WWYD with this rude child?
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Anonymous
I am totally opposed to kids fighting but I think that is one of the rare things you do fight for. It doesn’t get much lower than that. |
Anonymous
| Alas it’s much too late to fight now. But yes, of course, my child wouldn’t be allowed to hang around such a toxic “friend” any longer. That goes without saying. The kid is a demon. |
Anonymous
| Maaaaaannnnnn, the longer I keep checking in on this thread the more convinced I am that OP is bat s crazy and is only happy with folks affirming her totally unhinged thoughts on harming what is probably a 7yo whose parent corrected in the moment. We have only OP's word that this child has behaved poorly in the past and based on OPs dramatics in these responses I can only assume that is actually overblown hysteronics for normal early elementary interactions especially considering she refuses to provide ages. |
Anonymous
| I don’t understand why everyone is defending the child. What he said was rude and very cruel. Something similar was said to my friends son overseas and the offending child got detention on his birthday—which he totally deserved. But then again in our culture we value manners and being nice. |
Anonymous
Then you have very little experience outside your own child. I have two 11 year olds. I can tell you from my experience that the 8-11 yo range is full of kids that are callous, insensitive and at times cruel. My children have been the victims of bullies. I have seen kids at the playground who have no filter. I have seen kids at events who get upset about things and will respond with some very hateful things when lashing out. I've seen kids who have rather inattentive parents who don't correct them who say many hateful and insensitive things, often out of a desire to attract attention. If you've spoken to any ES teachers or counselors, you'll know that there are many kids in this range that have behavioral issues and will say callous and insensitive things. While it isn't the majority, there are many kids who will say that. Kudos for the dad for stepping in an addressing the issue. Hopefully it will be something they will discuss more at a later time, but at leave he said something in the moment too. Kids that age still need regular behavioral guidance from adults and parents. |
Anonymous
What is wrong with you? You're a clown if you think her kid should get into a physical altercation simply because of what another child *said*? 🤦♀️ I honestly hope you're not a parent. Haven't you ever heard the expression: "sticks and stones may break my bones but names/words will never hurt me"? Advising her kid to physically fight this other kid, is just about *the* worst advice that you can give to the OP. Not only will *her* kid look an uncontrollable animal, they will also be the one who gets into the most trouble for starting a physical altercation... over.... words. Additionally, IF the OP's kid does react physically, then the mean kid will without a doubt realize that they must have hit a nail directly on the head to get such a rise out of them. They'll realize that they've just created a MAJOR trigger for OP's kid, and anytime in the future the mean kid feels like taunting or bullying OP's kid, well now you've just given them the ammunition to instantly instigate or annoy her kid so much, that thru become so reactive they resort to fighting. You don't think other kids will then use that against OP's kid too? Of course they will, kids can be mean. Like the pp said a few posts up, if the mom acts like it's no big deal, her child will think it's no big deal. However, if the mom gets hysterical or starts ranting & raving about it, her kid will start to believe that there may be some ring of truth to it. Otherwise, why on earth would a rational, logical grown adult get so worked up or angry over some (incorrect) comment made by a young kid? Kids feed directly off of our energy -- it's psychology 101. Kids usually know that other kids say knucklehead things all the time, things that make absolutely no logical sense at all, so they never really put much stock into what each other says... they're just used to tall tales from one another: Kid: "Mommy, Tommy said that babies come out of your butt, is that true?" Mom: "What?! (lighthearted shock/surprise laughing) That's so silly, you know that babies don't come out of a woman's butt! (heavy emphasis on the word butt, so it's funny). We talked about this already, and you know exactly where babies come from (smiling). Now go wash up for dinner, before a baby comes out of YOUR butt!" (lighthearted/laughing) That young kid will think that last part is just the most hysterical, gross, funny, shocking or whatever thing that their mom has ever said... they'll crack up about it. So now, mom has turned what Tommy said into a ridiculous joke, and it has no ring of truth to her kid (and that's without mom even having to explain where babies come from (again!). That kid is never going to believe what Tommy said is true, because his mom's reaction didn't give him a reason to believe it, nor did it make him concerned, so he'll probably never even think about it again. * I realize OP's incident was more serious, and I'm not saying OP should laugh off what the mean kid said to her son, because it is not a laughing matter. My point is... if she overreacts in front of her kid or becomes heated, upset or angry about *the words of an uninformed, silly, child* her child might start to think that there might actually be a ring of truth to it... why else would she be getting so upset about something his dumb friend said, if it wasn't true? Look, if he's telling her what happened, he's obviously concerned