How to get noticed by your own coaches?

[Anonymous]

Coaches are humans. Coaches naturally like some players better than others. Sometimes it's a mismatch in playing style. Sometimes it is a personality mismatch (some like quiet hard worker and some like vocal volatile).

Your kid might even remind the Coach of someone they played with that they didn't like or had animosity for.

What we learned is you just chalk it up to differences and go try out somewhere else. You will see if there is a better fit and learn a lot whether it's you/your level or just a mismatch with a coach.

No chats or talks is going to change those inherent biases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is stuck in a pattern in which at the beginning of a year or season, coaches are really excited about her attitude and potential. She works super hard, shows up with a positive but aggressive attitude every day, and is renlentless in trying to execute what the coaches ask her to do.

Unfortunately, after a couple of seasons in more than one sport with different coaches, I’ve noticed a pattern. As the season goes on, coaches’ attention gravitates to everyone but her. The main reasons I notice is that coaches give focused attention to girls who are behind in certain areas, and to girls who have behavioral problems/bad attitudes/slack off.

The recipients of the negative attention especially seem to bloom athletically. Worse yet, even when their attitudes or work ethic doesn’t change, the coaches just seem to eventually shrug it off since their performance improves with all of the extra attention. The girls who are behind benefit from the 1:1 attention and the coaches notice their progress since it’s so obvious.

On an objective basis, my daughter is consistently in the top 1/3rd of her teams skill-wise and athletically at the start of the season, and coaches always compliment her attitude and work ethic. But as the season progresses, she kind of disappears and the coaches forget about her. She loses playing time and eventually loses confidence. This has happened 3-4 times.

I think that because she isn’t a jerk or a superstar, but also isn’t totally struggling, it’s hurting her. Is there something about her attitude or mindset that she can work on to help the coaches “see” her?

What motivates a coach to invest in an athlete?

OP I am sorry but it is you and your kid, not the others.

If your kid is not getting play time that is because the other kids are better. Coaches are not playing those unruly kids to lose. They play what they consider the best to win.

Winning is the ticket and they don't think your kid has what it takes.

I am not trying to be mean. It's reality. Of course, there are some favorites on every time, however, you said this has happened more than once. A pattern...

This is . . . . just not the case on many, many, MANY travel teams. Favorites, including relatives, are often played regardless of skill, attitude, etc. The entire travel thing (and HS teams that draw from those clubs) has been nauseatingly eye-opening on this point.

My kids all six of them played on travel soccer & lax. Division 1 players in college for two of them. I know what I am talking about. This is why any parent with a brain only has their kids join teams where the coaches are not parents or owned by one or two families. We purposely put one of ours on a "B' team to make sure they did not have a coach like you are describing.

While yes there were a few times a coach did this, mostly it was those jerk dad coaches. Life is not fair. OP in her statement said more than one time this has happened. That says to me her kid is not as good. It happens all the time little susie or johnny are not as good as mom or dad think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is stuck in a pattern in which at the beginning of a year or season, coaches are really excited about her attitude and potential. She works super hard, shows up with a positive but aggressive attitude every day, and is renlentless in trying to execute what the coaches ask her to do.

Unfortunately, after a couple of seasons in more than one sport with different coaches, I’ve noticed a pattern. As the season goes on, coaches’ attention gravitates to everyone but her. The main reasons I notice is that coaches give focused attention to girls who are behind in certain areas, and to girls who have behavioral problems/bad attitudes/slack off.

The recipients of the negative attention especially seem to bloom athletically. Worse yet, even when their attitudes or work ethic doesn’t change, the coaches just seem to eventually shrug it off since their performance improves with all of the extra attention. The girls who are behind benefit from the 1:1 attention and the coaches notice their progress since it’s so obvious.

On an objective basis, my daughter is consistently in the top 1/3rd of her teams skill-wise and athletically at the start of the season, and coaches always compliment her attitude and work ethic. But as the season progresses, she kind of disappears and the coaches forget about her. She loses playing time and eventually loses confidence. This has happened 3-4 times.

I think that because she isn’t a jerk or a superstar, but also isn’t totally struggling, it’s hurting her. Is there something about her attitude or mindset that she can work on to help the coaches “see” her?

What motivates a coach to invest in an athlete?

OP I am sorry but it is you and your kid, not the others.

If your kid is not getting play time that is because the other kids are better. Coaches are not playing those unruly kids to lose. They play what they consider the best to win.

Winning is the ticket and they don't think your kid has what it takes.

I am not trying to be mean. It's reality. Of course, there are some favorites on every time, however, you said this has happened more than once. A pattern...

