Infantilizing young adult

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When they’re on their own dime, they can do whatever they want. Truly.

I think some parent like to pay, so they can exert control. If you don’t want your kid on your dime, then why are they???

It is control. Even with good intentions, its a bit insane after after high school and likely against human rights.

[Anonymous]

There is no single American culture, there is a spectrum. However, controlling 21+ like teens is a new thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The definition of adulthood is different across cultures. For White Americans is that their teens are having sex, working a minimum wage jobs, get a clunker car, vape or smoke weed, paying rent to parents/living in group home and fixing sandwiches for themselves. Want to go to college? Take a loan.

For other cultures - Focus on education and EC, socialize with like minded peers from good families. Want to become a couple? Sure, do a COUPLE of internships, take driving classes, take your multivitamins, keep your room clean, learn to cook with spices. College? Parents and/or college will pay the student. You also get a new car with all safety features as a present from parents. Stay home when you start a job. No need to pay rent to the parents at all...save for your retirement and down payment for your condo.

Both are extremes.

How? One leads to failure to thrive. Other leads to personal, professional and financial success. USA is not a citizen focused country. It does not believe in quality of life for its citizens. So, how do regular people thrive without collaboration and support from the family? Well, Bubba does not. Bubba is high on opioids and depressed. But, at least teen years smelled of bradford pears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The definition of adulthood is different across cultures. For White Americans is that their teens are having sex, working a minimum wage jobs, get a clunker car, vape or smoke weed, paying rent to parents/living in group home and fixing sandwiches for themselves. Want to go to college? Take a loan.

For other cultures - Focus on education and EC, socialize with like minded peers from good families. Want to become a couple? Sure, do a COUPLE of internships, take driving classes, take your multivitamins, keep your room clean, learn to cook with spices. College? Parents and/or college will pay the student. You also get a new car with all safety features as a present from parents. Stay home when you start a job. No need to pay rent to the parents at all...save for your retirement and down payment for your condo.

This isn’t Saudi Arabia or Iran.

Also, your kids don’t tell you everything they’re up to.

Ha ha! If that makes you feel better about your own kids... Sure, Janice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The definition of adulthood is different across cultures. For White Americans is that their teens are having sex, working a minimum wage jobs, get a clunker car, vape or smoke weed, paying rent to parents/living in group home and fixing sandwiches for themselves. Want to go to college? Take a loan.

For other cultures - Focus on education and EC, socialize with like minded peers from good families. Want to become a couple? Sure, do a COUPLE of internships, take driving classes, take your multivitamins, keep your room clean, learn to cook with spices. College? Parents and/or college will pay the student. You also get a new car with all safety features as a present from parents. Stay home when you start a job. No need to pay rent to the parents at all...save for your retirement and down payment for your condo.

Both are extremes.

How? One leads to failure to thrive. Other leads to personal, professional and financial success. USA is not a citizen focused country. It does not believe in quality of life for its citizens. So, how do regular people thrive without collaboration and support from the family? Well, Bubba does not. Bubba is high on opioids and depressed. But, at least teen years smelled of bradford pears.

Your description of “white Americans” describes poor whites in Appalachia not striver kids in the DMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. Treating 21+ as teens helps them feel like a young family. One friend bought their 22 year old a trip to Disneyland for his college graduation but not with his friends or girlfriend, parents themselves going with him like its a middle school graduation trip. Their son said no thank you, I don't need a graduation gift.

My friend goes to Europe after graduation with each child.

You think that’s infantile?

Disney trip with parents as a college graduation gift IS infantile. Ask any graduate and they would appreciate a fixed amount of money to go pick a destination and take your BF/GF or friends with you.

You’re assuming every 22-year old has a group of college best friends.

And what is wrong with a normal 22 yo wanting to do trips with family and also do trips with their friends. I didn't raise my kid so they disappear after college and only come home for 1-2 days at xmas holidays. We still do family vacations around everyone's schedule(s). My kids also do their own thing with their friends and their significant others

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. Treating 21+ as teens helps them feel like a young family. One friend bought their 22 year old a trip to Disneyland for his college graduation but not with his friends or girlfriend, parents themselves going with him like its a middle school graduation trip. Their son said no thank you, I don't need a graduation gift.

My friend goes to Europe after graduation with each child.

You think that’s infantile?

Europe is not Disneyland, lol.

Why does location matter? It's a family vacation. People take those with grown adults kids all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The definition of adulthood is different across cultures. For White Americans is that their teens are having sex, working a minimum wage jobs, get a clunker car, vape or smoke weed, paying rent to parents/living in group home and fixing sandwiches for themselves. Want to go to college? Take a loan.

For other cultures - Focus on education and EC, socialize with like minded peers from good families. Want to become a couple? Sure, do a COUPLE of internships, take driving classes, take your multivitamins, keep your room clean, learn to cook with spices. College? Parents and/or college will pay the student. You also get a new car with all safety features as a present from parents. Stay home when you start a job. No need to pay rent to the parents at all...save for your retirement and down payment for your condo.

In American culture the ideal is: graduate from college (with as little debt as possible, but some is ok if necessary), live with roommates, get as high a paying job as possible, enjoy your twenties and eventually, years later, fall in love, move in together, marry, yada yada. Of course American culture is so broad and varied, and reality may not match up with what you hope for. But that is the hope for most people.

