Poll - should spouses tell each other about job offers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell, sure but losing your clearance is not worth that raise and right to turn down bb

What is big deal about security clearance unless you work in TS area/projects? I gave up mine many years ago (didn't want to renew but I can apply for one any time) and I have never had an issue with anything.

Agree.

Unless yours leveraging it for tougher and bigger jobs every few years, that require it, it’s not that valuable.

You have to apply it to unlock its value.

[Anonymous]

For an internal job offer? No, absolutely not.

If the job requires a move, it should be discussed before the first interview. Unless the spouse interviewing plans to leave, but that’s another situation entirely.

[Anonymous]

Why is losing clearance such a loss? Is the government so stupid that it throws away talented people who already had clearance just because they worked on a different project for the government?

Unless you mean that the person does compromising spy work and has to be cut off from secrets or compartmentalization.

[Anonymous]

The devil is in the details. One of my old supervisors ran into me and, basically on the spot, offered me a job back in his division — so, an internal move within my organization. I thought about it for basically a day, told him no, and kept on my merry way. I did mention it to my spouse just as a curiosity — “oh did I tell you about my run-in with John?” — but just as easily could have forgotten to mention it.

But applying for something, formally interviewing, getting an offer, and turning it down without any mention to spouse? That would be a bit weird.

[Anonymous]

For some anecdata, my dad allegedly came home and told my mom he accepted a job that entailed a cross country move when my sister and I were toddlers. Things ended badly.

My now ex interviewed for a job in Thailand(!!) without telling me. Similar results.

This being DCUM, the conclusion will be that my mom and I both have “bad pickers” (true for me, not for her, she’s happily remarried).

But both events were ominous.

You know your marriage OP. This wouldn’t fly with me. Not because I need or think I deserve vetoe power. But because we are a family and share our lives.

Have you discussed your feelings with H? Was this out of the blue or is this a pattern? Has division of labor eroded in your marriage and this is further evidence of a feeling of loss of respect, or is it a one-off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is losing clearance such a loss? Is the government so stupid that it throws away talented people who already had clearance just because they worked on a different project for the government?

Unless you mean that the person does compromising spy work and has to be cut off from secrets or compartmentalization.

Contractors don't want to wait around for you to get cleared again (or not cleared - you could get rejected). They might want someone who can start right away on a project, they might not have billable work for you to do while you wait.

[Anonymous]

I think he should have mentioned it, but didn’t need to ask your opinion. I am often ambivalent about choices and seek input from others (sounds like you are too), but I am working of improving this personal weakness. Nonetheless, I would never, ever let my DH dictate what job I should or shouldn’t take. It’s too personal and there are so many intangibles involved (fit, workload etc), that another persons opinion shouldn’t factor in - unless it requires a move or significant loss of income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird question. I don’t know about “obligation” but in a healthy relationship these are the types of things one would share with their partner anyway. Sounds like there are probably other issues in the marriage.

This. I don't think there are any "rules" about this, but I would find it very weird to not discuss the issue with your spouse. Both my husband and I have changed jobs (total about five times) since we started dating and we always discussed everything with each other.