Are you envious of your friends and neighbors who have local and super-involved grandparents?

[Anonymous]

Yes. 100%. I used to live near my parents and most of my extended family, and we moved about 800 miles away a few years ago. There were obligations, but there is nothing like the knowledge that someone nearby would be genuinely glad to see you and your kids if you wanted to come over.

[Anonymous]

My parents live close and are super involved since they're retired. I'm actually embarrassed by it! Like people assume I have all this childcare so I should be more active than I am in the school, work etc. Or I always feel left out of the nanny/babysitter/after care conversations. But maybe it is just in my head. Anyhow, interesting to hear another perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's good when your parents live near enough to be free daycare AND your other siblings do not live nearby. But I know of situations where two or more siblings and their parents live in the same city, but the parents provide much more childcare and chauffeuring for one sibling than the other(s).

I don't have my parents around to pick up the slack, but I'm not sure how I would feel if mom picked up my Larla from school two days a week while picking up my sibling's kid five days a week. I'd love the help but the blatant favoritism would constantly wear on me.

The grass is always greener.

This is my siblings and parents. I live far away but my siblings all live close, and my parents have always given the sibling who started having kids first way for attention and help than the others. And the situation is self-reinforcing because my other siblings stopped asking for much since my parents were always busy with the other family, and then resentment grew around it so people didn’t enjoy each other’s company as much due to the feeling of things being unequal. Then the sibling who gets more help caught wind of the resentment and was defensive about it. And now they don’t all get along and there is constant drama.

I am VERY glad to live far away and not get the help and for my kids to have a more distant relationship with them all. Maybe if my family wasn’t nuts, but that’s not what I’m working with here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. There’s usually strings attached.

Wow aren't you positive Polly! I can't imagine why someone wouldn't want to visit you!

Different poster with local, involved grandparents. In fact they moved to NoVa to be close to me and my kids - so they don’t have a ton of other things to fill their time like they would where I grew up. They don’t meddle and we have a good relationship- but there are strings.
They love to babysit and are hurt when I choose to pay a babysitter- however sometimes I don’t want to have a 10 min conversation with my mom about what I had for dinner when I get home from a romantic date with my husband. We see my parents at least once a week - but that means I am constantly planning around their dietary needs, their mobility, etc. I love that they can pick up the kids for me in a pinch, but that’s a night I have to plan and cook a real meal instead of takeout or leftovers. Because they are local, there is an assumption they will always be included in everything we do - carving pumpkins, cutting and decorating the Christmas tree, school events, and parties we host, etc. Sometimes I feel like it cuts into our social life with other couples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope, not jealous at all. My in laws are a short flight away. My parents live in NY and we see them pretty frequently. Both sets of grandparents are very opinionated and overbearing so I would not want them in my everyday life.

I stay home and Dh earns plenty of money. I can get a sitter anytime I want and we have a housekeeper.

Don’t you wish they were not opinionated and overbearing though? I can’t believe that you are happy they are dislikable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely a little envious. My parents try their best but for various reasons can only help but so much. They have a great relationship with our children though.
I feel like we have the worst of both worlds with my ILs- they moved back only 5 minutes away from us and take, take, take but have little/no interest in our children. I'd greatly prefer for them to live far away because we reap zero benefits from this situation and they feel so entitled to our time and energy.
I have friends whose ILs dote on their children and offer to babysit all the time and it's frustrating because we have basically the opposite- constantly asked to do things for ILs with zero offered in enchange (would be understandable if they were elderly or something but they're young).

How young we talking

[Anonymous]

We are really blessed in this respect. Both sets of grandparents are local (one moved to be near us) and offer to help without being pushy or overstepping. Our kids are close with both and see them and their aunts/uncles/cousins regularly for every holiday, birthday, school concert, game, Sunday dinner, etc.

So it is totally possible for all the anti-family naysayers in here.

[Anonymous]

Don’t envy me. I live with my in-laws

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely a little envious. My parents try their best but for various reasons can only help but so much. They have a great relationship with our children though.
I feel like we have the worst of both worlds with my ILs- they moved back only 5 minutes away from us and take, take, take but have little/no interest in our children. I'd greatly prefer for them to live far away because we reap zero benefits from this situation and they feel so entitled to our time and energy.
I have friends whose ILs dote on their children and offer to babysit all the time and it's frustrating because we have basically the opposite- constantly asked to do things for ILs with zero offered in enchange (would be understandable if they were elderly or something but they're young).

