How many parents still financially support their middle age adult children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is common in MoCo. Lots of money.

By "supported," do you mean 80-100% support? Or do you mean paying for fancy vacations and private school?

We had some help paying for private school and then some expenses here and there that my parents offered to pay for. I never asked. They wanted to help. However, I also have a friend with a trust fund (never had to work but chose to) and a friend who has been under-employed and probably receives quite a bit from the parents. The ILs have put a lot of money into a 529. So we have had help, but we don't have a fancy house, live in a wonderful neighborhood or drive new cars.

The spectrum of support really doesn't matter nor does if you request it or not: aspects of your lifestyle have been supported by your parents. Just own it and stop rationalizing it.

What is there to own?!?!?! Do you really sit around with your friends discussing who is "making it on their own" vs "who has help from family"? How does it matter to you? Majority of people who have family who "can help them" recognize the privilege and aren't going around bragging about how well off they are. If those are your friends, perhaps you need to look really hard at who you are friends with.

I get no help from family---we are the ones helping them. We took parents with us on vacations when they were able to travel (we paid). I don't begrudge friends who have family who can help them. It's really not something we talk about, heck even my spouse and I don't discuss that.

NP here. I think some posters are saying that it is hard to respect a grown adult who needs so much help from their parents.

Why is it hard to respect them? Majority could live just fine without that "help" and would adjust their lifestyles accordingly. But if the parents have the money to "help" and want to help in whatever way, why do you loose respect for someone? It sounds more like a "you" problem and a jealously problem.


Most of those people wouldn't do private schools without the grandparent's helping, or they would have to live in a different area/home in order to afford private school. Most would have a budget and live within their means, and make choices not to have "so many things".
But why would they not accept help from the grandparents? We are wealthy, and if my kids and their partners desire to send their kids to private schools, we will certainly help out. Giving them that money when the family is young/kids are young will have a much greater impact than when the grandkids are 25. Yes, it's a privilege. My kids are quite capable of providing for themselves and their eventual families. But who would not want to give their kids/grandkids the best, especially for education and the neighborhood you live in---shorter commute means more expensive home but perhaps an extra hour with your family each day. My millions will do more while I"m alive than when my kids are 50-60 and GK are 20-30.

Ultimately, it seems like people complaining about lack of respect are just jealous.

Myself, I would personally wonder about a grown ass adult/grandparent who has millions who doesn't invest part of it in their own family (kids/grandkids)---can't imagine telling my kids to "pay for college themselves, mommy and daddy are going to Europe/australia/hawaii on many vacations with the money instead". Same for grandkids---we want them to have the best opportunities to succeed in life and if we have the resources we will provide.
I grew up poor, I know what it's like to struggle. I wouldn't wish that on anyone---my kids are financially aware and one is downright frugal. They recognize their privilege and volunteer and give back to their communities (during HS/College/after graduation). They know how to budget and live within a budget based on their salary.

You know when you lose respect? When they act like authorities on how the country should be run, how everyone should be non paid advocate and protest all day long, how us and our kids should be saving the whales instead of "working for the man", how we should live in certain neighborhoods or towns because of the GREAT public schools and EVERYONE should go to public schools and eat organic and blah blah blah. When they say who should be taxed and how much despite getting thousands of untaxed $ in their account every month.

THAT's when I lose respect. A lot of it!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in a close in Montgomery County suburb and it seems pretty clear that several of my neighbors are still being supported financially by their parents. These are people in their 40s who have multiple children. I feel like if you haven't figured out how to be financially independent by the time you are in your 40s, it is very unlikely you ever will. Is being supported financially forever part of these people's life plan?

If you support your children financially when they are middle age, do you feel good about it? It seems like parents in this situation must have to worry not only about whether their retirement savings will be enough to support themselves until they are 100, but if their savings are enough to support their children until they are 100!

I guess I'm just jealous and bitter!

I feel that if you aren't the parent giving the money than you have no reason to judge at all. Many families believe passing on their inheritance while they are still alive and when their kids really need the money. Rather than give the government their money. You can't take it with you.

