Birthday party etiquette and siblings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find the focus on goody bags fascinating. My kid gets to play with it in the car and then it goes in the trash as soon as we get home. No one wants the candy and plastic junk.

Kids want the candy and plastic junk.

[Anonymous]

I would never drop a child off at one of those indoor jump places, ever. There is no one watching the kids. There a million things can go wrong and I am not taking that gamble with my child.

I wouldn't care if you brought the sibling and paid for yourself. But do not take your additional child to the party room.

[Anonymous]

You all are ridiculous. Are you really telling someone she shouldn’t bring her 2.5 year old to a PUBLIC PLACE?

OP - if your six year does not require you to be in their sight at all times, take and pay for your toddler, and do not give this a second thought. Do not take your younger child into the party room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the focus on goody bags fascinating. My kid gets to play with it in the car and then it goes in the trash as soon as we get home. No one wants the candy and plastic junk.

Our party favors tend to be things like a book, a craft that the kids make during the party, or a small stuffed animal. I don't buy little plastic junk, and the kids usually seem genuinely excited by the favors. Instead of a bag of plastic junk, we buy one nicer thing, which is why I don't get extras.

We’ve gotten books and stuffed animals (which honestly I also toss bc they’re either cheap, extra clutter, or we already have plenty of both). I just wish we’d move away from the party favor culture - it’s just wasteful. And that seems to be the driving factor on here of “oh but I don’t have enough favors”. The best party “favor” I’ve seen is where the birthday girl donated to the manatees (or dolphins I can’t remember) and gave everyone a pencil with the animal and foundation on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the focus on goody bags fascinating. My kid gets to play with it in the car and then it goes in the trash as soon as we get home. No one wants the candy and plastic junk.

Our party favors tend to be things like a book, a craft that the kids make during the party, or a small stuffed animal. I don't buy little plastic junk, and the kids usually seem genuinely excited by the favors. Instead of a bag of plastic junk, we buy one nicer thing, which is why I don't get extras.

We’ve gotten books and stuffed animals (which honestly I also toss bc they’re either cheap, extra clutter, or we already have plenty of both). I just wish we’d move away from the party favor culture - it’s just wasteful. And that seems to be the driving factor on here of “oh but I don’t have enough favors”. The best party “favor” I’ve seen is where the birthday girl donated to the manatees (or dolphins I can’t remember) and gave everyone a pencil with the animal and foundation on it.

Teach your kids to simply say "No, thank you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all are ridiculous. Are you really telling someone she shouldn’t bring her 2.5 year old to a PUBLIC PLACE?

OP - if your six year does not require you to be in their sight at all times, take and pay for your toddler, and do not give this a second thought. Do not take your younger child into the party room.

Because what will happen is the host will see mom and 2.5 year old and not want to be rude and will reluctantly invite them to join in. Or maybe enthusiastically, it all depends. Are you saying you would ignore a birthday party guests mom and sibling if you knew full well they were there? The invited kid will probably be interacting with his mom at some point and a host overseeing the kids will likely notice. It sets up a potentially awkward situation. Even in a public place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the focus on goody bags fascinating. My kid gets to play with it in the car and then it goes in the trash as soon as we get home. No one wants the candy and plastic junk.

Our party favors tend to be things like a book, a craft that the kids make during the party, or a small stuffed animal. I don't buy little plastic junk, and the kids usually seem genuinely excited by the favors. Instead of a bag of plastic junk, we buy one nicer thing, which is why I don't get extras.

We’ve gotten books and stuffed animals (which honestly I also toss bc they’re either cheap, extra clutter, or we already have plenty of both). I just wish we’d move away from the party favor culture - it’s just wasteful. And that seems to be the driving factor on here of “oh but I don’t have enough favors”. The best party “favor” I’ve seen is where the birthday girl donated to the manatees (or dolphins I can’t remember) and gave everyone a pencil with the animal and foundation on it.

Why would you throw away a perfectly good book or toy? That's wasteful! Teach your kid to say no, thank you.

And even if favors weren't a factor, I still wouldn't want siblings to attend. I don't want them because I plan activities for a certain number of kids, of a certain age, in a certain amount of not unlimited space, within a certain budget. If I or my kid wanted her friends' siblings at the party, I'd invite them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the focus on goody bags fascinating. My kid gets to play with it in the car and then it goes in the trash as soon as we get home. No one wants the candy and plastic junk.

