Family mad I canceled event—when my daughter is sick!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First communion in November and not in the spring? What church is this?

NP. Oh hi, Catholic poster. Did you know that other Christian churches have first communions, basically whenever the children are old enough to go through the classes or preparation sessions with the pastor? Do you know that not every denomination dresses their girls in little bridal gowns? Did you know that other denominations honor it as a special day even though they don’t believe in transubstantiation? The More You Know…

Oh hi AH! Just asked a simple question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First communion in November and not in the spring? What church is this?

Our church has fall first communions too.

What kind of church? Just curious.

Protestant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only person in this story who behaved obnoxiously was the “she’s exhausting…it’s not covid” aunt. Everyone else seems perfectly normal and has given fine reactions. I can see a bit the surprise that ILs didn’t come. They could have easily stayed with you and not been near the sick daughter. But also fine they didn’t come.

So one bad aunt isn’t so bad OP! I think you’re being hard on your family. Sounds like they regrouped and handled things ok.

Hope your daughter feels better.

Oh, how interesting that you know the exact size and layout of OP’s dwelling, when she did not provide that information.

What DCUM house doesn’t have a bedroom for a sick child to isolate in??

NP. You think every DCUM house—many in Washington, DC—has not only a separate room for every child, but also a guest room?

You don’t need a guest room to isolate someone sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have thought you were overreacting and would have rolled my eyes—but I also would accept I’m not entitled to your home or time! There are issues where we say “reasonable minds can disagree” and this is one.

NP. I’m truly shocked that anyone would “roll their eyes” during this big season of flu, RSV, and yes, still COVID. You either don’t have kids, or your kids are grown, I take it? Tons of kids are out at our elementary school, and I know a lot of kids who have missed school and parents who have missed work because of it. If I showed up at a party and someone was sick with a fever and sore throat and coughing, we would leave. It’s not worth getting our family sick.

Mmm nope I have 3 kids oldest 10. I would have left sick kid at home with a parent but otherwise had the party.

[Anonymous]

With the exception of covid, which I would assume OP has tested for, you are not expected to isolate for close contact exposure to a cold, flu, RSV, strep etc.

No one here has suggested anything other than that the sick individual (and perhaps one parent caring for her) isolate - the question is whether the rest of the family could have carried on, and some people think yes, some no.

And by all means, it should go without saying, get vaxxed for flu and covid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have thought you were overreacting and would have rolled my eyes—but I also would accept I’m not entitled to your home or time! There are issues where we say “reasonable minds can disagree” and this is one.

This is where I am. I personally would have proceeded with one parent home with the sick kid, and the other daughter getting her communion party. I don’t think both parents need to be home attending to the sick kid, and I don’t think the other sibling should have lost her communion party. But I understand why a parent might have wanted a joint party for both kids, and that’s ok too.

I don't think I would cancel something I am hosting for a kid sick with a cold. Kids are always sick. One parent may have to be more attentive but that's it. I do believe in letting people know you have a sick kid and letting them make their own choice.

Your family sounds disappointed, no need to take this to heart. Maybe don't volunteer to host if you cancel plans so easily. Some people are rain or shine type folks. Halloween this past week was canceled for some due to rain. Others were like put on a rain coat and let's go. Different personalities.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Three things, and then I think I will bow out, with many thanks for everyone who posted perspective and assurance.

1) Thank you so much, pediatrician poster, for now only the reassurance for me personally, but for all of this helpful information. Your time is precious, and you spent it giving us your expertise and experience. Thank you.

2) I did test both daughters for COVID; thankfully negative!

3) To the poster who said “no one agreed with me”…my local cousin who has a husband and four children not only agreed with me, she thanked me for canceling. She and her husband both work outside the home and their kids are in school—staying healthy is important on many levels. She appreciated that I did the responsible thing. My brother, who lives about 45 minutes away and has to be in the office a lot also thanked me and said he fully supported my decision. My pastor thanked me for canceling and keeping the congregation healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Three things, and then I think I will bow out, with many thanks for everyone who posted perspective and assurance.

1) Thank you so much, pediatrician poster, for now only the reassurance for me personally, but for all of this helpful information. Your time is precious, and you spent it giving us your expertise and experience. Thank you.

2) I did test both daughters for COVID; thankfully negative!

