If your spouse doesn't cook, or clean, how do you make peace?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like neither of you like to cook or clean so yeah, you need to outsource as much as possible. Give him a couple nights he has to cook for. If he doesn’t, don’t do it. Go to a friends or your mothers or a restaurant with the kids or have an Uncrustables picnic and leave him on his own.

[Anonymous]

Does your DH make a crap load of money? Great in bed? If not: divorce.

My DH is a a disaster on most fronts (been married 25 years) but he cooks, makes $700k a year, and is great in bed. Honestly, without those I would have left years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your DH make a crap load of money? Great in bed? If not: divorce.

My DH is a a disaster on most fronts (been married 25 years) but he cooks, makes $700k a year, and is great in bed. Honestly, without those I would have left years ago.

Girl, that sounds great and I'm happy for you. What's left? Organize the cleaners, pay some bills, and get the kids to/from school?? Maybe an easy part-time job sandwiched somewhere in. You have it made and good that you're getting it on the regular.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your DH make a crap load of money? Great in bed? If not: divorce.

My DH is a a disaster on most fronts (been married 25 years) but he cooks, makes $700k a year, and is great in bed. Honestly, without those I would have left years ago.

Girl, that sounds great and I'm happy for you. What's left? Organize the cleaners, pay some bills, and get the kids to/from school?? Maybe an easy part-time job sandwiched somewhere in. You have it made and good that you're getting it on the regular.

I run my own successful business, do all the laundry, everything kid related, walk the dogs, manage our social lives, plan all vacations, pay our bills, do all the grocery shopping. It’s not awesome and like I said I would have been gone without the cooking, high income and sex.

[Anonymous]

We are two parents who work full-time with a three year old, and we have a full time nanny.

We outsource cleaning - I do more than him in between (I definitely have higher standards) but I let that go a long time ago.

Cooking, we do a mix of take out and easy meals. Tonight we had rotisserie chicken, instant rice, and steamed broccoli. Groceries are usually ordered online by me - they get delivered while we are at work and our nanny puts them away. Husband does most of the other errand running - he was the one who stopped by the store tonight on his way home to pick up the chicken.

DH is a very involved parent which makes up for a lot, both the hands-on day-to-day parenting and the mental load stuff.

For example, he took the lead on our child's recent school application process - he did the preliminary research, created the spreadsheet comparing all the options, deadlines etc, filled out the applications (with my input of course - we made all the decisions together).

He is a fully capable parent - when I travel for work he takes care of everything, I'm not leaving him lists of how to look after our child like some of my friends have to do. Of course having a full time nanny makes this infinitally easier, but I know that he's got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly that is too much chick fil a.


Here are some of my less than 10 minute hands on go-to meals:

Frozen lasagna + salad
Chicken nuggets, box Mac (I do it in the microwave) and roasted broccoli.
Quesadilla with cheese, canned beans, and spinach
Baked boneless/skinless chicken thighs, rice, broccoli. I do the chicken thighs in soy sauce + chili garlic paste.
Kitchn instant pot spaghetti
Trader Joe’s orange chicken and fried rice
Trader Joe’s sweet potato gnocchi, skirt steak, green beans (microwave)

LOL. Frozen lasagna, nuggets and boxed mac aren’t better than Chick-Fil-A.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly that is too much chick fil a.


Here are some of my less than 10 minute hands on go-to meals:

Frozen lasagna + salad
Chicken nuggets, box Mac (I do it in the microwave) and roasted broccoli.
Quesadilla with cheese, canned beans, and spinach
Baked boneless/skinless chicken thighs, rice, broccoli. I do the chicken thighs in soy sauce + chili garlic paste.
Kitchn instant pot spaghetti
Trader Joe’s orange chicken and fried rice
Trader Joe’s sweet potato gnocchi, skirt steak, green beans (microwave)

She goes once a week. Your meals look processed. Not sure what you're trying to get at.

+1. Chick Fil A is probably healthier than half the items on that list.

I don’t think so, it definitely has processed food but with the exception of some of the frozen Trader Joe’s stuff chick fil a is going to be comparatively high calorie, sugar and fat.

