Family mad I canceled event—when my daughter is sick!

[Anonymous]

Earlier this week, DD1 was sick. I let people know the family event DH and I are throwing this weekend might be canceled. My parents (who are staying with my local uncle) decided to drive out anyway. I repeated to them that if we’re sick, we’re not having the event and won’t be seeing them. They said that’s fine, we’ll see Uncle Ted and other people. DD1 was better by Thursday night, so everyone said great, we’re still on.

DD2 woke up with a sore throat and low-grade on Friday. I called my parents—who had just gotten on the road—to double check they wanted to come out. They said yes, and the Sunday event can still happen if she’s better. Well, she woke up this morning with a fever of 102.5, sore throat, couldn’t breathe through her nose and was up all night. We’re a mess.

I let local family know the event is canceled. My parents are now livid and said canceling is “over-reacting for just a cold.” I said there’s no way I’m going to have people over for a party and risk getting people sick. My mom says they are willing to risk getting sick. She’s “shocked” my ILs, who were supposed to come stay with us for two nights, are no longer coming at all. I explained that ILs are traveling to GA with friends next weekend, and don’t want to risk ruining that trip.

I brought DD1 (who is not sick) over to Uncle Ted’s house to see my parents for a bit today. I heard his wife saying “She’s exhausting—this is not COVID” about me. I’m just venting here that I know I did the right thing—this event would have involved several small children and school-age children, as well as working parents. It also would have involved a church service on Sunday morning, and there’s no way I’m taking a sick kid to church, where we have a mostly elderly population.

I’m tired of people in my family acting like, unless it’s COVID, all illnesses are “just finnnnneeee.” This season alone, DD2 has missed 7 days of school because of illness—way more than the whole of last school year! We’ve all been sick, we’ve missed school, we’ve missed work. I don’t want my cousins and their kids or anyone else to miss school or work. I guess that makes me “exhausting.”

Thank you for letting me vent.

[Anonymous]

You are absolutely right and you did the right thing.

Try to focus your energy away from this and tune them out.

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing, and you also need to accept that your parents have different opinions and will judge you accordingly.

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing. It's not like COVID is the only disease that counts!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are absolutely right and you did the right thing.

Try to focus your energy away from this and tune them out.

Thank you. That honestly is so kind of you to say. I needed to hear that. -OP

[Anonymous]

You know who is exhausting? Your extended family is exhausting. Look at all these hoops you have to go through and you still get labeled.

You did the right thing. Vent away, here.

BTW, sometimes, those with less of a spine get jealous or mad at those who hold firmer boundaries. SIL probably gives in to your family more, and is jealous that you don't.

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing especially when elderly people are involved. My kids have been non=stop since September with non-Covid illnesses. I had to take a day off of work last week because I had a 102 fever!!

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing, OP! Even ignoring the public health minded aspect, no one should be expected to host while caring for a sick kid. I hope your family feels better soon.

[Anonymous]

Your relatives sound exhausting. You did the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You did the right thing, and you also need to accept that your parents have different opinions and will judge you accordingly.

Thank you, PP. You are right—I can only control my thoughts and decisions. I appreciate your perspective.

Thank you to everyone. Honestly, it is really helpful to get a little support here. DCUM can be—well, you know—bonkers at times, but it also is a really good resource sometimes! I appreciate you. -OP

[Anonymous]

Yea, a 102 fever is a different kettle of fish. Sorry you guys are dealing with this.

[Anonymous]

Your family are jerks. Your child is sick and miserable. You are looking after her. If you don’t want to host an event, that’s reasonable. These people should just carry on. And your uncle’s wife is rude talking about you like that. I would ask her about it in a calmer moment.

[Anonymous]

You also gave them plenty of warning that you would likely cancel. Shouldn’t have been a surprise to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Agree, I would have cancelled but 102° is not drastic for a child.

[Anonymous]

Weird I’m surprised you’re getting so much support. This event sounds pretty big - parents from both sides planning to come in from out of town, multiple local families attending…. Events plus something at church? Sounds like a lot of family was planning for this event and presumably all looking forward to seeing each other.

Of course, you’re the one hosting and it’s your call.

But yeah, I think a fever of 102 is not a big deal. Unless they’re an infant. Give them ibuprofen, hire a babysitter and keep them separate from everyone else. Have the people in your family wear a mask. Tell people so they know and can decide if they don’t want to risk getting sick.

Cancelling the whole thing, which is impacting everyone else - which sounds like at least 20 people - seems pretty over the top.