WWYD with this rude child?
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Anonymous
I believe the OP said the kid said the dad wanted to get away from the mom, not his own child. It isn’t kind, but not the worst thing he’ll hear. Probably not even a core memory unless OP ends the relationships over it. OP you still haven’t said how old the kids are. Sounds like dad handled it well in the moment, and maybe had some follow up conversation. This is a teachable moment for you and your kid too. Are you going to teach him to stand up for himself and people he cares about? Or to walk away and burn bridges? |
Anonymous
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I think you are being too sensitive, perhaps to the assumption your DH left you.
The kid was wrong, your kid knows he's wrong, and their family corrected him. The only thing left to do is make sure your kid knows that both his parents love him. It's not even really relevant whether DH hates you or not, let alone what another kid thinks about your marriage. |
Anonymous
What wrong with you? You were going to punch a kid? How a kid treated you? I think you are crazy. |
Anonymous
| His dad already handled it. If you want to take a break from the kid, fine but you say NOTHING. You don't know what's actually going on with that kid and if I was one of the parent's and you brought it up knowing I had already handled it in the moment I would be taking a break from you. |
Anonymous
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Age of kid matters.
I’m sorry this is awful thing to hear, but I think bigger concern here is how comment impacted your kid and supporting your kid. The emotional stuff that came up for you I would advise therapy to work through. |
Anonymous
+1 Also "fury" is a bit much. I say this with respect, not snark, possibly you need therapy. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| Agree that knowing the age of the kid would be helpful. Regardless, never assume the motivation behind a child's words. If an adult had said this, it's reasonable to presume it was said with malicious intent. And while that may have been the kid's motivation, it's entirely possible the comment came from another place--like maybe the kid's insecurity about his own parents' relationship. |
Anonymous
| So you weren't there, and then heard about it. Kid's father handled it. Your kid told you, doesn't sound like he asked you to do anything. Your anger sounds unreasonable. Also, how old are the kids? It matters. |
Anonymous
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OP, I say this as someone who has a lot of empathy for your situation. You were dealt a raw deal having a bad marriage (congratulations for seeing what was right for you and getting out of it) and then having your ex move far away from you and your child.
But please realize that you are still very angry at your XH and that you should not be taking out your anger and frustration on a child. Children say inappropriate things. They get corrected and they learn. And the other parent realized this and corrected his child. If this were some other insensitive comment that was not about you and your husband, would you have been so furious that you wanted to strike the child? Unlikely. Like another PP, I think you need counseling. You are still in the anger stage over the dissolution of your marriage. If you cannot get past your anger over your divorce to the point of taking out your frustration on a child, then you need to seek help getting you through the grieving process over your divorce. Your over the top reaction to this child's comment is not healthy and not safe. You need help. You will get there, but you need help in managing your emotions and reactions while you process your loss. Good luck. I hope you find the peace and (your own) acceptance for what's happened in your life. You and your child deserve that. |
Anonymous
Hmmm...you would be correct if that's what OP's kid was told. It wasn't, though, so I stand by my statement. OP is the one who is in a state because she doesn't like what was (actually) said. If it was even what was said, since she wasn't even there. And since she won't tell us how old the kids are, it probably was a 7 year old being 7. |
Anonymous
Where are you seeing that the other kid’s dad already corrected him? |
Anonymous
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The parent present for the interaction intervened appropriately. There is no reason to labor the point further, OP. I don't know if the rude child is young, and/or has special needs that lead them to impulsively blurt out things, but either way their father dealt with the situation. It's over. And teach your child to respond to questions and comments, because kids will ask and comment. |
Anonymous
New poster. OP, I totally get your anger here. And I want to note -- something that a lot of people responding here are totally missing -- you point out in the first post that this child has "all-around issues with being domineering, entitled, manipulative and demanding." I'm taking you at your word on that. So it seems the issue actually is larger than this one comment, awful as the one comment was. First: The dad stepped in immediately. Huge kudos to him for that and I truly hope you did thank him for doing so, OP. I would wager that these parents do know their son has issues with being inappropriate and demanding. It likely won't be news to them. I would not demand an apology at this point, after the fact. That will only make the parents (who, again, did the right thing in the moment) feel worse. And yeah, they probably feel bad about this. Not comparing that to how YOU feel, OP, just nothing that there's no reason to compound things with demands for apologies. Second: This comes up in other ways on DCUM but there do come times when parent friendships need to start excluding the kids. Being the same age means nothing at all; if they are not compatible in terms of interests, and don't get along, then the kids do not need to be friends or even see each other, just because the adults are friends. Find ways to see these adult friends without either child present. I get that that can be difficult depending on ages, babysitting, etc. But I'd make the effort to keep my own adult friends, especially since you need a support system as an adult. And I'd tell them frankly, as you should be able to do with real friends, "The boys don't seem to share interests or get along very well at this point, so let's find a time when you and I can have coffee/lunch, just us adults. I want to keep up with you but don't think it's a good idea for the boys to feel they have to be together." Real friends can hear that from you -- and probably will feel relieved that you've finally said out loud what all the adults already know. The one complicating factor could be if the boys are in activities together like scouts or a school club or sports team. I'd just keep doing that but not add things like going out for a meal after a meeting or game, etc. And again, double down on telling your friends you value them but recognize that kids go through stages where they shouldn't be together just because the adults are friends. Make real, specific plans to see your friends, though, and don't let friendships drift away because the kids had issues. Or in this case, because one kid has issues. He could be a real sweetheart in a few years' time -- it really does happen with maturity, sometimes -- but that doesn't mean your own son has to see him NOW, or ever. |
Anonymous
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I think it is perfectly fine to take a break from the family, and I think it is also fine to tell them why as long as you do it in away that doesn’t assume what you heard is gospel. “Joe told me about something that happened with Sam at lunch the other day that he found very hurtful, and I think he just needs some space right now.” If the parents ask for more information, you can share the details, but I would acknowledge that this is based on what your child told you and that you did not witness it personally.
But all that assumes your child actually wants the break. If not, you need to own that this is really about and not your child. |