ADHD in husband not found by neurologist/psychiatrist?
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Anonymous
Thanks. I needed that wake up call. He actually moved out. He said that he sees the misery he's adding to our lives and left. I thought he went to stay in a hotel but he stayed at his work overnight for a week, which is completely inappropriate. But that did lead his therapist to independently determine that he has Asperger's as apparently that's a common reaction is to stay a place that they feel safe even if it's inappropriate. I have now even booked him a hotel room but he says he won't stay there. We'll see. He could even stay with us but it's good that he doesn't want to. He didn't even call or text our daughter for a week until I said something to him. It's interesting that someone else mentioned their birth story. It's very similar to mine. He hyperventilated for months that I was pregnant even though we stopped using birth control. Then when I was in labor, he insisted on going to work. I had to call the doctor, who told him not to, and explained that he was going to have to drive me to the hospital. He then went to work anyway and left me at home. He said he would come home as soon as he could but stayed the whole day, so we were forced to fight DC traffic to get to the hospital in late labor. He then went to work the next day. At the time, he worked as an intern for a nonprofit with no stress. It was ridiculous, but I was young and didn't understand. Then when I thought I got pregnant again (using birth control), he yelled at me, saying I tricked him. I either just had a late period or lost the baby (I don't know but I was very sick so I think the latter). Our DD has actually been diagnosed with HFA and I 100% get that empathy is normal (if anything, she has too much) but I think his weird lack of empathy could also he related. Maybe not. Either way, I cannot imagine her yelling at someone for getting pregnant. She doesn't yell at all. (DH rarely yells but when he does, it is irrational.) I cannot believe I may be divorcing DH for having Asperger's because that sounds ridiculous but maybe that's it. He never shows or tells DD or I how much we mean to him but often makes us feel bad about ourselves, and yet he weirdly prioritizes strangers like he needs to fit in so badly and yet as a result, he is fitting in less. I actually think he'll be nicer to us if he sees us less. He has no need or desire to see us at all. He often acts cruel, saying things about us that may be technically true but the way he says them makes us look bad, like he implied I was fat and eating too much when I was pregnant, or he will tell me randomly how he'll always think an ex-girlfriend was the prettiest girl he ever met. The other thing that the therapist said is that ecstasy that he took with an ex-girlfriend (6 times for their 6 dates) could have permanently damaged his brain. I had never heard of this and she was not damaged at all. But apparently it created an attachment with her so he's unable to attach to me or our daughter correctly. Does that make sense? |
Anonymous
| You’re such a troll OP. |
Anonymous
What bullshit. You are obviously the type to call everyone a troll. Just don't go on DCUM then. I personally have found 99% of the comments helpful and have used them in the past too. |
Anonymous
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I don’t think OP is a troll and I appreciated the update.
The only thing I just don’t understand is the last paragraph of her update post re: ecstasy use… ?!?!? |
Anonymous
She’s either a troll, has a terrible therapist, or is completely distorting what the therapist said because she is BPD. The therapist diagnosed autism based on the fact that he slept at his office? And claimed that using Ecstacy a handful of times gave him an attachment disorder? OP is off her rocker. Or trolling. |
Anonymous
you don’t understand if because she is trolling and or insane and it’s slipping out. |
Anonymous
| Is he depressed? I think both of you need each other. In sickness and in health? You and daughter leaving him would be no different than him leaving you in ER. |
Anonymous
Oh gawd no. Can the unhealthy co-dependency and abuse cycle. Him not knowing what to do during a divorce separation is par for the course of an HFa. It will either take years and a slow motion glide path, or file with the attorneys so he has a third party authority figure coaxing him along. Or else he’ll be in contempt of court. Time is up for him to be an adult or not and manage his shortcomings. No one needs that albatross. |
Anonymous
| And one he hyperfocuses, he’ll be nasty and tell anyone who listens to him how everything is your fault. |
Anonymous
Who cares what damaged his brain. Likely genetic so watch out for under developed brain in any offspring too. |