And yes, it is obvious you are super jealous. MYOB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a close in Montgomery County suburb and it seems pretty clear that several of my neighbors are still being supported financially by their parents. These are people in their 40s who have multiple children. I feel like if you haven't figured out how to be financially independent by the time you are in your 40s, it is very unlikely you ever will. Is being supported financially forever part of these people's life plan?

If you support your children financially when they are middle age, do you feel good about it? It seems like parents in this situation must have to worry not only about whether their retirement savings will be enough to support themselves until they are 100, but if their savings are enough to support their children until they are 100!

I guess I'm just jealous and bitter!

I feel that if you aren't the parent giving the money than you have no reason to judge at all. Many families believe passing on their inheritance while they are still alive and when their kids really need the money. Rather than give the government their money. You can't take it with you.

And yes, it is obvious you are super jealous. MYOB

You can’t take it with you, but you might need it if you end up having to live in assisted living for 10 + years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a close in Montgomery County suburb and it seems pretty clear that several of my neighbors are still being supported financially by their parents. These are people in their 40s who have multiple children. I feel like if you haven't figured out how to be financially independent by the time you are in your 40s, it is very unlikely you ever will. Is being supported financially forever part of these people's life plan?

If you support your children financially when they are middle age, do you feel good about it? It seems like parents in this situation must have to worry not only about whether their retirement savings will be enough to support themselves until they are 100, but if their savings are enough to support their children until they are 100!

I guess I'm just jealous and bitter!

I feel that if you aren't the parent giving the money than you have no reason to judge at all. Many families believe passing on their inheritance while they are still alive and when their kids really need the money. Rather than give the government their money. You can't take it with you.

And yes, it is obvious you are super jealous. MYOB

Why can't we judge grown adults whose whole life is still supported by their parents? People on DCUM are so smug about their UMC lifestyles when a good number of you only have it because of your parents!

[Anonymous]

I have a couple of trust funds and my life is much easier than it would ever be had I not had them. I don't even have to work if I don't want to. I own it. Happy to explain it to anyone who asks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a close in Montgomery County suburb and it seems pretty clear that several of my neighbors are still being supported financially by their parents. These are people in their 40s who have multiple children. I feel like if you haven't figured out how to be financially independent by the time you are in your 40s, it is very unlikely you ever will. Is being supported financially forever part of these people's life plan?

If you support your children financially when they are middle age, do you feel good about it? It seems like parents in this situation must have to worry not only about whether their retirement savings will be enough to support themselves until they are 100, but if their savings are enough to support their children until they are 100!

I guess I'm just jealous and bitter!

I feel that if you aren't the parent giving the money than you have no reason to judge at all. Many families believe passing on their inheritance while they are still alive and when their kids really need the money. Rather than give the government their money. You can't take it with you.

And yes, it is obvious you are super jealous. MYOB

You can’t take it with you, but you might need it if you end up having to live in assisted living for 10 + years.

If you are worth 10s of millions, paying for your grandkids education and kid's downpayment and weddings is not going to prevent you from paying for assisted living for 10+ years. Most of us have planned for that and have plenty saved to manage.
And yes, it does sound like most are just super jealous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a couple of trust funds and my life is much easier than it would ever be had I not had them. I don't even have to work if I don't want to. I own it. Happy to explain it to anyone who asks.

Majority do "own it" In fact most do good with these perks in life and give back extensively to their communities thru money and time/actual volunteer hours. There are many many of "trust fund" adult kids and slightly lower than that grown adults who are not "Paris Hilton's" of the world.

[Anonymous]

My stepmom still completely funds my 40-something stepbrother
My aunt and uncle still completely fund my 40-something male cousin
They’re both failure to launch - it is depressing all around to see, honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a close in Montgomery County suburb and it seems pretty clear that several of my neighbors are still being supported financially by their parents. These are people in their 40s who have multiple children. I feel like if you haven't figured out how to be financially independent by the time you are in your 40s, it is very unlikely you ever will. Is being supported financially forever part of these people's life plan?