This is . . . . just not the case on many, many, MANY travel teams. Favorites, including relatives, are often played regardless of skill, attitude, etc. The entire travel thing (and HS teams that draw from those clubs) has been nauseatingly eye-opening on this point.

My kids all six of them played on travel soccer & lax. Division 1 players in college for two of them. I know what I am talking about. This is why any parent with a brain only has their kids join teams where the coaches are not parents or owned by one or two families. We purposely put one of ours on a "B' team to make sure they did not have a coach like you are describing.[b]

While yes there were a few times a coach did this, mostly it was those jerk dad coaches. Life is not fair. OP in her statement said more than one time this has happened. That says to me her kid is not as good. It happens all the time little susie or johnny are not as good as mom or dad think.

Same. Maybe she isn't doing that though.

We purposely did external training and kept them on the second team or first team of tiny club throughout their developmental years (also because we are late growers in our family).

The payout really didn't start being seen until around age 16/17th, and then from there drastically so and better and better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Coaches are humans. Coaches naturally like some players better than others. Sometimes it's a mismatch in playing style. Sometimes it is a personality mismatch (some like quiet hard worker and some like vocal volatile).

Your kid might even remind the Coach of someone they played with that they didn't like or had animosity for.

What we learned is you just chalk it up to differences and go try out somewhere else. You will see if there is a better fit and learn a lot whether it's you/your level or just a mismatch with a coach.

No chats or talks is going to change those inherent biases.

+1000

This is the correct answer. If the girl keeps making these teams it probably is NOT a skill issue per se. More likely, it is a mismatch based on playing style or temperament, size/physical attributes (or possibly just the positions she plays). Some coaches prefer power over speed, others are the opposite. Some like aggressive kids and are fine with mistakes etc, others like calm steady kids with more careful consistent play. Some teams are know to prioritize offense over defense skills or vice versa. It could be a lot of things. It could also be that coach has know teammates for longer etc and has more confidence in their play than a newer kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is a bubble kid. She would have to significantly improve her skills to be noticed.

Can you explain what a bubble kid is? You mean that she’s on the bubble and could be good or bad, or that she’s in a bubble…?

Not PP, but we use the term a lot. It’s a kid that is good at the sport, but not really good. So there are lots of kids with similar skill, so on the bubble of either being a starter or on the bubble to even make the team.

I don't think that sounds like OPs kid. To me it sounds like OPs kid knows the sport and is probably very coachable, but something is missing. It may be game day performance, it may be athleticism, it may be size. Those kids make team and usually play a lot early in a season, but they end up losing playing time as the more athletic kids start grasping the system better or as the coach realizes that what they see in practice and what they saw in tryouts isn't translating to games. The kid is still probably a solid off the bench player, but they aren't the coach's focus. My DD has definitely been here. I think the options are move down a level and start or move up a level and know they'll be a bench player. Being in that in between position just kind of sucks

Thank you, OP here and you and a few other PPs have put together a few different ideas that help me understand the situation. I think what happens is that as my DD received diminishing attention in early weeks, her confidence slowly goes down. She is small for her age and young for her age bracket, so depending on the season (fall, spring/summer travel), the age/size difference is more apparent. I think she also doesn’t have the big personality that coaches are drawn to. Her specific sports are ones I associate with fairly peppy, chatty, bold girls and her coaches are pretty big and loud and drawn to those types. My DD is one of those kids that lets her actions speak for themselves…but it’s not a timed sport and once she starts getting benched, she basically is invisible to the coaches.

I’m going to work with her on early season tactics to prevent the midseason slump, and also think about the leagues she’s in and what might work better for her. At some point this isn’t about sports but about how she enters new situations and sustains relationships and growth. I don’t want her to one day become invisible to a professor or boss!

OP, I can totally commiserate! I have a boy who is an average athlete, and a girl who is an excellent athlete. She is without a doubt the most unrecognized kid I've ever come across. (I share that my boy is average so that you will know that I know the difference between a good athlete and a great one.) She is quiet and almost invisible. Makes me crazy. And I take your point about not wanting her to be invisible to professors or bosses. She is also invisible to her teachers.

To a certain extent, consistent performance has helped. When she is almost always the best or 2nd best on a team, the coach has had no choice but to play her. THAT SAID ... she never gets the extra attention, the nurturing comments, the jokes.

The only other advice I have came from a friend whose kids are good athletes, but very small. She told me she advised them to ALWAYS be the kid at tryouts who hustles for loose balls, asks the coach if he needs help cleaning up, etc. It seems to have worked and is pretty good advice in general, I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the thing: you have to work and learn on your own. Don’t want to do that? Fine. Your kid will eventually be cut. Why? Because there will be kids who are working on their own and they will be better.