Only 30% of people graduate from college do no that’s not American culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The definition of adulthood is different across cultures. For White Americans is that their teens are having sex, working a minimum wage jobs, get a clunker car, vape or smoke weed, paying rent to parents/living in group home and fixing sandwiches for themselves. Want to go to college? Take a loan.

For other cultures - Focus on education and EC, socialize with like minded peers from good families. Want to become a couple? Sure, do a COUPLE of internships, take driving classes, take your multivitamins, keep your room clean, learn to cook with spices. College? Parents and/or college will pay the student. You also get a new car with all safety features as a present from parents. Stay home when you start a job. No need to pay rent to the parents at all...save for your retirement and down payment for your condo.

In American culture the ideal is: graduate from college (with as little debt as possible, but some is ok if necessary), live with roommates, get as high a paying job as possible, enjoy your twenties and eventually, years later, fall in love, move in together, marry, yada yada. Of course American culture is so broad and varied, and reality may not match up with what you hope for. But that is the hope for most people.

Only 30% of people graduate from college do no that’s not American culture.

PP said “ideal.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. Treating 21+ as teens helps them feel like a young family. One friend bought their 22 year old a trip to Disneyland for his college graduation but not with his friends or girlfriend, parents themselves going with him like its a middle school graduation trip. Their son said no thank you, I don't need a graduation gift.

My friend goes to Europe after graduation with each child.

You think that’s infantile?

Disney trip with parents as a college graduation gift IS infantile. Ask any graduate and they would appreciate a fixed amount of money to go pick a destination and take your BF/GF or friends with you.

You’re assuming every 22-year old has a group of college best friends.

And what is wrong with a normal 22 yo wanting to do trips with family and also do trips with their friends. I didn't raise my kid so they disappear after college and only come home for 1-2 days at xmas holidays. We still do family vacations around everyone's schedule(s). My kids also do their own thing with their friends and their significant others

Especially in their 20’s actually since once marriage and kids come it’s more complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The definition of adulthood is different across cultures. For White Americans is that their teens are having sex, working a minimum wage jobs, get a clunker car, vape or smoke weed, paying rent to parents/living in group home and fixing sandwiches for themselves. Want to go to college? Take a loan.

For other cultures - Focus on education and EC, socialize with like minded peers from good families. Want to become a couple? Sure, do a COUPLE of internships, take driving classes, take your multivitamins, keep your room clean, learn to cook with spices. College? Parents and/or college will pay the student. You also get a new car with all safety features as a present from parents. Stay home when you start a job. No need to pay rent to the parents at all...save for your retirement and down payment for your condo.

In American culture the ideal is: graduate from college (with as little debt as possible, but some is ok if necessary), live with roommates, get as high a paying job as possible, enjoy your twenties and eventually, years later, fall in love, move in together, marry, yada yada. Of course American culture is so broad and varied, and reality may not match up with what you hope for. But that is the hope for most people.

Only 30% of people graduate from college do no that’s not American culture.

PP said “ideal.”

Nope

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't forget the parents who have the tracker set up on their kid's phone. Oh right, that is for safety.

Parents are paying for the car, phone, gas and insurance.

20 years ago, college kids weren’t on their parents health insurance.

My parents paid my health insurance until I graduated college.

+1 Military dependent covered until 21 so covered through college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no single American culture, there is a spectrum. However, controlling 21+ like teens is a new thing.

Nope, people in my family have done this for generations; they are also dysfunctional. My parents tried to force me to live at home after college as long as they could-I refused, found a job and a roommate and left ASAP. Saw how they were able to control my siblings for years until they finally realized they were approaching 30 and living with their parents. This was 30 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. Treating 21+ as teens helps them feel like a young family. One friend bought their 22 year old a trip to Disneyland for his college graduation but not with his friends or girlfriend, parents themselves going with him like its a middle school graduation trip. Their son said no thank you, I don't need a graduation gift.

My friend goes to Europe after graduation with each child.

You think that’s infantile?

Disney trip with parents as a college graduation gift IS infantile. Ask any graduate and they would appreciate a fixed amount of money to go pick a destination and take your BF/GF or friends with you.

You’re assuming every 22-year old has a group of college best friends.

And what is wrong with a normal 22 yo wanting to do trips with family and also do trips with their friends. I didn't raise my kid so they disappear after college and only come home for 1-2 days at xmas holidays. We still do family vacations around everyone's schedule(s). My kids also do their own thing with their friends and their significant others

Especially in their 20’s actually since once marriage and kids come it’s more complicated.

Yes--my recent college grad loves to come along and actively plans their time off. They certainly can't afford Europe or Hawaii vacations like we take. They know they can say no and there are no issues. But they are still our kid, part of our family and the siblings like to have them come along on vacations (well, most of the time). We realize as they get older, have serious Significant others and more friends in their area, they may say no more often we are fine with it---but it would seem strange to go and not at least offer to take them if it fits their work schedule.

Heck my 2 year out grad will still try to come home for the "long weekends" their siblings have from college (siblings are a distance from home as is the college grad) or plan work trips in our area around the weekends so they can stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really is funny. I somewhat blame phones. Young adults are in constant contact with their parents. It's hard to launch. Pre cell phones, I didn't talk to my parents every when I was 21. There was NO WAY they knew as much about my life.

+100


The internet and phones have allowed us to stay up in our kid's business. Back in the day, being 4 hours away from my parents was like being in a different country.