DH embarrassed by my outfit for bbq

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I came downstairs ready to go to a friend’s bbq with DH and our two DC. When DH saw me he flipped out. I was wearing a yellow JCREW off the shoulder top and jeans. He told me I looked like an insect because of the top being bright yellow, and said to our boys, “doesn’t mom look like a bumble bee”. He asked me to change and I said no. He said he would go without me then, which he did (and took the kids).

He called me several times during the bbq and I didn’t answer. I think he feels bad now. I left the house so I wasn’t home when he got back. What would you do?

Was it yellow top and black pants? That probably could make you look like a bumble bee. But yellow top and blue jeans would actually look nice.

OK? Why is so angry and why are you so quick to take offense? Dude!!!! You actually have bigger resentments simmering. And the fact that you have two small kids - oh, oh, oh! This is the shit phase of parenting. Most stressful. You both need to simmer down and learn to communicate better.

Yeah, no. Did you miss the part where he left without her?

Yeah, no, she did not change right? He then called several times and she did not pick up the phone, right? Neither of them are making good decisions. They both sound immature and their feelings are getting hurt quite a lot. All of which is fine by itself. Unfortunately, they have also produced two kids and this can and will impact them.

"She did not change" ... are you for real? You think a grown woman should change her clothes on her husband's command? WTAF?

She doesn't have to change but compromise goes a long way for a lasting marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not get the posters siding with him at all. This is such mean and controlling behavior. It is not a spat or them both communicating poorly. Also, completely inappropriate to involve the kids.

There seems to be one poster, in particular, who has posted repeatedly-- the simmer down, you sound unintelligent, both sides poster. Really weird and pretty messed up.

+1. They are so patronizing. Is this the "women need to lie flatter and bend over backwards more often to make everything easier for everyone else" poster?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't people date long enough to understand what otger person is capable of. Both parties here lack basic kindness and communication skills.

+1 everyone attacking the man but she seems just as out of order. He may not have been tactful with his way of saying it but she clearly got angry about it and couldn't even pick up the phone. I mean what if something bad happened to him or the kids but she wouldn't know because she's still mad about a silly comment. She clearly didn't want to spend time with the family, if she did she'd change or go to the party alone and meet them there. Instead she sat at home being mad and bashing him on dcum. Both parties sound like they have some growing up to do

You are ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't people date long enough to understand what otger person is capable of. Both parties here lack basic kindness and communication skills.

You're naive if you think that everyone's future behavior and character can be accurately assessed while dating, even if dating for a couple of years. It would be nice if that were true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I came downstairs ready to go to a friend’s bbq with DH and our two DC. When DH saw me he flipped out. I was wearing a yellow JCREW off the shoulder top and jeans. He told me I looked like an insect because of the top being bright yellow, and said to our boys, “doesn’t mom look like a bumble bee”. He asked me to change and I said no. He said he would go without me then, which he did (and took the kids).

He called me several times during the bbq and I didn’t answer. I think he feels bad now. I left the house so I wasn’t home when he got back. What would you do?

Was it yellow top and black pants? That probably could make you look like a bumble bee. But yellow top and blue jeans would actually look nice.

OK? Why is so angry and why are you so quick to take offense? Dude!!!! You actually have bigger resentments simmering. And the fact that you have two small kids - oh, oh, oh! This is the shit phase of parenting. Most stressful. You both need to simmer down and learn to communicate better.

Yeah, no. Did you miss the part where he left without her?

Yeah, no, she did not change right? He then called several times and she did not pick up the phone, right? Neither of them are making good decisions. They both sound immature and their feelings are getting hurt quite a lot. All of which is fine by itself. Unfortunately, they have also produced two kids and this can and will impact them.

"She did not change" ... are you for real? You think a grown woman should change her clothes on her husband's command? WTAF?

She doesn't have to change but compromise goes a long way for a lasting marriage.

This is not the kind of thing that should be the subject of compromise. You compromise about substantive things that both partners have a stake in-- how you spend the family's income, where you send your kids to school, whose family you spend the holidays with, the schedule for weekend activities. The clothes someone choose to wear to a BBQ are not that. It's controlling to do otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't people date long enough to understand what otger person is capable of. Both parties here lack basic kindness and communication skills.

