Having an overweight teenage daughter is so hard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Consider having your daughter apply for an amount of life insurance that requires a physical. Once she is denied/rejected for coverage or only offered coverage at an extremely premium (rating), she may understand the need to seek medical help.

OP: You are 100% right to be concerned. This is both a mental health issue and an issue of physical health. Having a heart attack at a young age is unnecessary & preventable.

what the actual f*** is wrong with you

Right back at you. You do not care about another person's health and well being. Fine. Not your problem.

You think forcing your child to undergo a physical so that an insurance company will deny them and you can use that as ammo to shame them into trying to lose weight is good for their well-being?

Yes. Whatever it takes in order for the individual to avoid the unnecessary adverse health effects that are certain to follow. And if you don't think that obese people suffer psychologically, then you should do a bit of research.

Some of us--like the OP-care about the physical health and mental well being of a teenager who is obese unnecessarily.

[Anonymous]

So OP has a formerly athletic daughter who has suddenly started gaining a lot of weight, is in a household where the needs of the athlete brothers are clearly the priority, has stopped having interest in any of her activities, and who stays up late/doesn’t get enough sleep. But OP isn’t willing to say just what the size change has been and apparently has not made any effort to get her daughter to a physician or mental health specialist to evaluate what seem like a bunch of red flags.

I’m gonna have to say the daughter isn’t the issue here. Poor kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Consider having your daughter apply for an amount of life insurance that requires a physical. Once she is denied/rejected for coverage or only offered coverage at an extremely premium (rating), she may understand the need to seek medical help.

OP: You are 100% right to be concerned. This is both a mental health issue and an issue of physical health. Having a heart attack at a young age is unnecessary & preventable.

what the actual f*** is wrong with you

Right back at you. You do not care about another person's health and well being. Fine. Not your problem.

You think forcing your child to undergo a physical so that an insurance company will deny them and you can use that as ammo to shame them into trying to lose weight is good for their well-being?

Yes. Whatever it takes in order for the individual to avoid the unnecessary adverse health effects that are certain to follow. And if you don't think that obese people suffer psychologically, then you should do a bit of research.

Some of us--like the OP-care about the physical health and mental well being of a teenager who is obese unnecessarily.

You hate your kid.

[Anonymous]

I have a 13yo dd who is also overweight and I have exactly the same struggles. I had an ED as a teen and I’m desperately trying not to do anything to push my daughter into that direction too. It absolutely sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Consider having your daughter apply for an amount of life insurance that requires a physical. Once she is denied/rejected for coverage or only offered coverage at an extremely premium (rating), she may understand the need to seek medical help.

OP: You are 100% right to be concerned. This is both a mental health issue and an issue of physical health. Having a heart attack at a young age is unnecessary & preventable.

This 100%! Op, I’m with you. I’d be worried, too. Obesity is the cause of so many childhood and adult diseases. We have to get it under control. No amount of “body positive” framing will change the cold hard facts of diabetes, heart disease, high cholesterol, increased cancer risk, mental illness, infertility, etc that comes with obesity

Have her doctor talk to her about healthy eating and exercise. It won’t help coming from you. Best of luck!

Well said.

Now is the time to act--before a crippling health event occurs.

[Anonymous]

OP this is very hard.

I completely understand.

But your dd will have to make the decision to lose weight on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Consider having your daughter apply for an amount of life insurance that requires a physical. Once she is denied/rejected for coverage or only offered coverage at an extremely premium (rating), she may understand the need to seek medical help.

OP: You are 100% right to be concerned. This is both a mental health issue and an issue of physical health. Having a heart attack at a young age is unnecessary & preventable.

what the actual f*** is wrong with you

Right back at you. You do not care about another person's health and well being. Fine. Not your problem.

You think forcing your child to undergo a physical so that an insurance company will deny them and you can use that as ammo to shame them into trying to lose weight is good for their well-being?

Yes. Whatever it takes in order for the individual to avoid the unnecessary adverse health effects that are certain to follow. And if you don't think that obese people suffer psychologically, then you should do a bit of research.

Some of us--like the OP-care about the physical health and mental well being of a teenager who is obese unnecessarily.

You hate your kid.

No, I do not. I care for any person of any age who is endangering themselves unnecessarily.

[Anonymous]

Why not just bring it up with her? "I noticed since soccer ended you're eating as much as you did when you were playing but it's causing you to gain weight - we've gotten you new jeans three times in bigger sizes. I know you have a heavy academic load this semester so taking time to be active is hard, but how about you give me a list of healthy things you'd like to snack on and I'll stock the kitchen with those. I love you and want you to be healthy."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP this is very hard.

I completely understand.

But your dd will have to make the decision to lose weight on her own.

