If your spouse doesn't cook, or clean, how do you make peace?
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Anonymous
| Honestly, it depends on other things. There are things that I never do and there are things that my spouse never does. But we both pull our weight. Sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture. And you’re right - outsource. |
Anonymous
| I cook 98% of the time and clean 85% of the messes (other than what I get the kids to clean). We have a weekly cleaning person and I recently started doing Hello Fresh twice a week. I work but work from home and have a very flexible schedule. Dh works longer hours and just isn’t the type to think much about cleaning or cooking. I’m raising our kids to pitch in and help because his parents obviously didn’t teach him. I love him very much but know this isn’t something he’s ever going to change. On the days I work long hours I get takeout (but never fast food). |
Anonymous
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No peace would be made. I work full-time, too, so his time is not more precious than mine. Does your DH literally help out with nothing?
Delegating works for me. I do most of the inside house stuff (like hiring the monthly cleaners) and he takes care of the outside house stuff. I do our sons’ laundry and he’s in charge of the dishes/dishwasher. Cooking—the kids always eat something we would not eat. Sometimes he will cook, sometimes I will cook, but most of the time we both just stare at the frig wondering what’s for dinner and then we’ll fend for ourselves. The meal kits are great, because all the ingredients are right there, but there is still quite a bit of prepping to do before dinner is ready 30-45 minutes later. If you have spare income and want to try more ready-cooked foods, Mighty Meals and Factor 75 are decent. We did a lot more fast food when the kids were younger 2&4, maybe? It was such a rush to get them picked up, fed, tired out and then to bed. |
Anonymous
| You can make and freeze simple meals on the days you don't work, that can just be reheated. Think soup or lasagna or chili or some sort of casserole. |
Anonymous
| honestly, a cleaning person or even a chef as crazy as it may sound is cheaper than a divorce |
Anonymous
| Op here. One person is gluten free. The husband only eats kosher meat. It's a pain in the ass. Kosher place is far away. It takes an hour to drive there and they only have chicken. |
Anonymous
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We let a lot of it go and the other person doesn’t get to complain. They eat what I make and if I don’t make anything, we eat take out. I do 99% of the cooking. DH does the majority of the grocery shopping. I don’t complain about what he buys and i use that to cook.
There were many years where I did it all and I was angry. I had to let that go. I work too but worked fewer hours. It was on me to simplify the meals. We did meal kits for a few years when the kids were little and didn’t eat as much. |
Anonymous
Get him vegetarian meals. He’s also, presumably, a grown ass man who can find/make his own dinner. |
Anonymous
I don’t think so, it definitely has processed food but with the exception of some of the frozen Trader Joe’s stuff chick fil a is going to be comparatively high calorie, sugar and fat. |
Anonymous
Yeah then if he wants meat he can get it himself. Have some frozen vegetarian back up meals for him, that’s good enough if he can’t eat what you’re making. |
Anonymous
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I don't respect any adult who doesn't cook at least basic meals. That is a life skill. It's like meeting an adult who doesn't know how to tie their shoes.
"Doesn't clean" often means "doesn't clean to the [more type A spouse, usually the wife]'s satisfaction." Which is fine. Cleaners are easier to hire than cooks! |
Anonymous
+1 Yup that was exactly my first thought, he’s a vegetarian now! |
Anonymous
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I thought my friend was only one with a SAHM wife who does not clean or cook or even shop for food.
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Anonymous
| Btw OP you don’t really work part time… 3 12 hour shifts is full time for a nurse - is that what you are? I would not devalue the amount of paid work you’re doing by saying you’re part time. |
Anonymous
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I make all my own sides and vegetables enough to eat for two or three days. I freeze my Mac and cheese in small squares. Fish is easy to cook, they will cut and clean it at giant. Or I go get charbroiled chicken somewhere and eat my own sides chicken restaurant sides are horrible and never have good veggies. I’m only responsible for dinner. DH does breakfast and lunch, I taught him some easy things to make for lunch and the kids eat cereal or instant oatmeal for breakfast. I do brunch on weekends (pancakes, French toast, more elaborate breakfasts). We do takeout when I do month end work
We are still fighting ourselves over the cleaning, I’m pushing him to pay for a housekeeper because he doesn’t clean properly when it’s his turn |