Marriage is the most important decision of someone’s life: should parents interfere?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I wish my parents had interfered. Historically, parents had a say . . . And for good reason.

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Honesty from someone who's BTDT.
Marriage shouldn't be a gamble but these days it feels like it.
I think the issue is what the parents are concerned about. Some older folks can see immaturity, fecklessness, lack of ambition that the young lover is blinded to. But it's very hard to point this out to that young lover.
There was a time when marriage was sought, the suitor was griled on how he was going to support the potential family in the manner the bride was accustomed to. One can peruse this site to see the seething disappointment of women who have to do it all while the dilettante husband continues exploring his self-involvement. The reverse is also true, there are numbers of women on here who have children but priotize their career and expect the husband to drop all his goals.
Well, some parents have opinions that really matter (I am thinking of a 50 year career matrimonial attorney who gave is daughter amazing marriage advice) and some are just shallow who judge on a person's exterior veneer. I guess the answer depends on the reason for interference.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I started dating in college and I had dated a little but didn’t have serious boyfriend previously. After a few years of dating him my mom said “doesn’t it concern you that his dad is obese?” And I said “I do worry about his father’s health, but I’m not breaking up with someone I love because his dad is fat.” At another point she asked questions like who would take care of DH’s younger brother who never finished college. (I did worry about my BIL for awhile, but he’s actually thrived.) When we were getting married I asked my mom - as we shopped for wedding dresses - “before this goes too far, do you have any serious concerns, or did you just want to make sure I’d thought about potential challenges?” And she said she didn’t have serious concerns. We’ve been together almost 25 yrs and married about 15. It didn’t help (in my parents’ eyes) that we waited a decade to marry, but we were young and then s few years’ long distance and wanted to be in the same city a few years before getting engaged. It would be easier in terms of fitting in with my family if I’d met someone super athletic at the country club who became a surgeon or lawyer, but that’s not who I met / fell in love with. I don’t think my parents enjoy being around him very much, but they do comment often about how kind and attentive he is with me and how good a father he is, and I think they’re sincere about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom interfered and broke up my first engagement. It wasn’t going well anyway but she really encouraged me to end it and really, really was the catalyst.

Although I’m married now with 3 kids, I always wonder and really blame her completely.

Don’t do it. Unless it’s a dangerous situation. Don’t.

Wait, "it wasn't going well anyway" and you are blaming her for encouraging an end to a lukewarm relationship?
She probably saved you from a costly divorce and having to co-parent with an ex.

Exactly. What an idiot. Easier to blame the parents.

[Anonymous]

If I see my daughter suffering once engaged, I would definitely try to interfere in a loving way. Abusive guys with abusive fathers are out there looking for submissive preys.
I would do the same for my sons. There are many abusive girls out there desperate to manipulate boys.
Life’s too short to be shared with the wrong person.

[Anonymous]

If "Kids" are old enough to marry, they should've some common sense of their own. Yes, parents voice their concerns over red flags but we are all different people, not copies or colones of our parents so we may have different point of views. Parents can't tell who makes other adults feel loved in life and in bed, they only wrapper of the box, not privy to contents inside.