If you have kids and boomer parents, do you get less help with kids than they got?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some poster really has a problem with the "boomer" generation. She throws around the term with such contempt. Like with everything else, however, it's wrong to generalize based solely on one's own, personal experience.

We are boomer grandparents. We live in the DMV and raised our family here, as do all of our now grown children. All of our kids and their spouses work full time, and their children (we have three grandkids from two DDs) have never had nannies, sitters, or childcare providers of any kind in their entire lives. We, the self-centered and awful boomers, have taken assumed responsibility for literally every moment that the grandkids need care and the parents are not there to provide it. We also take in the grandkids when the parents want childless vacations, which they have once or twice a year. And during summer vacations the grandkids spend several weeks with us in our second home in the country and the parents spend weekends. Oh -- we also take the dogs.

Our grankids adore us and our children are grateful as hell. Not only have they saved tens of thousands of dollars in childcare over the years, the care and love that their kids are getting cannot be matched. Our kids and grandkids are probably the luckiest families in the world.

My point? Stop demonizing an entire generation just because your own parents happen to suck. And, while you're at it, stop feeling so damned entitled. Do any of you really think that when you are grandparents you are going to do even a fraction of the things that you complain endlessly that your parents aren't doing for your kids?

I don't think you need to be so defensive about this. I don't see a lot of entitlement or Boomer hate on this thread.

Look again and try to be objective. There’s a lot of both.

I think I see four comments stating that their boomer parents help less even though they could. Two comments seem upset about it, but imo not in an entitled way, just upset about their parents not making an effort. The clear majority of comments state that either their boomer parents don’t help because they are old or live far away, or that their boomer parents got less help than they get from their boomer parents. One person said there is stereotype that boomers are selfish and stereotypes tend to exist for a reason, but the commenter wasnt one of the people resentful of boomer parents.

See, here's the thing. Were the OP asking, and others responding, to the question "do you think your parents, as boomers, have a better and closer relationship to their grandchildren than they had to their own grandparents," it would not be a loaded question. As OP puts it, though, who cares about the grandparent/grandchild relationship -- it's all about grandparents "helping" their gown kids with the grandkids.

There are a lot of parents on this thread -- and on this board more generally -- who are busy as hell, working full time, super stressed out, adding kids to the mix, and then getting upset that their parents, who once upon a time had been there and done that, aren't willing to jump in. Why should they? It was the parents' decision to have kids, and their only legitimate concern should be how can I make sure my kids and their grandparents have a good, close relationship? Because that's what children owe their parents and their kids -- their parents don't owe them childcare, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We get zero help from our Boomer parents. Zero. They basically do not know their grandkids at all. This was largely their choice, although at this point my daughters are so angry that they don't want to see or talk to their grandparents at all. COVID is not the reason - it was the same pre-COVID.

Our Boomer parents got much, much, much more help from their WWII generation parents.

I'm angry and have posted about our situation here before, only to be screamed at by Boomers that I'm being ageist and have no right to expect help with my kids. But it is hurtful that our parents DGAF about our kids (or really about us).

Blaming an entire generation on one couple is not helpful.

+1. Sorry you had such crappy grandparents for your kids but that is your experience, not the rule.

[Anonymous]

We are an international family with each generation of parents living on different continents than their children and grandchildren.

My parents raised me by themselves. They did not get any help whatsoever. Their parents were not local and did not or could not travel.

My parents came for 6 weeks from another continent to help me after the birth of my two children. We didn't need any help after that.

You learn to adjust when your family is far away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some poster really has a problem with the "boomer" generation. She throws around the term with such contempt. Like with everything else, however, it's wrong to generalize based solely on one's own, personal experience.

We are boomer grandparents. We live in the DMV and raised our family here, as do all of our now grown children. All of our kids and their spouses work full time, and their children (we have three grandkids from two DDs) have never had nannies, sitters, or childcare providers of any kind in their entire lives. We, the self-centered and awful boomers, have taken assumed responsibility for literally every moment that the grandkids need care and the parents are not there to provide it. We also take in the grandkids when the parents want childless vacations, which they have once or twice a year. And during summer vacations the grandkids spend several weeks with us in our second home in the country and the parents spend weekends. Oh -- we also take the dogs.

