Number of kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am friends with a lot of people with ~10 year old kids.

Those with 1 kid only? Marriage and life is good.

Those with 2 kids all girls? Marriage and life is good.

Those with 2 kids all boys? Marriage in the shitter.

No kidding, but I've had the convo with multiple friends in the last 2 months about how much more horrible 2 boys is versus all the other possibilities. No sex, verge of divorce, household is constant state of stress, yelling and chaos. But 2 girls in and around age 10? It's like there are three moms - making dinner, cleaning, and doing compliant work to make the house hold run better. Boys is literally what's pushing my friends to divorce.

Okay I was giving you the benefit of the doubt and then got to the part about how the daughters are cooking and cleaning. What the actual F.

I’m the PP you’re responding to. Like it or not, my friends with daughters - the daughters are big into being people pleasers at that age. Whether they clean and cook (and do their homework, and make their bed, and all the other Bs) without asking because they’re trying to keep the parents happy, or they’re doing it compliantly after being asked…. In either case, the girls are being little adult contributors to the house. Per dcum, most of your dhs aren’t doing that. So yeah, for better or worse, my description of being extra moms helping around the house stands.

I have a daughter. Please send me one of your friend's daughters immediately. She is wonderful but she is nothing at all like what you describe.

The idea that girls are all somehow just born people pleasers is pretty F-ed up. Probably a lot more at play here if you want to go ahead and give it some thought.

Agree, my girls are not little mommies at all, they barely played with dolls. Their attitudes and way of being is farrr from this stereotype. I almost spit my coffee out at the "helping" keeping the house running, maybe if you force them too or incentivize it (but this could be done with anyone regardless of gender) but mine aren't natured that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3. It is a lot. I don’t understand why someone would purposely have 4+

Yup. May be in pre birth-control option era but now?

Really? There are tons of good reasons people want large families. The only thing this tells me is you need to get out of your little bubble.

There really aren’t. We aren’t farming the land or repopulating the earth. Please cite some of these “good reasons.” And “because I want to!” does not count.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3. It is a lot. I don’t understand why someone would purposely have 4+

Yup. May be in pre birth-control option era but now?

Really? There are tons of good reasons people want large families. The only thing this tells me is you need to get out of your little bubble.

There really aren’t. We aren’t farming the land or repopulating the earth. Please cite some of these “good reasons.” And “because I want to!” does not count.

If the environment is your concern, then you should not have had any. I mean, why did you have your one?
You don't want a large family. Good for you, but if you want people to be respectful and not tell you you only child is probably a spoiled brat, then be respectful in return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3. It is a lot. I don’t understand why someone would purposely have 4+

Yup. May be in pre birth-control option era but now?

Really? There are tons of good reasons people want large families. The only thing this tells me is you need to get out of your little bubble.

There really aren’t. We aren’t farming the land or repopulating the earth. Please cite some of these “good reasons.” And “because I want to!” does not count.

You’re a parent, right, PP? Why did you have children?

[Anonymous]

2 is perfect for us! Boy and Girl. Travel, activities, eating out, flights, are very easy for us with our income and needs. We can also have 1:1 time with the kiddos. I couldn’t imagine having 3. I was strategic in having a second so the first would have someone if and when we die. I kind of wanted 2 girls but oh well. I’m not a big kid person but I love mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3. It is a lot. I don’t understand why someone would purposely have 4+

Yup. May be in pre birth-control option era but now?

Really? There are tons of good reasons people want large families. The only thing this tells me is you need to get out of your little bubble.

There really aren’t. We aren’t farming the land or repopulating the earth. Please cite some of these “good reasons.” And “because I want to!” does not count.

So your reasons for having 1-2 are no longer valid for having more? Because you “said so” and you establish the cut off?? You are the reason this threads turn nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having one is not a breeze if you wanted two, and can't. Then you get to parent one with crippling grief.

Please get therapy. You are going to transmit to your child the fact that he/she is not enough for you and that is going to leave scars. You deserve better and so does your child.

PP here. Working on it. Parenting *through* the crippling grief is more accurate. It takes a lot to hide it and manage it and process it so it doesn't leave scars. It's getting better, but only because it reduced to me to nothing. Only now can I rebuild.

I was just posting in response to the "one is so easy" posts. One doesn't = easy breezy.

It will. You need to give it time and focus on what you can control; the benefits of your family size and love you can create. We’re pushing because we’ve been in your shoes. You’ll get there.

PP here, thank you. It helps to not feel so alone. I am much better than I was in 2021 and most of 2022, so it has to get better. I am going to hold onto the "love you can create." Thank you.

[Anonymous]

We have 8. Best thing we ever did! We have 8 because we don’t have 9.

[Anonymous]

We have 3, all boys. It is busy and things can get hectic at times but they are close in age and are such a tight crew. It’s fun to watch them bond

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3. It is a lot. I don’t understand why someone would purposely have 4+

Surveys tend to say that 3 is a low point in parental satisfaction, but I think that at least some of that is because couples who successfully transition to zone defense go on to have 4+.

Logistically it is more difficult, but it means that there are more available playmates and it's less likely there's a kid that's out in the cold, as it were.

[Anonymous]

Its self destruction to have more than you can comfortably afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its self destruction to have more than you can comfortably afford.

And some people don’t understand basic math or don’t care if their kids need college loans. Of course everyone on DCUM claims to be rich, but IRL most large families I know do not plan to fully fund college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its self destruction to have more than you can comfortably afford.

And some people don’t understand basic math or don’t care if their kids need college loans. Of course everyone on DCUM claims to be rich, but IRL most large families I know do not plan to fully fund college.

We have one in college and are not paying a dime towards their degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its self destruction to have more than you can comfortably afford.

And some people don’t understand basic math or don’t care if their kids need college loans. Of course everyone on DCUM claims to be rich, but IRL most large families I know do not plan to fully fund college.

We have one in college and are not paying a dime towards their degree.

That really sucks for your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3. It is a lot. I don’t understand why someone would purposely have 4+

Surveys tend to say that 3 is a low point in parental satisfaction, but I think that at least some of that is because couples who successfully transition to zone defense go on to have 4+.

Logistically it is more difficult, but it means that there are more available playmates and it's less likely there's a kid that's out in the cold, as it were.

My theory on those survey findings is that many families with three kids didn’t intend to have three: they went for a second and had twins, or had an unplanned pregnancy and figured it would be fine - and that can end up being very stressful, because three kids is harder than two. Those surveys should include how many kids families wanted to have, which I think matters a lot for parental satisfaction.