsibly, listen to adults, obey instructions and do their homework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is similar. And to address a PP, we’ve had him assessed recently for ADHD and they said he has some traits, but in general it’s simply an issue of motivation. If he wanted to invest more effort in school he could summon the focus, but since he cares about other things more…he doesn’t.

I bet my kids grades are lower than you are dealing with - his grades are a mix of Bs and Cs with As in art. He will probably end up at a non-flagship state school. I’ve had to wrestle with my own snobbery to become okay with that. He is okay with that! And it’s his life. When we told him that community college is on the table if he can’t get his grades up he shrugged and said “it’s still college, right?”

It does drive me bonkers, but he is a lovely human being, beloved by friends, teachers, and coaches. I hold on to that, knowing he’ll be okay in the long run. Relationships are more important than credentials for human happiness.

You can always pay for a private liberal arts college like I did in a similar situation. I am not sure it was the right choice and if felt a bit like saving face, but at least things didn’t further deteriorate as I was worried they would do at CC.

DP. Spoken like someone who has more money than sense, someone who allows fear to govern their decisions. You, clearly, have no clue how expensive college is for 'normal' people. My DH and I are both college graduates and have been saving for college for our kids since they were very small. One year at the Virginia state schools my kids were accepted to cost 17% of our gross income and 22% of our net (per our most recent tax filing). I still have to pay the mortgage out of that net income. My DD had to turn down the private liberal arts colleges she was accepted to because we cannot afford them and we are unwilling to incur that kind of debt.

I have an older DS who is finishing his 2nd year of CC - which you find so worrisome. How freakin classist, and misinformed, of you. I can't speak highly enough of about CC. The quality of instruction has been no different than any other traditional university. Virginia public universities, at least, have recognized that because they participate in the guaranteed admissions program. Students meeting GPA and course requirements at NoVa are guaranteed admissions to any Virginia public university and many other public/private institutions outside the state. We paid about $7.5K for a year for NoVa (fall, spring, summer sessions). It's been an excellent value. My DS has until May 1 to decide if he's going to UVA, W&M or Virginia Tech.

My middle child is a senior in HS, was accepted at most of the universities she applied to

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is a smart kid and tested highly on every single test. However, her social life is taking over and her grades are falling (not terribly but a little). We've had endless talks about this. She says she is going to do better but it is not improving. A tutor would not help because she is not struggling with the content. She is struggling with remembering to hand assignments on time and when tests are scheduled. She is also having a hard time managing her time on her electronics. I want to take them away but my husband wants her to learn. It is true that in 2 years, she will be in college and no one will be there to remove her electronics.
She had great College potential but now, she is ruining it. She will get somewhere, just not what she could have had. I just know that when it will be time to apply to Colleges, she will be shocked by how competitive it is and her dream College will be out of her grade reach. I have expressed it to her but she says it is not true and she refuses to talk to the College application officer at her school.
I'll take all advice...

There are thousands of colleges and most kids go to THOSE colleges and not top 50 schools. College name brand has only a minor influence on earning potential. Work performance and experience later on does. Let the kid have some balance in her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest (11th grade boy) has serious ADHD to the point that he had an IEP.

My middle child (9th grade girl) is now showing signs but she has been able to get by through middle school without anyone raising and concerns. Once we had her screened my heart broke to see what she has been struggling with.

Please ask you daughter if she would be OK with a screening so that you can support her.

Not everything is ADHD and this is not about your kids. If she managed well all this time, getting a diagnosis and medication isn't going to fix it.

Seriously. Everyone wants to chalk up adolescent recklessness, laziness and stubbornness up to ADHD.

Sometimes kids just need a reality check and a kick in the pants. How about that?

If I hear 'executive functioning disorder' one more time I think my head will explode.

LOL! Right! We've pathololigzed teens just being teens with all kinds of nonsense! As if it's some radical, new phenomenon that parents struggle to get their teens to sit still, communicate responsibly, listen to adults, obey instructions and do their homework.

Except that now we have solutions to help the portion of these kids with a treatable illness.

It's HILARIOUS that you guys don't even want people to get better if whatever they have happens to have a medical treatment available!!!

Maybe we should tell you that your cancer symptoms aren't cancer at all, and you shouldn't seek chemo, because it didn't exist back in the day, so why would you want to do that!!

So funny, right!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is a smart kid and tested highly on every single test. However, her social life is taking over and her grades are falling (not terribly but a little). We've had endless talks about this. She says she is going to do better but it is not improving. A tutor would not help because she is not struggling with the content. She is struggling with remembering to hand assignments on time and when tests are scheduled. She is also having a hard time managing her time on her electronics. I want to take them away but my husband wants her to learn. It is true that in 2 years, she will be in college and no one will be there to remove her electronics.
She had great College potential but now, she is ruining it. She will get somewhere, just not what she could have had. I just know that when it will be time to apply to Colleges, she will be shocked by how competitive it is and her dream College will be out of her grade reach. I have expressed it to her but she says it is not true and she refuses to talk to the College application officer at her school.
I'll take all advice...

There are thousands of colleges and most kids go to THOSE colleges and not top 50 schools. College name brand has only a minor influence on earning potential. Work performance and experience later on does. Let the kid have some balance in her life.

Yes, yes and yes.
And community college is not the devil. It's actually great for many. If your gut says your daughter is not ready for a traditional 4 year school where she lives in the dorms, esp due to time management, you are probably right. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest (11th grade boy) has serious ADHD to the point that he had an IEP.

My middle child (9th grade girl) is now showing signs but she has been able to get by through middle school without anyone raising and concerns. Once we had her screened my heart broke to see what she has been struggling with.

Please ask you daughter if she would be OK with a screening so that you can support her.