Our grankids adore us and our children are grateful as hell. Not only have they saved tens of thousands of dollars in childcare over the years, the care and love that their kids are getting cannot be matched. Our kids and grandkids are probably the luckiest families in the world.

My point? Stop demonizing an entire generation just because your own parents happen to suck. And, while you're at it, stop feeling so damned entitled. Do any of you really think that when you are grandparents you are going to do even a fraction of the things that you complain endlessly that your parents aren't doing for your kids?

I don't think you need to be so defensive about this. I don't see a lot of entitlement or Boomer hate on this thread.

Look again and try to be objective. There’s a lot of both.

I think I see four comments stating that their boomer parents help less even though they could. Two comments seem upset about it, but imo not in an entitled way, just upset about their parents not making an effort. The clear majority of comments state that either their boomer parents don’t help because they are old or live far away, or that their boomer parents got less help than they get from their boomer parents. One person said there is stereotype that boomers are selfish and stereotypes tend to exist for a reason, but the commenter wasnt one of the people resentful of boomer parents.

See, here's the thing. Were the OP asking, and others responding, to the question "do you think your parents, as boomers, have a better and closer relationship to their grandchildren than they had to their own grandparents," it would not be a loaded question. As OP puts it, though, who cares about the grandparent/grandchild relationship -- it's all about grandparents "helping" their gown kids with the grandkids.

There are a lot of parents on this thread -- and on this board more generally -- who are busy as hell, working full time, super stressed out, adding kids to the mix, and then getting upset that their parents, who once upon a time had been there and done that, aren't willing to jump in. Why should they? It was the parents' decision to have kids, and their only legitimate concern should be how can I make sure my kids and their grandparents have a good, close relationship? Because that's what children owe their parents and their kids -- their parents don't owe them childcare, though.

It wasn’t loaded. It only seems loaded to boomer parents because they are sensitive about criticism about boomers. I suspected the complaints I saw must be outliers and I was right. And I didn’t ask about relationship because that’s not what I was curious about, I was curious specifically about help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Looks like a lot of people who get less help only get less because of practical reasons. Do you think that if your parents were closer and physically able you would get more help?

I think my MIL and mom definitely would, my dad and stepmom not so much. I'm thinking the idea that Boomers refuse to help out as much is not completely accurate and has more to do with how much they want to help than a generational thing.

I don't think so but for practical reasons: I have a disabled adult sibling they care for. Sadly my parents do not get to be lazy selfish boomers. My father in law is 80 and I don't think he's very capable of dealing with small children, he wants them to sit around and listen, which they cannot yet.

[Anonymous]

I'm a younger boomer, in my 60s. I Ioved my parents and miss them, but- zero help despite living fairly close by. And this is from both sides, in laws were way worse! We really could have used a little interactive help. You know, we were the ones breaking all those glass ceilings, with pretty bad daycare, no maternity leave, towing that line so we weren't passed over for promotions-
and we were exhausted 24/7. Not saying you guys aren't doing a lot, too, but it was pretty raw in the 70s and 80s.

I wished our folks would have spent any amount of time- after school, weekends, anything, but those boundary lines were drawn in dark ink, even if not fully verbalized. They did buy the kids gifts for birthdays, we had family time, and we were treated to a week at Disneyworld- family time was close, but never really ever alone with the kids, and we had pretty quiet kids. They were low key in needs, no real behavior problems. I can see if we had a high maintenance kids, but these kids were pretty easy, plus with our parents they were extra polite.

Now, here we are, ready to do all and everything. Sick duty, babysitting, going to school events, we would even pay for lessons, camps, and college. Ironically, we will have no grandchildren.

