Check your phone at the door

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know about checking phones but my kids friend tiktok'd a tour of my home and posted it to her 20k followers and the world, forever until the apocalypse. It felt like a gross violation of my privacy and that girl isn't allowed to come over again

Dang, that’s awful

NP. My mouth dropped. Wow.

Yeah Dd asked her to take it down but she doesn't want to. They're still friends but DD doesn't really like her anymore. I'm friends with the girls mom and she won't make her remove it. 😕

The only positive is I cleaned before she came over

I hope you're not friends with her mom anymore! Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually think the parents who MUST be able to contact their kids 24/7 sound like the controlling ones here.

Well that’s an interesting take lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a kid needs to contact their parents, they walk to the front door, get their phone, and call or text. No big deal.

I’m sorry, but what age are your kids? If 7th grade or older, this is a no for me.

Why is this a no for you? I truly don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually think the parents who MUST be able to contact their kids 24/7 sound like the controlling ones here.

Yes, that's obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be weirded out if I found out my kid was forced to check their phone at the door in your house.

+1

This. A dad recently took my 17 year olds cell phone (and the phones of all 6 kids that had come over) because he wanted them to interact with each other. We had a family change in plans and I was frantically texting/calling my kid to no avail. I finally got a hold of the dad (he was outside doing yard work) who admitted he had put all of their phones in a box by the door and they were downstairs playing video games. I was pretty hot (at the dad, not my kid.)

Yes, I know we all lived in a time where we didn't all have phones. But folks also use to not have cars and rode horses. You don't see a hitching post outside my house.

A "family change in plans" that you were "frantically" calling and texting about? What was so crazy that you couldn't just send one text explaining the change?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be weirded out if I found out my kid was forced to check their phone at the door in your house.

+1

This. A dad recently took my 17 year olds cell phone (and the phones of all 6 kids that had come over) because he wanted them to interact with each other. We had a family change in plans and I was frantically texting/calling my kid to no avail. I finally got a hold of the dad (he was outside doing yard work) who admitted he had put all of their phones in a box by the door and they were downstairs playing video games. I was pretty hot (at the dad, not my kid.)

Yes, I know we all lived in a time where we didn't all have phones. But folks also use to not have cars and rode horses. You don't see a hitching post outside my house.

A "family change in plans" that you were "frantically" calling and texting about? What was so crazy that you couldn't just send one text explaining the change?

Because she's a disorganized mess. That's why her DC must have their phone and be at her beck and call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a basket near front door/kitchen where our kids drop their phones and a lot of times their friends do. I give all friends my phone number and tell their parents they can always reach their kids by calling me for them. As if it's the 1980's. Your kid isn't a surgeon - there's no emergency that requires your 12 year old. We've had this set-up for years and never had a parent tell me they have a problem, or a kid say they can't come to our house because of the phone thing.

The kids are welcome to go over to their phone any time they want. Some have to check in every half hour.

I think what you are doing is fine because the kids can access their phones if needed, but to be clear regarding an emergency - sure there are things I’d like to be in touch with my middle schooler about. “Did you remember your epi pen?” “I need to pick you up early because Dad has to run out - see you 5:30 instead of 6”. Things like that that I would rather talk to him directly about than involve you.

But the real issue is making sure he can contact ME. If something is making him uncomfortable in the house, whether a person or a scary dog or an unlocked weapon, whatever it is, I want him able to contact me so I can get him, no questions asked.

Again, I think your set up is fine but this is my thought process as a parent for wanting to have contact.

This thread is full of people complaining about helicopter parenting but the real issue that no one can see helicopter parenting when it smacks them in the face. Your child was out in the world at a much younger age WITHOUT a cell phone but now as a tween/teen you need it as a security blanket?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a basket near front door/kitchen where our kids drop their phones and a lot of times their friends do. I give all friends my phone number and tell their parents they can always reach their kids by calling me for them. As if it's the 1980's. Your kid isn't a surgeon - there's no emergency that requires your 12 year old. We've had this set-up for years and never had a parent tell me they have a problem, or a kid say they can't come to our house because of the phone thing.

The kids are welcome to go over to their phone any time they want. Some have to check in every half hour.

I think what you are doing is fine because the kids can access their phones if needed, but to be clear regarding an emergency - sure there are things I’d like to be in touch with my middle schooler about. “Did you remember your epi pen?” “I need to pick you up early because Dad has to run out - see you 5:30 instead of 6”. Things like that that I would rather talk to him directly about than involve you.

But the real issue is making sure he can contact ME. If something is making him uncomfortable in the house, whether a person or a scary dog or an unlocked weapon, whatever it is, I want him able to contact me so I can get him, no questions asked.

Again, I think your set up is fine but this is my thought process as a parent for wanting to have contact.