+1 everyone attacking the man but she seems just as out of order. He may not have been tactful with his way of saying it but she clearly got angry about it and couldn't even pick up the phone. I mean what if something bad happened to him or the kids but she wouldn't know because she's still mad about a silly comment. She clearly didn't want to spend time with the family, if she did she'd change or go to the party alone and meet them there. Instead she sat at home being mad and bashing him on dcum. Both parties sound like they have some growing up to do

You think your attitude is mature, but it's really just retro (and not in a good way).

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, sounds like you married a real jerk.

People here are like that though, for some reason bright colors or something a little different set them off like I have never seen before anywhere else I have lived. Don't understand it, but your dh must have a strong desire to fit in and not stand out at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't people date long enough to understand what otger person is capable of. Both parties here lack basic kindness and communication skills.

+1 everyone attacking the man but she seems just as out of order. He may not have been tactful with his way of saying it but she clearly got angry about it and couldn't even pick up the phone. I mean what if something bad happened to him or the kids but she wouldn't know because she's still mad about a silly comment. She clearly didn't want to spend time with the family, if she did she'd change or go to the party alone and meet them there. Instead she sat at home being mad and bashing him on dcum. Both parties sound like they have some growing up to do

THIS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I came downstairs ready to go to a friend’s bbq with DH and our two DC. When DH saw me he flipped out. I was wearing a yellow JCREW off the shoulder top and jeans. He told me I looked like an insect because of the top being bright yellow, and said to our boys, “doesn’t mom look like a bumble bee”. He asked me to change and I said no. He said he would go without me then, which he did (and took the kids).

He called me several times during the bbq and I didn’t answer. I think he feels bad now. I left the house so I wasn’t home when he got back. What would you do?

Was it yellow top and black pants? That probably could make you look like a bumble bee. But yellow top and blue jeans would actually look nice.

OK? Why is so angry and why are you so quick to take offense? Dude!!!! You actually have bigger resentments simmering. And the fact that you have two small kids - oh, oh, oh! This is the shit phase of parenting. Most stressful. You both need to simmer down and learn to communicate better.

Are you a moron? What grown adult criticizes another’s attire?

[Anonymous]

I am a woman who is fully in support of dressing for yourself. I am very curious about the missing details and the included details. OP, would the off the shoulder top been in line with what others were wearing in terms of how much skin was shown? I think it's super interested that OP included the detail that it was from JCREW and off the shoulder. Someone later picked up on this, where JCREW is not known for being too sexy. Did DH object only to the color?

[Anonymous]

…….“When DH saw me he flipped out. I was wearing a yellow JCREW off the shoulder top and jeans. He told me I looked like an insect because of the top being bright yellow, and said to our boys, “doesn’t mom look like a bumble bee”. He asked me to change and I said no. He said he would go without me then, which he did (and took the kids). ….”

And that was the last time he was seen alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I came downstairs ready to go to a friend’s bbq with DH and our two DC. When DH saw me he flipped out. I was wearing a yellow JCREW off the shoulder top and jeans. He told me I looked like an insect because of the top being bright yellow, and said to our boys, “doesn’t mom look like a bumble bee”. He asked me to change and I said no. He said he would go without me then, which he did (and took the kids).

He called me several times during the bbq and I didn’t answer. I think he feels bad now. I left the house so I wasn’t home when he got back. What would you do?

Was it yellow top and black pants? That probably could make you look like a bumble bee. But yellow top and blue jeans would actually look nice.

OK? Why is so angry and why are you so quick to take offense? Dude!!!! You actually have bigger resentments simmering. And the fact that you have two small kids - oh, oh, oh! This is the shit phase of parenting. Most stressful. You both need to simmer down and learn to communicate better.

Yeah, no. Did you miss the part where he left without her?

PP - you’re fcking disgusting

Yeah, no, she did not change right? He then called several times and she did not pick up the phone, right? Neither of them are making good decisions. They both sound immature and their feelings are getting hurt quite a lot. All of which is fine by itself. Unfortunately, they have also produced two kids and this can and will impact them.

She doesn’t need to change, fool. He doesn’t decree what she can and cannot wear on HER body.

You're right he can't make her change, but he Can choose to leave without her.. Why does she need to make a big deal out of her husband not liking her outfit? Why ruin a day with her family because she's too stubborn and selfish to change her shirt? Marriage is about compromise, sometimes that means changing your clothes. Hardly a difficult task to avoid a heated argument and marital / family issues over.

