Who pays for wedding discussion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents sat my fiancé and I down and said they’d pay 30k. They didn’t care what wedding we had or if we saved it all for a new home, but they wanted to be there to witness. They wrote us the check that night and had no strings attached. We spent 40k and had our entire families and friends present.

My in-laws didn’t say anything. Later on they mumbled something about a rehearsal dinner. Dh and I were super broke and could afford much (his car just died). We planned a rehearsal dinner we could afford- $350. And that is the only thing they gave us as a wedding gift. It also came a month after the wedding. Long after we paid off our credit card bill. Still perplexed by the whole thing. My In-laws barely covered their plate at our wedding. Whatever. They paid 50k and 70k for their daughters weddings a few years later. I never mentioned it but won’t do that to my son. My daughters and son will all get the same amount.

Oh, you poor thing. Such a tragedy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents sat my fiancé and I down and said they’d pay 30k. They didn’t care what wedding we had or if we saved it all for a new home, but they wanted to be there to witness. They wrote us the check that night and had no strings attached. We spent 40k and had our entire families and friends present.

My in-laws didn’t say anything. Later on they mumbled something about a rehearsal dinner. Dh and I were super broke and could afford much (his car just died). We planned a rehearsal dinner we could afford- $350. And that is the only thing they gave us as a wedding gift. It also came a month after the wedding. Long after we paid off our credit card bill. Still perplexed by the whole thing. My In-laws barely covered their plate at our wedding. Whatever. They paid 50k and 70k for their daughters weddings a few years later. I never mentioned it but won’t do that to my son. My daughters and son will all get the same amount.

Oh, you poor thing. Such a tragedy.

Oh please. You'd seriously go with all your family and friends to your son's wedding and give him $350 as his entire gift?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents sat my fiancé and I down and said they’d pay 30k. They didn’t care what wedding we had or if we saved it all for a new home, but they wanted to be there to witness. They wrote us the check that night and had no strings attached. We spent 40k and had our entire families and friends present.

My in-laws didn’t say anything. Later on they mumbled something about a rehearsal dinner. Dh and I were super broke and could afford much (his car just died). We planned a rehearsal dinner we could afford- $350. And that is the only thing they gave us as a wedding gift. It also came a month after the wedding. Long after we paid off our credit card bill. Still perplexed by the whole thing. My In-laws barely covered their plate at our wedding. Whatever. They paid 50k and 70k for their daughters weddings a few years later. I never mentioned it but won’t do that to my son. My daughters and son will all get the same amount.

Oh, you poor thing. Such a tragedy.

Oh please. You'd seriously go with all your family and friends to your son's wedding and give him $350 as his entire gift?

I'm saying get over it already. I'm sooo tired of IL bashing. It's so damned old.

[Anonymous]

We have four daughters and no sons. Three of our daughters have gotten married. We paid for the entire affair each time, with no expectation or request that the couple or the groom's parents pay anything. When the groom's parents offered, as each did to varying degrees, we accepted whatever help they offered and that was that. And we didn't judge or keep score.

We also didn't give our daughter's a "budget." They each told us what kind of wedding they had in mind, and we worked with them to make that kind of wedding happen. They all wanted something completely different from each other.

We also didn't hold our daughter's hostage on things like the guest list just because we were paying and they weren't. They took the lead on the list, and if cost kept people off, we cut from our wish list -- not from theirs.

We also helped all three with down payments.

There are certain things that you just DO for your daughters. Giving them the wedding they want is one of them.

[Anonymous]

You do what you can but as employed adults, its their own decision and their own responsibility.

[Anonymous]

If i had extra, i'll foot the bill but not feel obliged to pay by any means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents sat my fiancé and I down and said they’d pay 30k. They didn’t care what wedding we had or if we saved it all for a new home, but they wanted to be there to witness. They wrote us the check that night and had no strings attached. We spent 40k and had our entire families and friends present.

My in-laws didn’t say anything. Later on they mumbled something about a rehearsal dinner. Dh and I were super broke and could afford much (his car just died). We planned a rehearsal dinner we could afford- $350. And that is the only thing they gave us as a wedding gift. It also came a month after the wedding. Long after we paid off our credit card bill. Still perplexed by the whole thing. My In-laws barely covered their plate at our wedding. Whatever. They paid 50k and 70k for their daughters weddings a few years later. I never mentioned it but won’t do that to my son. My daughters and son will all get the same amount.

Oh, you poor thing. Such a tragedy.

Oh please. You'd seriously go with all your family and friends to your son's wedding and give him $350 as his entire gift?

I'm saying get over it already. I'm sooo tired of IL bashing. It's so damned old.

How do you feel about mayonnaise? Just curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents sat my fiancé and I down and said they’d pay 30k. They didn’t care what wedding we had or if we saved it all for a new home, but they wanted to be there to witness. They wrote us the check that night and had no strings attached. We spent 40k and had our entire families and friends present.

