Family mad I canceled event—when my daughter is sick!

[Anonymous]

When I was a newlywed my inlaws flipped out when I cancelled a visit for a party they were throwing because I was so stomach sick I could not keep anything down. They insisted DH come and he did and he apparently was a carrier. He ended up sick there and got everyone sick and up until anyone had a symptoms they insisted I was faking it.

My own mother flipped out that I didn't do anything for her for her birthday because I was too busy in the emergency room with her granddaughter. I did not sleep the entire time she was hospitalized. I told my mother all of this. The day of her birthday I got a hostile text. I didn't know what day it was, what time it was or where i was because I had caught an illness at the hospital and I was disoriented and burnedout. My daughter was home, but still had to be monitored so we were not out of the woods and all my mother could think about was herself. No, I hope my grandaughter is OK and I hope you are holding up OK. Just, a vent about what A terrible daughter I was and how hurt she is.

My husband and I have a close bond in part because we come from people who lack basic empathy and compassion.

[Anonymous]

You did EVERYTHING right. You are not in the wrong. COVID, flu, strep, RSV, or just a nameless virus, it’s considerate to not share germs and expose people who might be vulnerable. Your family is exhausting. You are not. Hugs to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree, I would have cancelled but 102° is not drastic for a child.

OP here. I know that’s not “drastic,” but I also know that—sick, and likely contagious, especially to other kids or older adults. She has a fever, sore throat, stuffy nose, body aches and chills. I’m not rushing to the ER or anything, I’m canceling a family event so as not to get others sick. It’s just fluids and rest and keeping an eye on whether she can go to school on Monday.

[Anonymous]

Good for you OP.

Some people are never happy, they would have also been mad if they had all gotten whatever your dd has. Can't please these types of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird I’m surprised you’re getting so much support. This event sounds pretty big - parents from both sides planning to come in from out of town, multiple local families attending…. Events plus something at church? Sounds like a lot of family was planning for this event and presumably all looking forward to seeing each other.

Of course, you’re the one hosting and it’s your call.

But yeah, I think a fever of 102 is not a big deal. Unless they’re an infant. Give them ibuprofen, hire a babysitter and keep them separate from everyone else. Have the people in your family wear a mask. Tell people so they know and can decide if they don’t want to risk getting sick.

Cancelling the whole thing, which is impacting everyone else - which sounds like at least 20 people - seems pretty over the top.

OP here. The event was for both daughters’ first communion. I’m not going to have a party without one of the two celebrants there! I also offered to keep the catering food and take it over to Uncle’s house so everyone could still enjoy it tomorrow, but they all said to cancel the order and save the money for when we can do the future event. They’re still gathering, going out to dinner tonight, etc. There’s not only my uncle’s house, also a local cousin and my sort-of local brother where people can hang out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was a newlywed my inlaws flipped out when I cancelled a visit for a party they were throwing because I was so stomach sick I could not keep anything down. They insisted DH come and he did and he apparently was a carrier. He ended up sick there and got everyone sick and up until anyone had a symptoms they insisted I was faking it.

My own mother flipped out that I didn't do anything for her for her birthday because I was too busy in the emergency room with her granddaughter. I did not sleep the entire time she was hospitalized. I told my mother all of this. The day of her birthday I got a hostile text. I didn't know what day it was, what time it was or where i was because I had caught an illness at the hospital and I was disoriented and burnedout. My daughter was home, but still had to be monitored so we were not out of the woods and all my mother could think about was herself. No, I hope my grandaughter is OK and I hope you are holding up OK. Just, a vent about what A terrible daughter I was and how hurt she is.

My husband and I have a close bond in part because we come from people who lack basic empathy and compassion.

OP here. Oh, my goodness. I am so sorry, on both counts. That all sounds awful. Retroactive hugs to you, PP!

[Anonymous]

If you were sooo confident in your decision you wouldn’t need to post multiple paragraphs here to get head pats about how you just did EVERYTHING right, you poor dear. You are exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were sooo confident in your decision you wouldn’t need to post multiple paragraphs here to get head pats about how you just did EVERYTHING right, you poor dear. You are exhausting.

Thanks, one poster dissenting in two pages of people supporting. You must be right, when you’re the only one who says so! Have a good day. -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were sooo confident in your decision you wouldn’t need to post multiple paragraphs here to get head pats about how you just did EVERYTHING right, you poor dear. You are exhausting.

Thanks, one poster dissenting in two pages of people supporting. You must be right, when you’re the only one who says so! Have a good day. -OP

OP, the dissenting PP is someone who feels the need to be the AH on most every thread here; that poster's writing style and word choices give him or her away. Just ignore.

[Anonymous]

Since this is a big event people are traveling for, why couldn't you rearrange things so dad stays at home with sick kid and you proceed with a modified celebration at a park, or uncle's house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since this is a big event people are traveling for, why couldn't you rearrange things so dad stays at home with sick kid and you proceed with a modified celebration at a park, or uncle's house?

1) This event was supposed to be first communion for both of my daughters. We are not going to church tomorrow to ensure that we don’t get anyone at church sick.

2) I offered to keep the catering order, pay for it all, and bring it to Uncle’s house. My mom, dad and uncle and his wife all said no, don’t do that, get a refund and we’ll celebrate when the communion can happen.

I have offered to bring my daughter who is well over to see my parents again tomorrow. They said “we’ll see, let’s talk tomorrow.” Tonight, my mom and aunt are going to an event while my dad, uncle and one of my cousins watch football. They’ve made other plans, which is great.

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing, OP. I think this is generational. When I was growing up, you basically had to be on your death bed to miss school or church. Now, we know better and try to spare others from the germs. Also generational - my mother deferred to what my grandmother wanted, not what was best for kids. We also don’t do this in my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You did the right thing. It's not like COVID is the only disease that counts!

+1

Also: The current dominant strain of Covid which is spreading very rapidly, presents like a bad cold: Sore throat, sometimes also congestion, runny nose. Earlier variants did not present like this. People carping about how "it's not Covid" are ill-informed and...not doctors. They can't know if your kid has/had a cold, strep (which also can be very dangerous to older and vulnerable people), the flu (ditto re: dangerous), or Covid.

You were right, OP. Apologize to no one for your decision. They're ingrates for not realizing you are protecting THEM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree, I would have cancelled but 102° is not drastic for a child.

I’m the pp who mentioned it. I’m not saying it’s an emergency, but it’s also clearly something more than a cold. I wouldn’t drag my kid out of the house if they had a 102 fever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were sooo confident in your decision you wouldn’t need to post multiple paragraphs here to get head pats about how you just did EVERYTHING right, you poor dear. You are exhausting.

Yeah I'm with this poster and surprised how many people are on OP's side.

I mean, OP's story mentions a bunch of people in her family who think she's being a drama queen about this - in the grandparent generation and her own generation. her story didn't have a single person in her family who thought she was doing the right thing. I feel like if there were people who supported her, she would have mentioned them.

I think this story is less positive than OP is making it out to be.