Mom's memory care increasing 1k a month

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d start looking for a place. Also start applying for Medicaid if you haven’t yet. It takes awhile.

Thing is this. If she can’t pay and you can’t either, she will be evicted. That takes some time but all they have to do is give a 30 day notice and then find a safe place for her. Problem is that you might not like what is considered safe. If you want any control over where she goes, you need to act now and be prepared.

There was another post here yesterday where someone mentioned medicaid. If OP's mom is getting $6k/month she will not qualify. I think the limit is somewhere under $2k/month.

Yes, her current pension+SS puts her above Medicaid.

However, at age 88, she qualifies for Medicare. If she is not receiving Medicare, then OP should talk to the financial department of the facility about filing for Medicare and then using the combined pension/SS to pay for the costs over the Medicare rate. Medicare could be able to bridge between what OP's mother can afford and their costs. Typically when places avoid Medicare it is because the patients are only relying on Medicare and facilities often cannot operate only on the amount that Medicare pays. But if they can register her as a Medicate patient and allow the patient to supplement the Medicare costs out of pocket, then that could allow her to stay in the same facility.

OP--if you have not, you definitely need to talk to the financial department and inquire about the possibility of filing for Medicare for your mother.

Medicare does not pay for nursing home care. You have no idea what you are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - do you have any family members who can help contribute to her care? Even if they are just contributing 50 -100 a year that could add up if it's from a few people.

No, sadly it is all on me. I have one sibling but they have cut themselves off from the family years ago.

Just to be clear, my mom may have dementia and be nonverbal but she is still in there somewhere. She recognizes me and squeezes my hand really hard when she sees me. She searches my face with her eyes. Its is actually very upsetting. You can tell she is scared and confused. She is not catatonic waiting to die nor is she being forced fed to be kept alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to ask this, but what is her prognosis vis-a-vis lifespan? Once my mother hit memory care she was only alive for about 9 months.

My dad has been in memory care for over 2 years.

[Anonymous]

I would look into Medicaid too. She may be eligible for spend down. Talk to a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would look into Medicaid too. She may be eligible for spend down. Talk to a lawyer.

I just feel like people don't read anymore.

The OP clearly states that the mother gets a pension. You can't spend down a pension.

[Anonymous]

Just pay it. Its worth it if she is someplace you like and is easy to get to.

-Someone whose mother died in assisted living

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't move her. It sounds like your Mom is already in the mid, if not close to late stages of dementia, any move to a new and unfamiliar environment could cause her to decline even more rapidly. The not eating and lack of verbal communication are some of the first signs that end stage of dementia is coming.

- Someone who lost her father to dementia while in memory care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - do you have any family members who can help contribute to her care? Even if they are just contributing 50 -100 a year that could add up if it's from a few people.

No, sadly it is all on me. I have one sibling but they have cut themselves off from the family years ago.

Just to be clear, my mom may have dementia and be nonverbal but she is still in there somewhere. She recognizes me and squeezes my hand really hard when she sees me. She searches my face with her eyes. Its is actually very upsetting. You can tell she is scared and confused. She is not catatonic waiting to die nor is she being forced fed to be kept alive.

I am sorry that's rough. Is there any extended family who might be willing to pitch in? Maybe a favorite niece? nephew? cousin? sister? brother?
It seems like you really want to keep her there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d start looking for a place. Also start applying for Medicaid if you haven’t yet. It takes awhile.

Thing is this. If she can’t pay and you can’t either, she will be evicted. That takes some time but all they have to do is give a 30 day notice and then find a safe place for her. Problem is that you might not like what is considered safe. If you want any control over where she goes, you need to act now and be prepared.

There was another post here yesterday where someone mentioned medicaid. If OP's mom is getting $6k/month she will not qualify. I think the limit is somewhere under $2k/month.

Yes, her current pension+SS puts her above Medicaid.

However, at age 88, she qualifies for Medicare. If she is not receiving Medicare, then OP should talk to the financial department of the facility about filing for Medicare and then using the combined pension/SS to pay for the costs over the Medicare rate. Medicare could be able to bridge between what OP's mother can afford and their costs. Typically when places avoid Medicare it is because the patients are only relying on Medicare and facilities often cannot operate only on the amount that Medicare pays. But if they can register her as a Medicate patient and allow the patient to supplement the Medicare costs out of pocket, then that could allow her to stay in the same facility.