Anyone looking for a grandparent here? We are going to waste

[Anonymous]

Gen x with boomer parents. My parents moved a 6 hour drive from their parents and we saw them about 2x a year. I live about 3 hours from my parents and see them about 4 times a year. For my parents, distance was a choice, they were hippies with very conservative parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some poster really has a problem with the "boomer" generation. She throws around the term with such contempt. Like with everything else, however, it's wrong to generalize based solely on one's own, personal experience.

We are boomer grandparents. We live in the DMV and raised our family here, as do all of our now grown children. All of our kids and their spouses work full time, and their children (we have three grandkids from two DDs) have never had nannies, sitters, or childcare providers of any kind in their entire lives. We, the self-centered and awful boomers, have taken assumed responsibility for literally every moment that the grandkids need care and the parents are not there to provide it. We also take in the grandkids when the parents want childless vacations, which they have once or twice a year. And during summer vacations the grandkids spend several weeks with us in our second home in the country and the parents spend weekends. Oh -- we also take the dogs.

Our grankids adore us and our children are grateful as hell. Not only have they saved tens of thousands of dollars in childcare over the years, the care and love that their kids are getting cannot be matched. Our kids and grandkids are probably the luckiest families in the world.

My point? Stop demonizing an entire generation just because your own parents happen to suck. And, while you're at it, stop feeling so damned entitled. Do any of you really think that when you are grandparents you are going to do even a fraction of the things that you complain endlessly that your parents aren't doing for your kids?

I don't think you need to be so defensive about this. I don't see a lot of entitlement or Boomer hate on this thread.

Look again and try to be objective. There’s a lot of both.

I think I see four comments stating that their boomer parents help less even though they could. Two comments seem upset about it, but imo not in an entitled way, just upset about their parents not making an effort. The clear majority of comments state that either their boomer parents don’t help because they are old or live far away, or that their boomer parents got less help than they get from their boomer parents. One person said there is stereotype that boomers are selfish and stereotypes tend to exist for a reason, but the commenter wasnt one of the people resentful of boomer parents.

See, here's the thing. Were the OP asking, and others responding, to the question "do you think your parents, as boomers, have a better and closer relationship to their grandchildren than they had to their own grandparents," it would not be a loaded question. As OP puts it, though, who cares about the grandparent/grandchild relationship -- it's all about grandparents "helping" their gown kids with the grandkids.

There are a lot of parents on this thread -- and on this board more generally -- who are busy as hell, working full time, super stressed out, adding kids to the mix, and then getting upset that their parents, who once upon a time had been there and done that, aren't willing to jump in. Why should they? It was the parents' decision to have kids, and their only legitimate concern should be how can I make sure my kids and their grandparents have a good, close relationship? Because that's what children owe their parents and their kids -- their parents don't owe them childcare, though.

It wasn’t loaded. It only seems loaded to boomer parents because they are sensitive about criticism about boomers. I suspected the complaints I saw must be outliers and I was right. And I didn’t ask about relationship because that’s not what I was curious about, I was curious specifically about help.

Way to generalize about a whole age group -- specifically, boomers. You just outed yourself and destroyed any credibility that you might have had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a younger boomer, in my 60s. I Ioved my parents and miss them, but- zero help despite living fairly close by. And this is from both sides, in laws were way worse! We really could have used a little interactive help. You know, we were the ones breaking all those glass ceilings, with pretty bad daycare, no maternity leave, towing that line so we weren't passed over for promotions-
and we were exhausted 24/7. Not saying you guys aren't doing a lot, too, but it was pretty raw in the 70s and 80s.

I wished our folks would have spent any amount of time- after school, weekends, anything, but those boundary lines were drawn in dark ink, even if not fully verbalized. They did buy the kids gifts for birthdays, we had family time, and we were treated to a week at Disneyworld- family time was close, but never really ever alone with the kids, and we had pretty quiet kids. They were low key in needs, no real behavior problems. I can see if we had a high maintenance kids, but these kids were pretty easy, plus with our parents they were extra polite.