Yes, but that should not stop OP from trying to help her daughter now before she is disabled due to any number of likely serious adverse conditions that will develop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Consider having your daughter apply for an amount of life insurance that requires a physical. Once she is denied/rejected for coverage or only offered coverage at an extremely premium (rating), she may understand the need to seek medical help.

OP: You are 100% right to be concerned. This is both a mental health issue and an issue of physical health. Having a heart attack at a young age is unnecessary & preventable.

what the actual f*** is wrong with you

Seriously. I read these threads and I am blown away by just how awful these parents are. It is truly horrifying.

This and how OP sound is why I haven't spoken to my father in 20 years. He was so critical of me for being fat. Wouldn't buy me new clothes, withheld food and even generally treated me like I didn't even exist. We would go months not speaking to each other, living in the same household.

Thread carefully OP, thread carefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has she been checked for PCOS?

Age 16 is when it actually started for my sister but she didn't get a proper diagnosis until almost age 20 in college.

When she started gaining weight at age 16, I can remember my mom riding her about not being active enough, quitting basketball and dance, eating healthy when not at home, etc. She said she quit basketball because it was too much to try to keep up with running up and down the court - it became too hard. She quit dance because she was being made fun of. She claimed to not eat junk when out with friends and I was witness to that many times when I'd hang out with her.

It didn't matter what she told my mom or doctors, they never believed her. The weight really started packing on in college and of course, my mom was all "it's the freshman 15, not freshman 40!" to her.

I think it was health services on campus who recommended she see an endocrinologist to make sure she wasn't diabetic one time when she went in for some kind of issue. She found one on her own and that doctor did tests and was like no, you're not diabetic but I want you to see my partner here who specializes in PCOS. Boom, she got a diagnosis and it was like it all clicked into place. She cried so hard when she found a doctor who listened to her and didn't think she was lying about her eating habits.

wow, so important. My DH is endocrinologist and I didn't know this! (I'm sure he does) I sympathize, OP. I have always been super thin, and my DD started gaining weight around age 15 also (when she first got her period, now that I think of it) I can't say a thing to her, ever about weight. She is athletic, and yes, alot of it is muscle. But some of it appears to be overeating, which most (?) of America does very well. I won't say any more, because the discussion here seems to slam on those of us who think its not great to be overweight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this is very hard.

I completely understand.

But your dd will have to make the decision to lose weight on her own.

Yes, but that should not stop OP from trying to help her daughter now before she is disabled due to any number of likely serious adverse conditions that will develop.

Purposely having an insurance company send a letter that she is uninsurable isn’t helping. It won’t make her smaller. You really think that’s an effective way to encourage weight loss? Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Just here to validate your feelings, OP. Being overweight isn't healthy, and one of our jobs as parents is to ensure that our kids are in good health. It's one thing if a child is built heavy, but children who are naturally slim or average should not end up overweight unless they are living an unhealthy lifestyle.

I also think it's unlikely that your daughter is happy about her weight gain -- what teen girl would be?

[Anonymous]

It seems clear that some posters view OP's daughter weight gain as a body shaming issue while others view it as a physical health issue.

All posters view the situation as a psychological mental health issue--but for different reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has she been checked for PCOS?

Age 16 is when it actually started for my sister but she didn't get a proper diagnosis until almost age 20 in college.

When she started gaining weight at age 16, I can remember my mom riding her about not being active enough, quitting basketball and dance, eating healthy when not at home, etc. She said she quit basketball because it was too much to try to keep up with running up and down the court - it became too hard. She quit dance because she was being made fun of. She claimed to not eat junk when out with friends and I was witness to that many times when I'd hang out with her.

It didn't matter what she told my mom or doctors, they never believed her. The weight really started packing on in college and of course, my mom was all "it's the freshman 15, not freshman 40!" to her.

I think it was health services on campus who recommended she see an endocrinologist to make sure she wasn't diabetic one time when she went in for some kind of issue. She found one on her own and that doctor did tests and was like no, you're not diabetic but I want you to see my partner here who specializes in PCOS. Boom, she got a diagnosis and it was like it all clicked into place. She cried so hard when she found a doctor who listened to her and didn't think she was lying about her eating habits.

wow, so important. My DH is endocrinologist and I didn't know this! (I'm sure he does) I sympathize, OP. I have always been super thin, and my DD started gaining weight around age 15 also (when she first got her period, now that I think of it) I can't say a thing to her, ever about weight. She is athletic, and yes, alot of it is muscle. But some of it appears to be overeating, which most (?) of America does very well. I won't say any more, because the discussion here seems to slam on those of us who think its not great to be overweight

Was it normal puberty weight gain? Is she overeating the healthy food in the house? If she is eating junk, does she get it at school?