This thread is full of people complaining about helicopter parenting but the real issue that no one can see helicopter parenting when it smacks them in the face. Your child was out in the world at a much younger age WITHOUT a cell phone but now as a tween/teen you need it as a security blanket?

I didn't mean thread - I meant DCUM generally.

[Anonymous]

It has never occurred to me to ever separate my kids' friends from their belongings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has never occurred to me to ever separate my kids' friends from their belongings.

Now it has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know about checking phones but my kids friend tiktok'd a tour of my home and posted it to her 20k followers and the world, forever until the apocalypse. It felt like a gross violation of my privacy and that girl isn't allowed to come over again

This. Do you really want thousands of people on the internet looking at photos of your messy bedroom and bathroom? If kids are running around your house with their phones, then you are opening up the possibility of this happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a basket near front door/kitchen where our kids drop their phones and a lot of times their friends do. I give all friends my phone number and tell their parents they can always reach their kids by calling me for them. As if it's the 1980's. Your kid isn't a surgeon - there's no emergency that requires your 12 year old. We've had this set-up for years and never had a parent tell me they have a problem, or a kid say they can't come to our house because of the phone thing.

The kids are welcome to go over to their phone any time they want. Some have to check in every half hour.

I think what you are doing is fine because the kids can access their phones if needed, but to be clear regarding an emergency - sure there are things I’d like to be in touch with my middle schooler about. “Did you remember your epi pen?” “I need to pick you up early because Dad has to run out - see you 5:30 instead of 6”. Things like that that I would rather talk to him directly about than involve you.

But the real issue is making sure he can contact ME. If something is making him uncomfortable in the house, whether a person or a scary dog or an unlocked weapon, whatever it is, I want him able to contact me so I can get him, no questions asked.

Again, I think your set up is fine but this is my thought process as a parent for wanting to have contact.

This thread is full of people complaining about helicopter parenting but the real issue that no one can see helicopter parenting when it smacks them in the face. Your child was out in the world at a much younger age WITHOUT a cell phone but now as a tween/teen you need it as a security blanket?

I get this...but I wonder why you are letting him to go to the house in the first place? When I was a kid, I didn't go visit many people in person at their homes for this very reason. You can put the same rules in place now. Only let your kid visit the homes of people you trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have his policy with middle school daughters. Not for small groups, but when there are five or more kids over, when I greet them, I ask them to leave their phones in the kitchen and tell them they are welcome to them anytime I just don’t want them in the basement. I’ve never had a problem, but I also know all the parents.

That's a great way to handle the situation -- combine doing the right thing and protecting kids from garbage -- but doing it with kindness and hospitality. And a definite plus that you have relationships with the parents. Why not small groups, too?? And why not for the entire visit anywhere in your home? Your daughter's guests are there to visit with your daughters, right -- not to sit there silently thumbing through Instagram junk.

Want to stay focused on homes rather than classrooms here, but I have to tell you that as a former hs teacher, "checking phones at the door" allowed my students to cultivate friendships and real classroom community. Without the phones, kids are forced to get out of themselves and learn how to form connections with others. They learn how to be people!

Also, the poster expressing concerns about pornography is totally on the mark. So wise. And to make things easier for the long-term, I would humbly suggest being consistent with your policy - whatever you decide.

Worth a read: https://raisingamericans.substack.com/p/the-backpack-method. Info is for a classroom, but principles are the same and can also work at home...

This thread is why schools can’t have a consistent no phones policy in schools- these parents on here who feel disrespected when another adult takes their kid’s phone are the same ones who will be the first to complain if teachers try to implement no phone policies in schools.

As someone who also works in schools? They are a menace and even your “mature” adolescent shouldn’t have them out in class. (But they do!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know about checking phones but my kids friend tiktok'd a tour of my home and posted it to her 20k followers and the world, forever until the apocalypse. It felt like a gross violation of my privacy and that girl isn't allowed to come over again

This. Do you really want thousands of people on the internet looking at photos of your messy bedroom and bathroom? If kids are running around your house with their phones, then you are opening up the possibility of this happening.

Why would kids be running around your house with their phones??? Why doesn't your kid tell them to put the phone away and stop acting stupid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be weirded out if I found out my kid was forced to check their phone at the door in your house.

+1

This. A dad recently took my 17 year olds cell phone (and the phones of all 6 kids that had come over) because he wanted them to interact with each other. We had a family change in plans and I was frantically texting/calling my kid to no avail. I finally got a hold of the dad (he was outside doing yard work) who admitted he had put all of their phones in a box by the door and they were downstairs playing video games. I was pretty hot (at the dad, not my kid.)

Yes, I know we all lived in a time where we didn't all have phones. But folks also use to not have cars and rode horses. You don't see a hitching post outside my house.

This is why my kid also has an Apple Watch.