Not everything is ADHD and this is not about your kids. If she managed well all this time, getting a diagnosis and medication isn't going to fix it.

Seriously. Everyone wants to chalk up adolescent recklessness, laziness and stubbornness up to ADHD.

Sometimes kids just need a reality check and a kick in the pants. How about that?

+1 a lot of kids aren't mature enough to really think about their future. It has nothing to do with ADHD. It's just maturity. Some kids really care about their grades and college; others don't as much. Those who don't care as much don't all have ADHD.

Even if the kid used to care about grades, when they hit a certain age,, hormones raging, peer influence, they can top caring about their grades. It doesn't make them have some disability other than been a teenager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest (11th grade boy) has serious ADHD to the point that he had an IEP.

My middle child (9th grade girl) is now showing signs but she has been able to get by through middle school without anyone raising and concerns. Once we had her screened my heart broke to see what she has been struggling with.

Please ask you daughter if she would be OK with a screening so that you can support her.

Not everything is ADHD and this is not about your kids. If she managed well all this time, getting a diagnosis and medication isn't going to fix it.

Seriously. Everyone wants to chalk up adolescent recklessness, laziness and stubbornness up to ADHD.

Sometimes kids just need a reality check and a kick in the pants. How about that?

If I hear 'executive functioning disorder' one more time I think my head will explode.

LOL! Right! We've pathololigzed teens just being teens with all kinds of nonsense! As if it's some radical, new phenomenon that parents struggle to get their teens to sit still, communicate responsibly, listen to adults, obey instructions and do their homework.

It's already been long scientifically proven that boys get spacey during puberty with the huge surge of testosterone...it's a normal characteristic to lose water bottles, coats, forget things, and both my boys had a short stint of that in late elementary/early middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest (11th grade boy) has serious ADHD to the point that he had an IEP.

My middle child (9th grade girl) is now showing signs but she has been able to get by through middle school without anyone raising and concerns. Once we had her screened my heart broke to see what she has been struggling with.

Please ask you daughter if she would be OK with a screening so that you can support her.

Not everything is ADHD and this is not about your kids. If she managed well all this time, getting a diagnosis and medication isn't going to fix it.

Seriously. Everyone wants to chalk up adolescent recklessness, laziness and stubbornness up to ADHD.

Sometimes kids just need a reality check and a kick in the pants. How about that?

+1 a lot of kids aren't mature enough to really think about their future. It has nothing to do with ADHD. It's just maturity. Some kids really care about their grades and college; others don't as much. Those who don't care as much don't all have ADHD.

Even if the kid used to care about grades, when they hit a certain age,, hormones raging, peer influence, they can top caring about their grades. It doesn't make them have some disability other than been a teenager.

I still chuckle when my sister's over-achieving son, oldest of 3 boys, stopped caring much about his schoolwork in 8th grade. She asked him what was going on, why was he not doing his work...

His answer: Boobs. Mom, I can't stop seeing and thinking about boobs

My younger son got super girl crazy in 8th grade and we really had to come down on him to focus on his work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is similar. And to address a PP, we’ve had him assessed recently for ADHD and they said he has some traits, but in general it’s simply an issue of motivation. If he wanted to invest more effort in school he could summon the focus, but since he cares about other things more…he doesn’t.

I bet my kids grades are lower than you are dealing with - his grades are a mix of Bs and Cs with As in art. He will probably end up at a non-flagship state school. I’ve had to wrestle with my own snobbery to become okay with that. He is okay with that! And it’s his life. When we told him that community college is on the table if he can’t get his grades up he shrugged and said “it’s still college, right?”

It does drive me bonkers, but he is a lovely human being, beloved by friends, teachers, and coaches. I hold on to that, knowing he’ll be okay in the long run. Relationships are more important than credentials for human happiness.

Who did your son's evaluation, PP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are going to have to get over your dream schools, OP. She wasn't likely to get in anyway. It was always a long shot.

You don't want to hear this, and probably cannot process it at this stage, but it is far better for her to develop a strong social sense of self, have fun and friendships, and feel in control of her own life than is is to go to any particular college. A happy, confident, smart kid from a middling college will be more successful than a depressed, burned out, resentful kid with no social circle from Harvard.

This times a million!

I think this is a false fallacy. Like if you end up depressed, burnt out, resentful, and with no social circle from Harvard, you probably would’ve ended up similar situated from UMD or a liberal arts college. If you’re miserable at an Ivy, you probably would’ve been miserable elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest (11th grade boy) has serious ADHD to the point that he had an IEP.

My middle child (9th grade girl) is now showing signs but she has been able to get by through middle school without anyone raising and concerns. Once we had her screened my heart broke to see what she has been struggling with.

Please ask you daughter if she would be OK with a screening so that you can support her.

Not everything is ADHD and this is not about your kids. If she managed well all this time, getting a diagnosis and medication isn't going to fix it.

Seriously. Everyone wants to chalk up adolescent recklessness, laziness and stubbornness up to ADHD.

Sometimes kids just need a reality check and a kick in the pants. How about that?

If I hear 'executive functioning disorder' one more time I think my head will explode.

LOL! Right! We've pathololigzed teens just being teens with all kinds of nonsense! As if it's some radical, new phenomenon that parents struggle to get their teens to sit still, communicate responsibly, listen to adults, obey instructions and do their homework.

Except that now we have solutions to help the portion of these kids with a treatable illness.

It's HILARIOUS that you guys don't even want people to get better if whatever they have happens to have a medical treatment available!!!

Maybe we should tell you that your cancer symptoms aren't cancer at all, and you shouldn't seek chemo, because it didn't exist back in the day, so why would you want to do that!!

So funny, right!

Plus a million. I find the "adhd is a joke" crowd nauseating.