If you have kids and boomer parents, do you get less help with kids than they got?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We get zero help from our Boomer parents. Zero. They basically do not know their grandkids at all. This was largely their choice, although at this point my daughters are so angry that they don't want to see or talk to their grandparents at all. COVID is not the reason - it was the same pre-COVID.

Our Boomer parents got much, much, much more help from their WWII generation parents.

I'm angry and have posted about our situation here before, only to be screamed at by Boomers that I'm being ageist and have no right to expect help with my kids. But it is hurtful that our parents DGAF about our kids (or really about us).

Blaming an entire generation on one couple is not helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some poster really has a problem with the "boomer" generation. She throws around the term with such contempt. Like with everything else, however, it's wrong to generalize based solely on one's own, personal experience.

We are boomer grandparents. We live in the DMV and raised our family here, as do all of our now grown children. All of our kids and their spouses work full time, and their children (we have three grandkids from two DDs) have never had nannies, sitters, or childcare providers of any kind in their entire lives. We, the self-centered and awful boomers, have taken assumed responsibility for literally every moment that the grandkids need care and the parents are not there to provide it. We also take in the grandkids when the parents want childless vacations, which they have once or twice a year. And during summer vacations the grandkids spend several weeks with us in our second home in the country and the parents spend weekends. Oh -- we also take the dogs.

Our grankids adore us and our children are grateful as hell. Not only have they saved tens of thousands of dollars in childcare over the years, the care and love that their kids are getting cannot be matched. Our kids and grandkids are probably the luckiest families in the world.

My point? Stop demonizing an entire generation just because your own parents happen to suck. And, while you're at it, stop feeling so damned entitled. Do any of you really think that when you are grandparents you are going to do even a fraction of the things that you complain endlessly that your parents aren't doing for your kids?

I don't think you need to be so defensive about this. I don't see a lot of entitlement or Boomer hate on this thread.

Look again and try to be objective. There’s a lot of both.

[Anonymous]

I'm a Boomer Grandparent. My parents babysat my 2 kids twice, two evenings. Total in their entire life. And they were great, wonderful Grandparents (and parents). My ILs were similar.

[Anonymous]

My boomer parents give me a ton of help. Much more than their parents.

[Anonymous]

I had a very close relationships with my grandparents, and they were my main babysitters when I was growing up. At some points, my grandparents were my main caregivers.

My parents have not spent 1/100th as much time with my children (and their cousins) and somehow think it's because the kids don't like hanging out with older people or even just don't like hanging out with them. Not true - they just don't know them as well as my parents would like.

Bully for them - they have travelled the world, but they have missed out on family. No sympathy here, other than for my children who would have enjoyed better grandparents. My ILs do it much better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some poster really has a problem with the "boomer" generation. She throws around the term with such contempt. Like with everything else, however, it's wrong to generalize based solely on one's own, personal experience.

We are boomer grandparents. We live in the DMV and raised our family here, as do all of our now grown children. All of our kids and their spouses work full time, and their children (we have three grandkids from two DDs) have never had nannies, sitters, or childcare providers of any kind in their entire lives. We, the self-centered and awful boomers, have taken assumed responsibility for literally every moment that the grandkids need care and the parents are not there to provide it. We also take in the grandkids when the parents want childless vacations, which they have once or twice a year. And during summer vacations the grandkids spend several weeks with us in our second home in the country and the parents spend weekends. Oh -- we also take the dogs.

Our grankids adore us and our children are grateful as hell. Not only have they saved tens of thousands of dollars in childcare over the years, the care and love that their kids are getting cannot be matched. Our kids and grandkids are probably the luckiest families in the world.

My point? Stop demonizing an entire generation just because your own parents happen to suck. And, while you're at it, stop feeling so damned entitled. Do any of you really think that when you are grandparents you are going to do even a fraction of the things that you complain endlessly that your parents aren't doing for your kids?

I don't think you need to be so defensive about this. I don't see a lot of entitlement or Boomer hate on this thread.

Look again and try to be objective. There’s a lot of both.

I think I see four comments stating that their boomer parents help less even though they could. Two comments seem upset about it, but imo not in an entitled way, just upset about their parents not making an effort. The clear majority of comments state that either their boomer parents don’t help because they are old or live far away, or that their boomer parents got less help than they get from their boomer parents. One person said there is stereotype that boomers are selfish and stereotypes tend to exist for a reason, but the commenter wasnt one of the people resentful of boomer parents.

[Anonymous]

Blaming an entire generation on one couple is not helpful.

Where in my post did I blame an entire generation? And it's not one couple - it's my parents and my husband's parents and stepparents. Nowhere did I say that all Boomers were like that. (Although I do admit that, as a Gen Xer, I have many complaints about the Boomers. But that is not what I said.)

I'm assuming you are a Boomer. Do you think it is acceptable to have no relationship whatsoever with your grandkids? To see them once a year for 30 minutes even pre-COVID?

[Anonymous]

My maternal grandparents lived close and provided a ton of care for me and my sister. Regular babysitting, picking us up when our mom went back to school, all family birthdays and holidays, etc. They were rock solid.

My mom helps some, but is limited mostly because my sister is extremely dysfunctional and can't adequately care for her daughter. My dad (they're divorced) could help theoretically, but has never seemed to want to.

My ILs don't live nearby, but they also make zero effort to get to know our kids. We'd pay for them to come here, pay for all food, etc., and they still can't be bothered. I know DH's maternal grandparents in particular did a ton to help his mom.

It's a bummer, but it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

In terms of time spent I feel like it's similar but the quality is far lower. FIL never and I mean never talks to his only grandsons. He sits and looks at his phone. He is a virtual stranger. My own father is willing to read them a book or take them for a walk if they insist, but left to his own devices he too sits and looks at his phone or the TV. Whereas my grandfather would play games with us or take us places without us having to beg.
My mother prefers to sit and chat with me over paying attention to the kids and tells them to run along and play, grandma and mama are talking. If I ask to go run errands by myself she pouts.

[Anonymous]

My boomer parents got zero help with me when I was little from their parents. I get some (little) help with my kids from them. But, any help at all (even if it's once a year) is more than my boomer parents got.

[Anonymous]

We almost never stayed with grandparents. If mom and dad went out they paid for a sitter. As far as other help - nope.

[Anonymous]

Well, yes, because I moved far away and they were pretty close to family... When my parents visit, they do a lot to engage with my kids and are really interested in having a relationship with them.

I don't think I'd care about help, but it would feel hurtful/sad if the grandparents had no real interest in their grandkids, especially if they were local and it was very obvious.

[Anonymous]

I think part of the problem is that this generation of parents expects help. Why? You had the kids.

We had a relationship with our grandparents through visits and sometimes writing letters. Grandpa told stories (sometimes true, other times a load of crap lol) Grandma played Chinese checkers, and taught us about stone soup or dandelion soup. She grew up very poor. I didn't see a lot of them but I cherish those memories and miss her hugs.

[Anonymous]

My boomer mom had me much much younger than I had her granddaughter. She helped bunches in infancy -3. Now in elem age she’s tired. And that’s ok. We get visits in but try not to ask for babysitting minus emergencies. She’s wonderful. My father passed too young but was lovely in early days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boomer mom had me much much younger than I had her granddaughter. She helped bunches in infancy -3. Now in elem age she’s tired. And that’s ok. We get visits in but try not to ask for babysitting minus emergencies. She’s wonderful. My father passed too young but was lovely in early days.

Oops. Forgot to add. My grandmother was more active in our young lives but she was also much younger.