Birthday party etiquette and siblings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My daughter had a pool party this summer. I purposely kept the invite list fairly small knowing that most parents would absolutely want to attend even if their children were competent swimmers. Two parent approached me and said they needed the siblings to attend as well. I think one of them offered to pay for the sibling but I just told them everybody is welcome.

I think it's just very miserly to not include siblings.

I probably make a lot less money than compared to a lot of the people who post on this forum but I wouldn't dream of expecting my guests to pay to attend a party

Then why did you keep the guest list small? Saying all are welcome but then inviting just a handful doesn't make sense. If a kid wants to invited all the boys/girls in their class but doesn't want everyone's sibling and cousin, then so what? The other people aren't guests of the birthday child. They are just freeloaders. I don't mind being miserly to people looking to take advantage of hospitality. Everyone knows how these parties work after they've attended at least one. There's a space limit. It's not a "come one, come all!" situation.

You missed the point. All are welcome from the families invited. Not all as in the entire class/school etc.

So, it's a very different kind of party and not relevant.

A full family party is very different from a drop off all class party.

[Anonymous]

I really think kids’ ages matter. OP’s kid is that borderline age. I have 3 kids and having an all class party for my kindergarten child. In preschool, all parties invited the entire class. I liked talking to parents. I want to get to know the new kindergarten parents.

I also have two older kids in elementary. We moved when they were in elementary and all parties were drop off. All play dates are drop off. I have 3 kids and all their friends have siblings. No one is sticking around when they have another kid in the car or have to drop off older sibling at soccer or tennis. I am friendly with their friends’ parents. I would not say we are friends.

We have many friends, adult and family friends that we made when my older kids were younger (ages 0-6). That is when parents stuck around and socializing was equally for parents as kids. We hung out as full families and of course everyone was invited - dads, babies, siblings.

Recently, my 10yo son invited a few boys over. Instead of dropping off, one dad invited himself in and didn’t leave. Dh was annoyed that this guy was staying for hours. It is weird to stick around for a 10yo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here! Wow, I didn't realize how much of a hot issue this was. Our schedule changed and now we don't need to bring DS2. But now I know that future party hosts may feel strongly about sibling attendance. I also did not realize drop off parties start so early. 6 feels so young!

I also saw a lot of "find somebody to watch DS2" ...are there really people that pay a babysitter to watch siblings for 2-3 hours? I can't imagine paying someone to do that but maybe will have to in the future.

Thanks to everyone for your opinions.

All of this depends so much. I have not been to this venue but other people seem to think it might be ok. Just be honest with yourself, is there a chance the sibling is going to make the party awkward/less fun for the birthday kid? I could not have bought my youngest at that age because he would have insisted on being with the big kids and might have tantrums led if I stopped him. Similarly, my youngest is going to a birthday party at a play place that clearly has a tight number gap and it’s going to be all 5 year olds. I am having a family member watch my older child since my DH will be away. I don’t want anyone to feel awkward to have this inappropriately old child hanging around.

Also at the age of whole class parties it’s REALLY hard to find places that are big enough even just for the class. We are paying $600 for my sons upcoming party and we picked it because it was the only place that could accommodate his 20 person preschool class. We really can’t fit siblings; it’s not about wanting to or not it’s just space.

[Anonymous]

It feels like it comes down to the fact that a lot of people are gracious (whether as hosts or guests) and a lot of people are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My daughter had a pool party this summer. I purposely kept the invite list fairly small knowing that most parents would absolutely want to attend even if their children were competent swimmers. Two parent approached me and said they needed the siblings to attend as well. I think one of them offered to pay for the sibling but I just told them everybody is welcome.

I think it's just very miserly to not include siblings.

I probably make a lot less money than compared to a lot of the people who post on this forum but I wouldn't dream of expecting my guests to pay to attend a party

I am hosting an all class party at a party venue. I don’t care about the $35 extra per sibling, I literally do not have the space. I can either accommodate siblings or a classmate.

We have a seven figure income and a large house. I originally wanted to have the party at our house but DH does not want 20 kids and their families in our home. A few hundred dollars for siblings makes no difference to us. I still think it is rude to bring uninvited guests to a party. I have 3 kids and do not bring siblings unless they are specifically invited.

So don't invite the whole class?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My daughter had a pool party this summer. I purposely kept the invite list fairly small knowing that most parents would absolutely want to attend even if their children were competent swimmers. Two parent approached me and said they needed the siblings to attend as well. I think one of them offered to pay for the sibling but I just told them everybody is welcome.

I think it's just very miserly to not include siblings.

I probably make a lot less money than compared to a lot of the people who post on this forum but I wouldn't dream of expecting my guests to pay to attend a party

Then why did you keep the guest list small? Saying all are welcome but then inviting just a handful doesn't make sense. If a kid wants to invited all the boys/girls in their class but doesn't want everyone's sibling and cousin, then so what? The other people aren't guests of the birthday child. They are just freeloaders. I don't mind being miserly to people looking to take advantage of hospitality. Everyone knows how these parties work after they've attended at least one. There's a space limit. It's not a "come one, come all!" situation.

You missed the point. All are welcome from the families invited. Not all as in the entire class/school etc.

