How to get noticed by your own coaches?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is a bubble kid. She would have to significantly improve her skills to be noticed.

Can you explain what a bubble kid is? You mean that she’s on the bubble and could be good or bad, or that she’s in a bubble…?

Not PP, but we use the term a lot. It’s a kid that is good at the sport, but not really good. So there are lots of kids with similar skill, so on the bubble of either being a starter or on the bubble to even make the team.

I don't think that sounds like OPs kid. To me it sounds like OPs kid knows the sport and is probably very coachable, but something is missing. It may be game day performance, it may be athleticism, it may be size. Those kids make team and usually play a lot early in a season, but they end up losing playing time as the more athletic kids start grasping the system better or as the coach realizes that what they see in practice and what they saw in tryouts isn't translating to games. The kid is still probably a solid off the bench player, but they aren't the coach's focus. My DD has definitely been here. I think the options are move down a level and start or move up a level and know they'll be a bench player. Being in that in between position just kind of sucks

Thank you, OP here and you and a few other PPs have put together a few different ideas that help me understand the situation. I think what happens is that as my DD received diminishing attention in early weeks, her confidence slowly goes down. She is small for her age and young for her age bracket, so depending on the season (fall, spring/summer travel), the age/size difference is more apparent. I think she also doesn’t have the big personality that coaches are drawn to. Her specific sports are ones I associate with fairly peppy, chatty, bold girls and her coaches are pretty big and loud and drawn to those types. My DD is one of those kids that lets her actions speak for themselves…but it’s not a timed sport and once she starts getting benched, she basically is invisible to the coaches.

I’m going to work with her on early season tactics to prevent the midseason slump, and also think about the leagues she’s in and what might work better for her. At some point this isn’t about sports but about how she enters new situations and sustains relationships and growth. I don’t want her to one day become invisible to a professor or boss!

NP here, some people are silent leaders. People need to of course be willing to advocate for themselves in certain situations, but not everyone likes the loudest person in the room. Some coaches are drawn to loud players but not every loud or bubbly player is adding something when they open their mouhts. Don't underestimate the silent leaders. These often are the players and people who lead by example, and, when they do speak, people listen and/or when others are questioned about who is critical to the team's or group's success, their name will be on everyone's lips.

[Anonymous]

I would suggest she try to guest play for a couple of other teams during the spring season on days she doesn’t have tournaments or games. Sometimes getting a different perspective or seeing different coaching or different team dynamics will help a player figure out what she needs to feel a bit more confident.

My DD’s experience was that playing more by guest playing on off weekends helped her home her skills. She has always been the hard worker and positive role model on her teams. Doing the extra work while others were resting helped her with her confidence and improved her skills. She ended up a starter on her team.

[Anonymous]

This is the exact reason I do not let my kids participate in team sports. Favoritism, nepotism, players that are sons or daughters of coaches, and the list goes on. Your kids might be good but if it doesn't fit with the coach's philosophy or system, your kids likely will not see any actions. It is also hard to evaluate talents when two kids are at similar or equal level, how do you determine who plays and who sits on the bench? Your decision will get one set of parents upset. It is a no-win situation.

My oldest plays tennis and in tennis, there are challenge matches between players on the same team and whoever came out on top gets to play, and the coach has no say in it whatsoever. Parents of the losing kid can not challenge it because the score said it all.

My daughter is a swimmer and her ranking is based on her time, nobody on the team, even the coach, can not dispute that.

I encourage my kid to stay away from team sports because in team sports, you're not in control of your own destiny, and that someone else decide that for you, which is not a good thing.

YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is a bubble kid. She would have to significantly improve her skills to be noticed.

Can you explain what a bubble kid is? You mean that she’s on the bubble and could be good or bad, or that she’s in a bubble…?

Not PP, but we use the term a lot. It’s a kid that is good at the sport, but not really good. So there are lots of kids with similar skill, so on the bubble of either being a starter or on the bubble to even make the team.

