When do you expect your DC to move out?

[Anonymous]

Older DC - when going to college interstate and moved to another state again for post grad

Younger DC -hoping for something similar but expecting him/ her to be much needier due to various issues including mental health. He/ she is not a Motivated student and does not have career goals so they are likely to be home for a while. I am looking forward to an empty nest but only after they can all fly and land somewhere else safely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:just talked about this with my 10 yo. we expect her to move out when she gets married. i don't see the point of moving out if you are not starting a family.

You don't see a point in learning independence and how to manage on your own ( with roommates perhaps? That's sad!

NP here. I don't see the point either. My 23 year old son graduated college a year ago and has saved 75k since then. When else would he have a chance to do that?
Living independently isn't rocket science. He did that in college. It's basic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:just talked about this with my 10 yo. we expect her to move out when she gets married. i don't see the point of moving out if you are not starting a family.

You don't see a point in learning independence and how to manage on your own ( with roommates perhaps? That's sad!

Np. yea, I do think there is value in living on your own before you get married. My mom got married pretty young (22...although I guess that wasn't THAT young in the 70s) and went from living with her parents straight to living with her husband-my dad. Well when they got divorced, she said one of the absolute hardest things about it was living on her own for the first time in her life.

Is your mom low IQ? I had no issues living on my own for the first time at 46.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:just talked about this with my 10 yo. we expect her to move out when she gets married. i don't see the point of moving out if you are not starting a family.

You don't see the point of s woman learning how to be independent and luving on their own? Would you say that if you had a son?

DP here. Yes. Independence should be learned at the parents home by learning to budget, cook, clean, drive, do laundry, do yardwork, study, excel in your career, be responsible, save money, take care of health, learn how to live in society, learn to put in the time to maintain the infrastructre of a household, learn traditions of your culture, increase your wealth, meet social obligations and increase and strengthen your network, grow spiritually, have a backup for life's difficult situations.

The reason that it is important for young people in WASP homes to leave the house is because they will not be able to find a life partner without sexually test driving lots of people. What they do not understand and most other cultures also pair up, get married and have a family quite successfully and with dating other people.

That is the reason that in this society when people are so very unhappy about their personal lives and relationships, immigrants with different cultural norms are still thriving and holding fast to these advantageous practices.

The adult children of immigrants living here seem extremely unhappy with the amount of control and pressure their parent exert on them as adult. You are not independent if your parents are forcing their will on your life choices. Parents like you don’t want their children to move out because they will lose control. American culture is different, young people are encouraged to think for themselves and learn adulting by doing and pursue their own dreams not their parents dreams.

Not true at all. Most Americans are bemoaning the fact that they are unable to buy a house, have student debt, can't afford childcare etc, etc. Where as immigrant kids are doing great because they have parental support and a means to save money. It seems that most people have the same dream of having a nice house, money, a family, successful career. Does not matter if it is an immigrant's kid or the kid of an American. The only difference is that immigrant kid will get that dream with the parental support. American kid will always be the person who cannot grasp that dream and will end up divorced and poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No independent and healthy young adult want to live at home, no matter how much they love their parents.

This is an American WASP cultural phenomenon. Around the world, people live at home and save money to start their married life. There is nothing good about being poor or financially strapped, especially in this country. If you can get a financial leg up in life then it sets you up to accumulate wealth.

However, we have to understand that many older Americans cannot afford to keep their kids at home and provide that kind financial help either. They are broke too and barely hanging on. They want their kids earning by 18 and out of the house. They do not have the deep pockets to pay for college, let them live rent free in their home after college etc.

When they do let their adult children live with them they ask for rent and grocery money. This is a function of their financial situation and not the function of being American. Being American just lets them be a non-supportive parent without ridicule from others. This is cultural abandonment of their children.

[Anonymous]

My older cousin sadly died at 103 last week. She still lived at home. So I guess up to 103 years before they move out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My older cousin sadly died at 103 last week. She still lived at home. So I guess up to 103 years before they move out.

Alone or with her parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No independent and healthy young adult want to live at home, no matter how much they love their parents.

This is an American WASP cultural phenomenon. Around the world, people live at home and save money to start their married life. There is nothing good about being poor or financially strapped, especially in this country. If you can get a financial leg up in life then it sets you up to accumulate wealth.

However, we have to understand that many older Americans cannot afford to keep their kids at home and provide that kind financial help either. They are broke too and barely hanging on. They want their kids earning by 18 and out of the house. They do not have the deep pockets to pay for college, let them live rent free in their home after college etc.

