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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Friend’s same aged kid has all-around issues with being domineering, entitled, manipulative and demanding. DH and I are separated (I left for multiple A reasons) and DH moved cross country for a job in his extremely specialized field. At lunch other kid said to mine, “wow, your dad must really hate your mom to move that far away.” His dad immediately told him that was inappropriate to say. I refrained from punching the kid when I found out. But I was stunned at how cruel and out of line the kid was (and also, wrong) and am inclined to take a break from this family and tell the parents why, and/or to demand an apology. I am not sure how else to convey my fury at how their kid treated mine. Thoughts? [/quote]

[b]I am totally opposed to kids fighting but I think that is one of the rare things you do fight for. It doesn’t get much lower than that[/b].[/quote]

What is wrong with you?
You're a clown if you think her kid should get into a physical altercation simply because of what another child *said*? 🤦‍♀️
I honestly hope you're not a parent.

Haven't you ever heard the expression:
"sticks and stones may break my bones but names/words will never hurt me"?

Advising her kid to physically fight this other kid, is just about *the*  worst advice that you can give to the OP.
Not only will *her* kid look an uncontrollable animal, they will also be the one who gets into the most trouble for starting a physical altercation... over.... words.

Additionally, [i]IF[/i] the OP's kid does react physically, then the mean kid will without a doubt realize that they must have hit a nail directly on the head to get such a rise out of them.
They'll realize that they've just created a [i][b]MAJOR[/b][/i] trigger for OP's kid, and anytime in the future the mean kid feels like taunting or bullying OP's kid, well now you've just given them the ammunition to instantly instigate or annoy her kid so much, that thru become so reactive they resort to fighting.
You don't think other kids will then use that against OP's kid too?
Of course they will, kids can be mean.

Like the pp said a few posts up, if the mom acts like it's no big deal, her child will think it's no big deal.
However, if the mom gets hysterical or starts ranting & raving about it, her kid will start to believe that there may be some ring of truth to it.
Otherwise, why on earth would a rational, logical grown adult get so worked up or angry over some (incorrect) comment made by a young kid?

[b]Kids feed directly off of our energy -- it's psychology 101.[/b]

Kids usually know that other kids say knucklehead things all the time, things that make absolutely no logical sense at all, so they never really put much stock into what each other says... they're just used to tall tales from one another:

Kid: "Mommy, Tommy said that babies come out of your butt, is that true?"

Mom: "What?! (lighthearted shock/surprise laughing)
That's so silly, you know that babies don't come out of a woman's butt! (heavy emphasis on the word butt, so it's funny).
We talked about this already, and you know exactly where babies come from (smiling).
Now go wash up for dinner, before a baby comes out of YOUR butt!" (lighthearted/laughing)

That young kid will think that last part is just the most hysterical, gross, funny, shocking or whatever thing that their mom has ever said... they'll crack up about it.
So now, mom has turned what Tommy said into a ridiculous joke, and it has no ring of truth to her kid (and that's without mom even having to explain where babies come from (again!).

That kid is never going to believe what Tommy said is true, because his mom's reaction didn't give him a reason to believe it, nor did it make him concerned, so he'll probably never even think about it again.

* I realize OP's incident was more serious, and I'm not saying OP should laugh off what the mean kid said to her son, because it is not a laughing matter.

My point is... if she overreacts in front of her kid or becomes heated, upset or angry about *the words of an uninformed, silly, child* her child might start to think that there might actually be a ring of truth to it... why else would she be getting so upset about something his dumb friend said, if it wasn't true?

Look, if he's telling her what happened, he's obviously concerned about the comment being true, so he's coming to her for reassurance that it is not.  If mom reacts by becoming upset or highly offended, it will not only NOT reassure him but it may create even more concern.

One thing it's certainly not going to do, is put his mind at ease.

She should sit her kid down, and simply reiterate how much daddy loves her child, daddy misses him every single day and he would love to be closer if he could, but at this moment in time, his job is preventing this from happening.

If she wants, she could ask him somethings like... "Hate is a very strong word... so does your daddy seem/act like he hates me?
I don't hate anyone, and I don't think your daddy hates anyone either, and even though daddy and I are not together, we are both committed to having a great relationship because we love you so much! (a reassuring/caring smile goes a long way with kids, especially b/c they're more intuitive to our body language than they are our actual words).

Now, I don't recommend this part, but if the mom wants to be a little petty & zing it to the mean kid a tad, at the end of the conversation she can say something asking the lines of "you know, I really wouldn't put too much stock into what Larlo says anyway, I mean, I remember when he used to eat dirt at the playground" (or some equally embarrassing story from when they were younger) and then make a funny face/laugh.  It will lighten the mood.

But if you're going to go there, I would also follow up with "don't ever use those words in anger towards Larlo in order to hurt them, because you didn't like it when he did that to you. So if you do that to him, it makes you no better than how mean he was. "

Just letting your kid in on that little tidbit of information will make him feel better, because it's a funny secret that Larlo doesn't even know that your son knows.
Taking back that power might actually be satisfaction enough for your kid.

Like I said, it may be a petty thing to do, but trust that mom & kid will get over it much quicker, because they'll have laughed in the moment.  Hopefully, your kid won't think about it again.
In the future, if some kid tried to use that against them again, hopefully they'll let it roll off their back.

Reassurances is what her kid needs PP, not a fist fight.

People who start physical fights don't have the mental capacity, maturity, impulse control or intelligence to use their words to defend themselves, rather than their fists.
Instead, they have to resort to acting like a neanderthal or a caveman to express themselves, which will always be an ugly look for the person fighting.

If need be, the father can tell him it's false himself. 
He should sound shocked and reiterate to his son that he could never hate the OP (ie; "what?!? I could never hate your mom!").

OP, his dad might be the only one that can put his mind 100% completely at ease, because the mean kid was supposedly espousing his dads feelings towards his mom, so mom reassuring him might only go so far... dad should also shoot down that comment as being false.

I was a snarky, sarcastic kid and I hate bullies, so if some bully tried say something like that and I overheard, I would've put it right back on him with something like "It's certainly not as much as your dad hates your mom", but I don't suggest that, lol
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