How many parents still financially support their middle age adult children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s not “support,” OP. That’s estate planning. I’m not dependent on my parents, but I am lucky to receive gifts and other advantages (like not worrying about retirement). No, they are not making any sacrifices to make those gifts. Realistically, close-in DC suburbs mean very high income or generational wealth. Your neighbors could surely afford to pay their own way, they would just live somewhere else.

Same for me with the bolded. I graduated without debt, had the wedding and honeymoon of a lifetime, etc. My great-grandkids will never have to work. Money is distributed slowly, and you get more the more schooling you get so our family is incentivized to become educated. We are encouraged to serve on non-profits, do philanthropy, and yes, work. DH and I each have full time jobs.

You're deluded if you think that intergenerational transfer of wealth =/= support.

The POINT is that people refuse to follow your judgmental definition of support. You might be jealous, PP, but it's not a good look to then imply that everyone receiving gifts or money are lazy dependent slackers. Most of them work hard for what they have, and the extra is put to good use.

You really want it both ways huh? You both want to spend other people’s money but to also pretend you’re standing on your own two feet.

I don’t think you need to be ashamed of enjoying the benefits of your privilege but refusing to own it is wild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s not “support,” OP. That’s estate planning. I’m not dependent on my parents, but I am lucky to receive gifts and other advantages (like not worrying about retirement). No, they are not making any sacrifices to make those gifts. Realistically, close-in DC suburbs mean very high income or generational wealth. Your neighbors could surely afford to pay their own way, they would just live somewhere else.

Same for me with the bolded. I graduated without debt, had the wedding and honeymoon of a lifetime, etc. My great-grandkids will never have to work. Money is distributed slowly, and you get more the more schooling you get so our family is incentivized to become educated. We are encouraged to serve on non-profits, do philanthropy, and yes, work. DH and I each have full time jobs.

You're deluded if you think that intergenerational transfer of wealth =/= support.

The POINT is that people refuse to follow your judgmental definition of support. You might be jealous, PP, but it's not a good look to then imply that everyone receiving gifts or money are lazy dependent slackers. Most of them work hard for what they have, and the extra is put to good use.

You really want it both ways huh? You both want to spend other people’s money but to also pretend you’re standing on your own two feet.

I don’t think you need to be ashamed of enjoying the benefits of your privilege but refusing to own it is wild.

Exactly!

[Anonymous]

My friends' parents give them between $150-$200k a year to live on, and pay for the kid's college.

Both adults are underemployed in non-profit type jobs, one works PT.

Live in a $1.5 house in Bethesda.

I think it's more common than people realize.

[Anonymous]

We do. Or did until recently. We had to cut back when I found out my DIL was going on 3 vacations a year and lied about it. Not to mention the shopping sprees, taking friends and her mother eat out every weekend. My sister does social media and asked me about some pictures my DIL posted on Facebook. To say I was shocked is an understatement. Not mad just disappointed at misappropriated money that was supposed to go to needs not wants. I guess she flaunted her good times thinking I wouldn't find out. Our son is more to blame than her. He knowingly took advantage of us. His new I found God did not play well with us. Don't live like the devil then say you are following the golden rule. FAKE FAKE FAKE. It hurt me more than it did my husband. I feel very used. If they had saved some of what we gave I probably wouldn't care but they saved none of the money.
Now we have to babysit them meaning I will order whatever you need, give egiftcards for food and gas. I can no longer trust them. Son and DIL know they did wrong. She recently got a second job. Good. Now she can play on her own dime.
Don't tell me you love me then do something like that. It was so wrong.

[Anonymous]

My friend receives money from her parents and her father said, “I’d rather see the good my money does while I’m alive instead of giving it to you when I’m dead. That is part of the joy of giving.”

My mom is not so well off but she pays for dinner when we go out and it bring her immense joy. She was born dirt poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in a close in Montgomery County suburb and it seems pretty clear that several of my neighbors are still being supported financially by their parents. These are people in their 40s who have multiple children. I feel like if you haven't figured out how to be financially independent by the time you are in your 40s, it is very unlikely you ever will. Is being supported financially forever part of these people's life plan?

If you support your children financially when they are middle age, do you feel good about it? It seems like parents in this situation must have to worry not only about whether their retirement savings will be enough to support themselves until they are 100, but if their savings are enough to support their children until they are 100!

I guess I'm just jealous and bitter!

My parents helped me financially into my mid-forties. I'm single and have difficulty working full time due to some health issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a close in Montgomery County suburb and it seems pretty clear that several of my neighbors are still being supported financially by their parents. These are people in their 40s who have multiple children. I feel like if you haven't figured out how to be financially independent by the time you are in your 40s, it is very unlikely you ever will. Is being supported financially forever part of these people's life plan?

If you support your children financially when they are middle age, do you feel good about it? It seems like parents in this situation must have to worry not only about whether their retirement savings will be enough to support themselves until they are 100, but if their savings are enough to support their children until they are 100!

I guess I'm just jealous and bitter!

My parents helped me financially into my mid-forties. I'm single and have difficulty working full time due to some health issues.

