Mom's memory care increasing 1k a month

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly certain that mine basically starved to death. No one could get her to eat at all for the last 6 months

And HOW is that ethical. Elderly care in this country is disgusting.

It’s part of the natural death process. There’s a woman I follow on FB who is also on TikTok I believe called Hospice Nurse Julie who really does a good job of explaining what happens when people are dying.

[Anonymous]

Since she is not there anymore, she will not be aware that anything is a "crisis" if you move her, now or later. Stay calm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everything in life is negotiable. Call and ask them if you can do $5500 per month.

Definitely this. Try to negotiate. I am sure their budget is built to expect not everyone paying for freight. I’m sure there are significant costs involved when it comes to losing a patient and bringing on a new patient. Unless you guys are problematic for them I’m sure they would much rather you stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly certain that mine basically starved to death. No one could get her to eat at all for the last 6 months

And HOW is that ethical. Elderly care in this country is disgusting.

Understood, but I also question our ethics of keeping people alive - and only alive - without considering if that is what is best for THEM. Life isn't only about quantity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything in life is negotiable. Call and ask them if you can do $5500 per month.

Definitely this. Try to negotiate. I am sure their budget is built to expect not everyone paying for freight. I’m sure there are significant costs involved when it comes to losing a patient and bringing on a new patient. Unless you guys are problematic for them I’m sure they would much rather you stay.

Damn right. Ask them for a breakdown of where the additional costs are going.

[Anonymous]

I agree the way the elderly are treated is appalling. IMO dementia and not eating means the body is on its way out. If it’s in your will or advance directive that you don’t want to live if you are in late stage dementia, this wish should be respected here in the US. One should not have to go to a foreign country while still in early stage dementia - and still able to enjoy your loved ones - to euthanize. If this country doesn’t fully subsidize elder care, then euthanasia should be a respected option.

[Anonymous]

I would be really surprised if you can find anything cheaper that’s not a full-on medicare facility. My MIL memory care is 9K/month in Michigan. Was your father in Vietnam? There is a program that pays for elder care for Vietnam vets/spouses once all the assets are gone..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything in life is negotiable. Call and ask them if you can do $5500 per month.

Definitely this. Try to negotiate. I am sure their budget is built to expect not everyone paying for freight. I’m sure there are significant costs involved when it comes to losing a patient and bringing on a new patient. Unless you guys are problematic for them I’m sure they would much rather you stay.

I hadn't thought of this. I will try to see if they can phase in the increase over the next year or two.

Thanks for the tip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree the way the elderly are treated is appalling. IMO dementia and not eating means the body is on its way out. If it’s in your will or advance directive that you don’t want to live if you are in late stage dementia, this wish should be respected here in the US. One should not have to go to a foreign country while still in early stage dementia - and still able to enjoy your loved ones - to euthanize. If this country doesn’t fully subsidize elder care, then euthanasia should be a respected option.

Yes this is what my HOW is that ethical statement was about. It would be nice to be able to say once I stop eating on my own or drinking on my own, I would like to be euthanatized if I have a diagnosis of dementia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything in life is negotiable. Call and ask them if you can do $5500 per month.

Definitely this. Try to negotiate. I am sure their budget is built to expect not everyone paying for freight. I’m sure there are significant costs involved when it comes to losing a patient and bringing on a new patient. Unless you guys are problematic for them I’m sure they would much rather you stay.

I hadn't thought of this. I will try to see if they can phase in the increase over the next year or two.

Thanks for the tip.

I guarantee that their budgeting methodology includes several patients who are going to have some sort of discount. It’s like being a landlord. If you have a good tenant it’s much better to try and keep them and not raise the rent too much then raising the rent a lot and likely losing a good tenant and then having to prepare the apartment for a new tenant who might turn out to be awful. Lots of unknowns

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree the way the elderly are treated is appalling. IMO dementia and not eating means the body is on its way out. If it’s in your will or advance directive that you don’t want to live if you are in late stage dementia, this wish should be respected here in the US. One should not have to go to a foreign country while still in early stage dementia - and still able to enjoy your loved ones - to euthanize. If this country doesn’t fully subsidize elder care, then euthanasia should be a respected option.

Yes this is what my HOW is that ethical statement was about. It would be nice to be able to say once I stop eating on my own or drinking on my own, I would like to be euthanatized if I have a diagnosis of dementia.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to ask this, but what is her prognosis vis-a-vis lifespan? Once my mother hit memory care she was only alive for about 9 months.

She has no other health issues, besides losing weight from not eating enough. She started having dementia around 2018 but has had full blown dementia for about three years now. Barely speaks at all. It's very sad. She's really not there anymore. She is 88, but in "good health."

That was my mother. The not eating results in a more rapid decline than you might think. It’s the first sign. I would stay put.

Yes, just went though this (well my ex dh did with ex mil) she stopped talking much about 2 years ago and was not eating much about 6 months ago and passed away last month. I'm sorry OP. I'd probably try to keep her where she is.

[Anonymous]

I’d start looking for a place. Also start applying for Medicaid if you haven’t yet. It takes awhile.

Thing is this. If she can’t pay and you can’t either, she will be evicted. That takes some time but all they have to do is give a 30 day notice and then find a safe place for her. Problem is that you might not like what is considered safe. If you want any control over where she goes, you need to act now and be prepared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 20% increase in one year is predatory. I would ask them what percentage wage increase the staff will receive.

Open your eyes. It’s reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d start looking for a place. Also start applying for Medicaid if you haven’t yet. It takes awhile.

Thing is this. If she can’t pay and you can’t either, she will be evicted. That takes some time but all they have to do is give a 30 day notice and then find a safe place for her. Problem is that you might not like what is considered safe. If you want any control over where she goes, you need to act now and be prepared.

There was another post here yesterday where someone mentioned medicaid. If OP's mom is getting $6k/month she will not qualify. I think the limit is somewhere under $2k/month.