Well, then you “think” wrong. Frozen lasagna, nuggets and boxed mac? Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chick fil a
Order pizza

Taco night
Pasta night
Breakfast-for-dinner night
Sheet pan meal night with pre cut chicken breast and veggies from market

Grill night? Would your DH be in charge of making hamburgers and veggies on the grill?

This is basically our weekly menu, but we also have burger night, and one oh hell what am I going to feed the kids night that usually ends up being cereal or quesadillas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your DH make a crap load of money? Great in bed? If not: divorce.

My DH is a a disaster on most fronts (been married 25 years) but he cooks, makes $700k a year, and is great in bed. Honestly, without those I would have left years ago.

Girl, that sounds great and I'm happy for you. What's left? Organize the cleaners, pay some bills, and get the kids to/from school?? Maybe an easy part-time job sandwiched somewhere in. You have it made and good that you're getting it on the regular.

I run my own successful business, do all the laundry, everything kid related, walk the dogs, manage our social lives, plan all vacations, pay our bills, do all the grocery shopping. It’s not awesome and like I said I would have been gone without the cooking, high income and sex.

Of all those, cooking is the biggest pain. I can’t believe he makes $700K AND cooks, yet it’s still not enough. If you have that much money higher a travel agent, bookkeeper, dogwalker, laundry service. You sound like you need an attitude adjustment because you sure don’t sound like a 10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One easy meal we like is arugula salad and hummus with lamb with pita.

Cook a pound of lamb -- freeze into 4 containers. Night of dinner, stuff some arugula into a salad bowl, dress with olive oil and vinegar. We add some sunflower seed too. Microwave the lamb and sprinkle it on room temp hummus. Warm up good pita in the oven at 350 for about 10 minutes, cut into quarters and put it on the plate.

Meals that require little or no cooking are always a hit with a busy chef.

DP

This sounds yummy and easy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your DH make a crap load of money? Great in bed? If not: divorce.

My DH is a a disaster on most fronts (been married 25 years) but he cooks, makes $700k a year, and is great in bed. Honestly, without those I would have left years ago.

Girl, that sounds great and I'm happy for you. What's left? Organize the cleaners, pay some bills, and get the kids to/from school?? Maybe an easy part-time job sandwiched somewhere in. You have it made and good that you're getting it on the regular.

I run my own successful business, do all the laundry, everything kid related, walk the dogs, manage our social lives, plan all vacations, pay our bills, do all the grocery shopping. It’s not awesome and like I said I would have been gone without the cooking, high income and sex.

Of all those, cooking is the biggest pain. I can’t believe he makes $700K AND cooks, yet it’s still not enough. If you have that much money higher a travel agent, bookkeeper, dogwalker, laundry service. You sound like you need an attitude adjustment because you sure don’t sound like a 10.

Reading is fundamental. It IS enough because he does those 3 things. Get it?! That was my point. If she can’t point to 1-2 things he does, she should leave. I worry about the world when I read this Board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. One person is gluten free. The husband only eats kosher meat. It's a pain in the ass. Kosher place is far away. It takes an hour to drive there and they only have chicken.

So he buys his own meat. If he insist on only eating kosher meat then he drives the hour to buy it or eats vegetarian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So OP doesn’t want to make the kids pick up toys. Doesn’t want to make the husband cook. Doesn’t want to get take out because it’s inconvenient. OP, you asked how to make peace. You accept that you are unwilling to do anything to change the situation you are in so you just make peace with the fact that you are actually ok with it.

+1

When posters shoot down every suggestion it just shows they don’t really want change.

Why do so many wonton marry and stay married to man children?

[Anonymous]

My DH doesn't cook but he does clean. We fought for years over his share of cooking. Then I would offer choices, play with the kids (when they were really little) while I cook dinner or I'll play with the kids while you cook dinner. I took doom scrolling on his phone out of the equation. Magically, he started cooking dinner and I stopped wanting to rip his head off.

Now, though, I work from home full-time and I actually care what we eat so I cook 90% of the time. He does 90% of the dishes and general kitchen cleanup. We're okay with that.

[Anonymous]

I have a housecleaner and he does the dishes. I make ALL the food. He takes care of all the finances. It's a balance that works for us.