Having an overweight teenage daughter is so hard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Consider having your daughter apply for an amount of life insurance that requires a physical. Once she is denied/rejected for coverage or only offered coverage at an extremely premium (rating), she may understand the need to seek medical help.

OP: You are 100% right to be concerned. This is both a mental health issue and an issue of physical health. Having a heart attack at a young age is unnecessary & preventable.

what the actual f*** is wrong with you

Seriously. I read these threads and I am blown away by just how awful these parents are. It is truly horrifying.

This and how OP sound is why I haven't spoken to my father in 20 years. He was so critical of me for being fat. Wouldn't buy me new clothes, withheld food and even generally treated me like I didn't even exist. We would go months not speaking to each other, living in the same household.

Thread carefully OP, thread carefully.

Yeah, I read a lot of the posters in this thread and I understand why there are so many people who have cut off their parents entirely. It is horrifying.

[Anonymous]

I guarantee your DD knows you have issues with her weight. Be prepared to have a lousy relationship with her as she hits 18/20 years old (if it hasn’t already started) as she processes your issues and the impact that they have on her life. You are hiding behind supposed health issues, but it is so obvious that you find it a moral failing. You are literally the mom DCUMers are talking about when they say, “I don’t want to be my mom so…”

[Anonymous]

Op is still not clear on if she went from 4 to 8 or 4 to 12

Also OP refuses to answer height weight and hip to waist ration so I suspect is still in the normal bmi range but the top.

[Anonymous]

what is "normal puberty weight gain"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems clear that some posters view OP's daughter weight gain as a body shaming issue while others view it as a physical health issue.

All posters view the situation as a psychological mental health issue--but for different reasons.

Well, we don’t really know because OP hasn’t apparently gotten her daughter any sort of evaluation. Even though that amount of quick weight gain points to either some sort of precipitous event like sexual assault (the correlation between sudden weight gain and sexual abuse is well-established) or the onset of something like PCOS. So we don’t know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this is very hard.

I completely understand.

But your dd will have to make the decision to lose weight on her own.

Yes, but that should not stop OP from trying to help her daughter now before she is disabled due to any number of likely serious adverse conditions that will develop.

Purposely having an insurance company send a letter that she is uninsurable isn’t helping. It won’t make her smaller. You really think that’s an effective way to encourage weight loss? Seriously?

The letter may deny coverage or it may offer coverage at a standard rate or it may offer coverage only at an inflated rate which recognizes the chances of an early death. Regardless of the outcome, OP & daughter will have an unbiased third opinion as to whether the daughter's weight presents a serious health issue or whether the OP is over-reacting.

As for becoming "smaller", only the daughter can decide to do what is necessary. but, that doesn't mean that attempts to inform the daughter and the OP should be set aside.

[Anonymous]

I suggest you both listen to the podcast Maintenance Phase

[Anonymous]

I'm wondering about OPs height/weight and relationship to food

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op is still not clear on if she went from 4 to 8 or 4 to 12

Also OP refuses to answer height weight and hip to waist ration so I suspect is still in the normal bmi range but the top.

Exactly.

OP is just embarrassed that her daughter is not super skinny like her sons. It must be SO hard for her to care SO much about her daughter’s health that she hasn’t actually done anything like…take the kid to the doctor to see if there are underlying issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this is very hard.

I completely understand.

But your dd will have to make the decision to lose weight on her own.

Yes, but that should not stop OP from trying to help her daughter now before she is disabled due to any number of likely serious adverse conditions that will develop.

Purposely having an insurance company send a letter that she is uninsurable isn’t helping. It won’t make her smaller. You really think that’s an effective way to encourage weight loss? Seriously?

This is funny. I'm a PP who has been overweight my entire life. This actually happened to me shortly after college...my parent said I couldn't be on their insurance anymore so I had to get my own plan. I was rejected based on my BMI. I'll give you one guess as to whether that spurred me to lose weight lol. And that was as an adult...any teenager is going to be like "Ummm, okay. Anyway. What's life insurance?" So at best it will be ineffective, at worst it will hurt the DD and the relationship because it's a f***** up thing to do to a person, making an insurance company do your dirty work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering about OPs height/weight and relationship to food

Reasonable concern.

Also, OP's daughter should visit her physician for a complete physical and for an evaluation & consultation.

One thing that I do believe is that all posters care about the well being of OP's daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op is still not clear on if she went from 4 to 8 or 4 to 12

Also OP refuses to answer height weight and hip to waist ration so I suspect is still in the normal bmi range but the top.

Exactly.

OP is just embarrassed that her daughter is not super skinny like her sons. It must be SO hard for her to care SO much about her daughter’s health that she hasn’t actually done anything like…take the kid to the doctor to see if there are underlying issues.

I find it interesting that OP has decided the health of the boys matters more automatically. Like no debate, even.

[Anonymous]

I understand, OP. You are not wrong.

Are you looking for commiseration or advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this is very hard.

I completely understand.

But your dd will have to make the decision to lose weight on her own.

Yes, but that should not stop OP from trying to help her daughter now before she is disabled due to any number of likely serious adverse conditions that will develop.

Purposely having an insurance company send a letter that she is uninsurable isn’t helping. It won’t make her smaller. You really think that’s an effective way to encourage weight loss? Seriously?

This is funny. I'm a PP who has been overweight my entire life. This actually happened to me shortly after college...my parent said I couldn't be on their insurance anymore so I had to get my own plan. I was rejected based on my BMI. I'll give you one guess as to whether that spurred me to lose weight lol. And that was as an adult...any teenager is going to be like "Ummm, okay. Anyway. What's life insurance?" So at best it will be ineffective, at worst it will hurt the DD and the relationship because it's a f***** up thing to do to a person, making an insurance company do your dirty work.

You have independent proof of your condition. How you chose to react to that information was up to you. Because you chose to ignore the warning does not mean that OP's daughter will react in the same manner. You are an adult and it is your life. OP's daughter is a minor and in the care and custody of her parents.

Would you ignore dangerous behavior of your minor child ? Or would you try to help ? And if you try to help, would you seek independent professional advice from a qualified medical practitioner or would you coddle the minor child and act like everything is okay ?

[Anonymous]

My mother went through this suffering with me except I weighed 125 pounds at 5'4" (she didn't see why I would weigh more than 105 because we're the same height and she considered that weight ideal).

Plenty of OPs have suggested looking for a physiological reason or mental health reason and I don't know why OP would reject those options. Could be PCOS, depression, thyroid, any number of things. I was a sedentary teen (no sport at all) who had access to all the junk food and was not actually obese because I had a teenager's metabolism that was not out of whack. Is she on hormonal BC for heavy periods? My DD started it in her early 20s and put on 15 to 20 pounds.