Team dad critical of your kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had this with the clueless mom of a kid on my kid’s first travel basketball team. It was indicative of some really team culture problems. My kid changed teams, which was a great decision. The parents on every other team my kid played on were very supportive, which was a welcome change.

This. If you want to say anything to anyone else's kids during a game limit it to 'great job' or something along those lines. Better yet, just clap. If you have to say something, limit it to your own kids, but it's even better if you just clap. There have been studies showing that obnoxious and embarrassing parents are one of the reasons that kids quite sports.

[Anonymous]

I assumed that was what the person was getting at. However, I disagree that it makes it appropriate to knock on someone's height (which they have zero control over), or weight (which they may or may not have any control over). I also disagree that it is relevant how athletic this guy was, or what his appearance is like. If Alphonso Davies' had a kid on my 13 year old kid's team, and he was making overt disparaging remarks about my kid during a game, it's still inappropriate, rude, and against the club rules.


I see your point and also boo hoo for the anonymous short dumpy guy. I guess don't yell at children and people won't make unkind comments about you. OP was frustrated and made an unkind comment. It happens. I assume (and hope!) she wouldn't say this in front of her kids

WTH? So if someone makes an unkind comment about my kid at a game and they happen to be disabled would it be cool by you if I made ableist comments about them since I was "frustrated?"
The commenting guy is a obviously jerk, but I stand by my view that so is OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: If Alphonso Davies' had a kid on my 13 year old kid's team, and he was making overt disparaging remarks about my kid during a game, it's still inappropriate, rude, and against the club rules.

The refs didn't do anything when LeBron James came on to the court to argue about calls at Sierra Canyon games with Bronnie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: If Alphonso Davies' had a kid on my 13 year old kid's team, and he was making overt disparaging remarks about my kid during a game, it's still inappropriate, rude, and against the club rules.

The refs didn't do anything when LeBron James came on to the court to argue about calls at Sierra Canyon games with Bronnie.

Once you're the one of the two greatest players of all time in your kids sports, then you can feel free to argue calls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: If Alphonso Davies' had a kid on my 13 year old kid's team, and he was making overt disparaging remarks about my kid during a game, it's still inappropriate, rude, and against the club rules.

The refs didn't do anything when LeBron James came on to the court to argue about calls at Sierra Canyon games with Bronnie.

Once you're the one of the two greatest players of all time in your kids sports, then you can feel free to argue calls

He should have been ejected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: If Alphonso Davies' had a kid on my 13 year old kid's team, and he was making overt disparaging remarks about my kid during a game, it's still inappropriate, rude, and against the club rules.

The refs didn't do anything when LeBron James came on to the court to argue about calls at Sierra Canyon games with Bronnie.

Once you're the one of the two greatest players of all time in your kids sports, then you can feel free to argue calls

Not to mention very physically intimidating....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I assumed that was what the person was getting at. However, I disagree that it makes it appropriate to knock on someone's height (which they have zero control over), or weight (which they may or may not have any control over). I also disagree that it is relevant how athletic this guy was, or what his appearance is like. If Alphonso Davies' had a kid on my 13 year old kid's team, and he was making overt disparaging remarks about my kid during a game, it's still inappropriate, rude, and against the club rules.


I see your point and also boo hoo for the anonymous short dumpy guy. I guess don't yell at children and people won't make unkind comments about you. OP was frustrated and made an unkind comment. It happens. I assume (and hope!) she wouldn't say this in front of her kids

WTH? So if someone makes an unkind comment about my kid at a game and they happen to be disabled would it be cool by you if I made ableist comments about them since I was "frustrated?"
The commenting guy is a obviously jerk, but I stand by my view that so is OP.

Fat, out of shape dads are the worst. Yes, they are the ones that expect kids to play like FIFA players and don't understand development and are highly critical of the play on the field. Kids don't even gain the depth perception to anticipate a 1v1 against the goalie until they are older. Former players know the difficulty of plays/touches that appear to look simple to a novice that has never played the game.

I think the protester in this situation happens to be fat and dumpy and can dish it out, but can't take any criticism directed back his way. And, yes, this is something you say on an anonymous message board. It's not like she's going to say 'hey, Fat F*&lkk shut your pie hole'. The sideline bullies can never handle when it's directed back at them. Story as old as time.

No adult should be loudly criticizing anyone else's kid, much less their own. And, joystick, sideline coaching and telling players what to do ....IS FORBIDDEN. I'm so disgusted by parents telling other kids 'hey jimmie move here, blah, blah, blah...when they are listening to THEIR COACH and doing what he/she has told them to do. The fat loud mouth is just a distraction to the play on the field.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, I would just turn and say loudly but calmly "Ya know Bob, I played this sport D1. If I wanted to I could say something about every kid that touches this ball, including yours. But I have manners, I don't believe in trying to shame people, and I believe in a team atmosphere, which you apparently do not. Did you play this sport D1? Didn't think so. So please, keep your comments to yourself. They're rude and honestly, I don't want to be tempted to correct you."

