Poll - should spouses tell each other about job offers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell, sure but losing your clearance is not worth that raise and right to turn down bb

It depends. My DH had a clearance, but took a WFH job w/o clearance so that I could take a higher paying opportunity in person. In taking that higher paying opportunity I also gave up my clearance. So we went from 2 clearances to none but more money and flexibility.

You're a team working for the betterment of the family unit. Each job decision affects everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell, sure but losing your clearance is not worth that raise and right to turn down bb

What is big deal about security clearance unless you work in TS area/projects? I gave up mine many years ago (didn't want to renew but I can apply for one any time) and I have never had an issue with anything.

[Anonymous]

Seems like there are other issues if Spouse 1 isn't telling 2 about the interview like in regular conversation. "Hi honey how was your day?" "ooh it was fine, nothing unusual!"

[Anonymous]

Your spouse should have discussed it with you - however I believe they were correct in that the security clearance will in the long run be worth more $$$$

[Anonymous]

Turning down a job because you'll lose clearance is total nonsense. When you want a job that requires clearance, you get the job and the clearance follows. It's not like giving up the clearance now would *disqualify* you from getting it again. I had a TS job, then decided to do a non-nat sec job, then decided to take another TS job. No problem. Spouse 1 sounds doubly suspicious to me: not telling spouse 2 about the job and then in all likelihood lying about the reason for not "taking" it.

[Anonymous]

OP here, sorry, I was in a meeting. But this is interesting. I'm spouse 2, and my husband just dropped into conversation like super casual that I was offered a job but turned it down. It would have been work from home, and his commute is significant, 45 miles each way. I also work from home so it wouldn't have been ideal for me, but we never even discussed it. I was just sort of stunned that this is considered acceptable for him, to unilaterally make a decision that affects everyone.

Obligation wasn't the right word. I just feel like this falls squarely into "we're a team, we should operate as a team" category. I wouldn't dream of taking or not taking a job without just checking in and having conversation. It just wouldn't be a question. I also recently interviewed for a job, decided after two rounds that it wasn't for me, and communicated the whole thing to him as I went. So the fact that he was also doing this internally and never brought it up is shady to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, sorry, I was in a meeting. But this is interesting. I'm spouse 2, and my husband just dropped into conversation like super casual that I was offered a job but turned it down. It would have been work from home, and his commute is significant, 45 miles each way. I also work from home so it wouldn't have been ideal for me, but we never even discussed it. I was just sort of stunned that this is considered acceptable for him, to unilaterally make a decision that affects everyone.

Obligation wasn't the right word. I just feel like this falls squarely into "we're a team, we should operate as a team" category. I wouldn't dream of taking or not taking a job without just checking in and having conversation. It just wouldn't be a question. I also recently interviewed for a job, decided after two rounds that it wasn't for me, and communicated the whole thing to him as I went. So the fact that he was also doing this internally and never brought it up is shady to me.

I would expect it to come up in conversation in my marriage, but he gets to pick his job. I wouldn't dream of telling me spouse what job to take or not take, even when money has been tight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like there are other issues if Spouse 1 isn't telling 2 about the interview like in regular conversation. "Hi honey how was your day?" "ooh it was fine, nothing unusual!"

This. Get thee to counseling to figure out how to communicate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, sorry, I was in a meeting. But this is interesting. I'm spouse 2, and my husband just dropped into conversation like super casual that I was offered a job but turned it down. It would have been work from home, and his commute is significant, 45 miles each way. I also work from home so it wouldn't have been ideal for me, but we never even discussed it. I was just sort of stunned that this is considered acceptable for him, to unilaterally make a decision that affects everyone.

Obligation wasn't the right word. I just feel like this falls squarely into "we're a team, we should operate as a team" category. I wouldn't dream of taking or not taking a job without just checking in and having conversation. It just wouldn't be a question. I also recently interviewed for a job, decided after two rounds that it wasn't for me, and communicated the whole thing to him as I went. So the fact that he was also doing this internally and never brought it up is shady to me.

I would expect it to come up in conversation in my marriage, but he gets to pick his job. I wouldn't dream of telling me spouse what job to take or not take, even when money has been tight.

