Number of kids

[Anonymous]

I have five, it’s a loud, messy, wonderful experience that changes daily (sometimes hourly). I never regret having a large family. They are my pride and joy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having one is not a breeze if you wanted two, and can't. Then you get to parent one with crippling grief.

Or when you have 2, and have crippling grief not having 3.

Or in my case, having 3 and grieving…we all want different things but none of it is wrong. Dont judge me for wanting 4…even if I look tired.

Right there with you both. The grief of losing our 3rd and then 1.5 years of still more losses is such a private grief. This is after I've had an accidental pregnancy and the 4 previous pregnancies were effortless. It feels like punishment.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Its self destruction to have more than you can comfortably afford.

And some people don’t understand basic math or don’t care if their kids need college loans. Of course everyone on DCUM claims to be rich, but IRL most large families I know do not plan to fully fund college.

Uh, we’re middle class and are not sure we’ll be able to “fully fund” college for our one child. College is insanely expensive.

But we also think with just one we’ll have way more flexibility and the ability to figure out how to make it work, even if it involves loans. Taking out loans to fund college for one kid, as long as other financials are sound (we should be at or near payoff on our mortgage by then) is more manageable than with multiple. Same with childcare. It was really tight fir a few years but then it was over.

One kid is the way to go if you aren’t wealthy or if you have zero support from family or other constraints. We really wanted to be parents and are so glad we are, but even just one more kid would be so much more stressful.

Speak only for yourself, please. We’re not wealthy and have little family support. We love having three kids - the love and joy and awesomeness they bring FAR outweigh the work and stress. Not even close.

I would bet you either live in a very low cost of living area or you have a different standard of "wealthy". For instance, 3 kids in the DMV is a huge financial undertaking because of housing costs and the fact that the most affordable neighorhoods tend to have bad school options.

We considered having a second child but ran the numbers and figured out the only way to really make it work would be to move to Howard County, which would meant a daily total commute time of close to 4 hours between the two of us. While we would have loved another kid, it didn't make sense if it meant such a big quality of life sacrifice (which would also impact family life). Sticking to one meant we get to spend more time with the child we have and live closer in with a reasonable commute.

There are many middle class families in the dc area with 3+ kids who make sacrifices to make it work.

The kids probably won’t feel the same way when they become teens or young adults. It’s a lot easier to have no money when the kids are small.

We are not wealthy (by DCUM standards), live in a nice NW neighborhood with decent schools, but we send our 3 kids to private. We watch what we spend for ourselves, but our 3 kids are doing great!

1. NW DC with kids in private school is not “middle classl” (per the post you are quoting)
2. Are you honestly saying your kids don’t care that all of their friends have nicer everything than they do? How old are they?

There is always someone that has nicer things. So what? I wish I were taller and did not need to work. I am sure my kids want many things they don’t have… kids are 9, 7, 3.5

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its self destruction to have more than you can comfortably afford.

And some people don’t understand basic math or don’t care if their kids need college loans. Of course everyone on DCUM claims to be rich, but IRL most large families I know do not plan to fully fund college.

Uh, we’re middle class and are not sure we’ll be able to “fully fund” college for our one child. College is insanely expensive.

But we also think with just one we’ll have way more flexibility and the ability to figure out how to make it work, even if it involves loans. Taking out loans to fund college for one kid, as long as other financials are sound (we should be at or near payoff on our mortgage by then) is more manageable than with multiple. Same with childcare. It was really tight fir a few years but then it was over.

One kid is the way to go if you aren’t wealthy or if you have zero support from family or other constraints. We really wanted to be parents and are so glad we are, but even just one more kid would be so much more stressful.

Speak only for yourself, please. We’re not wealthy and have little family support. We love having three kids - the love and joy and awesomeness they bring FAR outweigh the work and stress. Not even close.

I would bet you either live in a very low cost of living area or you have a different standard of "wealthy". For instance, 3 kids in the DMV is a huge financial undertaking because of housing costs and the fact that the most affordable neighorhoods tend to have bad school options.

We considered having a second child but ran the numbers and figured out the only way to really make it work would be to move to Howard County, which would meant a daily total commute time of close to 4 hours between the two of us. While we would have loved another kid, it didn't make sense if it meant such a big quality of life sacrifice (which would also impact family life). Sticking to one meant we get to spend more time with the child we have and live closer in with a reasonable commute.

There are many middle class families in the dc area with 3+ kids who make sacrifices to make it work.