My in-laws didn’t say anything. Later on they mumbled something about a rehearsal dinner. Dh and I were super broke and could afford much (his car just died). We planned a rehearsal dinner we could afford- $350. And that is the only thing they gave us as a wedding gift. It also came a month after the wedding. Long after we paid off our credit card bill. Still perplexed by the whole thing. My In-laws barely covered their plate at our wedding. Whatever. They paid 50k and 70k for their daughters weddings a few years later. I never mentioned it but won’t do that to my son. My daughters and son will all get the same amount.

Oh, you poor thing. Such a tragedy.

Oh please. You'd seriously go with all your family and friends to your son's wedding and give him $350 as his entire gift?

I can still hear my mother saying to be on the phone about a month out from my 2018 wedding, 'so they just plan on showing up, they are not sponsoring anything?'

Yup mom. No gift, no nothing. So your $350 would have been welcomed by me!

Parents, don't do your sons like this if you are giving your daughter $$$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do parents still tie giving money to their children and their children's weddings? What if a child never gets married?

Also, the talk of "covering your plate" is gross

Um, parents often give their adult sons and daughters a monetary gift to be used for a down payment, a wedding, a trip, a car, savings. Why are you acting like people only give money for a wedding, or that everyone gives these types of gifts at all?

I have no idea how my comment is suggesting that to you or why you'd even think anyone would suggest that.

When people here talk about their weddings or their children's weddings, they often say that the parents used that as an occasion to offer them money that they could spend as they wished. And what I wonder is why a wedding inspires this sort of generosity -- if I were an older, unmarried sibling, I might feel as though my parents think getting married is the only way to show someone is an adult. Similarly, parents talk about planning ahead for a wedding, saving for years to be able to pay for a party. It's weird.

My parents paid for my wedding and for my sister's, and my mom gave my brother money for his. We have another sibling who is probably never going to get married, and I don't see why he shouldn't get a few thousand dollars to keep him warm at night. (I would never tell my mother how to spend her money, but I can't stop wondering if he's bothered -- I assume he is)

I dunno, I'm the unmarried sister in my family, and I don't at all grudge my sisters' the amounts my parents spent on their weddings. My parents have paid for other things unique to my life that were expensive and they didn't make sure to give my sisters exactly the same cash gifts at the time. Parental gifts are appropriate to the financial circumstances of the family and season of life the child is in. We don't have to always receive exactly the same things all the time when we're living different lives.

[Anonymous]

In this day and age I expect a couple to pay for their own wedding. After putting kids through college we will not be able to pay for weddings.

[Anonymous]

so that's you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents sat my fiancé and I down and said they’d pay 30k. They didn’t care what wedding we had or if we saved it all for a new home, but they wanted to be there to witness. They wrote us the check that night and had no strings attached. We spent 40k and had our entire families and friends present.

My in-laws didn’t say anything. Later on they mumbled something about a rehearsal dinner. Dh and I were super broke and could afford much (his car just died). We planned a rehearsal dinner we could afford- $350. And that is the only thing they gave us as a wedding gift. It also came a month after the wedding. Long after we paid off our credit card bill. Still perplexed by the whole thing. My In-laws barely covered their plate at our wedding. Whatever. They paid 50k and 70k for their daughters weddings a few years later. I never mentioned it but won’t do that to my son. My daughters and son will all get the same amount.

This is such an ugly expression.

+1

Sons and daughters get the same for a wedding from us: $0. Both have had K-12 private school, college, and grad school (upcoming) paid for by us. We will not contribute to the excesses of the wedding industry. If they want that, they can pay for it.

[Anonymous]

small business

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daughter just got engaged!! How soon do we start the who will pay for what discussions. Do we start with our daughter or the couple together. Any suggestions? p.s. we have never met future inlaws and it would require a plane ride to meet in person.

Groom pays for rehearsal dinner.

Bride pays for every thing else.

If both have been working for awhile, parents should not even have to pay for weddings.

x10000000


Over a certain age - couple looks ridiculous if their aging parents have to pay for a wedding!

+1 and +1000 when gets to 2nd & 3rd weddings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents sat my fiancé and I down and said they’d pay 30k. They didn’t care what wedding we had or if we saved it all for a new home, but they wanted to be there to witness. They wrote us the check that night and had no strings attached. We spent 40k and had our entire families and friends present.

My in-laws didn’t say anything. Later on they mumbled something about a rehearsal dinner. Dh and I were super broke and could afford much (his car just died). We planned a rehearsal dinner we could afford- $350. And that is the only thing they gave us as a wedding gift. It also came a month after the wedding. Long after we paid off our credit card bill. Still perplexed by the whole thing. My In-laws barely covered their plate at our wedding. Whatever. They paid 50k and 70k for their daughters weddings a few years later. I never mentioned it but won’t do that to my son. My daughters and son will all get the same amount.

This is such an ugly expression.

+1

Sons and daughters get the same for a wedding from us: $0. Both have had K-12 private school, college, and grad school (upcoming) paid for by us. We will not contribute to the excesses of the wedding industry. If they want that, they can pay for it.

They did not choose private school, you did.