about the comment being true, so he's coming to her for reassurance that it is not. If mom reacts by becoming upset or highly offended, it will not only NOT reassure him but it may create even more concern. One thing it's certainly not going to do, is put his mind at ease. She should sit her kid down, and simply reiterate how much daddy loves her child, daddy misses him every single day and he would love to be closer if he could, but at this moment in time, his job is preventing this from happening. If she wants, she could ask him somethings like... "Hate is a very strong word... so does your daddy seem/act like he hates me? I don't hate anyone, and I don't think your daddy hates anyone either, and even though daddy and I are not together, we are both committed to having a great relationship because we love you so much! (a reassuring/caring smile goes a long way with kids, especially b/c they're more intuitive to our body language than they are our actual words). Now, I don't recommend this part, but if the mom wants to be a little petty & zing it to the mean kid a tad, at the end of the conversation she can say something asking the lines of "you know, I really wouldn't put too much stock into what Larlo says anyway, I mean, I remember when he used to eat dirt at the playground" (or some equally embarrassing story from when they were younger) and then make a funny face/laugh. It will lighten the mood. But if you're going to go there, I would also follow up with "don't ever use those words in anger towards Larlo in order to hurt them, because you didn't like it when he did that to you. So if you do that to him, it makes you no better than how mean he was. " Just letting your kid in on that little tidbit of information will make him feel better, because it's a funny secret that Larlo doesn't even know that your son knows. Taking back that power might actually be satisfaction enough for your kid. Like I said, it may be a petty thing to do, but trust that mom & kid will get over it much quicker, because they'll have laughed in the moment. Hopefully, your kid won't think about it again. In the future, if some kid tried to use that against them again, hopefully they'll let it roll off their back. Reassurances is what her kid needs PP, not a fist fight. People who start physical fights don't have the mental capacity, maturity, impulse control or intelligence to use their words to defend themselves, rather than their fists. Instead, they have to resort to acting like a neanderthal or a caveman to express themselves, which will always be an ugly look for the person fighting. If need be, the father can tell him it's false himself. He should sound shocked and reiterate to his son that he could never hate the OP (ie; "what?!? I could never hate your mom!"). OP, his dad might be the only one that can put his mind 100% completely at ease, because the mean kid was supposedly espousing his dads feelings towards his mom, so mom reassuring him might only go so far... dad should also shoot down that comment as being false. I was a snarky, sarcastic kid and I hate bullies, so if some bully tried say something like that and I overheard, I would've put it right back on him with something like "It's certainly not as much as your dad hates your mom", but I don't suggest that, lol |
Anonymous
| We are at page 5 and still OP didn’t say how old is the kid… |
Anonymous
Seriously, at first I assumed 7-10. Now I'm thinking age 5 or 6. |
Anonymous
Well, well, well... even Jeff notated how the OP refuses to give the cchild's age in his blog post. "Second in number of views and fourth in number of replies was a thread in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum titled, "WWYD with this rude child?". The original poster explains that she and her husband are separated and he moved across country to take a very specialized job. A friend's child told the original poster's son that his dad must really hate his mom to move so far away. The friend immediately told his child that was an inappropriate thing to say. The original poster was apparently not present when this happened, but was furious when she found out later. She is now considering confronting the family and demanding an apology. While the original poster says that she is upset at how her son was treated, many of those responding suggested that she was angry for her own sake rather than her child's. Others sympathized with the original poster and suggested taking a break from the family. Many posters asked the age of the child, explaining that below a certain age they would be more tolerant and understanding. However, the original poster steadfastly ignored the repeated questions about age. One poster suggested that the original poster was so angry because what the child said was actually true. That didn't go over well with the original poster who responded by saying that, even if it were true, it was still a very rude thing to say to her son. Personally, I think the two families should just get together and talk this out over a $8.50 loaf of brioche." |
Anonymous
| OP absolutely not only take a break run. |
Anonymous
OMG am I the only one who didn’t know Jeff does a color commentary blog on forum posts!! |
Anonymous
So it was rude and mean. It's a child. Honestly, I'd probably THINK the same thing myself. And my mom, who has lost her filters, might say it out loud. Just because it was rude doesn't mean OP gets to DO anything about it. Even feeling the rage for a kid makes me think OP is a little not right. |
Anonymous
|
Wait?? Where is Jeff’s blog??
Separately, obviously this kid is like 5 or 6 and I wouldn’t even believe OP if she said otherwise at this point. |
Anonymous
| No one should respond unless OP gives age of the kid. |