Guessing most people on here are understanding of such situations - great that your parents are able to do so as stress due to finances is so hard when it comes to health and wellness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in a close in Montgomery County suburb and it seems pretty clear that several of my neighbors are still being supported financially by their parents. These are people in their 40s who have multiple children. I feel like if you haven't figured out how to be financially independent by the time you are in your 40s, it is very unlikely you ever will. Is being supported financially forever part of these people's life plan?

If you support your children financially when they are middle age, do you feel good about it? It seems like parents in this situation must have to worry not only about whether their retirement savings will be enough to support themselves until they are 100, but if their savings are enough to support their children until they are 100!

I guess I'm just jealous and bitter!

honestly, OP, all wealthy parents do this. It's part of the perks of being wealthy. they are basically passing down their inheritance before they pass away. every middle-aged person with truly wealthy parents (including my husband) had huge perks throughout their lives, and then again when they get an inheritance. their parents pay the down payment, buy cars, pay for private school tuition.

and yes, it does cause the next generation to make different decisions when they know they have this support! non-profit jobs, jobs in the arts. or just watchi Succession

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in a close in Montgomery County suburb and it seems pretty clear that several of my neighbors are still being supported financially by their parents. These are people in their 40s who have multiple children. I feel like if you haven't figured out how to be financially independent by the time you are in your 40s, it is very unlikely you ever will. Is being supported financially forever part of these people's life plan?

If you support your children financially when they are middle age, do you feel good about it? It seems like parents in this situation must have to worry not only about whether their retirement savings will be enough to support themselves until they are 100, but if their savings are enough to support their children until they are 100!

I guess I'm just jealous and bitter!

There are just doling out their future inheritance. They would get it either way - now or later. Rich paarents can be really overbearing and so that can't feel good. Don't be jelly.

[Anonymous]

My parents paid for college (HUGE support when I was technically as an adult imo) and floated my plane tickets to move to my first job out of grad school (I paid for that myself but I was pretty broke at the end). Now that they're retired, they sometimes gift me $1000 or so at the end of the year for some kind of tax reasons. It doesn't feature in my budgeting but I'm definitely very grateful. I have two kids in daycare so every little bit helps with covering expenses. I guess I do consider myself financially independent now in that if they never gave me another cent I wouldn't worry about it but I am still living on the paying-for-college support, if I'm honest about it. If I'd had student loans for my degree I wouldn't be where I am today financially speaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid for college (HUGE support when I was technically as an adult imo) and floated my plane tickets to move to my first job out of grad school (I paid for that myself but I was pretty broke at the end). Now that they're retired, they sometimes gift me $1000 or so at the end of the year for some kind of tax reasons. It doesn't feature in my budgeting but I'm definitely very grateful. I have two kids in daycare so every little bit helps with covering expenses. I guess I do consider myself financially independent now in that if they never gave me another cent I wouldn't worry about it but I am still living on the paying-for-college support, if I'm honest about it. If I'd had student loans for my degree I wouldn't be where I am today financially speaking.

TY for your honesty. Too few folks realize that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do trust funds count?

Does this include the set up of having paid/helped pay for college or post-grad school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, my friend readily admits in-laws purchased their home, pay for kids private school tuition, take them on annual vacations abroad, pay for kids summer camps, plan to pay for kids college, give them weekly $ for dinners out, and even let them use their Netllix/Apple TV passwords, etc. My friend is a SAHM and husband is a fed. There is no way they could afford their lifestyle on their income alone. I think there are a lot of families in the DMV like this.

I would feel "owned" if my parents did this. No thanks.

IDK if I would feel "owned" if I were ever in that situation as my parents just didn't have that kind of (any) money. Concur that there are a lot of similar families in the DMV. Some are open about it while others seem unaware that their parents are basically providing the equivalent of a two-income household. AU Park is filled with these families.

I think what she meant is when you’re dependent on your parents money it’s comes with strings attached.

Best believe that money is not given unconditionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends what you mean by “support.” My parents help out my 37 year old brother to a degree. They don’t pay for big expenses like his rent or his car, but they do things like doing his taxes for him. He’s single, kind of immature, and lived with them until he was in his early 30s.

My parents are well off, and my mom recently got an inheritance when her parents passed away, and so for the past 2 years she has been gifting both of us $15k/year as part of her estate planning. I am grateful but don’t need the money to support my lifestyle. On the flip side, we send money to my MIL to support her financially, so the money in from my side and out from my husband’s side basically evens out.

That’s nice of your parents to pay for your MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep, my friend readily admits in-laws purchased their home, pay for kids private school tuition, take them on annual vacations abroad, pay for kids summer camps, plan to pay for kids college, give them weekly $ for dinners out, and even let them use their Netllix/Apple TV passwords, etc. My friend is a SAHM and husband is a fed. There is no way they could afford their lifestyle on their income alone. I think there are a lot of families in the DMV like this.

Most people are not readily admitting it. But you can look up one side of the family and find some crazy old school money (Midwest industrials 3 gens before) or new (opened and ran Disney Tokyo). Many do then take mission or fed jobs, stay at home, kids in private school, amazing vacations.