Birthday party etiquette and siblings

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am apparently the outlier here but I would rather you come and stay at the venue with your toddler than for you not to come at all. The party is for my child--he is going to want as many of his friends to be there as possible. Who cares if a toddler is with their parents in another area of the venue? OP is aware that she needs to keep the toddler entertained and she plans to. I would even *gasp* give your toddler a piece of cake.

Why are trying so hard to make life more difficult for one another? Give the poor mom a break--she's just trying to celebrate your kid and is asking for nothing in return.

The invitation specifically said no siblings. That is the difference.

Reading comprehension - no it did not say no siblings. It didn't say anything about siblings (specifically that they were welcome). But at a public place a party host cannot dictate who else is present in the vicinity.

Unless the invitation says, "siblings welcome," DON'T BRING SIBLINGS.

Unless you've rented out the entire playplace for your party you have absolutely no control as to who is present. Good grief.

When you rent a party room you do have control over who should be present. Don't bring your uninvited toddler in for pizza, cake, and a goody bag unless the host specifically tells you it's ok. Too many people just impose, but the host in an awkward spot, and then the toddler cries when there aren't enough goody bags or seats at the table

And OP gets that and is not planning to bring the sibling into the party room. She just wanted to be present at the venue as she is not comfortable with drop-off yet (and most kids at that age would feel better if they knew the parent was close). Either way, I have never thrown a party where there was not one extra slice of pizza or cake leftover so I wouldn't care if she did.

So do you put "siblings welcome!" on all of your invites?

When I can, I have no issue including siblings but I don't generally hold parties at places like this. But that's not what this thread is about. The invite said nothing about siblings. OP is NOT bringing the sibling to the party. She is going to hang around the venue away from the party with a younger sibling (along with apparently hundreds of other kids) who she does not expect will be included in the party. It is a public place--there is nothing wrong with her bringing her other child with zero expectation that the kid be included.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am apparently the outlier here but I would rather you come and stay at the venue with your toddler than for you not to come at all. The party is for my child--he is going to want as many of his friends to be there as possible. Who cares if a toddler is with their parents in another area of the venue? OP is aware that she needs to keep the toddler entertained and she plans to. I would even *gasp* give your toddler a piece of cake.

Why are trying so hard to make life more difficult for one another? Give the poor mom a break--she's just trying to celebrate your kid and is asking for nothing in return.

The invitation specifically said no siblings. That is the difference.

Reading comprehension - no it did not say no siblings. It didn't say anything about siblings (specifically that they were welcome). But at a public place a party host cannot dictate who else is present in the vicinity.

Unless the invitation says, "siblings welcome," DON'T BRING SIBLINGS.

Unless you've rented out the entire playplace for your party you have absolutely no control as to who is present. Good grief.

When you rent a party room you do have control over who should be present. Don't bring your uninvited toddler in for pizza, cake, and a goody bag unless the host specifically tells you it's ok. Too many people just impose, but the host in an awkward spot, and then the toddler cries when there aren't enough goody bags or seats at the table

And OP gets that and is not planning to bring the sibling into the party room. She just wanted to be present at the venue as she is not comfortable with drop-off yet (and most kids at that age would feel better if they knew the parent was close). Either way, I have never thrown a party where there was not one extra slice of pizza or cake leftover so I wouldn't care if she did.

So do you put "siblings welcome!" on all of your invites?

When I can, I have no issue including siblings but I don't generally hold parties at places like this. But that's not what this thread is about. The invite said nothing about siblings. OP is NOT bringing the sibling to the party. She is going to hang around the venue away from the party with a younger sibling (along with apparently hundreds of other kids) who she does not expect will be included in the party. It is a public place--there is nothing wrong with her bringing her other child with zero expectation that the kid be included.

It’s not so cut and dry which is why OP is asking. Opinions vary.

[Anonymous]

Generally I would suggest you not mention anything to the parents, bring your kid toddler, pay for him separately, and hang out with him during the party. I have done this many times at the huge trampoline places. If I am driving all the way out to Springfield, I might as well let me other kids get some energy out. We never go to the party room or interact with the party at all.