No question, he'll be sore and obnoxious but it will either shut him up for good, or it'll show everyone else you're the more polite and mannered person between you two and if he says anything else about your child it'll be noticed by everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I assumed that was what the person was getting at. However, I disagree that it makes it appropriate to knock on someone's height (which they have zero control over), or weight (which they may or may not have any control over). I also disagree that it is relevant how athletic this guy was, or what his appearance is like. If Alphonso Davies' had a kid on my 13 year old kid's team, and he was making overt disparaging remarks about my kid during a game, it's still inappropriate, rude, and against the club rules.


I see your point and also boo hoo for the anonymous short dumpy guy. I guess don't yell at children and people won't make unkind comments about you. OP was frustrated and made an unkind comment. It happens. I assume (and hope!) she wouldn't say this in front of her kids

WTH? So if someone makes an unkind comment about my kid at a game and they happen to be disabled would it be cool by you if I made ableist comments about them since I was "frustrated?"
The commenting guy is a obviously jerk, but I stand by my view that so is OP.

Hi

[Anonymous]

You lost me by criticizing the other dad's appearance. The parent may be awful but you're just as bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The next time he says something, I would say "Stop embarrassing yourself. I've played the sport before and you don't know what you're talking about."

This.

What I love about my kids' teams is that the only critical comments you hear are from parents about their own kids.

OP. Oh no- he only sings praise about his own kid who is tall but on the ground constantly.

These are 14 year olds which is why I don’t say anything. My kid can’t hear from the field. I try not to sit near him. But, I know I will say something because I know myself too well.

This happened a few years ago (not directed at my son that time), but just a complete jerk dad who yelled at other kids and openly criticized. All of the parents couldn’t stand him. I lost it one game and just yelled “shut the F@k up”. I was the only woman on the sidelines. It ended it from there on out. I think he was quite humiliated and all the dads got a chuckle and thanked me later.

You don't sound like a stand up person either OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The next time he says something, I would say "Stop embarrassing yourself. I've played the sport before and you don't know what you're talking about."

This.

What I love about my kids' teams is that the only critical comments you hear are from parents about their own kids.

OP. Oh no- he only sings praise about his own kid who is tall but on the ground constantly.

These are 14 year olds which is why I don’t say anything. My kid can’t hear from the field. I try not to sit near him. But, I know I will say something because I know myself too well.

This happened a few years ago (not directed at my son that time), but just a complete jerk dad who yelled at other kids and openly criticized. All of the parents couldn’t stand him. I lost it one game and just yelled “shut the F@k up”. I was the only woman on the sidelines. It ended it from there on out. I think he was quite humiliated and all the dads got a chuckle and thanked me later.

You don't sound like a stand up person either OP.

NP - Everyone's on OP but honestly OP, I respect you and think more people should be like you. OP is describing a culture where a parent is critical of kids loudly, at least to the other parents if not within hearing of the kids themselves if they're yelling at kids. It's one thing to yell encouraging things from the sidelines. It's completely another to yell criticisms, or express dismay when a particular kid has the ball.

Too many just listen silently, whether disgusted or not. I respect OP for venting here away from the guy and asking for ideas on how to handle it, which she's gotten many. And ok, fine, many of you think her saying anything about the guy's body is horrible or makes her just as bad. Really? Just as bad as a guy who openly criticizes a child every time that child is on the field? No, not in my book, not as bad at all.

And OP while I myself would not have talked about the guy's body, I think it IS fair to raise the fact that you played this sport D1 and somehow you manage to keep your critiques of play to yourself, so maybe he could since you don't know him to have played D1. I think that after listening to him complain about your kid relentlessly and not saying a word, and apparently NO ONE ELSE SAYING A WORD EITHER, you are totally entitled to say something snarky and hopefully end it.

[Anonymous]

Same Poster as above ^^^ Forgot to also say that it's precisely the fact that other parents were not on him to stop being so mean and loud that OP REALLY has the right to speak up. I totally speak up in situations like that (and have many times) to just point out that if others were criticizing the screamer's kid like the screamer was, that person would be tackling the other parent. That it's rude, unhelpful, and the team has a coach so if the yelling critical parent has so much to say about what htey don't like about play, take it to the coach after the game, but please spare everyone else. Yes, I've said some version of that a few times, but only after really giving the parent a few chances to just be having a bad day and to not keep it up.

[Anonymous]

What about when a parent, previously a coach, is giving instructions to kids, that might be at odds with what the coach wants?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about when a parent, previously a coach, is giving instructions to kids, that might be at odds with what the coach wants?

That's not ok, but seems like something the Coach would need to handle directly with that parent. So if the coach isn't aware, parents should bring it to the Coach's attention. But that seems like it needs to be a convo between Coach and parent/ex-Coach.