How young we talking

Since I have known them which was their early 50s, now early/mid 60s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, not jealous at all. My in laws are a short flight away. My parents live in NY and we see them pretty frequently. Both sets of grandparents are very opinionated and overbearing so I would not want them in my everyday life.

I stay home and Dh earns plenty of money. I can get a sitter anytime I want and we have a housekeeper.

Don’t you wish they were not opinionated and overbearing though? I can’t believe that you are happy they are dislikable.

No, that is not the way I am. I don’t wish things that are out of my control. My in laws raised two fine children.

Our lives are full and happy. I actually don’t think about my ILs much at all. DH talks to them frequently and we see them a few times per year. Some families see their families all the time. I personally wouldn’t want that. I like my own personal space.

I have 3 kids and we have packed schedules. They all play sports. Kids have friends. We have a lot of friends. I don’t think about what I wish and I definitely don’t think about how MIl could change and not be overbearing.

[Anonymous]

Out of all the things to be envious about, this is definitely not one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, not jealous at all. My in laws are a short flight away. My parents live in NY and we see them pretty frequently. Both sets of grandparents are very opinionated and overbearing so I would not want them in my everyday life.

I stay home and Dh earns plenty of money. I can get a sitter anytime I want and we have a housekeeper.

Don’t you wish they were not opinionated and overbearing though? I can’t believe that you are happy they are dislikable.

No, that is not the way I am. I don’t wish things that are out of my control. My in laws raised two fine children.

Our lives are full and happy. I actually don’t think about my ILs much at all. DH talks to them frequently and we see them a few times per year. Some families see their families all the time. I personally wouldn’t want that. I like my own personal space.

I have 3 kids and we have packed schedules. They all play sports. Kids have friends. We have a lot of friends. I don’t think about what I wish and I definitely don’t think about how MIl could change and not be overbearing.

I have everything you have and I still wish for grandparents who were interested and involved. I certainly will be as a grandmother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, not jealous at all. My in laws are a short flight away. My parents live in NY and we see them pretty frequently. Both sets of grandparents are very opinionated and overbearing so I would not want them in my everyday life.

I stay home and Dh earns plenty of money. I can get a sitter anytime I want and we have a housekeeper.

Don’t you wish they were not opinionated and overbearing though? I can’t believe that you are happy they are dislikable.

No, that is not the way I am. I don’t wish things that are out of my control. My in laws raised two fine children.

Our lives are full and happy. I actually don’t think about my ILs much at all. DH talks to them frequently and we see them a few times per year. Some families see their families all the time. I personally wouldn’t want that. I like my own personal space.

I have 3 kids and we have packed schedules. They all play sports. Kids have friends. We have a lot of friends. I don’t think about what I wish and I definitely don’t think about how MIl could change and not be overbearing.

I have everything you have and I still wish for grandparents who were interested and involved. I certainly will be as a grandmother.

The grandparents are definitely interested. I saw our in laws a few weeks ago and I will see my family next week. Will see everyone for Xmas. Not sure why you want or need your children to see your parents so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used it and trust that “involved” is a double edged sword. My in-laws babysit a lot and meddle even more.

Hahahaha we’re already bashing the in-laws? Grow up.

I’m fully grown, that’s how I came to understand trade offs. Why do you post a comment like this any time anyone comments anything less than glowing about their in laws? Does your DIL hate you? Maybe even multiple DILs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are really blessed in this respect. Both sets of grandparents are local (one moved to be near us) and offer to help without being pushy or overstepping. Our kids are close with both and see them and their aunts/uncles/cousins regularly for every holiday, birthday, school concert, game, Sunday dinner, etc.

So it is totally possible for all the anti-family naysayers in here.

This! Surprised by all the awful families in here. Is it so unusual for everyone just to be normal, good people? Yes we all have different interests and might not have chosen to be friends. But everyone knows how to be polite, civil, and not overbearing.