Our party favors tend to be things like a book, a craft that the kids make during the party, or a small stuffed animal. I don't buy little plastic junk, and the kids usually seem genuinely excited by the favors. Instead of a bag of plastic junk, we buy one nicer thing, which is why I don't get extras.

We’ve gotten books and stuffed animals (which honestly I also toss bc they’re either cheap, extra clutter, or we already have plenty of both). I just wish we’d move away from the party favor culture - it’s just wasteful. And that seems to be the driving factor on here of “oh but I don’t have enough favors”. The best party “favor” I’ve seen is where the birthday girl donated to the manatees (or dolphins I can’t remember) and gave everyone a pencil with the animal and foundation on it.

Teach your kids to simply say "No, thank you."

This is a great suggestion. IME, it's the parents who loathe this stuff---have yet to see a kid turn down the goody bag!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again!

Its a public place...Scramble in Falls church. Its huge and often a madhouse with multiple parties on weekends which is part of why i hesitate to do drop off. And no I wouldn't presume to invite my younger to the party or expect food/goodie bag/cake but thought I could keep him entertained in the toddler area and still keep an eye on his brother who will be presumably be playing with his friends. In addition to this being our first drop off option party, its also the first where it didn't say "siblings welcome!"

Anyway, thanks for everyone's opinions!

OP, I think it's good that you are being conscientious about this- I also have a 6yo that I would hesitate to drop off at a venue like that. I would speak to the parent and explain the situation or see if you can get another parent to keep an eye on them. The thing is, so many people interpret an invitation for a classmate's party as for the whole family. I'm always kind of surprised by this. Most of us have been in your situation and are happy to accommodate occasional siblings if asked, it's when people just assume they're invited and RSVP (or just bring without RSVP-ing) extra guests that's annoying.

[Anonymous]

I don't see how this covert going with a sibling but not announcing yourself even works. Every party I've taken my kids to, I go to the party room, say hello to the parents, my kid drops off a gift, and from there I let them know if I'm dropping off or staying. If I had another child with me they would be right there. There's no way to do this without the host seeing you. Are you pretending you are leaving and then just staying with the sibling lurking out of sight?

[Anonymous]

I just want to point out on wanting that no one ever considers an option - if you don’t want to drop off your kid, but also have no means of not bringing the sibling, you can decline the invitation. It’s not a summons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see how this covert going with a sibling but not announcing yourself even works. Every party I've taken my kids to, I go to the party room, say hello to the parents, my kid drops off a gift, and from there I let them know if I'm dropping off or staying. If I had another child with me they would be right there. There's no way to do this without the host seeing you. Are you pretending you are leaving and then just staying with the sibling lurking out of sight?

I don't think we are suggesting that OP has to be "covert". There just isn't a need to communicate about this ahead of time because she won't be having the sibling participate in the party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want to point out on wanting that no one ever considers an option - if you don’t want to drop off your kid, but also have no means of not bringing the sibling, you can decline the invitation. It’s not a summons.

And it isnt an invitation if you arent considerate of other situations. I have an only. Siblings arent even on my personal radar but I am 1 of 3. I would hate for a kid to left out because of logistics and I think drop-off expectations are completely inappropriate. A parent should be staying no matter what. You are effectively cancelling out any children who have parents who have siblings and have one parent, a parent that does shift work, a parent that works nights, etc.

Just stop inviting people if you dont care if they can make it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see how this covert going with a sibling but not announcing yourself even works. Every party I've taken my kids to, I go to the party room, say hello to the parents, my kid drops off a gift, and from there I let them know if I'm dropping off or staying. If I had another child with me they would be right there. There's no way to do this without the host seeing you. Are you pretending you are leaving and then just staying with the sibling lurking out of sight?

I don't think we are suggesting that OP has to be "covert". There just isn't a need to communicate about this ahead of time because she won't be having the sibling participate in the party.

But do you see where the host might feel obligated to invite them to stay because otherwise it would be rude? It's putting the host on the spot in the moment with no warning. I'd prefer a heads up, "Spud would love to come! But I will be there with Kid 2 and we'll just play in the toddler zone out of the way".That way the host can say either "no problem" or "please join us there's plenty of room:. As a host, that's what I'd prefer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm probably the outlier on this - I have an only child, but if someone didn't expect a sibling to eat food that I provided, be paid for by me at a venue, or get a loot bag, I would not feel the need for them to tell me anything about the sibling. They can pay for them, feed them, and entertain them themselves without notice to me.

100% this. Why are you ladies freaking out? There will probably be 100 other kids there.

ITA. No one is going to tell me I can't bring my kid to a public venue that I pay for myself.