I don't think that sounds like OPs kid. To me it sounds like OPs kid knows the sport and is probably very coachable, but something is missing. It may be game day performance, it may be athleticism, it may be size. Those kids make team and usually play a lot early in a season, but they end up losing playing time as the more athletic kids start grasping the system better or as the coach realizes that what they see in practice and what they saw in tryouts isn't translating to games. The kid is still probably a solid off the bench player, but they aren't the coach's focus. My DD has definitely been here. I think the options are move down a level and start or move up a level and know they'll be a bench player. Being in that in between position just kind of sucks

Thank you, OP here and you and a few other PPs have put together a few different ideas that help me understand the situation. I think what happens is that as my DD received diminishing attention in early weeks, her confidence slowly goes down. She is small for her age and young for her age bracket, so depending on the season (fall, spring/summer travel), the age/size difference is more apparent. I think she also doesn’t have the big personality that coaches are drawn to. Her specific sports are ones I associate with fairly peppy, chatty, bold girls and her coaches are pretty big and loud and drawn to those types. My DD is one of those kids that lets her actions speak for themselves…but it’s not a timed sport and once she starts getting benched, she basically is invisible to the coaches.

I’m going to work with her on early season tactics to prevent the midseason slump, and also think about the leagues she’s in and what might work better for her. At some point this isn’t about sports but about how she enters new situations and sustains relationships and growth. I don’t want her to one day become invisible to a professor or boss!

NP here, some people are silent leaders. People need to of course be willing to advocate for themselves in certain situations, but not everyone likes the loudest person in the room. Some coaches are drawn to loud players but not every loud or bubbly player is adding something when they open their mouhts. Don't underestimate the silent leaders. These often are the players and people who lead by example, and, when they do speak, people listen and/or when others are questioned about who is critical to the team's or group's success, their name will be on everyone's lips.

It’s rare to find coaches that like that in boy’s soccer. My oldest is like that. Only European coaches and college coaches have liked it, your average travel club coach seems to favor the loud mouth that puts down teammates when they make a mistake (loudly) with parents that are up their butt getting their noses brown.

It’s nice to see at least where it matters he’s been getting that recognition. The kids know, even on the teams with the bad dynamics. They know when a good player is getting screwed by those other factors.

[Anonymous]

Here’s the thing: you have to work and learn on your own. Don’t want to do that? Fine. Your kid will eventually be cut. Why? Because there will be kids who are working on their own and they will be better.

It can be a little surprising but that’s the way it is. You do not learn and get better unless you work on your own. Think about it though. Is your kid going to learn to be a better hitter getting 30-40 swings a week in softball practice? Is your kid getting instruction on how to position her feet? Her hands? Are they working on hitting behind the runner? Does she know how to change her stance and swing based on the game situation? Can you help with that? Yes. But, unless you have experience and expertise in teaching hitting you should leave the instruction to someone who can do that. But, watch and listen so you can help with repetition.

Think: how much would your kid improve at hitting if she did 4 sets of 30 swings and 1 set of 30 bunts - 3 days a week? For the next 25 weeks? What do you think a softball coach will consider a 13 year old who can pull of a squeeze play?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the exact reason I do not let my kids participate in team sports. Favoritism, nepotism, players that are sons or daughters of coaches, and the list goes on. Your kids might be good but if it doesn't fit with the coach's philosophy or system, your kids likely will not see any actions. It is also hard to evaluate talents when two kids are at similar or equal level, how do you determine who plays and who sits on the bench? Your decision will get one set of parents upset. It is a no-win situation.

My oldest plays tennis and in tennis, there are challenge matches between players on the same team and whoever came out on top gets to play, and the coach has no say in it whatsoever. Parents of the losing kid can not challenge it because the score said it all.

My daughter is a swimmer and her ranking is based on her time, nobody on the team, even the coach, can not dispute that.

I encourage my kid to stay away from team sports because in team sports, you're not in control of your own destiny, and that someone else decide that for you, which is not a good thing.

YMMV.

Just so you know, this can also be an issue in HS swimming. If you aren't chosen by the coaches to swim your best events, then you never have a time for them. My daughters friend is good at the 50 free-- never swam it in a dual meet, so didn't get to go to districts/regionals, and isn't on the 4x50 free relay that will go to States...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the exact reason I do not let my kids participate in team sports. Favoritism, nepotism, players that are sons or daughters of coaches, and the list goes on. Your kids might be good but if it doesn't fit with the coach's philosophy or system, your kids likely will not see any actions. It is also hard to evaluate talents when two kids are at similar or equal level, how do you determine who plays and who sits on the bench? Your decision will get one set of parents upset. It is a no-win situation.

My oldest plays tennis and in tennis, there are challenge matches between players on the same team and whoever came out on top gets to play, and the coach has no say in it whatsoever. Parents of the losing kid can not challenge it because the score said it all.

