Check your phone at the door

[Anonymous]

If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap!

Why are you trying to make this an argument?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap!

Why are you trying to make this an argument?

Because your children were in settings without you and without a phone at a much younger age. Now they are older and you believe they could be in a situation so uncomfortable that they need to be able to call you right away? Do you not see what's wrong with your thinking?

[Anonymous]

I have no issue with phone in pocket or no phone use in your house but I would not be ok with my kid not having their phone on them so I can contact them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap!

Why are you trying to make this an argument?

Because your children were in settings without you and without a phone at a much younger age. Now they are older and you believe they could be in a situation so uncomfortable that they need to be able to call you right away? Do you not see what's wrong with your thinking?

You are off base but married to an entrenched perception. I see no value in discussion with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap!

Why are you trying to make this an argument?

Because your children were in settings without you and without a phone at a much younger age. Now they are older and you believe they could be in a situation so uncomfortable that they need to be able to call you right away? Do you not see what's wrong with your thinking?

You are off base but married to an entrenched perception. I see no value in discussion with you.

*further discussion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap!

Why are you trying to make this an argument?

Not pp, but it sounds like you need to get a handle on your anxiety and then try to cut the cord between you and your child. What kind of messaging are you sending the kid if danger lurks around every corner that they need to have a device within reach to call their mother when having it at a friend's house? That kind of anxiety is contagious and could either leave the kid incredibly nervous about life or rebelling against their tethered parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap!

Why are you trying to make this an argument?

Not pp, but it sounds like you need to get a handle on your anxiety and then try to cut the cord between you and your child. What kind of messaging are you sending the kid if danger lurks around every corner that they need to have a device within reach to call their mother when having it at a friend's house? That kind of anxiety is contagious and could either leave the kid incredibly nervous about life or rebelling against their tethered parent.

Oh ffs. I’m teaching her how to notice when people are not cool. Sex predators happen. Middle schoolers can be awful to one another emotionally and socially. She could get her period and not be prepared. Something minor and less extreme - she simply isn’t into being there and wants to head home. If she’s not into being there I don’t want her to have to run the gauntlet of a controlling parent that might not perceive the situation clearly. She’s learning how to be independent by keeping it in her pocket except for emergencies instead of not being trusted to use it judiciously. I trust my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap!

Why are you trying to make this an argument?

Not pp, but it sounds like you need to get a handle on your anxiety and then try to cut the cord between you and your child. What kind of messaging are you sending the kid if danger lurks around every corner that they need to have a device within reach to call their mother when having it at a friend's house? That kind of anxiety is contagious and could either leave the kid incredibly nervous about life or rebelling against their tethered parent.

Oh ffs. I’m teaching her how to notice when people are not cool. Sex predators happen. Middle schoolers can be awful to one another emotionally and socially. She could get her period and not be prepared. Something minor and less extreme - she simply isn’t into being there and wants to head home. If she’s not into being there I don’t want her to have to run the gauntlet of a controlling parent that might not perceive the situation clearly. She’s learning how to be independent by keeping it in her pocket except for emergencies instead of not being trusted to use it judiciously. I trust my kid.

PP was correct. Your anxiety is out of control.

Trust your kid. She's got this. Trust your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be weirded out if I found out my kid was forced to check their phone at the door in your house.

+1

This. A dad recently took my 17 year olds cell phone (and the phones of all 6 kids that had come over) because he wanted them to interact with each other. We had a family change in plans and I was frantically texting/calling my kid to no avail. I finally got a hold of the dad (he was outside doing yard work) who admitted he had put all of their phones in a box by the door and they were downstairs playing video games. I was pretty hot (at the dad, not my kid.)

Yes, I know we all lived in a time where we didn't all have phones. But folks also use to not have cars and rode horses. You don't see a hitching post outside my house.

A "family change in plans" that you were "frantically" calling and texting about? What was so crazy that you couldn't just send one text explaining the change?

