The weird thing about parenting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It definitely doesn’t have to be that way.

We moved to the DMV around 35 years ago and raised our four kids here. They all stuck around after college graduation or eventually made their way back. And why not? There’s plenty of opportunity here, and most of their friends and family are still here. I can’t remember a week going by where we haven’t seen at least one of them in person (unless we’re away ourselves), and usually it’s more often than that.

That sounds lovely. My parents also moved to the DMV 35 years ago and my sister and I graduated from college and never once considered coming back to the area. Experiences may vary.

So I have to ask: how old are you and your sister? How well did you get along with your parents? Did you go to school in the DMV before college? Did you have any friends here? Why the compulsion to move away and never come back?

40s now. Got along fine for the most part. Yes, elementary and high school, and several friends I’m still in touch with are still in the area. It just never occurred to me to want to move near to where my parents were. At all. Even when I had young kids myself. I had a decent experience in high school, but once I escaped the NoVa force field, I just found I liked life better on the outside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It definitely doesn’t have to be that way.

We moved to the DMV around 35 years ago and raised our four kids here. They all stuck around after college graduation or eventually made their way back. And why not? There’s plenty of opportunity here, and most of their friends and family are still here. I can’t remember a week going by where we haven’t seen at least one of them in person (unless we’re away ourselves), and usually it’s more often than that.

Some people just want to explore new places. My sister and I had idyllic childhoods and a town full of every single extended family member. We still both chose to go to college 1000+ miles away and bought houses plane rides away from "home". It's nice to visit, but we want to create different adventures from the first 18 years of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the thick of one of the harder part of parenting (under 4 years old) and I so envy you, OP. Just being honest

bwaahahahahahahaha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It definitely doesn’t have to be that way.

We moved to the DMV around 35 years ago and raised our four kids here. They all stuck around after college graduation or eventually made their way back. And why not? There’s plenty of opportunity here, and most of their friends and family are still here. I can’t remember a week going by where we haven’t seen at least one of them in person (unless we’re away ourselves), and usually it’s more often than that.

That sounds lovely. My parents also moved to the DMV 35 years ago and my sister and I graduated from college and never once considered coming back to the area. Experiences may vary.

So I have to ask: how old are you and your sister? How well did you get along with your parents? Did you go to school in the DMV before college? Did you have any friends here? Why the compulsion to move away and never come back?

40s now. Got along fine for the most part. Yes, elementary and high school, and several friends I’m still in touch with are still in the area. It just never occurred to me to want to move near to where my parents were. At all. Even when I had young kids myself. I had a decent experience in high school, but once I escaped the NoVa force field, I just found I liked life better on the outside.

Well, yea, I get not wanting to live in NoVa but there’s a lot more to the DMV than that.

We have always been a close family and my kids had better than a “decent“ experience in high school, so maybe that’s what made the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It definitely doesn’t have to be that way.

We moved to the DMV around 35 years ago and raised our four kids here. They all stuck around after college graduation or eventually made their way back. And why not? There’s plenty of opportunity here, and most of their friends and family are still here. I can’t remember a week going by where we haven’t seen at least one of them in person (unless we’re away ourselves), and usually it’s more often than that.

Some people just want to explore new places. My sister and I had idyllic childhoods and a town full of every single extended family member. We still both chose to go to college 1000+ miles away and bought houses plane rides away from "home". It's nice to visit, but we want to create different adventures from the first 18 years of life.

I understand that, but it’s not an either/or proposition. One of my kids joined the Peace Corps, for example. Another spent seven years living abroad and married a guy there. Another went to college clear across the country. All four studied abroad. And all four have travelled and continue to travel the world extensively - as do we.

Plenty of “exploration” going on.

In fact, as we speak one of our kids is in Europe with their spouse and we have their toddler and their dog!

To each her own, obviously, but I guess I find it hard to understand how having family interspersed all over the country is the way to go. I certainly understand it if where you grew up had a little opportunity, but that’s not the case in the DMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It definitely doesn’t have to be that way.

We moved to the DMV around 35 years ago and raised our four kids here. They all stuck around after college graduation or eventually made their way back. And why not? There’s plenty of opportunity here, and most of their friends and family are still here. I can’t remember a week going by where we haven’t seen at least one of them in person (unless we’re away ourselves), and usually it’s more often than that.

That sounds lovely. My parents also moved to the DMV 35 years ago and my sister and I graduated from college and never once considered coming back to the area. Experiences may vary.

So I have to ask: how old are you and your sister? How well did you get along with your parents? Did you go to school in the DMV before college? Did you have any friends here? Why the compulsion to move away and never come back?

40s now. Got along fine for the most part. Yes, elementary and high school, and several friends I’m still in touch with are still in the area. It just never occurred to me to want to move near to where my parents were. At all. Even when I had young kids myself. I had a decent experience in high school, but once I escaped the NoVa force field, I just found I liked life better on the outside.

Well, yea, I get not wanting to live in NoVa but there’s a lot more to the DMV than that.

