Are you envious of your friends and neighbors who have local and super-involved grandparents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used it and trust that “involved” is a double edged sword. My in-laws babysit a lot and meddle even more.

There are no free lunches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, jealous

Envy and jealousy and two useless emotions that do irreparable harm to those who are envious and jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, not jealous at all. My in laws are a short flight away. My parents live in NY and we see them pretty frequently. Both sets of grandparents are very opinionated and overbearing so I would not want them in my everyday life.

I stay home and Dh earns plenty of money. I can get a sitter anytime I want and we have a housekeeper.

Don’t you wish they were not opinionated and overbearing though? I can’t believe that you are happy they are dislikable.

No, that is not the way I am. I don’t wish things that are out of my control. My in laws raised two fine children.

Our lives are full and happy. I actually don’t think about my ILs much at all. DH talks to them frequently and we see them a few times per year. Some families see their families all the time. I personally wouldn’t want that. I like my own personal space.

I have 3 kids and we have packed schedules. They all play sports. Kids have friends. We have a lot of friends. I don’t think about what I wish and I definitely don’t think about how MIl could change and not be overbearing.

I have everything you have and I still wish for grandparents who were interested and involved. I certainly will be as a grandmother.

The grandparents are definitely interested. I saw our in laws a few weeks ago and I will see my family next week. Will see everyone for Xmas. Not sure why you want or need your children to see your parents so much.

Not sure why you care so little how much your children see their grandparents. I adored my grandparents and were very close them - I wish my children could have that. All the money in the world can't buy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, jealous

Envy and jealousy and two useless emotions that do irreparable harm to those who are envious and jealous.

Alternatively, envy and jealousy are extremely normal emotions that everyone experiences at some point or another, and the key is to learn how to be curious about them when you feel them, to help guide you towards things you want in your life, instead of letting them eat you up or ruin relationships.

It's very normal to envy someone who has something you want. But the important part of that is "you want" -- it's okay to want things, use your envy to figure out what that is and then find a way to get it for yourself. Properly processed envy or jealousy will never impact the subject of it. But you can't process it properly if you are ashamed of the feeling to begin with. It's normal.

[Anonymous]

Yes. My sibling has this because she lives in my hometown and I moved away, and I see how helpful it is.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I can see how amazing it is for my friends who have that.

[Anonymous]

My kids have local uninvolved grandparents. Getting them to show up to anything was like pulling teeth so we dropped the rope. Super jealous of friends with involved grandparents. Really happy for them when it works well.

[Anonymous]

For the childcare, absolutely but not for everything else. I have talked to friends and there are definitely strings attached and I don’t want that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents live close and are super involved since they're retired. I'm actually embarrassed by it! Like people assume I have all this childcare so I should be more active than I am in the school, work etc. Or I always feel left out of the nanny/babysitter/after care conversations. But maybe it is just in my head. Anyhow, interesting to hear another perspective.

Hahahaha, good one, PP, you almost had me for a second! 😂🤣

[Anonymous]

A little envious, yes, if it’s a good relationship. But not much I can do about it so I don’t dwell on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents live close and are super involved since they're retired. I'm actually embarrassed by it! Like people assume I have all this childcare so I should be more active than I am in the school, work etc. Or I always feel left out of the nanny/babysitter/after care conversations. But maybe it is just in my head. Anyhow, interesting to hear another perspective.

Hahahaha, good one, PP, you almost had me for a second! 😂🤣

I do judge the parents of the kid who is always dropped off at school or soccer by their grandparents and never fully in school uniform or missing jersey/shin guards/cleats/all 3. I judge them because the grandparents look tired and are constantly giving the parents “date weekends” in Italy, Hawaii, Turks and Caicos, etc. I wouldn’t judge you for not volunteering or not working overtime.

I think people only judge if you have a million extra adults in your orbit but still can’t manage the basics and/or burden the community with them. Otherwise, I’m envious of your local grandparents but also super happy to have them around! They’re usually warm and friendly and have great, calming advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents live close and are super involved since they're retired. I'm actually embarrassed by it! Like people assume I have all this childcare so I should be more active than I am in the school, work etc. Or I always feel left out of the nanny/babysitter/after care conversations. But maybe it is just in my head. Anyhow, interesting to hear another perspective.

Hahahaha, good one, PP, you almost had me for a second! 😂🤣

I do judge the parents of the kid who is always dropped off at school or soccer by their grandparents and never fully in school uniform or missing jersey/shin guards/cleats/all 3. I judge them because the grandparents look tired and are constantly giving the parents “date weekends” in Italy, Hawaii, Turks and Caicos, etc. I wouldn’t judge you for not volunteering or not working overtime.

I think people only judge if you have a million extra adults in your orbit but still can’t manage the basics and/or burden the community with them. Otherwise, I’m envious of your local grandparents but also super happy to have them around! They’re usually warm and friendly and have great, calming advice.

Is this common? I don’t live in DC but, where I live, people who can’t afford a lot of extra childcare aren’t jetting all over the world and people who can afford this can also afford quality childcare in instances when grandparents don’t want to step in

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents live close and are super involved since they're retired. I'm actually embarrassed by it! Like people assume I have all this childcare so I should be more active than I am in the school, work etc. Or I always feel left out of the nanny/babysitter/after care conversations. But maybe it is just in my head. Anyhow, interesting to hear another perspective.

Hahahaha, good one, PP, you almost had me for a second! 😂🤣

I do judge the parents of the kid who is always dropped off at school or soccer by their grandparents and never fully in school uniform or missing jersey/shin guards/cleats/all 3. I judge them because the grandparents look tired and are constantly giving the parents “date weekends” in Italy, Hawaii, Turks and Caicos, etc. I wouldn’t judge you for not volunteering or not working overtime.

I think people only judge if you have a million extra adults in your orbit but still can’t manage the basics and/or burden the community with them. Otherwise, I’m envious of your local grandparents but also super happy to have them around! They’re usually warm and friendly and have great, calming advice.

Is this common? I don’t live in DC but, where I live, people who can’t afford a lot of extra childcare aren’t jetting all over the world and people who can afford this can also afford quality childcare in instances when grandparents don’t want to step in

+1. I am well below the income level needed to jet off to the Caribbean for a weekend, but I have my childcare buttoned up. Grandparents are there to spend quality time when and as they wish. It’s a matter of pride in being able to afford my own lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

My in laws provide a lot of childcare to DH’s siblings. They have wonderful relationships with their local grandchildren. They also meddle a lot and demand all holidays and vacations are spent with them.
We get no help, but can live our own lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in laws provide a lot of childcare to DH’s siblings. They have wonderful relationships with their local grandchildren. They also meddle a lot and demand all holidays and vacations are spent with them.
We get no help, but can live our own lives.

Weird. Usually local grandparents are more than happy to get vacation time to themselves!