My daughter is a swimmer and her ranking is based on her time, nobody on the team, even the coach, can not dispute that.

I encourage my kid to stay away from team sports because in team sports, you're not in control of your own destiny, and that someone else decide that for you, which is not a good thing.

YMMV.

Just so you know, this can also be an issue in HS swimming. If you aren't chosen by the coaches to swim your best events, then you never have a time for them. My daughters friend is good at the 50 free-- never swam it in a dual meet, so didn't get to go to districts/regionals, and isn't on the 4x50 free relay that will go to States...

That does not make sense to me. Is your daughter the fastest swimmer on the team? The fastest swimmer gets to start. The clock does not lie and coaches can not prevent your DD from starting if that is the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the exact reason I do not let my kids participate in team sports. Favoritism, nepotism, players that are sons or daughters of coaches, and the list goes on. Your kids might be good but if it doesn't fit with the coach's philosophy or system, your kids likely will not see any actions. It is also hard to evaluate talents when two kids are at similar or equal level, how do you determine who plays and who sits on the bench? Your decision will get one set of parents upset. It is a no-win situation.

My oldest plays tennis and in tennis, there are challenge matches between players on the same team and whoever came out on top gets to play, and the coach has no say in it whatsoever. Parents of the losing kid can not challenge it because the score said it all.

My daughter is a swimmer and her ranking is based on her time, nobody on the team, even the coach, can not dispute that.

I encourage my kid to stay away from team sports because in team sports, you're not in control of your own destiny, and that someone else decide that for you, which is not a good thing.

YMMV.

Just so you know, this can also be an issue in HS swimming. If you aren't chosen by the coaches to swim your best events, then you never have a time for them. My daughters friend is good at the 50 free-- never swam it in a dual meet, so didn't get to go to districts/regionals, and isn't on the 4x50 free relay that will go to States...

That does not make sense to me. Is your daughter the fastest swimmer on the team? The fastest swimmer gets to start. The clock does not lie and coaches can not prevent your DD from starting if that is the case.

+1, is your DDs friend faster at the 50 free than the other girls on her team? Or is she just good at the 50 free, and maybe if she had a chance to do it in a dual meet she could edge out one of the other girls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the exact reason I do not let my kids participate in team sports. Favoritism, nepotism, players that are sons or daughters of coaches, and the list goes on. Your kids might be good but if it doesn't fit with the coach's philosophy or system, your kids likely will not see any actions. It is also hard to evaluate talents when two kids are at similar or equal level, how do you determine who plays and who sits on the bench? Your decision will get one set of parents upset. It is a no-win situation.

My oldest plays tennis and in tennis, there are challenge matches between players on the same team and whoever came out on top gets to play, and the coach has no say in it whatsoever. Parents of the losing kid can not challenge it because the score said it all.

My daughter is a swimmer and her ranking is based on her time, nobody on the team, even the coach, can not dispute that.

I encourage my kid to stay away from team sports because in team sports, you're not in control of your own destiny, and that someone else decide that for you, which is not a good thing.

YMMV.

Just so you know, this can also be an issue in HS swimming. If you aren't chosen by the coaches to swim your best events, then you never have a time for them. My daughters friend is good at the 50 free-- never swam it in a dual meet, so didn't get to go to districts/regionals, and isn't on the 4x50 free relay that will go to States...

That does not make sense to me. Is your daughter the fastest swimmer on the team? The fastest swimmer gets to start. The clock does not lie and coaches can not prevent your DD from starting if that is the case.

+1, is your DDs friend faster at the 50 free than the other girls on her team? Or is she just good at the 50 free, and maybe if she had a chance to do it in a dual meet she could edge out one of the other girls?

Club time is fast enough to edge out another girl. But she swam 200 IM all season. She doesn't have a HS 50 free time other than try out day, which wasn't her best swim. You do not get to pick your own events in HS swim!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just so you know, this can also be an issue in HS swimming. If you aren't chosen by the coaches to swim your best events, then you never have a time for them. My daughters friend is good at the 50 free-- never swam it in a dual meet, so didn't get to go to districts/regionals, and isn't on the 4x50 free relay that will go to States...

That does not make sense to me. Is your daughter the fastest swimmer on the team? The fastest swimmer gets to start. The clock does not lie and coaches can not prevent your DD from starting if that is the case.