Now, here we are, ready to do all and everything. Sick duty, babysitting, going to school events, we would even pay for lessons, camps, and college. Ironically, we will have no grandchildren.

Anyone looking for a grandparent here? We are going to waste

Hahaha where do you live?

[Anonymous]

Let’s put it this way, I was finally able to locate some of my baby’s formula in stock about a mile away from my mom’s house a couple of states away from where we live. I bought it and they set it to the side for me. I called my mom who told me that she couldn’t pick it up for about a week because she was packing and then going on a cruise.

My grandparents watched me everyday while both my parents worked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some poster really has a problem with the "boomer" generation. She throws around the term with such contempt. Like with everything else, however, it's wrong to generalize based solely on one's own, personal experience.

We are boomer grandparents. We live in the DMV and raised our family here, as do all of our now grown children. All of our kids and their spouses work full time, and their children (we have three grandkids from two DDs) have never had nannies, sitters, or childcare providers of any kind in their entire lives. We, the self-centered and awful boomers, have taken assumed responsibility for literally every moment that the grandkids need care and the parents are not there to provide it. We also take in the grandkids when the parents want childless vacations, which they have once or twice a year. And during summer vacations the grandkids spend several weeks with us in our second home in the country and the parents spend weekends. Oh -- we also take the dogs.

Our grankids adore us and our children are grateful as hell. Not only have they saved tens of thousands of dollars in childcare over the years, the care and love that their kids are getting cannot be matched. Our kids and grandkids are probably the luckiest families in the world.

My point? Stop demonizing an entire generation just because your own parents happen to suck. And, while you're at it, stop feeling so damned entitled. Do any of you really think that when you are grandparents you are going to do even a fraction of the things that you complain endlessly that your parents aren't doing for your kids?

I don't think you need to be so defensive about this. I don't see a lot of entitlement or Boomer hate on this thread.

Look again and try to be objective. There’s a lot of both.

I think I see four comments stating that their boomer parents help less even though they could. Two comments seem upset about it, but imo not in an entitled way, just upset about their parents not making an effort. The clear majority of comments state that either their boomer parents don’t help because they are old or live far away, or that their boomer parents got less help than they get from their boomer parents. One person said there is stereotype that boomers are selfish and stereotypes tend to exist for a reason, but the commenter wasnt one of the people resentful of boomer parents.

See, here's the thing. Were the OP asking, and others responding, to the question "do you think your parents, as boomers, have a better and closer relationship to their grandchildren than they had to their own grandparents," it would not be a loaded question. As OP puts it, though, who cares about the grandparent/grandchild relationship -- it's all about grandparents "helping" their gown kids with the grandkids.

There are a lot of parents on this thread -- and on this board more generally -- who are busy as hell, working full time, super stressed out, adding kids to the mix, and then getting upset that their parents, who once upon a time had been there and done that, aren't willing to jump in. Why should they? It was the parents' decision to have kids, and their only legitimate concern should be how can I make sure my kids and their grandparents have a good, close relationship? Because that's what children owe their parents and their kids -- their parents don't owe them childcare, though.

It wasn’t loaded. It only seems loaded to boomer parents because they are sensitive about criticism about boomers. I suspected the complaints I saw must be outliers and I was right. And I didn’t ask about relationship because that’s not what I was curious about, I was curious specifically about help.

Way to generalize about a whole age group -- specifically, boomers. You just outed yourself and destroyed any credibility that you might have had.

The generalization being that boomers are sensitive to criticism about boomers??? I mean, is that not an appropriate generalization? Most of us are sensitive to criticism about groups we are members of. I know I’m a little sensitive about millennial criticism, and criticism about SAHMs, and criticism about people who medicate their kids, etc etc. It’s not ideal but being sensitive is pretty common and IMO understandable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some poster really has a problem with the "boomer" generation. She throws around the term with such contempt. Like with everything else, however, it's wrong to generalize based solely on one's own, personal experience.