But why do you feel the need to keep an eye on your 6 year old at Scramble? Are you worried he will get hurt or lost or something? Scramble is a dedicated kids party place, it will be filled with other kids and they can’t escape! They can’t accidentally slip into a master bedroom and find guns or pills or run away from the group. That place is always crammed full, and there’s really only one area for parents to hang out, so you won’t really be able to separate from the party. And there are a bunch of other things near that scramble. Unless your 6yo is terrified to be without you or has severe food allergies or special needs, I would give your number to the host family in case of emergency and take your toddler to the playground around the corner (Chimney something? Or cherry hill) and get a biscuit at the restaurant next to scramble before pick up.

[Anonymous]

I attended a party with my 8 year old this year where a mother brought a younger (autistic and nonverbal) sibling along. When the invited child tried to give his younger sibling a treat bag the host mom got really upset and said there were only enough for invited guests, so he quickly returned it. It was awful and made me realize it’s better to choose cheaper party options that are more forgiving to uninvited siblings than expensive elements that are extremely limited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I attended a party with my 8 year old this year where a mother brought a younger (autistic and nonverbal) sibling along. When the invited child tried to give his younger sibling a treat bag the host mom got really upset and said there were only enough for invited guests, so he quickly returned it. It was awful and made me realize it’s better to choose cheaper party options that are more forgiving to uninvited siblings than expensive elements that are extremely limited.

In this situation, the older sibling could have shared his favor with sibling.

I once had a party and parent brought older siblings. The 3 older siblings ran up and took favors first. I couldn’t react fast enough and they opened them. I think a few people left early or left without favors because I wasn’t short. I remember I had 24 guests and had 24 favors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I attended a party with my 8 year old this year where a mother brought a younger (autistic and nonverbal) sibling along. When the invited child tried to give his younger sibling a treat bag the host mom got really upset and said there were only enough for invited guests, so he quickly returned it. It was awful and made me realize it’s better to choose cheaper party options that are more forgiving to uninvited siblings than expensive elements that are extremely limited.

I don't think it's a cost thing, it's a planning thing. The rude ones are the family who imposed. 8yr old could share or just give the favor to sibling. Or mom could step in "those are for the party guests". In all this, the rude one wasn't the host. The party crashing family was rude. Plus, the mom did not set the child up for success. Finally, I thought everyone in here who does this swears up and down they hide in the larger public area and don't intrude on the small party space and try to eat the food? So how did this happen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I attended a party with my 8 year old this year where a mother brought a younger (autistic and nonverbal) sibling along. When the invited child tried to give his younger sibling a treat bag the host mom got really upset and said there were only enough for invited guests, so he quickly returned it. It was awful and made me realize it’s better to choose cheaper party options that are more forgiving to uninvited siblings than expensive elements that are extremely limited.

8 year old is drop off age.

At my son’s 13th birthday party, multiple kids asked if they could take a favor for their sibling who was not even at the party.

I have had my close friends make extra favors for my other kids. Some people don’t even hand out favors. I do not take or expect a favor for my other child if I’m bringing my other child to pick up my kid from a party. I do make my kids share treats from a birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Couple things here

1. Stop the party favors pleassseeeee. You dont need a favor for coming to a birthday party- the party is the favor!

2. I am not dropping my kid off in elementary school or younger. If I dont know you well enough to ask about siblings directly, I dont trust you with my child. Do you have an emergency contact list? Inhalers? Epi Pens? Are you doing headcounts and ensuring that everyone who checked in is present during the cake/food portion? Are you taking on liability for my child or are you expecting me to sign a waiver releasing the event space from liability? With that said, I cant believe that event spaces do not make it clear to hosts that each child needs a responsible adult party.