+1, is your DDs friend faster at the 50 free than the other girls on her team? Or is she just good at the 50 free, and maybe if she had a chance to do it in a dual meet she could edge out one of the other girls?

Club time is fast enough to edge out another girl. But she swam 200 IM all season. She doesn't have a HS 50 free time other than try out day, which wasn't her best swim. You do not get to pick your own events in HS swim!

So your DD didn't have her best time at tryout day, that's why she didn't get selected, perfectly legit to me. If she had the fastest time on tryout day, the coach had no choice. The clock does not lie.

Coaches can not pick someone with a slower time to start ahead of someone with a faster time. The school invites a potential lawsuit if it does that. And yes, you get to pick your own events in HS event if you're the fastest swimmer in all categories on your team, you have the option to decline certain events in order to focus on the one that you think will give you the best chance as long as you are the fastest swimmer on the team, all options are on the table. FWIW, my DD is on the swim team in FCPS and she is the fastest swimmer on the team so the coach can not sit her, unless she takes herself out of an event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just so you know, this can also be an issue in HS swimming. If you aren't chosen by the coaches to swim your best events, then you never have a time for them. My daughters friend is good at the 50 free-- never swam it in a dual meet, so didn't get to go to districts/regionals, and isn't on the 4x50 free relay that will go to States...

That does not make sense to me. Is your daughter the fastest swimmer on the team? The fastest swimmer gets to start. The clock does not lie and coaches can not prevent your DD from starting if that is the case.

+1, is your DDs friend faster at the 50 free than the other girls on her team? Or is she just good at the 50 free, and maybe if she had a chance to do it in a dual meet she could edge out one of the other girls?

Club time is fast enough to edge out another girl. But she swam 200 IM all season. She doesn't have a HS 50 free time other than try out day, which wasn't her best swim. You do not get to pick your own events in HS swim!

So your DD didn't have her best time at tryout day, that's why she didn't get selected, perfectly legit to me. If she had the fastest time on tryout day, the coach had no choice. The clock does not lie.

Coaches can not pick someone with a slower time to start ahead of someone with a faster time. The school invites a potential lawsuit if it does that. And yes, you get to pick your own events in HS event if you're the fastest swimmer in all categories on your team, you have the option to decline certain events in order to focus on the one that you think will give you the best chance as long as you are the fastest swimmer on the team, all options are on the table. FWIW, my DD is on the swim team in FCPS and she is the fastest swimmer on the team so the coach can not sit her, unless she takes herself out of an event.

The point is that she IS one of the four fastest girls in 50 freestyle. The coaches did not select her to swim that event all season. She wasn't sitting there bench in dual meets, but wasn't good enough in the events she was selected to swim to make finals at districts and so didn't get to go to regionals. It's not as black and white as you'd like to portray- there is still Coach decision and, yes, potentially favoritism.

[Anonymous]

In softball - private lessons make you look extra committed and get the coaches interested in your kid if they know about it - it’s annoying but I’ve watched it over and over and over again. Also parent helping at practice if allowed helps - neither will get you to be the starting short stop but it will get you to second base a few times from the outfield

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just so you know, this can also be an issue in HS swimming. If you aren't chosen by the coaches to swim your best events, then you never have a time for them. My daughters friend is good at the 50 free-- never swam it in a dual meet, so didn't get to go to districts/regionals, and isn't on the 4x50 free relay that will go to States...

That does not make sense to me. Is your daughter the fastest swimmer on the team? The fastest swimmer gets to start. The clock does not lie and coaches can not prevent your DD from starting if that is the case.

+1, is your DDs friend faster at the 50 free than the other girls on her team? Or is she just good at the 50 free, and maybe if she had a chance to do it in a dual meet she could edge out one of the other girls?

Club time is fast enough to edge out another girl. But she swam 200 IM all season. She doesn't have a HS 50 free time other than try out day, which wasn't her best swim. You do not get to pick your own events in HS swim!

So your DD didn't have her best time at tryout day, that's why she didn't get selected, perfectly legit to me. If she had the fastest time on tryout day, the coach had no choice. The clock does not lie.

Coaches can not pick someone with a slower time to start ahead of someone with a faster time. The school invites a potential lawsuit if it does that. And yes, you get to pick your own events in HS event if you're the fastest swimmer in all categories on your team, you have the option to decline certain events in order to focus on the one that you think will give you the best chance as long as you are the fastest swimmer on the team, all options are on the table. FWIW, my DD is on the swim team in FCPS and she is the fastest swimmer on the team so the coach can not sit her, unless she takes herself out of an event.