Exactly. I wanted to invite her close friends and their families to attend. I didn't invite every kid in her class

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My daughter had a pool party this summer. I purposely kept the invite list fairly small knowing that most parents would absolutely want to attend even if their children were competent swimmers. Two parent approached me and said they needed the siblings to attend as well. I think one of them offered to pay for the sibling but I just told them everybody is welcome.

I think it's just very miserly to not include siblings.

I probably make a lot less money than compared to a lot of the people who post on this forum but I wouldn't dream of expecting my guests to pay to attend a party

Then why did you keep the guest list small? Saying all are welcome but then inviting just a handful doesn't make sense. If a kid wants to invited all the boys/girls in their class but doesn't want everyone's sibling and cousin, then so what? The other people aren't guests of the birthday child. They are just freeloaders. I don't mind being miserly to people looking to take advantage of hospitality. Everyone knows how these parties work after they've attended at least one. There's a space limit. It's not a "come one, come all!" situation.

You missed the point. All are welcome from the families invited. Not all as in the entire class/school etc.

Exactly. I wanted to invite her close friends and their families to attend. I didn't invite every kid in her class

I’m having an all class party for my kindergartner. I want to meet the parents at her new school. I know she plays with different kids everyday. When we looked at her class list, she had left out one girl and 4 boys. I think she just forgot about the one girl. I thought I may as well just invite everyone.

[Anonymous]

Some people are really uptight. I have three children, 12, almost 7 and 4. There have definitely been times one has been invited and I couldn't leave one or both at home. I took them, paid their way, all good. It's a PUBLIC venue.

My son's 7th birthday is next weekend at a trampoline park. I didn't add anything about siblings on the invite but a few parents asked and I just added them to the rsvp. The venue allows it and we could accommodate financially so no biggie. We always make sure to have extra goody bags and extra food at our get togethers so it's never something where I'm counting down to the exact slice of pizza or cake 🙄

[Anonymous]

We once booked an art room for birthday party but they strictly only allowed 12 kids, we have to put on invite to let parents know (and felt very sorry), 2 kids didn’t show up and a parents brought 2 siblings so we just ask them to join and it was all fine. Sometimes it’s just hard when you have more than one kid but only one parent is available to watch them. We once had to let DH took DS to a birthday and I stayed home with DD, and DD cried for so long until I her to park for paddle boat. I had also asked to bring extra siblings and willing to pay for it and got very friendly offer to just bring sibling so we brought 2 gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people are really uptight. I have three children, 12, almost 7 and 4. There have definitely been times one has been invited and I couldn't leave one or both at home. I took them, paid their way, all good. It's a PUBLIC venue.

My son's 7th birthday is next weekend at a trampoline park. I didn't add anything about siblings on the invite but a few parents asked and I just added them to the rsvp. The venue allows it and we could accommodate financially so no biggie. We always make sure to have extra goody bags and extra food at our get togethers so it's never something where I'm counting down to the exact slice of pizza or cake 🙄

My problem is that im too inclusive. I want to invite our neighbors, our family friends, our preschool friends, friends from soccer, friends from swim team, etc. so we have too many people. I always try to pick venues with a lot of people and every party we have, we have a hard time cutting the guest list.

I’m throwing 2 parties. One party I invited too many people thinking some would decline. Almost every person is coming. I have not sent out an invitation for the next party. I’m thinking of doing only close friends. I think some kids will feel bad since we have invited them every year and they are in my son’s class. I have a space problem.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t impose on the party and pay for your kids at check in, I think it is fine.

IME, the host usually pays. The host always offers and is often annoyed. My friend once hosted a party at a trampoline park and invited the entire class. People were showing up with multiple siblings. This was a new place and everyone wanted to check it out. She had booked late so she invited everyone to a local restaurant. People were bringing their entire families to dinner and ordering full dinners on my friend’s tab. She thought everyone was so rude.

[Anonymous]

OP, were there a lot of siblings at the party?

I’m hosting a similar party in a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

I’m sending out invites for my 6 yr old’s party shortly. Although it is a public venue in theory (there are days they have open play), for parties there is a strict headcount / capacity (40). After kids and parents we could be close (depending how many can make it). I think I’m going to specifically note that we can’t accommodate siblings due to venue capacity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sending out invites for my 6 yr old’s party shortly. Although it is a public venue in theory (there are days they have open play), for parties there is a strict headcount / capacity (40). After kids and parents we could be close (depending how many can make it). I think I’m going to specifically note that we can’t accommodate siblings due to venue capacity.

Is the party room capped or the actual party venue?

I ask because I’m having a party at a public venue. Kids can play but my party room is capped at 25 kids. Our room is also max 40 I think. Parents have to stand or there is a bench but everyone can’t sit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS1 is attending a classmate's 6th birthday at a play place this weekend. Theres no "siblings welcome" note on the invitation, so assume they arent included....totally fine. Because of timing and logistics, I need to bring DS2 (2.5 yo) and will pay for his entry fee and snacks separately. Do I let the host parent know or just show up and do our own thing?

Yes, I know this is a small issue and I don't care about the cost but am curious what the etiquette is.

You already know the answer you just people to justify your rudeness. It doesn’t matter if you plan on playing the hostess with feel obligated to pay and include them in the cake and festives. This is such rude selfish behavior.