Mom's memory care increasing 1k a month

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she have any assets you can sell? It pains me to see adult children refusing to sell X, Y, or Z because it's their inheritance, rather than using it for the care of their parent.

She has no assets, or savings. We're not refusing to sell anything. She gets a pension and social security and that's it.

[Anonymous]

How long has she been there, do you have a sense whether this is a typical increase that you can expect from year to year or was this increase unusual?

If it's going up 20%/year, I'd start looking because she'll be priced out in a year. If that's unusual, then I'd stay because that is a reasonable price (as long as this is not a typical rate of increase), she's close, and she's comfortable there. Even if you choose to stay, would definitely start researching alternatives in case something changes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re in DMV that is cheap!

Honestly, it’s a good deal just about anywhere. My cousins are looking for a place for their parents and have been surprised at the costs in the more rural area where one sibling lives compared to the costs in the metro NY area where the other sibling lives. I think the closer-in location benefits from economies of scale and possibly some tax breaks. I wouldn’t assume you’ll find cheaper memory care farther away.

I know that dementia care is very expensive everywhere. I think there are some private group homes way out in MoCo and PG county that are cheaper, but those places seem to have a lot less oversight and make me nervous.

But if my mom's place raises the price again, we will have to move her. I guess we will keep her there until we are financially forced to make a move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long has she been there, do you have a sense whether this is a typical increase that you can expect from year to year or was this increase unusual?

If it's going up 20%/year, I'd start looking because she'll be priced out in a year. If that's unusual, then I'd stay because that is a reasonable price (as long as this is not a typical rate of increase), she's close, and she's comfortable there. Even if you choose to stay, would definitely start researching alternatives in case something changes.

She's been there a few years with modest yearly increases, then this year they are attributing the big jump in cost to Covid plus inflation.

[Anonymous]

If the price hike is in large part due to inflation, if I were you, I’d definitely research other backup options, since we have no idea what will happen with inflation in the next couple years, and it may not be good.

Since she and you are happy with her there, that is a blessing, and I’d try to keep her there even if it’s a little bit of a reach, and pray things stay reasonably manageable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to ask this, but what is her prognosis vis-a-vis lifespan? Once my mother hit memory care she was only alive for about 9 months.

She has no other health issues, besides losing weight from not eating enough. She started having dementia around 2018 but has had full blown dementia for about three years now. Barely speaks at all. It's very sad. She's really not there anymore. She is 88, but in "good health."

That was my mother. The not eating results in a more rapid decline than you might think. It’s the first sign. I would stay put.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to ask this, but what is her prognosis vis-a-vis lifespan? Once my mother hit memory care she was only alive for about 9 months.

She has no other health issues, besides losing weight from not eating enough. She started having dementia around 2018 but has had full blown dementia for about three years now. Barely speaks at all. It's very sad. She's really not there anymore. She is 88, but in "good health."

That was my mother. The not eating results in a more rapid decline than you might think. It’s the first sign. I would stay put.

+1

[Anonymous]

I'm fairly certain that mine basically starved to death. No one could get her to eat at all for the last 6 months

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly certain that mine basically starved to death. No one could get her to eat at all for the last 6 months

And HOW is that ethical. Elderly care in this country is disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly certain that mine basically starved to death. No one could get her to eat at all for the last 6 months

Same and same with a father who didn’t have dementia. Two weeks of liquid only and he was gone. It’s not like they are “choosing” intermittent fasting and can hang on for years like this the way a healthy 40-something might. It is different. It is the mind and body shutting down together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly certain that mine basically starved to death. No one could get her to eat at all for the last 6 months

And HOW is that ethical. Elderly care in this country is disgusting.

Not the poster but they probably did liquids and/ or intravenous but there is a certain unstoppable quality to this, having witnessed it twice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly certain that mine basically starved to death. No one could get her to eat at all for the last 6 months

Same and same with a father who didn’t have dementia. Two weeks of liquid only and he was gone. It’s not like they are “choosing” intermittent fasting and can hang on for years like this the way a healthy 40-something might. It is different. It is the mind and body shutting down together.

The obsession in the country to extend “life” no matter the cost or no matter how infirm someone is is really sad. Death is a part of life. If I learn I have dementia, I will def plan for euthanasia rather than burden my children with these types of emotional, physical, and financial issues that they are left to deal with when I don’t even know who they are anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly certain that mine basically starved to death. No one could get her to eat at all for the last 6 months

And HOW is that ethical. Elderly care in this country is disgusting.

I’m sorry but I think you have little experience of end of life care. It is very very common for elderly people to stop eating. Guess what? It is also common for other species besides humans, too. The body goes through a natural process of shutting down if one is ‘blessed’ enough to live into the very elderly years.

Having worked 8 years in elder care, mostly hospice status patients, I can attest that there is nothing cruel about refraining from force feeding an elderly person who doesn’t have an appetite. It is an entirely different thing from refusing to feed a healthy younger body. It is not cruelty and having had a number of entirely lucid patients who chose to stop taking nourishment, it is not painful either.

Millions of people- billions, in fact - choose to fast on a regular basis for religious or dietary reasons - do you think these people would do that if refraining from eating was an acutely painful thing? It just isn’t. And when the body is 80+ years old and everything is slowly shutting down, it simply doesn’t hurt to stop eating.

In my experience the most disgusting aspect of elder care in this country is that there are too many doctors nurses aides and family members who coerce patients into every possible treatment to extend their lives even if they are living in despair over their existence which has very little quality of life anymore. That’s what I see all the time, not people suffering because they are allowed to peacefully fade away.
The most

[Anonymous]

A 20% increase in one year is predatory. I would ask them what percentage wage increase the staff will receive.

[Anonymous]

Everything in life is negotiable. Call and ask them if you can do $5500 per month.