We are boomer grandparents. We live in the DMV and raised our family here, as do all of our now grown children. All of our kids and their spouses work full time, and their children (we have three grandkids from two DDs) have never had nannies, sitters, or childcare providers of any kind in their entire lives. We, the self-centered and awful boomers, have taken assumed responsibility for literally every moment that the grandkids need care and the parents are not there to provide it. We also take in the grandkids when the parents want childless vacations, which they have once or twice a year. And during summer vacations the grandkids spend several weeks with us in our second home in the country and the parents spend weekends. Oh -- we also take the dogs.

Our grankids adore us and our children are grateful as hell. Not only have they saved tens of thousands of dollars in childcare over the years, the care and love that their kids are getting cannot be matched. Our kids and grandkids are probably the luckiest families in the world.

My point? Stop demonizing an entire generation just because your own parents happen to suck. And, while you're at it, stop feeling so damned entitled. Do any of you really think that when you are grandparents you are going to do even a fraction of the things that you complain endlessly that your parents aren't doing for your kids?

I don't think you need to be so defensive about this. I don't see a lot of entitlement or Boomer hate on this thread.

Look again and try to be objective. There’s a lot of both.

I think I see four comments stating that their boomer parents help less even though they could. Two comments seem upset about it, but imo not in an entitled way, just upset about their parents not making an effort. The clear majority of comments state that either their boomer parents don’t help because they are old or live far away, or that their boomer parents got less help than they get from their boomer parents. One person said there is stereotype that boomers are selfish and stereotypes tend to exist for a reason, but the commenter wasnt one of the people resentful of boomer parents.

See, here's the thing. Were the OP asking, and others responding, to the question "do you think your parents, as boomers, have a better and closer relationship to their grandchildren than they had to their own grandparents," it would not be a loaded question. As OP puts it, though, who cares about the grandparent/grandchild relationship -- it's all about grandparents "helping" their gown kids with the grandkids.

There are a lot of parents on this thread -- and on this board more generally -- who are busy as hell, working full time, super stressed out, adding kids to the mix, and then getting upset that their parents, who once upon a time had been there and done that, aren't willing to jump in. Why should they? It was the parents' decision to have kids, and their only legitimate concern should be how can I make sure my kids and their grandparents have a good, close relationship? Because that's what children owe their parents and their kids -- their parents don't owe them childcare, though.

It wasn’t loaded. It only seems loaded to boomer parents because they are sensitive about criticism about boomers. I suspected the complaints I saw must be outliers and I was right. And I didn’t ask about relationship because that’s not what I was curious about, I was curious specifically about help.

What makes you think they should help you? What kind of help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some poster really has a problem with the "boomer" generation. She throws around the term with such contempt. Like with everything else, however, it's wrong to generalize based solely on one's own, personal experience.

We are boomer grandparents. We live in the DMV and raised our family here, as do all of our now grown children. All of our kids and their spouses work full time, and their children (we have three grandkids from two DDs) have never had nannies, sitters, or childcare providers of any kind in their entire lives. We, the self-centered and awful boomers, have taken assumed responsibility for literally every moment that the grandkids need care and the parents are not there to provide it. We also take in the grandkids when the parents want childless vacations, which they have once or twice a year. And during summer vacations the grandkids spend several weeks with us in our second home in the country and the parents spend weekends. Oh -- we also take the dogs.

Our grankids adore us and our children are grateful as hell. Not only have they saved tens of thousands of dollars in childcare over the years, the care and love that their kids are getting cannot be matched. Our kids and grandkids are probably the luckiest families in the world.

My point? Stop demonizing an entire generation just because your own parents happen to suck. And, while you're at it, stop feeling so damned entitled. Do any of you really think that when you are grandparents you are going to do even a fraction of the things that you complain endlessly that your parents aren't doing for your kids?

I don't think you need to be so defensive about this. I don't see a lot of entitlement or Boomer hate on this thread.

Look again and try to be objective. There’s a lot of both.