The kids probably won’t feel the same way when they become teens or young adults. It’s a lot easier to have no money when the kids are small.

We are not wealthy (by DCUM standards), live in a nice NW neighborhood with decent schools, but we send our 3 kids to private. We watch what we spend for ourselves, but our 3 kids are doing great!

1. NW DC with kids in private school is not “middle classl” (per the post you are quoting)
2. Are you honestly saying your kids don’t care that all of their friends have nicer everything than they do? How old are they?

There is always someone that has nicer things. So what? I wish I were taller and did not need to work. I am sure my kids want many things they don’t have… kids are 9, 7, 3.5

Yeah, they are still young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its self destruction to have more than you can comfortably afford.

And some people don’t understand basic math or don’t care if their kids need college loans. Of course everyone on DCUM claims to be rich, but IRL most large families I know do not plan to fully fund college.

Uh, we’re middle class and are not sure we’ll be able to “fully fund” college for our one child. College is insanely expensive.

But we also think with just one we’ll have way more flexibility and the ability to figure out how to make it work, even if it involves loans. Taking out loans to fund college for one kid, as long as other financials are sound (we should be at or near payoff on our mortgage by then) is more manageable than with multiple. Same with childcare. It was really tight fir a few years but then it was over.

One kid is the way to go if you aren’t wealthy or if you have zero support from family or other constraints. We really wanted to be parents and are so glad we are, but even just one more kid would be so much more stressful.

Speak only for yourself, please. We’re not wealthy and have little family support. We love having three kids - the love and joy and awesomeness they bring FAR outweigh the work and stress. Not even close.

I would bet you either live in a very low cost of living area or you have a different standard of "wealthy". For instance, 3 kids in the DMV is a huge financial undertaking because of housing costs and the fact that the most affordable neighorhoods tend to have bad school options.

We considered having a second child but ran the numbers and figured out the only way to really make it work would be to move to Howard County, which would meant a daily total commute time of close to 4 hours between the two of us. While we would have loved another kid, it didn't make sense if it meant such a big quality of life sacrifice (which would also impact family life). Sticking to one meant we get to spend more time with the child we have and live closer in with a reasonable commute.

There are many middle class families in the dc area with 3+ kids who make sacrifices to make it work.

The kids probably won’t feel the same way when they become teens or young adults. It’s a lot easier to have no money when the kids are small.

We are not wealthy (by DCUM standards), live in a nice NW neighborhood with decent schools, but we send our 3 kids to private. We watch what we spend for ourselves, but our 3 kids are doing great!

1. NW DC with kids in private school is not “middle classl” (per the post you are quoting)
2. Are you honestly saying your kids don’t care that all of their friends have nicer everything than they do? How old are they?

There is always someone that has nicer things. So what? I wish I were taller and did not need to work. I am sure my kids want many things they don’t have… kids are 9, 7, 3.5

Yeah, they are still young.

And? They will want things they can’t have when they are older? That’s life. I hope to raise people that appreciate what they have and are not jealous of what they don’t have.
I grew up richer than all my friends from school. But my parents did not value material things so I never had brand clothes like some of my (poorer) friends, I never had the latest cellphone etc. I did however travel a lot, study in England and the US, etc.
I hope my kids (and their friends) won’t be as materialistic.
My kids will have everything they need which includes brain enriching activities, travels, etc. but I won’t spend money on fancy clothes, shoes or whatever else you think they will be jealous of… we’ll see who is right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its self destruction to have more than you can comfortably afford.

And some people don’t understand basic math or don’t care if their kids need college loans. Of course everyone on DCUM claims to be rich, but IRL most large families I know do not plan to fully fund college.

Saving and paying for Ivies without any financial aid pushed us out from upper middle class after retirement. Best friend who had 4 kids and saved nothing, got full aid for colleges and came out equal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its self destruction to have more than you can comfortably afford.

And some people don’t understand basic math or don’t care if their kids need college loans. Of course everyone on DCUM claims to be rich, but IRL most large families I know do not plan to fully fund college.

Uh, we’re middle class and are not sure we’ll be able to “fully fund” college for our one child. College is insanely expensive.

But we also think with just one we’ll have way more flexibility and the ability to figure out how to make it work, even if it involves loans. Taking out loans to fund college for one kid, as long as other financials are sound (we should be at or near payoff on our mortgage by then) is more manageable than with multiple. Same with childcare. It was really tight fir a few years but then it was over.