+1 THIS

Learn to compromise lady

Nah. Nope. That's not it. She's an adult and can wear whatever she chooses. She doesn't need a man who tells her what to wear or makes fun of her because he doesn't like her outfit. Teasing her in front of the kids was a controlling move to make her feel bad so that she would change. Compromise in marriage is not about outfit changes or telling her to "stop stuffing her face" while eating. He's a jerk and so are you for agreeing with him.

Nah. Nope. She is not a single woman who can dress up like Honey Boo Boo's mom in public. She is going out with her family and she cannot embarrass them by dressing like a bumble bee who should have stopped stuffing her face several sizes ago.

Besides, women are critical of how their spouse and children dress all the time and no one would have criticized her if she had objected to her DH wearing a hideous outfit for a public outing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I came downstairs ready to go to a friend’s bbq with DH and our two DC. When DH saw me he flipped out. I was wearing a yellow JCREW off the shoulder top and jeans. He told me I looked like an insect because of the top being bright yellow, and said to our boys, “doesn’t mom look like a bumble bee”. He asked me to change and I said no. He said he would go without me then, which he did (and took the kids).

He called me several times during the bbq and I didn’t answer. I think he feels bad now. I left the house so I wasn’t home when he got back. What would you do?

Was it yellow top and black pants? That probably could make you look like a bumble bee. But yellow top and blue jeans would actually look nice.

OK? Why is so angry and why are you so quick to take offense? Dude!!!! You actually have bigger resentments simmering. And the fact that you have two small kids - oh, oh, oh! This is the shit phase of parenting. Most stressful. You both need to simmer down and learn to communicate better.

Yeah, no. Did you miss the part where he left without her?

Yeah, no, she did not change right? He then called several times and she did not pick up the phone, right? Neither of them are making good decisions. They both sound immature and their feelings are getting hurt quite a lot. All of which is fine by itself. Unfortunately, they have also produced two kids and this can and will impact them.

She doesn’t need to change, fool. He doesn’t decree what she can and cannot wear on HER body.

You're right he can't make her change, but he Can choose to leave without her.. Why does she need to make a big deal out of her husband not liking her outfit? Why ruin a day with her family because she's too stubborn and selfish to change her shirt? Marriage is about compromise, sometimes that means changing your clothes. Hardly a difficult task to avoid a heated argument and marital / family issues over.

+1 THIS

Learn to compromise lady

Nah. Nope. That's not it. She's an adult and can wear whatever she chooses. She doesn't need a man who tells her what to wear or makes fun of her because he doesn't like her outfit. Teasing her in front of the kids was a controlling move to make her feel bad so that she would change. Compromise in marriage is not about outfit changes or telling her to "stop stuffing her face" while eating. He's a jerk and so are you for agreeing with him.

Nah. Nope. She is not a single woman who can dress up like Honey Boo Boo's mom in public. She is going out with her family and she cannot embarrass them by dressing like a bumble bee who should have stopped stuffing her face several sizes ago.

Besides, women are critical of how their spouse and children dress all the time and no one would have criticized her if she had objected to her DH wearing a hideous outfit for a public outing.

You are fcking disgusting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH pretty much dislikes most things I wear. My choices are usually more practical than he would like. When we are going somewhere, he will often ask if there is something else (more to his aesthetic) that I could wear. I indulge him sometimes. We have gotten into arguments about this more than once in the 20+ years we have been married. But these are the things that sometimes happen in an otherwise normal marriage.

But he is a very respectful man at his core. What you are saying happened with your DH is something entirely different. That he would belittle you like that, drag your kids into it, and then ultimately leave with out you. That is a BIG problem. He is a big problem.

Please take the advice of someone who doesn't have a storybook marriage. With the phrase "for better or worse," what you are describing is not the normal "worse" that happens in a marriage. It is very much a red flag. Protect yourself and your children (they will be next.)

Sounds like the difference is you actually know marriage is sustained on compromise.

No
My DH would never phrase anything in the way OP's did. And refusing to have me go with him because of what I'm wearing?!? His requests are phrased politely. It's just a preference, but he knows I ultimately pick. Some things need compromise: financial matters, child rearing, to even more mundane like what we eat for dinner, but what I put on my own body, never.

[Anonymous]

OP you should've said, yeah, so, I'm the queen bee. Buzz off with that sh talk.