3) To the poster who said “no one agreed with me”…my local cousin who has a husband and four children not only agreed with me, she thanked me for canceling. She and her husband both work outside the home and their kids are in school—staying healthy is important on many levels. She appreciated that I did the responsible thing. My brother, who lives about 45 minutes away and has to be in the office a lot also thanked me and said he fully supported my decision. My pastor thanked me for canceling and keeping the congregation healthy.

I think your decision was fine even if I (and others here) would personally would gone about it differently, but I’m not sure given the way you are writing that you recognize that reasonable people could have responded differently.

That being said, I don’t think the judgment your family showed you was fair, and I agree with you on that point.

Glad they are covid negative.

[Anonymous]

OP again: sorry, one more thing:

This party was at my home. So there was no way to “leave one parent with the sick kid and carry on with the party.” This was also a party following the first communion for both of my daughters, so we chose not to go forward because they’ve gone through the classes together, and this was meant to be a special day for both of them. They will both receive first communion together in the near future, and I’m thinking we’ll invite both sets of grandparents for Easter, go to church together, and celebrate our first time all at the communion table together on that day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have thought you were overreacting and would have rolled my eyes—but I also would accept I’m not entitled to your home or time! There are issues where we say “reasonable minds can disagree” and this is one.

This is where I am. I personally would have proceeded with one parent home with the sick kid, and the other daughter getting her communion party. I don’t think both parents need to be home attending to the sick kid, and I don’t think the other sibling should have lost her communion party. But I understand why a parent might have wanted a joint party for both kids, and that’s ok too.

I don't think I would cancel something I am hosting for a kid sick with a cold. Kids are always sick. One parent may have to be more attentive but that's it. I do believe in letting people know you have a sick kid and letting them make their own choice.

Your family sounds disappointed, no need to take this to heart. Maybe don't volunteer to host if you cancel plans so easily. Some people are rain or shine type folks. Halloween this past week was canceled for some due to rain. Others were like put on a rain coat and let's go. Different personalities.

Colds don't run a fever of 102.5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree, I would have cancelled but 102° is not drastic for a child.

OP here. I know that’s not “drastic,” but I also know that—sick, and likely contagious, especially to other kids or older adults. She has a fever, sore throat, stuffy nose, body aches and chills. I’m not rushing to the ER or anything, I’m canceling a family event so as not to get others sick. It’s just fluids and rest and keeping an eye on whether she can go to school on Monday.

Not every child is like prior posters. My kids and I have lower baseline temps. A 102 fever would be huge and no, we would not be hosting anyone and I wouldn't listen to a single comment from anyone. I'd hang up on anyone who criticized my choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have thought you were overreacting and would have rolled my eyes—but I also would accept I’m not entitled to your home or time! There are issues where we say “reasonable minds can disagree” and this is one.

This is where I am. I personally would have proceeded with one parent home with the sick kid, and the other daughter getting her communion party. I don’t think both parents need to be home attending to the sick kid, and I don’t think the other sibling should have lost her communion party. But I understand why a parent might have wanted a joint party for both kids, and that’s ok too.

I don't think I would cancel something I am hosting for a kid sick with a cold. Kids are always sick. One parent may have to be more attentive but that's it. I do believe in letting people know you have a sick kid and letting them make their own choice.

Your family sounds disappointed, no need to take this to heart. Maybe don't volunteer to host if you cancel plans so easily. Some people are rain or shine type folks. Halloween this past week was canceled for some due to rain. Others were like put on a rain coat and let's go. Different personalities.

"Cancel plans so easily"? Stuff it. Her kid was sick and she made the best choice for her family. Also my kids weren't "always sick". What a bunch of hooey.

[Anonymous]

NP and a seasoned mom of 3 young adults. I would have and have done the same. DH and I developed (seriously) bird flu symptoms (anyone remember this?) the week prior to DC’s infant baptism and although baby was fine, we were weak and shaky. You just triggered a memory that in deference to our elderly relatives, we cancelled our at home post baptism celebration and just had a “private” baptism.

The church encouraged this and offered this rather than canceling. My sweet elderly 90 year old Grandmother was undaunted and refused to miss the baptism. She got there and literally watched from a safe distance while the priest baptized our baby in the world’s fastest baptism.