I think I see four comments stating that their boomer parents help less even though they could. Two comments seem upset about it, but imo not in an entitled way, just upset about their parents not making an effort. The clear majority of comments state that either their boomer parents don’t help because they are old or live far away, or that their boomer parents got less help than they get from their boomer parents. One person said there is stereotype that boomers are selfish and stereotypes tend to exist for a reason, but the commenter wasnt one of the people resentful of boomer parents.

See, here's the thing. Were the OP asking, and others responding, to the question "do you think your parents, as boomers, have a better and closer relationship to their grandchildren than they had to their own grandparents," it would not be a loaded question. As OP puts it, though, who cares about the grandparent/grandchild relationship -- it's all about grandparents "helping" their gown kids with the grandkids.

There are a lot of parents on this thread -- and on this board more generally -- who are busy as hell, working full time, super stressed out, adding kids to the mix, and then getting upset that their parents, who once upon a time had been there and done that, aren't willing to jump in. Why should they? It was the parents' decision to have kids, and their only legitimate concern should be how can I make sure my kids and their grandparents have a good, close relationship? Because that's what children owe their parents and their kids -- their parents don't owe them childcare, though.

It wasn’t loaded. It only seems loaded to boomer parents because they are sensitive about criticism about boomers. I suspected the complaints I saw must be outliers and I was right. And I didn’t ask about relationship because that’s not what I was curious about, I was curious specifically about help.

What makes you think they should help you? What kind of help?

1) I didn’t say anything about whether or not Boomers should help their kids 2) childcare help is what I was talking about

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some poster really has a problem with the "boomer" generation. She throws around the term with such contempt. Like with everything else, however, it's wrong to generalize based solely on one's own, personal experience.

We are boomer grandparents. We live in the DMV and raised our family here, as do all of our now grown children. All of our kids and their spouses work full time, and their children (we have three grandkids from two DDs) have never had nannies, sitters, or childcare providers of any kind in their entire lives. We, the self-centered and awful boomers, have taken assumed responsibility for literally every moment that the grandkids need care and the parents are not there to provide it. We also take in the grandkids when the parents want childless vacations, which they have once or twice a year. And during summer vacations the grandkids spend several weeks with us in our second home in the country and the parents spend weekends. Oh -- we also take the dogs.

Our grankids adore us and our children are grateful as hell. Not only have they saved tens of thousands of dollars in childcare over the years, the care and love that their kids are getting cannot be matched. Our kids and grandkids are probably the luckiest families in the world.

My point? Stop demonizing an entire generation just because your own parents happen to suck. And, while you're at it, stop feeling so damned entitled. Do any of you really think that when you are grandparents you are going to do even a fraction of the things that you complain endlessly that your parents aren't doing for your kids?

I don't think you need to be so defensive about this. I don't see a lot of entitlement or Boomer hate on this thread.

Look again and try to be objective. There’s a lot of both.

I think I see four comments stating that their boomer parents help less even though they could. Two comments seem upset about it, but imo not in an entitled way, just upset about their parents not making an effort. The clear majority of comments state that either their boomer parents don’t help because they are old or live far away, or that their boomer parents got less help than they get from their boomer parents. One person said there is stereotype that boomers are selfish and stereotypes tend to exist for a reason, but the commenter wasnt one of the people resentful of boomer parents.

See, here's the thing. Were the OP asking, and others responding, to the question "do you think your parents, as boomers, have a better and closer relationship to their grandchildren than they had to their own grandparents," it would not be a loaded question. As OP puts it, though, who cares about the grandparent/grandchild relationship -- it's all about grandparents "helping" their gown kids with the grandkids.

There are a lot of parents on this thread -- and on this board more generally -- who are busy as hell, working full time, super stressed out, adding kids to the mix, and then getting upset that their parents, who once upon a time had been there and done that, aren't willing to jump in. Why should they? It was the parents' decision to have kids, and their only legitimate concern should be how can I make sure my kids and their grandparents have a good, close relationship? Because that's what children owe their parents and their kids -- their parents don't owe them childcare, though.

