Poll - should spouses tell each other about job offers?

[Anonymous]

Trying to figure out if I'm being unreasonable or my spouse is being unreasonable, or if it's nothing.

Spouse one - interviewed internally for a new job, received offer, 15% pay raise, turned it down for losing security clearance which is too much of a negative at this point. Didn't think it necessary to tell spouse two since the job was turned down.

Spouse two - thinks all job offers from either spouse should be discussed with pros and cons considered, even if one spouse has made up their mind.

Both spouses work and are well paid, almost equally.

Do we have an "obligation" of sorts to bring job offers/discussion to each other, or to each their own to manage their own career and pay?

[Anonymous]

Weird question. I don’t know about “obligation” but in a healthy relationship these are the types of things one would share with their partner anyway. Sounds like there are probably other issues in the marriage.

[Anonymous]

I would find it odd to hide an interview and those kind of deliberations. I would ask DH’s permission to interview or turn it down exactly, but in talking about my day, it would come up organically.

[Anonymous]

Why even apply for a job that entails loss of clearance? You should know before even applying that you won't take it.

[Anonymous]

I mean wouldn’t this come up on Normal conversation?

[Anonymous]

If the job offer entails a significant life change like relocation, then obviously discuss with spouse before accepting. Unless the plan is to announce you're relocating to California and here are the divorce papers for you to sign, lol.

I don't see an absolute obligation to consult with spouse regarding internal job offers, but I don't see why he'd keep it a secret, either.

[Anonymous]

Team spouse 2. If you want to live like spouse 1, get divorce. you are not a couple.

[Anonymous]

Its less that it is an obligation, I'm just surprised this sort of thing wouldn't just come up as part of normal conversation with your spouse just in response to questions like "how was your day"

[Anonymous]

Um......yes. When I was job searching, I told my DH when a hiring manager so much as clicked on my LinkedIn profile.

[Anonymous]

Is this a real question? 100%.

My spouse knows when I'm even CONSIDERING changing jobs...not out of obligation, but as a normal couple where two people trust and value each other's opinion, it naturally comes up.

[Anonymous]

This is the kind of thing that like, the spouse with the offer has the decision making power, but normal people who love each other talk about these things, so it is less that spouse two is entitled to the information than it is that the fact that spouse one hid it implies that there is not a lot of openness and trust between you.

I think the exception is if this was kind of more like, a nonevent. Like did spouse one apply for this job? Or did they pull them in for an interview and spouse one never really took it seriously at all so it wasn't on their mind? If the latter then less a big deal than the former.

[Anonymous]

Tell, sure but losing your clearance is not worth that raise and right to turn down bb

[Anonymous]

I can understand not telling my spouse - my spouse means well, but if I got turned down for a job, would ask what I did wrong in the interview and what I could do better next time. Rather than being supportive and empathetic. So I was too embarrassed to tell about any interviews, and I probably wouldn’t tell about any offers I turned down.

But absolutely it needs to be discussed before accepting an offer. I’d be furious if my spouse accepted a new job without telling me.

[Anonymous]

Would spouse 2 have pressured spouse 1 to take a job they didn’t want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a real question? 100%.

My spouse knows when I'm even CONSIDERING changing jobs...not out of obligation, but as a normal couple where two people trust and value each other's opinion, it naturally comes up.

+1