It can be a little surprising but that’s the way it is. You do not learn and get better unless you work on your own. Think about it though. Is your kid going to learn to be a better hitter getting 30-40 swings a week in softball practice? Is your kid getting instruction on how to position her feet? Her hands? Are they working on hitting behind the runner? Does she know how to change her stance and swing based on the game situation? Can you help with that? Yes. But, unless you have experience and expertise in teaching hitting you should leave the instruction to someone who can do that. But, watch and listen so you can help with repetition.

Think: how much would your kid improve at hitting if she did 4 sets of 30 swings and 1 set of 30 bunts - 3 days a week? For the next 25 weeks? What do you think a softball coach will consider a 13 year old who can pull of a squeeze play?

I agree with this and a lot of times kids don't realize how much practice other kids put it. They don't see it and the kids don't talk about it. But there is a small number of kids who just have very natural talent as well - usually one on every team

And I agree with others - it's performance on game day that counts. I have tried pointing this out to my DD but it falls on deaf ears. She thinks being compliant during practice and doing everything the coach asks is what matters. We have told her its not helping and if she wants the coaches attention she needs to actually play aggressively during the game.

Yes, I agree with this too. The kids who put in work outside of practices and games will be noticed, just by virtue of becoming a better player AND performing at games. I have one kid with natural talent and one who does not. The kid with natural talent works on this own all the time and is unsurprisingly very good. He has always been confident too and performs well almost all the time. He is a quiet kid and probably would never be paid attention to were it not for the fact that he is one of the best players on this team AND he is playing up. So in some respects, I don't think being a more vocal player is going to do much unless it's something a kid is doing during game time and it's benefiting the team.

His brother on the other hand, no natural talent or much confidence, but also never put any work outside of practice, so unsurprisingly as well, he didn't get much playing time when we moved to a new club and a more competitive team. But we got him private coaching and the effect on his confidence and his skills were immediate and he just started standing out during games more. Now, he is a starter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is stuck in a pattern in which at the beginning of a year or season, coaches are really excited about her attitude and potential. She works super hard, shows up with a positive but aggressive attitude every day, and is renlentless in trying to execute what the coaches ask her to do.

Unfortunately, after a couple of seasons in more than one sport with different coaches, I’ve noticed a pattern. As the season goes on, coaches’ attention gravitates to everyone but her. The main reasons I notice is that coaches give focused attention to girls who are behind in certain areas, and to girls who have behavioral problems/bad attitudes/slack off.

The recipients of the negative attention especially seem to bloom athletically. Worse yet, even when their attitudes or work ethic doesn’t change, the coaches just seem to eventually shrug it off since their performance improves with all of the extra attention. The girls who are behind benefit from the 1:1 attention and the coaches notice their progress since it’s so obvious.

On an objective basis, my daughter is consistently in the top 1/3rd of her teams skill-wise and athletically at the start of the season, and coaches always compliment her attitude and work ethic. But as the season progresses, she kind of disappears and the coaches forget about her. She loses playing time and eventually loses confidence. This has happened 3-4 times.

I think that because she isn’t a jerk or a superstar, but also isn’t totally struggling, it’s hurting her. Is there something about her attitude or mindset that she can work on to help the coaches “see” her?

What motivates a coach to invest in an athlete?

OP I am sorry but it is you and your kid, not the others.

If your kid is not getting play time that is because the other kids are better. Coaches are not playing those unruly kids to lose. They play what they consider the best to win.

Winning is the ticket and they don't think your kid has what it takes.

I am not trying to be mean. It's reality. Of course, there are some favorites on every time, however, you said this has happened more than once. A pattern...

This is . . . . just not the case on many, many, MANY travel teams. Favorites, including relatives, are often played regardless of skill, attitude, etc. The entire travel thing (and HS teams that draw from those clubs) has been nauseatingly eye-opening on this point.

My kids all six of them played on travel soccer & lax. Division 1 players in college for two of them. I know what I am talking about. This is why any parent with a brain only has their kids join teams where the coaches are not parents or owned by one or two families. We purposely put one of ours on a "B' team to make sure they did not have a coach like you are describing.[b]

While yes there were a few times a coach did this, mostly it was those jerk dad coaches. Life is not fair. OP in her statement said more than one time this has happened. That says to me her kid is not as good. It happens all the time little susie or johnny are not as good as mom or dad think.

Same. Maybe she isn't doing that though.

We purposely did external training and kept them on the second team or first team of tiny club throughout their developmental years (also because we are late growers in our family).

The payout really didn't start being seen until around age 16/17th, and then from there drastically so and better and better.

That really depends on the sport. In basketball, if they want to jump to the top team of a larger club at that age, they better be good enough to convince the coach to cut someone already on the team