How many parents still financially support their middle age adult children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s not “support,” OP. That’s estate planning. I’m not dependent on my parents, but I am lucky to receive gifts and other advantages (like not worrying about retirement). No, they are not making any sacrifices to make those gifts. Realistically, close-in DC suburbs mean very high income or generational wealth. Your neighbors could surely afford to pay their own way, they would just live somewhere else.

Same for me with the bolded. I graduated without debt, had the wedding and honeymoon of a lifetime, etc. My great-grandkids will never have to work. Money is distributed slowly, and you get more the more schooling you get so our family is incentivized to become educated. We are encouraged to serve on non-profits, do philanthropy, and yes, work. DH and I each have full time jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I help out my 47 y/o DS!

May I ask why and if it is specific help or more general, like an allowance?

[Anonymous]

It depends what you mean by “support.” My parents help out my 37 year old brother to a degree. They don’t pay for big expenses like his rent or his car, but they do things like doing his taxes for him. He’s single, kind of immature, and lived with them until he was in his early 30s.

My parents are well off, and my mom recently got an inheritance when her parents passed away, and so for the past 2 years she has been gifting both of us $15k/year as part of her estate planning. I am grateful but don’t need the money to support my lifestyle. On the flip side, we send money to my MIL to support her financially, so the money in from my side and out from my husband’s side basically evens out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s not “support,” OP. That’s estate planning. I’m not dependent on my parents, but I am lucky to receive gifts and other advantages (like not worrying about retirement). No, they are not making any sacrifices to make those gifts. Realistically, close-in DC suburbs mean very high income or generational wealth. Your neighbors could surely afford to pay their own way, they would just live somewhere else.

Same for me with the bolded. I graduated without debt, had the wedding and honeymoon of a lifetime, etc. My great-grandkids will never have to work. Money is distributed slowly, and you get more the more schooling you get so our family is incentivized to become educated. We are encouraged to serve on non-profits, do philanthropy, and yes, work. DH and I each have full time jobs.

You're deluded if you think that intergenerational transfer of wealth =/= support.

[Anonymous]

My parents are broke. I know plenty of wildly successful fully grown adults who are getting money from rich parents. My view is that independence is overrated. They’re just as hardworking and successful as me, but with better vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are broke. I know plenty of wildly successful fully grown adults who are getting money from rich parents. My view is that independence is overrated. They’re just as hardworking and successful as me, but with better vacations.

I agree with you but I don't think Independence is overrated.

I think the meaning of independence is subjective.

[Anonymous]

mine are all self-sufficient

However, I get it. It's your money do what you wish with it.

I don't care what anyone else does, unless it impacts me or my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s not “support,” OP. That’s estate planning. I’m not dependent on my parents, but I am lucky to receive gifts and other advantages (like not worrying about retirement). No, they are not making any sacrifices to make those gifts. Realistically, close-in DC suburbs mean very high income or generational wealth. Your neighbors could surely afford to pay their own way, they would just live somewhere else.

Same for me with the bolded. I graduated without debt, had the wedding and honeymoon of a lifetime, etc. My great-grandkids will never have to work. Money is distributed slowly, and you get more the more schooling you get so our family is incentivized to become educated. We are encouraged to serve on non-profits, do philanthropy, and yes, work. DH and I each have full time jobs.

You're deluded if you think that intergenerational transfer of wealth =/= support.

The POINT is that people refuse to follow your judgmental definition of support. You might be jealous, PP, but it's not a good look to then imply that everyone receiving gifts or money are lazy dependent slackers. Most of them work hard for what they have, and the extra is put to good use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never do this. It starts by talking to them when they're young.
Figure it out yourself because Dad and I are traveling the world with the money we have now that we're not supporting children at home. And don't have any kids yourself if you can't afford it.

This is what my parents did. I guess they are wealthy - they have two homes, travel a lot and ski 50+ days a year. It never occurred to me to begrudge them for enjoying their retirement, nor did I ever feel entitled to gifts from them. I'm just glad we don't have to send them any money like we do my in-laws. The outflow to parents stinks. I have no intention of supporting my children after they are 22/done with college; however, if we were filthy rich, I could see sending them $17k per year because it makes sense from an estate planning perspective. However, it is not something I spend any time thinking about or aspiring to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents are broke. I know plenty of wildly successful fully grown adults who are getting money from rich parents. My view is that independence is overrated. They’re just as hardworking and successful as me, but with better vacations.

I agree with you but I don't think Independence is overrated.

I think the meaning of independence is subjective.

Nah. You’re not really independent if you have generational wealth or intergenerational gifts. It’s great for you, and enjoy it, but own it.

[Anonymous]

Kinda funny all the complaining I often see on DCUM about selfish boomers, if people are supporting their middle aged adult children these days those parents are boomers. Maybe not so selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never do this. It starts by talking to them when they're young.
Figure it out yourself because Dad and I are traveling the world with the money we have now that we're not supporting children at home. And don't have any kids yourself if you can't afford it.

This is what my parents did. I guess they are wealthy - they have two homes, travel a lot and ski 50+ days a year. It never occurred to me to begrudge them for enjoying their retirement, nor did I ever feel entitled to gifts from them. I'm just glad we don't have to send them any money like we do my in-laws. The outflow to parents stinks. I have no intention of supporting my children after they are 22/done with college; however, if we were filthy rich, I could see sending them $17k per year because it makes sense from an estate planning perspective. However, it is not something I spend any time thinking about or aspiring to do.

You have to send your in laws money?

[Anonymous]

There are people who support their parents, yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s not “support,” OP. That’s estate planning. I’m not dependent on my parents, but I am lucky to receive gifts and other advantages (like not worrying about retirement). No, they are not making any sacrifices to make those gifts. Realistically, close-in DC suburbs mean very high income or generational wealth. Your neighbors could surely afford to pay their own way, they would just live somewhere else.

Same for me with the bolded. I graduated without debt, had the wedding and honeymoon of a lifetime, etc. My great-grandkids will never have to work. Money is distributed slowly, and you get more the more schooling you get so our family is incentivized to become educated. We are encouraged to serve on non-profits, do philanthropy, and yes, work. DH and I each have full time jobs.

You're deluded if you think that intergenerational transfer of wealth =/= support.

The POINT is that people refuse to follow your judgmental definition of support. You might be jealous, PP, but it's not a good look to then imply that everyone receiving gifts or money are lazy dependent slackers. Most of them work hard for what they have, and the extra is put to good use.

I'm not the OP. DH and I are probably in the top 5% and weighing how this may play out with our now college aged kids (we were not this wealthy in their childhood so it is not so obvious to them as we live way below our means). Transferring money from one generation to another and identifying it as support is not judgmental. It's a fact. Yes, some of the recipients may already be living with HHI of 100K, 250K, 500K and upwards and work hard for what they have but getting "extra'" and "put[ting] to good use" is a form of support. Again, it's a fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never do this. It starts by talking to them when they're young.
Figure it out yourself because Dad and I are traveling the world with the money we have now that we're not supporting children at home. And don't have any kids yourself if you can't afford it.

This is what my parents did. I guess they are wealthy - they have two homes, travel a lot and ski 50+ days a year. It never occurred to me to begrudge them for enjoying their retirement, nor did I ever feel entitled to gifts from them. I'm just glad we don't have to send them any money like we do my in-laws. The outflow to parents stinks. I have no intention of supporting my children after they are 22/done with college; however, if we were filthy rich, I could see sending them $17k per year because it makes sense from an estate planning perspective. However, it is not something I spend any time thinking about or aspiring to do.

You have to send your in laws money?

Yes, we send them quite a bit and feel it.