OP--if you have not, you definitely need to talk to the financial department and inquire about the possibility of filing for Medicare for your mother.

Medicare does not pay for nursing home care. You have no idea what you are talking about.

It covers some costs and some facilities will help you determine if they have ad hoc or cafeteria services that can be broken out to have partial coverage. This is why you have to talk to the financial aid department of the facility where the patient is resident. They are familiar with their facility, the fees and if any of their services are covered.

Alternatively, Medicare could be used to offset some of the incidentals that OP reserved some money for. If they can get some of the incidental fees covered by Medicare, then they would have more money to pay towards the facility.

https://www.memorycare.com/does-medicare-cover-memory-care/

When Medicare Will or Won't Cover Memory Care
Medicare covers some, but not all, costs of care in a memory care facility. It doesn’t cover any type of long-term care, but it does cover the following:

Inpatient hospital care
Semi-private rooms
Meals
General nursing care
Medications
Hospital supplies
Diagnostic testing
100 days of skilled nursing home care
Hospice care

[Anonymous]

Is home care an option?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - do you have any family members who can help contribute to her care? Even if they are just contributing 50 -100 a year that could add up if it's from a few people.

No, sadly it is all on me. I have one sibling but they have cut themselves off from the family years ago.

Just to be clear, my mom may have dementia and be nonverbal but she is still in there somewhere. She recognizes me and squeezes my hand really hard when she sees me. She searches my face with her eyes. Its is actually very upsetting. You can tell she is scared and confused. She is not catatonic waiting to die nor is she being forced fed to be kept alive.

This made me cry. I miss my own mom so much. I don’t have any advice for you but hope things work out the best for your mom and for you. Memory loss and dementia are so cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would look into Medicaid too. She may be eligible for spend down. Talk to a lawyer.

I just feel like people don't read anymore.

The OP clearly states that the mother gets a pension. You can't spend down a pension.

Yes, you can spend down a pension. In Maryland at least. Don’t know about other states. Your assets have to be spent down below $2500. Then if nursing home costs say $13,000/month and pension/SS is say $5000, the state will take all but $93 of the $5000 and cover the rest. It’s best to place loved one in a nursing home that takes Medicaid and have them spend down their assets to below $2500 and the social workers will apply for Medicaid when they are eligible. They will be Medicaid pending while applying. 5 years of bank statements are required.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything in life is negotiable. Call and ask them if you can do $5500 per month.

Definitely this. Try to negotiate. I am sure their budget is built to expect not everyone paying for freight. I’m sure there are significant costs involved when it comes to losing a patient and bringing on a new patient. Unless you guys are problematic for them I’m sure they would much rather you stay.

Damn right. Ask them for a breakdown of where the additional costs are going.

Good luck with that. What on earth makes you think you are entitled to that information, or that they would give it to you? When the price of a tomato goes up, do you think the grocery store is obligated to tell you where the increase is allocated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything in life is negotiable. Call and ask them if you can do $5500 per month.

Definitely this. Try to negotiate. I am sure their budget is built to expect not everyone paying for freight. I’m sure there are significant costs involved when it comes to losing a patient and bringing on a new patient. Unless you guys are problematic for them I’m sure they would much rather you stay.

Damn right. Ask them for a breakdown of where the additional costs are going.

Good luck with that. What on earth makes you think you are entitled to that information, or that they would give it to you? When the price of a tomato goes up, do you think the grocery store is obligated to tell you where the increase is allocated?

Agree. Please do not ask them this. Some nursing homes will oust patients based on “being unable to care for them,” when it could really be about not wanting to deal with annoying family members. Trust me, you need them more than they need you, particularly when dealing with what a prior PP identified as likely late stage dementia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly certain that mine basically starved to death. No one could get her to eat at all for the last 6 months

And HOW is that ethical. Elderly care in this country is disgusting.

You are being dramatic and don't seem to have much experience with the long road of being there for the elderly.How exactly do you propose they force someone to eat? Would you like the person drugged with something to increase appetite and then chained down and force fed? There are feeding programs for infants and babies who have failure to thrive and they are intensive.Are you proposing we spend millions on such a thing for the elderly in the hopes of prolonging life by maybe a year or two as they lose quality of life because other areas decline?