If you support your children financially when they are middle age, do you feel good about it? It seems like parents in this situation must have to worry not only about whether their retirement savings will be enough to support themselves until they are 100, but if their savings are enough to support their children until they are 100!

I guess I'm just jealous and bitter!

I feel that if you aren't the parent giving the money than you have no reason to judge at all. Many families believe passing on their inheritance while they are still alive and when their kids really need the money. Rather than give the government their money. You can't take it with you.

And yes, it is obvious you are super jealous. MYOB

You can’t take it with you, but you might need it if you end up having to live in assisted living for 10 + years.

If you are worth 10s of millions, paying for your grandkids education and kid's downpayment and weddings is not going to prevent you from paying for assisted living for 10+ years. Most of us have planned for that and have plenty saved to manage.
And yes, it does sound like most are just super jealous

I hear ya on the 10s of millions, but I still fret here. We have ~40 million with a quarter tied in up in real estate and another quarter tied up in long-term private investments. Perhaps I should not be fretting, but I want maximum living options in my last years and I don't want to burden my kids with how it will be covered. I had that with my parents - who worked hard every day, but there is only so much that can be saved on low wages, etc - and I don't want that for my kids.

[Anonymous]

When I would go home over breaks in college, my parents would strictly ration how much food I ate, how often I did laundry, and how long I took showers for.

[Anonymous]

In our case, spouse's parents are dependent on him for income since he graduated college (40 years ago). His college was free. They did provided housing until he was 21 because he live with them at home not dorm to avoid housing expenses.

[Anonymous]

My parents were always spending for me and my siblings until dad got cancer in his 70's and ran out of money, then all of us helped him. He moved in with my youngest brother but passed away in 1 year. He did leave his house as an inheritance to divide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a close in Montgomery County suburb and it seems pretty clear that several of my neighbors are still being supported financially by their parents. These are people in their 40s who have multiple children. I feel like if you haven't figured out how to be financially independent by the time you are in your 40s, it is very unlikely you ever will. Is being supported financially forever part of these people's life plan?

If you support your children financially when they are middle age, do you feel good about it? It seems like parents in this situation must have to worry not only about whether their retirement savings will be enough to support themselves until they are 100, but if their savings are enough to support their children until they are 100!

I guess I'm just jealous and bitter!

I feel that if you aren't the parent giving the money than you have no reason to judge at all. Many families believe passing on their inheritance while they are still alive and when their kids really need the money. Rather than give the government their money. You can't take it with you.

And yes, it is obvious you are super jealous. MYOB

We aren’t “jealous” of spoiled, infantilized adult 40-year-old children still sucking at the teat of Mommy and Daddy. I know you tell yourself that to feel better, because you know what we’re saying is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a close in Montgomery County suburb and it seems pretty clear that several of my neighbors are still being supported financially by their parents. These are people in their 40s who have multiple children. I feel like if you haven't figured out how to be financially independent by the time you are in your 40s, it is very unlikely you ever will. Is being supported financially forever part of these people's life plan?

If you support your children financially when they are middle age, do you feel good about it? It seems like parents in this situation must have to worry not only about whether their retirement savings will be enough to support themselves until they are 100, but if their savings are enough to support their children until they are 100!

I guess I'm just jealous and bitter!

I feel that if you aren't the parent giving the money than you have no reason to judge at all. Many families believe passing on their inheritance while they are still alive and when their kids really need the money. Rather than give the government their money. You can't take it with you.

And yes, it is obvious you are super jealous. MYOB

You can’t take it with you, but you might need it if you end up having to live in assisted living for 10 + years.

If you are worth 10s of millions, paying for your grandkids education and kid's downpayment and weddings is not going to prevent you from paying for assisted living for 10+ years. Most of us have planned for that and have plenty saved to manage.
And yes, it does sound like most are just super jealous

What adult uses the phrase “super jealous”?

[Anonymous]

If I've extra, i would gladly spend. All i need is enough retirement/healthcare savings so later i'm not a burden on them.