If you have kids and boomer parents, do you get less help with kids than they got?

[Anonymous]

I think much has to do with whether both grandparents worked or not. Nowadays many people are working into age 70 and there are much more working women, hence grandmothers are less likely able to help as much as other generations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think much has to do with whether both grandparents worked or not. Nowadays many people are working into age 70 and there are much more working women, hence grandmothers are less likely able to help as much as other generations.

No, my mom was not working and retired. No help.

[Anonymous]

My boomer mom has never had a job in her life and got constant financial support and childcare help from her parents. When I graduated from college (paid for by grandparents) and needed an urgent but minor surgery before my first paycheck was scheduled for deposit, I called my mom to ask if she could float me the $800 copay and she got all huffy sniffing that I “should have saved up for expenses like this”. So no, she feels no obligation at all to pay forward any of the financial and childcare support she got. (Age is not a factor here either, she was 55 when I had my first)

[Anonymous]

My parents got a lot of help. First, we were in state funded daycare 5 days a week. My sister and I were also sent to our grandparents' farm for 2 months every summer. My grandparents were younger than my parents would be as grandparents, but they worked two jobs. Back then, the kids could be left home alone and we kept ourselves busy on their little farm.
We were also left home alone a lot with a neighbor making sure there's no fire, and a few times some high school girls watching us.
Watching kids was easy back in the 80's. Nobody really watched us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my boomer parents got more help with kids from their parents, than they gave me.

I don't think age was a reason. I was my maternal grandparents first grandchild-born when my grandma was about 48 and grandpa about 50.

My parents became grandparents when my first child was born--mom was about 51 and Dad about 53.
So my parents were slightly older, but it's not like they were elderly.

Those are all very young ages to become grandparents!!

Babies born when the parents were in their mid 20s. No "teen moms" or even babies born before the parents were 22.

[Anonymous]

I was with my grandparents all the time when I was young, regular sleepovers, they would pick us up from school when my parents needed them to, we stayed with them for a week every spring so my parents could go on a child free vacation. I live 7 hours from my parents (and have since my kids were born), so we have gotten little help because of the distance. My grandparents were the absolute best, and it does make me a little sad that my kids won’t think of their grandparents the way I think of mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was with my grandparents all the time when I was young, regular sleepovers, they would pick us up from school when my parents needed them to, we stayed with them for a week every spring so my parents could go on a child free vacation. I live 7 hours from my parents (and have since my kids were born), so we have gotten little help because of the distance. My grandparents were the absolute best, and it does make me a little sad that my kids won’t think of their grandparents the way I think of mine.

OP here. I do wish my kids could have an experience like you did with your grandparents! For me it's not about free babysitting, it's about the relationship. My in-laws wish the same. Once my MIL said they have 10 good years left (I don't think that's totally true, but who knows, it could be), and it was just sad to think that if our kids see them once a year, they are only going to see them 10 more times.

A big part of me wishes we hadn't moved away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are (late) Boomer parents. We had no help from our parents. They had no help from theirs. My parents did practically raise my niece and nephew when my sister needed the help. We have fully funded our kids education and hope to give hands-on help if/when the time comes.

Now, can we talk about the stereotypical lazy, entitled Millennial who needs constant praise to even get out of bed in the morning?

sure but start your own thread.

[Anonymous]

I spent weeks at a time with my grandparents in the summers. And they stayed with me so my Mom could go on "girl's trip" vacations after her divorce. We lived about 2 hours away.

I now live a 2-day drive away. My kids don't stay with her for weeks because they'd be bored out of their minds. But she does come here and stay with them so we can go on child-free vacations. She's done this since they were toddlers and I really appreciate that about her!

[Anonymous]

We moved further away so yes, we got less help when the kids were little. Also, with people having kids later, the boomers are older - my parents are in their 70s and just not as young. I think the memories I had with my grandparents were when they were in their 50s and 60s......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are (late) Boomer parents. We had no help from our parents. They had no help from theirs. My parents did practically raise my niece and nephew when my sister needed the help. We have fully funded our kids education and hope to give hands-on help if/when the time comes.

Now, can we talk about the stereotypical lazy, entitled Millennial who needs constant praise to even get out of bed in the morning?

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Looks like a lot of people who get less help only get less because of practical reasons. Do you think that if your parents were closer and physically able you would get more help?

I think my MIL and mom definitely would, my dad and stepmom not so much. I'm thinking the idea that Boomers refuse to help out as much is not completely accurate and has more to do with how much they want to help than a generational thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are (late) Boomer parents. We had no help from our parents. They had no help from theirs. My parents did practically raise my niece and nephew when my sister needed the help. We have fully funded our kids education and hope to give hands-on help if/when the time comes.

Now, can we talk about the stereotypical lazy, entitled Millennial who needs constant praise to even get out of bed in the morning?

Thank you!

I'm pretty sure that topic has been beaten to death, but go for it if that's what you want to do.

[Anonymous]

Some poster really has a problem with the "boomer" generation. She throws around the term with such contempt. Like with everything else, however, it's wrong to generalize based solely on one's own, personal experience.

We are boomer grandparents. We live in the DMV and raised our family here, as do all of our now grown children. All of our kids and their spouses work full time, and their children (we have three grandkids from two DDs) have never had nannies, sitters, or childcare providers of any kind in their entire lives. We, the self-centered and awful boomers, have taken assumed responsibility for literally every moment that the grandkids need care and the parents are not there to provide it. We also take in the grandkids when the parents want childless vacations, which they have once or twice a year. And during summer vacations the grandkids spend several weeks with us in our second home in the country and the parents spend weekends. Oh -- we also take the dogs.

Our grankids adore us and our children are grateful as hell. Not only have they saved tens of thousands of dollars in childcare over the years, the care and love that their kids are getting cannot be matched. Our kids and grandkids are probably the luckiest families in the world.

My point? Stop demonizing an entire generation just because your own parents happen to suck. And, while you're at it, stop feeling so damned entitled. Do any of you really think that when you are grandparents you are going to do even a fraction of the things that you complain endlessly that your parents aren't doing for your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some poster really has a problem with the "boomer" generation. She throws around the term with such contempt. Like with everything else, however, it's wrong to generalize based solely on one's own, personal experience.

We are boomer grandparents. We live in the DMV and raised our family here, as do all of our now grown children. All of our kids and their spouses work full time, and their children (we have three grandkids from two DDs) have never had nannies, sitters, or childcare providers of any kind in their entire lives. We, the self-centered and awful boomers, have taken assumed responsibility for literally every moment that the grandkids need care and the parents are not there to provide it. We also take in the grandkids when the parents want childless vacations, which they have once or twice a year. And during summer vacations the grandkids spend several weeks with us in our second home in the country and the parents spend weekends. Oh -- we also take the dogs.

Our grankids adore us and our children are grateful as hell. Not only have they saved tens of thousands of dollars in childcare over the years, the care and love that their kids are getting cannot be matched. Our kids and grandkids are probably the luckiest families in the world.

My point? Stop demonizing an entire generation just because your own parents happen to suck. And, while you're at it, stop feeling so damned entitled. Do any of you really think that when you are grandparents you are going to do even a fraction of the things that you complain endlessly that your parents aren't doing for your kids?

I don't think you need to be so defensive about this. I don't see a lot of entitlement or Boomer hate on this thread.