If you must know....DH was out of town for work. I got stuck behind an accident on my commute home and my 30m commute was turning into 90+ minutes meaning I was going to be late picking up my 14y old from school where he had sports practice. I needed my 17y old to go pick him up from school. This is a new team for us and I didn't know any of the parents yet to call and I didn't want to put my 14y in an Uber alone. So, yes, I was frantically trying to get ahold of my 17y old so he could pick up his brother and bring him home. I texted/called the dad where 17y was, but he was doing yard work and had his phone in his pocket or whatever and didn't hear it. If my kid had his phone, yes, it would have been one text "Got stuck in traffic. Please go pick up Joey now at school and bring him home. THANK YOU."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap!

Why are you trying to make this an argument?

Not pp, but it sounds like you need to get a handle on your anxiety and then try to cut the cord between you and your child. What kind of messaging are you sending the kid if danger lurks around every corner that they need to have a device within reach to call their mother when having it at a friend's house? That kind of anxiety is contagious and could either leave the kid incredibly nervous about life or rebelling against their tethered parent.

Oh ffs. I’m teaching her how to notice when people are not cool. Sex predators happen. Middle schoolers can be awful to one another emotionally and socially. She could get her period and not be prepared. Something minor and less extreme - she simply isn’t into being there and wants to head home. If she’s not into being there I don’t want her to have to run the gauntlet of a controlling parent that might not perceive the situation clearly. She’s learning how to be independent by keeping it in her pocket except for emergencies instead of not being trusted to use it judiciously. I trust my kid.

PP was correct. Your anxiety is out of control.

Trust your kid. She's got this. Trust your kid.

Like OPs kid who can’t manage to tell their friends they feel ignored so parent is devising an entire house policy to fix it? Gotcha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap!

Why are you trying to make this an argument?

Not pp, but it sounds like you need to get a handle on your anxiety and then try to cut the cord between you and your child. What kind of messaging are you sending the kid if danger lurks around every corner that they need to have a device within reach to call their mother when having it at a friend's house? That kind of anxiety is contagious and could either leave the kid incredibly nervous about life or rebelling against their tethered parent.

Oh ffs. I’m teaching her how to notice when people are not cool. Sex predators happen. Middle schoolers can be awful to one another emotionally and socially. She could get her period and not be prepared. Something minor and less extreme - she simply isn’t into being there and wants to head home. If she’s not into being there I don’t want her to have to run the gauntlet of a controlling parent that might not perceive the situation clearly. She’s learning how to be independent by keeping it in her pocket except for emergencies instead of not being trusted to use it judiciously. I trust my kid.

PP was correct. Your anxiety is out of control.

Trust your kid. She's got this. Trust your kid.

Exactly. She has her phone and can choose if she needs it. She’s prepared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap!

Why are you trying to make this an argument?

Not pp, but it sounds like you need to get a handle on your anxiety and then try to cut the cord between you and your child. What kind of messaging are you sending the kid if danger lurks around every corner that they need to have a device within reach to call their mother when having it at a friend's house? That kind of anxiety is contagious and could either leave the kid incredibly nervous about life or rebelling against their tethered parent.

Oh ffs. I’m teaching her how to notice when people are not cool. Sex predators happen. Middle schoolers can be awful to one another emotionally and socially. She could get her period and not be prepared. Something minor and less extreme - she simply isn’t into being there and wants to head home. If she’s not into being there I don’t want her to have to run the gauntlet of a controlling parent that might not perceive the situation clearly. She’s learning how to be independent by keeping it in her pocket except for emergencies instead of not being trusted to use it judiciously. I trust my kid.

PP was correct. Your anxiety is out of control.

Trust your kid. She's got this. Trust your kid.

Exactly. She has her phone and can choose if she needs it. She’s prepared.

Or cripple her with anxiety.

It's fashionable right now, so at least she's in style.

[Anonymous]

I actually think the parents who MUST be able to contact their kids 24/7 sound like the controlling ones here.

This.

They should read their phone contracts: "service is not guaranteed."

I honestly feel badly for kids who are raised in this sort of environment. What is going to happen when they finally move out of their parents' homes?