SIL wants us to write her girls letters at camp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH’s sister emailed the extended family. I know he won’t do it. I can just drop the rope and not do it right? His family and all?

But you're their aunt!

Put a sticker on a postcard and mail it, you big meanie!

[Anonymous]

Toss a card in the mail. It doesn't even have to be a letter.

Dear Larla -

Hope you're enjoying camp & having a wonderful time. I can't wait to hear all about your adventures when you return!

Missing you & thinking about you,

Aunt & Uncle DCUM (+ kid scribbles if there are any).

Literally 2 seconds and $0.50 of your life to maintain a good relationship.

Plus, I know how fun it was to get a little something from home as a kid away at camp. My kids loved getting mail as well. Yes, they had access to email but they still said a real letter that they could hold and know that I had touched was better.

[Anonymous]

I sent a similar request to my in-laws and none of them did it. Thankfully I had DD covered, but boy did they feel like shit when they got the letters from DD to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to? No. But why wouldn’t you? It will take a few minutes and put a huge smile on your niece’s face.

Why won’t my husband?

Because he’s a jerk? Because he doesn’t care about children? Because he doesn’t like his nieces? Because he only values making other people happy if they’ll give him something in return? Because he has adhd and thinks it’s a good idea and he fully intends to but lacks the ability to follow through? Because he’s functionally illiterate? Because his hands are broken?

I don’t know your husband so I can’t say for sure, but that’s the first 7 ideas that popped into my mind. What do you think is the reason? And why does how he chooses to behave impact your decision to write to your nieces?

It’s one thing to say each person handles their side of the family, but I don’t feel like that necessarily has to apply to children on either side. I don’t even like going to the post office but my niece (3yo) loves getting mail and singing the mail song, so I ordered stamps online so I can send her a little letter with some stickers in it without even leaving the house. Well technically leaving the house but just to the mailbox. There are even companies that will send cards to people for you. You can use a pre made card, or you can upload an image and create your own. You type in the text to be printed inside the card, and the address it goes to. Theyll print and mail it for you. It costs maybe $3.

+1 to this. It's one thing not to send birthday cards to your MIL because your husband can't be bothered. But a note to a kid? I mean, sure, maybe it's not your "job," but how much work is it, really? And do you want any kind of relationship with your niece? And if you have kid(s), have them write the note! Boundaries are nice and all, but they aren't the end-all-be-all of human relationships. Some people are so busy building walls that they forget to build doors, too.

[Anonymous]

+ 1 postcard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sent a similar request to my in-laws and none of them did it. Thankfully I had DD covered, but boy did they feel like shit when they got the letters from DD to them.

How do you know that's how they felt? (I'm not doubting you, just curious how it is that you came to know that they felt like that.)

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do it, but I'm not close with DH's nieces and nephews and have no desire to be closer. Frankly if this resulted in me not being invited to their weddings 30 years down the road, I would rejoice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure. My SIL dropped the rope and now my kids never get presents or cards for birthdays and Christmas from my brother and his family. You too can drop the rope, just so long as you're fine not having relationships with your nieces and nephews.

Your brother is pretty awful. Nature, nurture or both? Good for his wife for not trying to “fix” his relationships with his family: that’s his choice.

FWIW, it means she is also choosing not to have a good relationship with the kids who call her "aunt." They're not as hung up on the fact that she is their aunt "by marriage." In their minds, she's just their aunt, and in that family, neither the uncle nor the aunt seem to care to get to know the kids.

Not everyone is as invested as you are in having strong relationships with anyone other outside their nuclear families. There's nothing wrong with that and if you don't make a big deal of it neither will your kids.

FWIW - in my family, we're not big on sending presents or cards. Yet, my kids (older teens) love my brother and sister who live in 2 different states. They text frequently and that's fine. They've probably seen them in person about a handful of times in their entire lives. That's just the way it is and no one is lamenting it.

Same here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sent a similar request to my in-laws and none of them did it. Thankfully I had DD covered, but boy did they feel like shit when they got the letters from DD to them.

Why would they feel like shit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't do it, but I'm not close with DH's nieces and nephews and have no desire to be closer. Frankly if this resulted in me not being invited to their weddings 30 years down the road, I would rejoice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sent a similar request to my in-laws and none of them did it. Thankfully I had DD covered, but boy did they feel like shit when they got the letters from DD to them.

Why? I wouldn’t feel bad. She has a lot more free time than I do! And she’s not my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't do it, but I'm not close with DH's nieces and nephews and have no desire to be closer. Frankly if this resulted in me not being invited to their weddings 30 years down the road, I would rejoice!

Me too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to? No. But why wouldn’t you? It will take a few minutes and put a huge smile on your niece’s face.

Why won’t my husband?

His relationship with his nieces is his; your relationship with your nieces is yours. You decide what kind of relationship you'd like to foster between them and you, Aunt "Why should I make an effort for these girls in my life"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sent a similar request to my in-laws and none of them did it. Thankfully I had DD covered, but boy did they feel like shit when they got the letters from DD to them.

How do you know that's how they felt? (I'm not doubting you, just curious how it is that you came to know that they felt like that.)

Because when she got home they called and said "I got your letter [Larla]! Thank you so much! I'm glad that you had a fun time at camp and I'm sorry that I didn't get your letter in the mail on time [a lie], but I'll make it up to you. Do you want to [insert overindulgent activity here]?". She had 4 of these conversations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sent a similar request to my in-laws and none of them did it. Thankfully I had DD covered, but boy did they feel like shit when they got the letters from DD to them.

Why? I wouldn’t feel bad. She has a lot more free time than I do! And she’s not my kid.

She actually didn't have a ton of free time at an active outdoor summer camp and at 8 years old she sent letters because we highly encouraged them and are raising her not to be a garbage human.

But you do you.