I wouldn't either. Not sure where being upset that it wasn't even discussed translated into me thinking I could tell him what job to take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, sorry, I was in a meeting. But this is interesting. I'm spouse 2, and my husband just dropped into conversation like super casual that I was offered a job but turned it down. It would have been work from home, and his commute is significant, 45 miles each way. I also work from home so it wouldn't have been ideal for me, but we never even discussed it. I was just sort of stunned that this is considered acceptable for him, to unilaterally make a decision that affects everyone.

Obligation wasn't the right word. I just feel like this falls squarely into "we're a team, we should operate as a team" category. I wouldn't dream of taking or not taking a job without just checking in and having conversation. It just wouldn't be a question. I also recently interviewed for a job, decided after two rounds that it wasn't for me, and communicated the whole thing to him as I went. So the fact that he was also doing this internally and never brought it up is shady to me.

I would expect it to come up in conversation in my marriage, but he gets to pick his job. I wouldn't dream of telling me spouse what job to take or not take, even when money has been tight.

Sure! But you have a chance to discuss, offer him advice, and also share what your thoughts are as to how it would impact your marriage/relationship/family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, sorry, I was in a meeting. But this is interesting. I'm spouse 2, and my husband just dropped into conversation like super casual that I was offered a job but turned it down. It would have been work from home, and his commute is significant, 45 miles each way. I also work from home so it wouldn't have been ideal for me, but we never even discussed it. I was just sort of stunned that this is considered acceptable for him, to unilaterally make a decision that affects everyone.

Obligation wasn't the right word. I just feel like this falls squarely into "we're a team, we should operate as a team" category. I wouldn't dream of taking or not taking a job without just checking in and having conversation. It just wouldn't be a question. I also recently interviewed for a job, decided after two rounds that it wasn't for me, and communicated the whole thing to him as I went. So the fact that he was also doing this internally and never brought it up is shady to me.

You sound controlling and insecure. Sad that you don't trust your DH to make good decisions without guidance from mommy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell, sure but losing your clearance is not worth that raise and right to turn down bb

It depends. My DH had a clearance, but took a WFH job w/o clearance so that I could take a higher paying opportunity in person. In taking that higher paying opportunity I also gave up my clearance. So we went from 2 clearances to none but more money and flexibility.

You're a team working for the betterment of the family unit. Each job decision affects everyone.

Some have a clearance and work from home. Never give it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, sorry, I was in a meeting. But this is interesting. I'm spouse 2, and my husband just dropped into conversation like super casual that I was offered a job but turned it down. It would have been work from home, and his commute is significant, 45 miles each way. I also work from home so it wouldn't have been ideal for me, but we never even discussed it. I was just sort of stunned that this is considered acceptable for him, to unilaterally make a decision that affects everyone.

Obligation wasn't the right word. I just feel like this falls squarely into "we're a team, we should operate as a team" category. I wouldn't dream of taking or not taking a job without just checking in and having conversation. It just wouldn't be a question. I also recently interviewed for a job, decided after two rounds that it wasn't for me, and communicated the whole thing to him as I went. So the fact that he was also doing this internally and never brought it up is shady to me.

Clearances are job security. You don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Turning down a job because you'll lose clearance is total nonsense. When you want a job that requires clearance, you get the job and the clearance follows. It's not like giving up the clearance now would *disqualify* you from getting it again. I had a TS job, then decided to do a non-nat sec job, then decided to take another TS job. No problem. Spouse 1 sounds doubly suspicious to me: not telling spouse 2 about the job and then in all likelihood lying about the reason for not "taking" it.

No one is talking RS. It can take years to get a real clearance with a poly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trying to figure out if I'm being unreasonable or my spouse is being unreasonable, or if it's nothing.

Spouse one - interviewed internally for a new job, received offer, 15% pay raise, turned it down for losing security clearance which is too much of a negative at this point. Didn't think it necessary to tell spouse two since the job was turned down.

Spouse two - thinks all job offers from either spouse should be discussed with pros and cons considered, even if one spouse has made up their mind.

Both spouses work and are well paid, almost equally.

Do we have an "obligation" of sorts to bring job offers/discussion to each other, or to each their own to manage their own career and pay?

Turning down an offer: I think it’s important to share, but that doesn’t mean the decision is up for debate. If one spouse is going to harass the other for turning it down, I understand why the info would not be shared.

Accepting an offer: I think this should be discussed in terms of household impact, but the spouse whose new job it it will be has the final say.