Are you envious of your friends and neighbors who have local and super-involved grandparents?

[Anonymous]

Or is it not something that you really care about?

[Anonymous]

Yes, jealous

[Anonymous]

I used it and trust that “involved” is a double edged sword. My in-laws babysit a lot and meddle even more.

[Anonymous]

Very!

[Anonymous]

My parents and my in-laws are all terribly uninvolved and indifferent to my children. It bothers me a lot but I am not envious of others who have a close relationship. I help them to cultivate relationships with other adults who do love them. It’s the grandparents’ loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents and my in-laws are all terribly uninvolved and indifferent to my children. It bothers me a lot but I am not envious of others who have a close relationship. I help them to cultivate relationships with other adults who do love them. It’s the grandparents’ loss.

Meh as someone with a very uninvolved grandmother (and very very involved grandparents on the other side) I’ll say it sucks for your kids too, trust me. My parents didn’t try to pretend it was fine or normal and that my relationship with other adults - or even my other grandparents - made up for it. Like anything in life, you deal with the hand you’re dealt.

[Anonymous]

Envious, no. Happy for them if they like their dynamic, yes.

I’d rather than uninvolved/absent parents/in laws than problematic ones. That is way worse. Your kids most important relationship and their foundation is you/spouse. Grandparents can certainly be a great bonus, but not a necessity.

[Anonymous]

No. I am not envious of friends who have parents and ILs who are super-involved with their grandkids. I respect and admire these friends and their ILs/parents, that they are able to show patience, sense of humor, tolerance and grace towards each other and have a nice relationship that ultimately benefits all three generations. I do not imagine that it is without friction or without some bumps in the road.

I love my mother but sometimes we both annoy each other. Of course, our mutual love is strong enough that we can ignore the annoyances. I salute people who value family and put in the hard work of being there for each other.

Most of DCUM DILs however hate their moms and MILs. They also hate their spouses, their children, the teachers and their coworkers. They hate their bookclub, their neighbors, their SAHMs and WOHM friends, their unmarried friend, their fertile friend, their TTC friend, Hilaria Baldwin, Meghan Markle, Kardashians, POC women, White women...etc etc.

[Anonymous]

No. There’s usually strings attached.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. There’s usually strings attached.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. There’s usually strings attached.

Wow aren't you positive Polly! I can't imagine why someone wouldn't want to visit you!

[Anonymous]

Completely, openly envious but it isn’t fixable (dead), so it’s just a bummer.

[Anonymous]

Desperately envious.

[Anonymous]

Very envious. Both our parents who would have wanted and loved grandchildren have passed away. Our remaining parents don’t care as much and don’t want to move close. It’s really personally upsetting to see our friends’ parents fawning over their grandkids or grandparent day at school, though of course I’m very glad for those kids.

[Anonymous]

Yes. My mother is dead, father was never in the picture, and my in-laws live in another country. I wish my kids had grandparents they could really get to know and share daily experiences with. I’m sure it would present its own challenges to navigate, but it’s impossible to look at friends who have their parents around all the time and not feel jealously, grief, etc. at times.