Who pays for wedding discussion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daughter just got engaged!! How soon do we start the who will pay for what discussions. Do we start with our daughter or the couple together. Any suggestions? p.s. we have never met future inlaws and it would require a plane ride to meet in person.

Groom pays for rehearsal dinner.

Bride pays for every thing else.

If both have been working for awhile, parents should not even have to pay for weddings.

This was never the rule, but something one group of people did. Please don't perpetuate it.

In east coast WASP culture, this most certainly was at one time “the rule.” For many generations.

It still is the tradition here.

In certain moneyed circles. Or in circles that would like to give the appearance of having more than they do. Usually when the brides are heading for SAHM status or are very young, in my observation.

This is not about wealth or WASPS. That was the tradition in blue collar Catholic families, in mining towns, in mill towns, etc., as well. Depending on ethnicity there were also cookie tables, community perogie making for the wedding, dollar dances with the bride, etc. etc.

Exactly-tradition was bride family-wedding, bar bill- groom's, rehearsal-groom's. Couples and each parent unit contributing what they could afford. Even decades ago it was flexible. Ours grew due to guest list demands by DH family- felt like my parents got stiffed. My aunts did the cookie-pastry table.

My adult DC's marrying make the decisions. $ allocated to each whether M or F. Since at least 1 has married we have a baseline.

How do you do 200 to 300 plus people weddings with multiple day events for 100k?

How far back do you consider "tradition"?

20,000 years

[Anonymous]

I came to the US from Vietnam at the age of five, and my wife was born and raised in the US, she is white. I didn't meet my wife until I was 30 years old and already well established financially. The difference between Asian and American weddings is that American people tend to give gifts for weddings and Vietnamese give cash at the wedding, usually $150 per person, relatives will give much more. At the end of the day, you will break even, or slightly positive cash flow, with an Asian wedding and in the red with an American wedding.

In my situation, I came away with $5k in positive cash flow after all expenses were paid for. Since I already budget about 40K for the wedding, I used that 45K to buy my MIL a brand new Toyota Highlanders. She is a high school teacher and is not making a lot of money.

YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daughter just got engaged!! How soon do we start the who will pay for what discussions. Do we start with our daughter or the couple together. Any suggestions? p.s. we have never met future inlaws and it would require a plane ride to meet in person.

Groom pays for rehearsal dinner.

Bride pays for every thing else.

If both have been working for awhile, parents should not even have to pay for weddings.

This was never the rule, but something one group of people did. Please don't perpetuate it.

In east coast WASP culture, this most certainly was at one time “the rule.” For many generations.

It still is the tradition here.

In certain moneyed circles. Or in circles that would like to give the appearance of having more than they do. Usually when the brides are heading for SAHM status or are very young, in my observation.

This is not about wealth or WASPS. That was the tradition in blue collar Catholic families, in mining towns, in mill towns, etc., as well. Depending on ethnicity there were also cookie tables, community perogie making for the wedding, dollar dances with the bride, etc. etc.

Exactly-tradition was bride family-wedding, bar bill- groom's, rehearsal-groom's. Couples and each parent unit contributing what they could afford. Even decades ago it was flexible. Ours grew due to guest list demands by DH family- felt like my parents got stiffed. My aunts did the cookie-pastry table.

My adult DC's marrying make the decisions. $ allocated to each whether M or F. Since at least 1 has married we have a baseline.

How do you do 200 to 300 plus people weddings with multiple day events for 100k?

How far back do you consider "tradition"?

20,000 years

Ok
20,000 years ago Americans were hunter gatherers and wedding was a feast outside, man went and hunted a bear to prove his worth
Women gathered berries

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daughter just got engaged!! How soon do we start the who will pay for what discussions. Do we start with our daughter or the couple together. Any suggestions? p.s. we have never met future inlaws and it would require a plane ride to meet in person.

Groom pays for rehearsal dinner.

Bride pays for every thing else.

If both have been working for awhile, parents should not even have to pay for weddings.

This was never the rule, but something one group of people did. Please don't perpetuate it.

In east coast WASP culture, this most certainly was at one time “the rule.” For many generations.

It still is the tradition here.

In certain moneyed circles. Or in circles that would like to give the appearance of having more than they do. Usually when the brides are heading for SAHM status or are very young, in my observation.

This is not about wealth or WASPS. That was the tradition in blue collar Catholic families, in mining towns, in mill towns, etc., as well. Depending on ethnicity there were also cookie tables, community perogie making for the wedding, dollar dances with the bride, etc. etc.

Exactly-tradition was bride family-wedding, bar bill- groom's, rehearsal-groom's. Couples and each parent unit contributing what they could afford. Even decades ago it was flexible. Ours grew due to guest list demands by DH family- felt like my parents got stiffed. My aunts did the cookie-pastry table.

My adult DC's marrying make the decisions. $ allocated to each whether M or F. Since at least 1 has married we have a baseline.

How do you do 200 to 300 plus people weddings with multiple day events for 100k?

How far back do you consider "tradition"?

That easy start point to split was learned from great aunts, their friends, aunts, parents, grandmother. Given who had what relatives bride family food-groom alcohol. Music flexible. Many weddings could be small luncheons or even larger potlucks [rent a hall-food brought by one or both sides]. So considering my age and when the oldest of that group was born in late 1800's?

As an adult I've been to those buffet weddings where families brought the food. Last one was about 15 years ago.

[Anonymous]

We give a set amount and I don’t care if it’s a son or daughter.
It’s 2022 people. Stop perpetuating a stupid tradition.