We have always been a close family and my kids had better than a “decent“ experience in high school, so maybe that’s what made the difference.

Ah, yes. I see exactly what you’re saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It definitely doesn’t have to be that way.

We moved to the DMV around 35 years ago and raised our four kids here. They all stuck around after college graduation or eventually made their way back. And why not? There’s plenty of opportunity here, and most of their friends and family are still here. I can’t remember a week going by where we haven’t seen at least one of them in person (unless we’re away ourselves), and usually it’s more often than that.

Some people just want to explore new places. My sister and I had idyllic childhoods and a town full of every single extended family member. We still both chose to go to college 1000+ miles away and bought houses plane rides away from "home". It's nice to visit, but we want to create different adventures from the first 18 years of life.

I understand that, but it’s not an either/or proposition. One of my kids joined the Peace Corps, for example. Another spent seven years living abroad and married a guy there. Another went to college clear across the country. All four studied abroad. And all four have travelled and continue to travel the world extensively - as do we.

Plenty of “exploration” going on.

In fact, as we speak one of our kids is in Europe with their spouse and we have their toddler and their dog!

To each her own, obviously, but I guess I find it hard to understand how having family interspersed all over the country is the way to go. I certainly understand it if where you grew up had a little opportunity, but that’s not the case in the DMV.

You seem to have a really hard time understanding that not all families are like yours.

[Anonymous]

Ours is a global family with siblings on both sides and childhood friends spread over several countries and states.

Ones who sent kids to local colleges, their kids stayed as they had their friend, acquaintance networks and local significant others.

Ones who sent kids to study out of state or overseas, their kids got settled elsewhere and don't feel as tied to their childhood towns. They do visit parents but obviously PTO, cost, other engagements limit number and length of their trips.

Lesson learned, be selfish and send kids to local community or state school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the thick of one of the harder part of parenting (under 4 years old) and I so envy you, OP. Just being honest

Naturally, since you haven't gotten to the good part yet.
DP

Is there a good part?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It definitely doesn’t have to be that way.

We moved to the DMV around 35 years ago and raised our four kids here. They all stuck around after college graduation or eventually made their way back. And why not? There’s plenty of opportunity here, and most of their friends and family are still here. I can’t remember a week going by where we haven’t seen at least one of them in person (unless we’re away ourselves), and usually it’s more often than that.

Some people just want to explore new places. My sister and I had idyllic childhoods and a town full of every single extended family member. We still both chose to go to college 1000+ miles away and bought houses plane rides away from "home". It's nice to visit, but we want to create different adventures from the first 18 years of life.

I understand that, but it’s not an either/or proposition. One of my kids joined the Peace Corps, for example. Another spent seven years living abroad and married a guy there. Another went to college clear across the country. All four studied abroad. And all four have travelled and continue to travel the world extensively - as do we.

Plenty of “exploration” going on.

In fact, as we speak one of our kids is in Europe with their spouse and we have their toddler and their dog!

To each her own, obviously, but I guess I find it hard to understand how having family interspersed all over the country is the way to go. I certainly understand it if where you grew up had a little opportunity, but that’s not the case in the DMV.

You seem to have a really hard time understanding that not all families are like yours.

No, I understand that. I know how lucky I am.

[Anonymous]

I can’t keep my twenty something’s out of my house for drop ins. Looking for dinner, complaining about the lack of snack in the house, haha. I’d love a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ours is a global family with siblings on both sides and childhood friends spread over several countries and states.

Ones who sent kids to local colleges, their kids stayed as they had their friend, acquaintance networks and local significant others.

Ones who sent kids to study out of state or overseas, their kids got settled elsewhere and don't feel as tied to their childhood towns. They do visit parents but obviously PTO, cost, other engagements limit number and length of their trips.

Lesson learned, be selfish and send kids to local community or state school.

I’m the poster whose adult kids all live in the DMV. Not that we did it, but even if we had it’s hardly “selfish” to send your kids to community college or state school. To the contrary, it’s the most practical and reasonable route for anyone but the well heeled.

Your class bias is showing.

[Anonymous]

I am on page 1. I have a 13 yo so imo I am at one of the better parts (he is a boy fwiw) but I am away from him, it’s been over a week and I don’t miss him at all… I won’t see him for another 1.5 months and that’s more than fine by me… I wonder if I will ever feel the same as OP. One of my fears is that he won’t launch and I’ll be stuck in the same house with him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the thick of one of the harder part of parenting (under 4 years old) and I so envy you, OP. Just being honest

Naturally, since you haven't gotten to the good part yet.
DP

Is there a good part?

I am finally truly enjoying my 13 yo; it’s been about a year or two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gave birth, wiped butts a thousand times, got up at all hours, dr visits, good schools, activities, nightly bedtime routines, braces, college - all that effort to see them a few times a year as adults. It’s what supposed to happen but I’m stuck by the feeling of loss associated with it.

And soon you find out parenting adult children is harder than when they were babies, toddlers, kids, tweens and teens.