3. The more kids you invite, the messier it is because peoples lives are messy. Only invite kids you actually want to attend and if you feel the need to invite a whole class then be willing to be clear with your expectations as a host. For example, Parents: An adult must be present with your child. This is not a drop-off part. Please note that due to capacity limits, siblings of invited guests will not be able to participate in the festivities (including cake). With that said, drop-in play rates are $10. Thank you for your understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Couple things here

1. Stop the party favors pleassseeeee. You dont need a favor for coming to a birthday party- the party is the favor!

2. I am not dropping my kid off in elementary school or younger. If I dont know you well enough to ask about siblings directly, I dont trust you with my child. Do you have an emergency contact list? Inhalers? Epi Pens? Are you doing headcounts and ensuring that everyone who checked in is present during the cake/food portion? Are you taking on liability for my child or are you expecting me to sign a waiver releasing the event space from liability? With that said, I cant believe that event spaces do not make it clear to hosts that each child needs a responsible adult party.

3. The more kids you invite, the messier it is because peoples lives are messy. Only invite kids you actually want to attend and if you feel the need to invite a whole class then be willing to be clear with your expectations as a host. For example, Parents: An adult must be present with your child. This is not a drop-off part. Please note that due to capacity limits, siblings of invited guests will not be able to participate in the festivities (including cake). With that said, drop-in play rates are $10. Thank you for your understanding.

I’m not anti drop off but I would not drop off my child at scramble in kindergarten. No freaking way. That place is huge. I do know 2-3 parents reasonably well and I would ask another parent to keep an eye on my child. I hate scramble so I wouldn’t mind just declining altogether.

In years past, I have RSVPd no saying I have both kids. Some parents accept the no. I have had other parents invite both kids. I don’t ask if I can bring sibling. I’m fine not going.

I have gotten a babysitter once so I could take younger child to a party. My kids are drop off ages now so I carpool or drop off with other kid in car.

[Anonymous]

I'm probably the outlier on this - I have an only child, but if someone didn't expect a sibling to eat food that I provided, be paid for by me at a venue, or get a loot bag, I would not feel the need for them to tell me anything about the sibling. They can pay for them, feed them, and entertain them themselves without notice to me.


But if the host doesn’t know the sibling is coming and sees a sibling walk through the door, they might feel obliged to include them, give them cake, have a goody bag for them, etc

We always have extra cake, so that would be no problem. I wouldn't have a goody bag for them, nor would I feel obliged to offer one.

[Anonymous]

I find the focus on goody bags fascinating. My kid gets to play with it in the car and then it goes in the trash as soon as we get home. No one wants the candy and plastic junk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm probably the outlier on this - I have an only child, but if someone didn't expect a sibling to eat food that I provided, be paid for by me at a venue, or get a loot bag, I would not feel the need for them to tell me anything about the sibling. They can pay for them, feed them, and entertain them themselves without notice to me.


But if the host doesn’t know the sibling is coming and sees a sibling walk through the door, they might feel obliged to include them, give them cake, have a goody bag for them, etc

We always have extra cake, so that would be no problem. I wouldn't have a goody bag for them, nor would I feel obliged to offer one.

+1
I had someone bring multiple extra younger siblings to a party. I didn't have a problem with them eating snacks or cake (I always have plenty of both), but I just said that I didn't have enough favors for all the kids (and the favor was a craft that the kids made, so the uninvited siblings couldn't do that, either, because I only had enough supplies for the invited guests). And I didn't feel obliged to include them in any of the activities or to scramble to give them a favor. The invited kid was old enough to drop off (at our home).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find the focus on goody bags fascinating. My kid gets to play with it in the car and then it goes in the trash as soon as we get home. No one wants the candy and plastic junk.

Our party favors tend to be things like a book, a craft that the kids make during the party, or a small stuffed animal. I don't buy little plastic junk, and the kids usually seem genuinely excited by the favors. Instead of a bag of plastic junk, we buy one nicer thing, which is why I don't get extras.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find the focus on goody bags fascinating. My kid gets to play with it in the car and then it goes in the trash as soon as we get home. No one wants the candy and plastic junk.

Parents don't want the junk. Kids line up to get one and often want more for their siblings. If your kids didn't want one, why did they take one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm probably the outlier on this - I have an only child, but if someone didn't expect a sibling to eat food that I provided, be paid for by me at a venue, or get a loot bag, I would not feel the need for them to tell me anything about the sibling. They can pay for them, feed them, and entertain them themselves without notice to me.

100% this. Why are you ladies freaking out? There will probably be 100 other kids there.