It wasn’t loaded. It only seems loaded to boomer parents because they are sensitive about criticism about boomers. I suspected the complaints I saw must be outliers and I was right. And I didn’t ask about relationship because that’s not what I was curious about, I was curious specifically about help.

Way to generalize about a whole age group -- specifically, boomers. You just outed yourself and destroyed any credibility that you might have had.

The generalization being that boomers are sensitive to criticism about boomers??? I mean, is that not an appropriate generalization? Most of us are sensitive to criticism about groups we are members of. I know I’m a little sensitive about millennial criticism, and criticism about SAHMs, and criticism about people who medicate their kids, etc etc. It’s not ideal but being sensitive is pretty common and IMO understandable.

To say that "they," as a group, are anything at all, is by definition a generalization no matter what group you are referring to. And if you don't know that, well, then you're beyond help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some poster really has a problem with the "boomer" generation. She throws around the term with such contempt. Like with everything else, however, it's wrong to generalize based solely on one's own, personal experience.

We are boomer grandparents. We live in the DMV and raised our family here, as do all of our now grown children. All of our kids and their spouses work full time, and their children (we have three grandkids from two DDs) have never had nannies, sitters, or childcare providers of any kind in their entire lives. We, the self-centered and awful boomers, have taken assumed responsibility for literally every moment that the grandkids need care and the parents are not there to provide it. We also take in the grandkids when the parents want childless vacations, which they have once or twice a year. And during summer vacations the grandkids spend several weeks with us in our second home in the country and the parents spend weekends. Oh -- we also take the dogs.

Our grankids adore us and our children are grateful as hell. Not only have they saved tens of thousands of dollars in childcare over the years, the care and love that their kids are getting cannot be matched. Our kids and grandkids are probably the luckiest families in the world.

My point? Stop demonizing an entire generation just because your own parents happen to suck. And, while you're at it, stop feeling so damned entitled. Do any of you really think that when you are grandparents you are going to do even a fraction of the things that you complain endlessly that your parents aren't doing for your kids?

I don't think you need to be so defensive about this. I don't see a lot of entitlement or Boomer hate on this thread.

Look again and try to be objective. There’s a lot of both.

I think I see four comments stating that their boomer parents help less even though they could. Two comments seem upset about it, but imo not in an entitled way, just upset about their parents not making an effort. The clear majority of comments state that either their boomer parents don’t help because they are old or live far away, or that their boomer parents got less help than they get from their boomer parents. One person said there is stereotype that boomers are selfish and stereotypes tend to exist for a reason, but the commenter wasnt one of the people resentful of boomer parents.

See, here's the thing. Were the OP asking, and others responding, to the question "do you think your parents, as boomers, have a better and closer relationship to their grandchildren than they had to their own grandparents," it would not be a loaded question. As OP puts it, though, who cares about the grandparent/grandchild relationship -- it's all about grandparents "helping" their gown kids with the grandkids.

There are a lot of parents on this thread -- and on this board more generally -- who are busy as hell, working full time, super stressed out, adding kids to the mix, and then getting upset that their parents, who once upon a time had been there and done that, aren't willing to jump in. Why should they? It was the parents' decision to have kids, and their only legitimate concern should be how can I make sure my kids and their grandparents have a good, close relationship? Because that's what children owe their parents and their kids -- their parents don't owe them childcare, though.

It wasn’t loaded. It only seems loaded to boomer parents because they are sensitive about criticism about boomers. I suspected the complaints I saw must be outliers and I was right. And I didn’t ask about relationship because that’s not what I was curious about, I was curious specifically about help.

What makes you think they should help you? What kind of help?

1) I didn’t say anything about whether or not Boomers should help their kids 2) childcare help is what I was talking about

OK let's pin this down.

Why do you think, specifically, that your parents would help with childcare?

Nevermind anyone else. I'm asking about you, your parents/IL's and your kids.