Infantilizing young adult

[Anonymous]

Obviously this trend is inflation driven. Its nice for families to be close and supportive. OP is about cutting umbilical cord, not abandoning parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously this trend is inflation driven. Its nice for families to be close and supportive. OP is about cutting umbilical cord, not abandoning parents.

???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously this trend is inflation driven. Its nice for families to be close and supportive. OP is about cutting umbilical cord, not abandoning parents.

???

Inflation driven: young adults living at home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Idk if I'm in a bubble or what but it seems parents want to keep their 2+2 family unit intact for as long as they can by postponing steps like leaving home, having a serious romantic relationship, working etc. They keep suggesting staying at home, not taking steps in any romantic relationship, getting more degrees before starting work .... guess unintentionally extending adolescence for keeping birth family their center.

+1. Along with keeping the birth family center is boomers’ refusal to retire. My 44 year old GS-15 DH has a boss who is in her late 60s but won’t retire because she’s too young, needs to pay off vacation home, support adult children, etc. She also thinks he’s a youngster because our kids are in elementary school. Apparently he’s not an adult until our kids are in college. I think boomers are afraid of finding a new purpose in life. They think having grown independent kids=uselessness=one step closer to the grave.

LOL. My 75 year old Boomer mother who is developmentally stunted at age 16 talks to everyone like they are in kindergarten--inlcuding her 65-75 yo BILs and SILs. I think it makes her feel like she is forever young--keeps her from acknowledging the passing of time.

[Anonymous]

Read the tweens & teens forum for insight in when this behavior starts. Lots of parents who won’t let their high schooler stay home alone and proudly have them under “constant supervision.”

[Anonymous]

There was a post recently asking what an appropriate punishment is for 18+ arguing with a sibling.

[Anonymous]

What's so great about being independent. Plenty of cultures live as part of a family for entire lives. Seems much saner and healthier IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's so great about being independent. Plenty of cultures live as part of a family for entire lives. Seems much saner and healthier IMO.

There is always middle ground between two extremes. This is the beauty of globalization, we can learn from each other's mistakes and triumphs.

[Anonymous]

Also lots of posts in the teen forum by parents who “don’t let their kid go to Tysons.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The definition of adulthood is different across cultures. For White Americans is that their teens are having sex, working a minimum wage jobs, get a clunker car, vape or smoke weed, paying rent to parents/living in group home and fixing sandwiches for themselves. Want to go to college? Take a loan.

For other cultures - Focus on education and EC, socialize with like minded peers from good families. Want to become a couple? Sure, do a COUPLE of internships, take driving classes, take your multivitamins, keep your room clean, learn to cook with spices. College? Parents and/or college will pay the student. You also get a new car with all safety features as a present from parents. Stay home when you start a job. No need to pay rent to the parents at all...save for your retirement and down payment for your condo.

Are you Indian, by the way?

[Anonymous]

When I was 17, I thought I was being infantilised by my parents when they wouldn't let me go horse camping in the wilderness by myself.

Recently we went to visit a young friend who drove us around her college campus. Her parents followed us in their car.

I would hate to have overbearing parents like hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really is funny. I somewhat blame phones. Young adults are in constant contact with their parents. It's hard to launch. Pre cell phones, I didn't talk to my parents every when I was 21. There was NO WAY they knew as much about my life.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously this trend is inflation driven. Its nice for families to be close and supportive. OP is about cutting umbilical cord, not abandoning parents.

This^.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The definition of adulthood is different across cultures. For White Americans is that their teens are having sex, working a minimum wage jobs, get a clunker car, vape or smoke weed, paying rent to parents/living in group home and fixing sandwiches for themselves. Want to go to college? Take a loan.

For other cultures - Focus on education and EC, socialize with like minded peers from good families. Want to become a couple? Sure, do a COUPLE of internships, take driving classes, take your multivitamins, keep your room clean, learn to cook with spices. College? Parents and/or college will pay the student. You also get a new car with all safety features as a present from parents. Stay home when you start a job. No need to pay rent to the parents at all...save for your retirement and down payment for your condo.

In American culture the ideal is: graduate from college (with as little debt as possible, but some is ok if necessary), live with roommates, get as high a paying job as possible, enjoy your twenties and eventually, years later, fall in love, move in together, marry, yada yada. Of course American culture is so broad and varied, and reality may not match up with what you hope for. But that is the hope for most people.

I think in my culture the ideal is somewhat similar to American culture but it is a bit more practical and strategic :
- graduate from college with no debt (college paid by parents or through merit scholarship),
- get high paying job (because you chose a high paying major which was possible because you were a high achieving student in school and college),
- remain on your parents insurance till you are 25
- live with roommates or parents (depending on where you were working),
- enjoy your life
- be well travelled from the time you are born on your parents dime. Participate in family vacations and cruises
- drive a nice, safe car paid by your parents to reward you for the $$$ merit scholarship you won for college
- hang out with like minded peers from similar SES because that is your network for socialization and career.
- invest time on your relationship with your future spouse who you met at college, grad school or your high paying job.
- have a lavish wedding paid by parents
- buy a home in a desirable location with good schools through money saved by living rent-free with parents, investments, well paying job, parents contribution.
- have two kids and not get stressed because you have the help of grandparents who are living closeby and you also have a support system in place (maids, nannies, chefs, babysitters) that is supervised by your parents. Also, utilize the family created infrastructure for education/enrichment/career advancement/socialization/support.
- keep saving small amounts for your kids - college, wedding, house downpayment, car - all your life and watch it grow through the power of compounding. Thus you can reach your financial goals with little financial pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, parent can't access their health information, can't vote for them, can't take driving test for them, ban them from sex, go to jail for their doing so yes young adults are adults for all things which count but parents can use money or prefrontal cortex as a tool of manipulation.

I mean a lot of 21-25 year olds are still on parents’ insurance so actually parents do have access to health information…

Not really. They might get bills but that is about all.