When they do let their adult children live with them they ask for rent and grocery money. This is a function of their financial situation and not the function of being American. Being American just lets them be a non-supportive parent without ridicule from others. This is cultural abandonment of their children.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My older cousin sadly died at 103 last week. She still lived at home. So I guess up to 103 years before they move out.

Alone or with her parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am moving out as soon as my youngest turns 18. That will complete 33 years of parenting, from #1 to #6. All of my children had to be ready to fly before 18, because they need to hit the ground running. You're free to go wherever and do whatever, so go do that and have fun at it. That's my policy. 18 is a legal adult. [/quote


Uh
How’s that working out for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When do you expect your DC to move out?
just looking forward to when MY DD is out of college what should I expect?

White Family (I moved when I was 23 and MY DH moved out at 19..

My eldest moved out at 25 (took him a bit to finish college but now is very gainfully employed). My DD moved out at 23. My youngest is now doing his last year of college abroad and is having the adventure of his lifetime. I’ll be surprised if he comes back

Both my eldest kids live in the next town over and we see them regularly. Now it’s just the elderly dog that howls whenever I am gone for more than a couple hours (and hates the car so can’t take him).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When do you expect your DC to move out?
just looking forward to when MY DD is out of college what should I expect?

White Family (I moved when I was 23 and MY DH moved out at 19..

After high school. Of course you pay for their dorm or apartment and they are welcome to live at home during college vacations or if a pandemic hits or something but after graduation, they need to get a job and rent a place to learn to be independent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No independent and healthy young adult want to live at home, no matter how much they love their parents.

This is an American WASP cultural phenomenon. Around the world, people live at home and save money to start their married life. There is nothing good about being poor or financially strapped, especially in this country. If you can get a financial leg up in life then it sets you up to accumulate wealth.

However, we have to understand that many older Americans cannot afford to keep their kids at home and provide that kind financial help either. They are broke too and barely hanging on. They want their kids earning by 18 and out of the house. They do not have the deep pockets to pay for college, let them live rent free in their home after college etc.

When they do let their adult children live with them they ask for rent and grocery money. This is a function of their financial situation and not the function of being American. Being American just lets them be a non-supportive parent without ridicule from others. This is cultural abandonment of their children.

If you have so much money, gift a house, instead of letting them stay in their childhood bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No independent and healthy young adult want to live at home, no matter how much they love their parents.

This is an American WASP cultural phenomenon. Around the world, people live at home and save money to start their married life. There is nothing good about being poor or financially strapped, especially in this country. If you can get a financial leg up in life then it sets you up to accumulate wealth.

However, we have to understand that many older Americans cannot afford to keep their kids at home and provide that kind financial help either. They are broke too and barely hanging on. They want their kids earning by 18 and out of the house. They do not have the deep pockets to pay for college, let them live rent free in their home after college etc.

When they do let their adult children live with them they ask for rent and grocery money. This is a function of their financial situation and not the function of being American. Being American just lets them be a non-supportive parent without ridicule from others. This is cultural abandonment of their children.

If you have so much money, gift a house, instead of letting them stay in their childhood bedroom.

DP. Let's say it costs 500K to purchase a condo. I am going to give my kid 250K and they need to come up with 250K to purchase the condo. Where I came from in Asia, we paid everything in cash and no loan. I want my kid to have skin in the game and be responsible. My kid graduated with a CS degree so saving up 250K will take three years or less (his salary is 220k/year) and he is not responsible for rent, food and utilities. Once he has 250K, I'll give him 250K and tell him "have a good life, come back and see mom and dad once in a while". That's how you teach financial responsibility and financial freedom.

I lived at home with my parents until I got married at the age of 33. I invested all of my earnings into investment portfolios between the age of 22 and 33. By the time, I got married, I had over 5M+ and that allowed my wife to be a stay home full time.

Living at home for three years to build up a nest egg will not stunt your personal development.

[Anonymous]

That’s great that you had such supportive parents. I did not b/c they paid for state college (VERY cheap back in the 1990s) and after that last tuition payment, they washed their hands of me. I had $3000 that I had saved over the summers to start out my adult life. Barely covered 1st month’s rent and security deposit in dumpy, dangerous 1990s Logan Circle. My nonprofit salary was 37K.

Yes, white family, both parents were first-gen American, interestingly enough. One WASP, one EE.

I firmly believe in the Asian family support model.