One kid is the way to go if you aren’t wealthy or if you have zero support from family or other constraints. We really wanted to be parents and are so glad we are, but even just one more kid would be so much more stressful.

Speak only for yourself, please. We’re not wealthy and have little family support. We love having three kids - the love and joy and awesomeness they bring FAR outweigh the work and stress. Not even close.

I would bet you either live in a very low cost of living area or you have a different standard of "wealthy". For instance, 3 kids in the DMV is a huge financial undertaking because of housing costs and the fact that the most affordable neighorhoods tend to have bad school options.

We considered having a second child but ran the numbers and figured out the only way to really make it work would be to move to Howard County, which would meant a daily total commute time of close to 4 hours between the two of us. While we would have loved another kid, it didn't make sense if it meant such a big quality of life sacrifice (which would also impact family life). Sticking to one meant we get to spend more time with the child we have and live closer in with a reasonable commute.

You bet wrong. We live in close-in Silver Spring and send our kids to schools you probably think are “bad,” even though you’ve never actually set foot in any of them. That’s your prerogative, of course, but your assumptions don’t comport with reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its self destruction to have more than you can comfortably afford.

And some people don’t understand basic math or don’t care if their kids need college loans. Of course everyone on DCUM claims to be rich, but IRL most large families I know do not plan to fully fund college.

Uh, we’re middle class and are not sure we’ll be able to “fully fund” college for our one child. College is insanely expensive.

But we also think with just one we’ll have way more flexibility and the ability to figure out how to make it work, even if it involves loans. Taking out loans to fund college for one kid, as long as other financials are sound (we should be at or near payoff on our mortgage by then) is more manageable than with multiple. Same with childcare. It was really tight fir a few years but then it was over.

One kid is the way to go if you aren’t wealthy or if you have zero support from family or other constraints. We really wanted to be parents and are so glad we are, but even just one more kid would be so much more stressful.

Speak only for yourself, please. We’re not wealthy and have little family support. We love having three kids - the love and joy and awesomeness they bring FAR outweigh the work and stress. Not even close.

I would bet you either live in a very low cost of living area or you have a different standard of "wealthy". For instance, 3 kids in the DMV is a huge financial undertaking because of housing costs and the fact that the most affordable neighorhoods tend to have bad school options.

We considered having a second child but ran the numbers and figured out the only way to really make it work would be to move to Howard County, which would meant a daily total commute time of close to 4 hours between the two of us. While we would have loved another kid, it didn't make sense if it meant such a big quality of life sacrifice (which would also impact family life). Sticking to one meant we get to spend more time with the child we have and live closer in with a reasonable commute.

There are many middle class families in the dc area with 3+ kids who make sacrifices to make it work.

The kids probably won’t feel the same way when they become teens or young adults. It’s a lot easier to have no money when the kids are small.

We are not wealthy (by DCUM standards), live in a nice NW neighborhood with decent schools, but we send our 3 kids to private. We watch what we spend for ourselves, but our 3 kids are doing great!

1. NW DC with kids in private school is not “middle classl” (per the post you are quoting)
2. Are you honestly saying your kids don’t care that all of their friends have nicer everything than they do? How old are they?

[Anonymous]

It is so selfish to have biological children instead of adopting.

[Anonymous]

1 kid, 3 cats, 2 dogs. Perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have five, it’s a loud, messy, wonderful experience that changes daily (sometimes hourly). I never regret having a large family. They are my pride and joy.

I have two and I want to have one or two more but I worry about having enough time to devote to them (my spouse and I both work). How do you handle that? Serous question - the time element is the thing holding me back.

[Anonymous]

I'm one of 5 and saw parental energy and resources spreading thin. I wowed not to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is so selfish to have biological children instead of adopting.

I’m ok with that.

[Anonymous]

I have three, and every day I am truly grateful I was able to have children. I feel like the number I chose was right for us, but most of all I’m just happy I am able to be a mom to healthy kids.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why people are always judging families with 3 kids. Why? Is it jealousy? Why do people care? I don’t get it. Why is it ok to have 1 or 2 kids, but bad to have 3? Is it because parents of multiple pity parents of only and therefore do not feel like judging them for their choices (or circumstances)?

I donMt get it. We have 3 happy, healthy and thriving kids. We have enough money and time for all 3. We would have more if we stopped at 2 and even more if we stopped at 1. We happen to believe that having siblings is more important than any material experience we could buy for one kid.