The point is that she IS one of the four fastest girls in 50 freestyle. The coaches did not select her to swim that event all season. She wasn't sitting there bench in dual meets, but wasn't good enough in the events she was selected to swim to make finals at districts and so didn't get to go to regionals. It's not as black and white as you'd like to portray- there is still Coach decision and, yes, potentially favoritism.

HS swim is a quasi team sport. I’m guessing because your DD is a club swimmer they needed her more in events like the 200 IM than they did in the 50 free, which you don’t need to be a committed club swimmer to excel at. The 200 IM on the other hand, the average seasonal swimmer is generally not going to excel at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the thing: you have to work and learn on your own. Don’t want to do that? Fine. Your kid will eventually be cut. Why? Because there will be kids who are working on their own and they will be better.

It can be a little surprising but that’s the way it is. You do not learn and get better unless you work on your own. Think about it though. Is your kid going to learn to be a better hitter getting 30-40 swings a week in softball practice? Is your kid getting instruction on how to position her feet? Her hands? Are they working on hitting behind the runner? Does she know how to change her stance and swing based on the game situation? Can you help with that? Yes. But, unless you have experience and expertise in teaching hitting you should leave the instruction to someone who can do that. But, watch and listen so you can help with repetition.

Think: how much would your kid improve at hitting if she did 4 sets of 30 swings and 1 set of 30 bunts - 3 days a week? For the next 25 weeks? What do you think a softball coach will consider a 13 year old who can pull of a squeeze play?

I agree with this and a lot of times kids don't realize how much practice other kids put it. They don't see it and the kids don't talk about it. But there is a small number of kids who just have very natural talent as well - usually one on every team

And I agree with others - it's performance on game day that counts. I have tried pointing this out to my DD but it falls on deaf ears. She thinks being compliant during practice and doing everything the coach asks is what matters. We have told her its not helping and if she wants the coaches attention she needs to actually play aggressively during the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just so you know, this can also be an issue in HS swimming. If you aren't chosen by the coaches to swim your best events, then you never have a time for them. My daughters friend is good at the 50 free-- never swam it in a dual meet, so didn't get to go to districts/regionals, and isn't on the 4x50 free relay that will go to States...

That does not make sense to me. Is your daughter the fastest swimmer on the team? The fastest swimmer gets to start. The clock does not lie and coaches can not prevent your DD from starting if that is the case.

+1, is your DDs friend faster at the 50 free than the other girls on her team? Or is she just good at the 50 free, and maybe if she had a chance to do it in a dual meet she could edge out one of the other girls?

Club time is fast enough to edge out another girl. But she swam 200 IM all season. She doesn't have a HS 50 free time other than try out day, which wasn't her best swim. You do not get to pick your own events in HS swim!

So your DD didn't have her best time at tryout day, that's why she didn't get selected, perfectly legit to me. If she had the fastest time on tryout day, the coach had no choice. The clock does not lie.

Coaches can not pick someone with a slower time to start ahead of someone with a faster time. The school invites a potential lawsuit if it does that. And yes, you get to pick your own events in HS event if you're the fastest swimmer in all categories on your team, you have the option to decline certain events in order to focus on the one that you think will give you the best chance as long as you are the fastest swimmer on the team, all options are on the table. FWIW, my DD is on the swim team in FCPS and she is the fastest swimmer on the team so the coach can not sit her, unless she takes herself out of an event.

The point is that she IS one of the four fastest girls in 50 freestyle. The coaches did not select her to swim that event all season. She wasn't sitting there bench in dual meets, but wasn't good enough in the events she was selected to swim to make finals at districts and so didn't get to go to regionals. It's not as black and white as you'd like to portray- there is still Coach decision and, yes, potentially favoritism.

HS swim is a quasi team sport. I’m guessing because your DD is a club swimmer they needed her more in events like the 200 IM than they did in the 50 free, which you don’t need to be a committed club swimmer to excel at. The 200 IM on the other hand, the average seasonal swimmer is generally not going to excel at that.

Every kid on our HS team is a club swimmer. My DD's friend would have been interchangable with any number of swimmers for many different events. For whatever reason, she did not get noticed by coaches to swim the 50 free.