If your spouse doesn't cook, or clean, how do you make peace?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. One person is gluten free. The husband only eats kosher meat. It's a pain in the ass. Kosher place is far away. It takes an hour to drive there and they only have chicken.

If he needs special foods, that’s on him.

You cook for yourself and the kids and if he can’t eat that, he needs to figure it out.

[Anonymous]

This reminds me my friend got engaged for first time to a very hot much younger Blonde when he was 44.

That day she quit work “as she had a wedding to plan” moved in and got in his credit card.

She did not clean, cook, but spent day looking hot, hitting gym, sleeping in, beauty appointments and he come home from a 10 hour day in office she hand him a cold drink, have sex before he got dinner ready. And of course no prenup.

My friend a few weeks before wedding he went ti his lawyer secretly for advice on should he ask for prenup.

He told me his lawyer after he stopped laughing for 20 minutes goes your 44 balding with droopy eyes and average looking at best marrying a 29 year old five foot nine inch blonde with a body to die for. You want a pre-NYP and a wife who cooks and cleans? Why do you think she is marrying you?

No pre Nup She lives in a 3 million dollar home drives a Range Rover 16 years later and she thinks Kooking and Kleening are two cities in China.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. One person is gluten free. The husband only eats kosher meat. It's a pain in the ass. Kosher place is far away. It takes an hour to drive there and they only have chicken.

https://www.growandbehold.com/

According to their website, they will deliver anywhere in the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? We have ours help with chores.

3 & 7. I have a hard time getting them to pick up their toys. I have to ask a million times, no joke.

A neighbor made a rule in her house that if a toy was left out when they went to bed, it was gone in the morning. It did not take long before they learned to pick things up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? We have ours help with chores.

3 & 7. I have a hard time getting them to pick up their toys. I have to ask a million times, no joke.

The 7 year old can do some things. My youngest just turned 8, in second grade. She puts away clean silverware from the dishwasher, puts her own clean laundry away and keeps her room clean (off the top of my head) and has been doing those things for at least a year. She could probably do more.

I hate having to ask a million times too but my rule is no screens until everything is picked up.

[Anonymous]

I also don’t know what you can give your husband to do that’s not cooking and cleaning but there are other things to do in a household. My husband does our finances and if he’s going to do less around the house than me, I send him out to drive the kids to their activities etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. One person is gluten free. The husband only eats kosher meat. It's a pain in the ass. Kosher place is far away. It takes an hour to drive there and they only have chicken.

Get him vegetarian meals. He’s also, presumably, a grown ass man who can find/make his own dinner.

+1 Yup that was exactly my first thought, he’s a vegetarian now!

He’s a vegetarian now or he sources his own meat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? We have ours help with chores.

3 & 7. I have a hard time getting them to pick up their toys. I have to ask a million times, no joke.

A neighbor made a rule in her house that if a toy was left out when they went to bed, it was gone in the morning. It did not take long before they learned to pick things up.

Op here. The majority of the toys are in the basement, which isn't finished and we don't hang out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a couple who absolutely refuses to cook or clean. Actually, I take it back. The husband barbecues sometimes when there are guests over, but they do all take-outs even for breakfast. They have just a dog and no kids. They put their dog on a treadmill to walk and lets the dog out when it needs to do its business.

This sounds like the road to Wall-E.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One good rule is cook once - eat twice. Roast some pork and make it into bbq or tacos. Cook a chicken and eat 1/2 each night maybe one night with a sauce. Etc ...

This. Cook on the days you don’t work and eat the leftovers on the work days. Hire cleaning help. Eat out one day a week when it makes sense. Assuming your husband helps in other ways and isn’t just checked out and lazy, I would be fine with this.

+2. Also pick one day a week to batch cook some dinners and stock the freezer. Think meal train: casseroles, lasagne, ziti, chili, hearty soups - stuff that can be made in large quantities and will keep well. When you run out of inspiration pull something out of the freezer the night before and you're good for the next day.

Also: bagged salads, and steam in a bag frozen vegetables and rice.

If he truly doesn't do any cleaning at all, I'd move the cleaners to once a week as well. You say you're technically part time, but according to the Department of Labor you are not. 36 hours a week is a full-time schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? We have ours help with chores.

3 & 7. I have a hard time getting them to pick up their toys. I have to ask a million times, no joke.

3&7 are old enough to help. I told my kids if their toys are my problem then I will solve my problem by collecting the toys and donating them to charity. You will only have to put them in a black plastic trash bag once while the tears roll down their faces. I actually put the bag in a cupboard upstairs for a couple weeks. Then I asked what their most special toys were and "replaced" them. Never again did they leave their toys out. It was magical. Kids are in HS now. It didn't scar them.

With DH just cook the same thing every night (that is healthy and the kids like). When he complains remind him he can cook too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? We have ours help with chores.

3 & 7. I have a hard time getting them to pick up their toys. I have to ask a million times, no joke.

3&7 are old enough to help. I told my kids if their toys are my problem then I will solve my problem by collecting the toys and donating them to charity. You will only have to put them in a black plastic trash bag once while the tears roll down their faces. I actually put the bag in a cupboard upstairs for a couple weeks. Then I asked what their most special toys were and "replaced" them. Never again did they leave their toys out. It was magical. Kids are in HS now. It didn't scar them.

With DH just cook the same thing every night (that is healthy and the kids like). When he complains remind him he can cook too.

Op here. Been there and tried that. They don't care! Without toys they are constantly asking to watch tv and I need to say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? We have ours help with chores.

3 & 7. I have a hard time getting them to pick up their toys. I have to ask a million times, no joke.

3&7 are old enough to help. I told my kids if their toys are my problem then I will solve my problem by collecting the toys and donating them to charity. You will only have to put them in a black plastic trash bag once while the tears roll down their faces. I actually put the bag in a cupboard upstairs for a couple weeks. Then I asked what their most special toys were and "replaced" them. Never again did they leave their toys out. It was magical. Kids are in HS now. It didn't scar them.

With DH just cook the same thing every night (that is healthy and the kids like). When he complains remind him he can cook too.

Op here. Been there and tried that. They don't care! Without toys they are constantly asking to watch tv and I need to say no.

The more you say no to TV or screens, the easier it gets! I don’t have the energy or attention span to monitor screen time so I say unlimited screen time on weekends after outside time and chores (I know it’s ridiculous that I have to make my kids have “outside time” but it is what it is) and no screen time on weekdays. You really have to make sure you are emotionally regulated yourself (enough sleep, exercise, etc) so that you can deal with their whining without going crazy.

I know it’s so hard but I promise it’s worth it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. One person is gluten free. The husband only eats kosher meat. It's a pain in the ass. Kosher place is far away. It takes an hour to drive there and they only have chicken.

I agree with other posters that he eats vegetarian or everything you buy at Safeway is kosher since you can add kosher salt. I do the cooking at home and buy what people like but not going out of my way unless it’s a special occasion. I don’t mind that DW doesn’t cook much but at least she can do simple breakfasts for the family that that is good enough as she does other things to help out. Unfortunately there are still a lot of spouses out there that don’t like or want to contribute to a household.

[Anonymous]

So OP doesn’t want to make the kids pick up toys. Doesn’t want to make the husband cook. Doesn’t want to get take out because it’s inconvenient. OP, you asked how to make peace. You accept that you are unwilling to do anything to change the situation you are in so you just make peace with the fact that you are actually ok with it.