Spouse Wants to Send DD to a Camp that Costs an Entire Month's Take Home Pay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you think your kid is your wife's problem to deal with. You probably should not have had a kid. Hopefully, you have just one because you sound dismissive + cheap.

No, there are day camp options that are more affordable according to OP. A financial commitment like this should have been a joint decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you think your kid is your wife's problem to deal with. You probably should not have had a kid. Hopefully, you have just one because you sound dismissive + cheap.

You are an idiot. If your spouse spent a month's pay on something without talking to you about it first, you'd hit the roof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Camp = 1 month take home pay = TOO MUCH unless this was something that was planned for (i.e., sinking fund/saved for).

If my wife came to me last minute and wanted me to pay for this I think my initial reaction would be a hard no.

When I was a kid I did a few 4H camps and scouting that were all less than a week. I also spend a week each summer at my grandparents house helping granddad around the farm. My kids get sent to their grandparents house as "summer camp" where they get to learn how to feed animals and cut grass.

Dude, I'm there with you on this being a ridiculous price. If, however, it was a small fraction of cash I already had on hand my wife might be able to talk me into it... but I'd prefer to see it being something my kid really wanted to do also.

Also, I my wife was a stay-at-home and there are no other kids I'd be wondering what she is doing with her time while the kid is gone. Maybe she is just looking to spend more time with her affair partner this summer without the kid around...

Unrelated to OP but I just wanted to point out that this paragraph is utterly bonkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These camps are the best. My kids are in public school but their 4 weeks (8 weeks for the older!) at a camp in Maine, while $$$$, is the best choice we ever made. It was the same for me when I was younger, and camp created so many opportunities and connections that I still have today.

Like what? Opportunities and connections, I mean…

In terms of concrete opportunities -- and granted I stayed all the way through counselor years -- I know many, many camp friends for whom (1) they were connected with a prominent family or board member of a college that led to a helpful recommendation/call (this was the 2000s when that was OK); (2) got their first internships and/or then their first jobs through a camp connection (similar to what may happen in a private high school, but I found it MORE helpful because sophomore/junior/senior year when going through this you are still seeing the camp friends regularly); (3) camp friends were their social "in" and who they lived with when we all moved to big cities after college (NYC, SF, DC). With (3), it was nice because the camp connection is there, but you get exposed to each other's entirely separate friend/college groups. Then of the 5 or so "connections" my husband and I had when we met in our 30s, two are camp friends. And camp people are who I contacted (over my college friends) in my 20s/30s when I wanted to travel, because they tend to be more worldly and adventurous and prioritize new and uncomfortable experiences (and it would be wrong not to admit they also have the resources).

But in a larger sense, it is a crazy confidence builder. Particularly working as a counselor and having a lot of responsibility and direct reports as a 16-20 year old, it's really fantastic experience. I'm in my 40s in finance now, and when I lead meetings, have brainstorming sessions, deal with personnel matters, etc., I always think about how 12+ years of camper/counselor skills molded me so much more than my formal schooling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it, I really do. I spent my summers going to a 5 week camp on the James River in rural Virginia. Honestly some of my fondest memories are from those days.

Give it to your daughter. These times are fleeting.

Old school summer camps will be a thing of the past. She'll be gone for college before you know it and if you're like me you'll find yourself crying in an empty house.

"You'll miss her SO MUCH when she's gone, so spend a ton of money to send her away for several weeks at a time NOW."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These camps are the best. My kids are in public school but their 4 weeks (8 weeks for the older!) at a camp in Maine, while $$$$, is the best choice we ever made. It was the same for me when I was younger, and camp created so many opportunities and connections that I still have today.

Like what? Opportunities and connections, I mean…

In terms of concrete opportunities -- and granted I stayed all the way through counselor years -- I know many, many camp friends for whom (1) they were connected through camp with a prominent family or board member of a college that led to a helpful recommendation/call (this was the 2000s when that was OK); (2) got their first internships and/or then their first jobs through a camp connection (similar to what may happen in a private high school, but I found it MORE helpful because sophomore/junior/senior year when going through this you are still seeing the camp friends regularly); (3) camp friends were their social "in" and who they lived with when we all moved to big cities after college (NYC, SF, DC). With (3), it was nice because the camp connection is there, but you get exposed to each other's entirely separate friend/college groups. Then of the 5 or so "connections" my husband and I had when we met in our 30s, two are camp friends. And camp people are who I contacted (over my college friends) in my 20s/30s when I wanted to travel, because they tend to be more worldly and adventurous and prioritize new and uncomfortable experiences (and it would be wrong not to admit they also have the resources).

But in a larger sense, it is a crazy confidence builder. Particularly working as a counselor and having a lot of responsibility and direct reports as a 16-20 year old, it's really fantastic experience. I'm in my 40s in finance now, and when I lead meetings, have brainstorming sessions, deal with personnel matters, etc., I always think about how 12+ years of camper/counselor skills molded me so much more than my formal schooling.

Sorry - I meant to say "connected through camp"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP didn’t provide details. Is the monthly take-home 20k or 2k?

Does it matter? It’s a 3 week camp. If the OP makes $25k/yr, then it’s crazy to spend $2k on camp.

If the OP has a take home pay of $20k/month, then that’s a three week camp that costs $20k. I’ve never even heard of such a thing, and it would be hard to argue that it’s necessary.

The only way this is reasonable is if OP and his wife keep separate finances, and this camp is one month of her take home pay, not 1/12 of the total family yearly budget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes- it's one of those fancy NE camps with obscene costs. Which is also off putting because we aren't fancy or northern.

DD isn't special needs at all and is extremely outgoing/social who would do just fine at a 2 week overnight YMCA camp for $2500

And can we assume that you researched said YMCA camp, made sure it was one DD would be interested in (i.e., don't choose Camp Letts or Seagull/Seafarer if she's not into sailing and watersports), checked for schedule conflicts, registered for a spot, paid the deposit and are ready to enroll her? Or are you just talking about some mythical cheap camp that somehow still has openings for this summer, for dates that work for your family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes- it's one of those fancy NE camps with obscene costs. Which is also off putting because we aren't fancy or northern.

DD isn't special needs at all and is extremely outgoing/social who would do just fine at a 2 week overnight YMCA camp for $2500

And can we assume that you researched said YMCA camp, made sure it was one DD would be interested in (i.e., don't choose Camp Letts or Seagull/Seafarer if she's not into sailing and watersports), checked for schedule conflicts, registered for a spot, paid the deposit and are ready to enroll her? Or are you just talking about some mythical cheap camp that somehow still has openings for this summer, for dates that work for your family?

This. Did you do any work and present concrete alternatives? Or do you just want the spouse to spend more of their time looking for an alternative?

Start looking for this cheap ymca camp for next summer now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

In terms of concrete opportunities -- and granted I stayed all the way through counselor years -- I know many, many camp friends for whom (1) they were connected with a prominent family or board member of a college that led to a helpful recommendation/call (this was the 2000s when that was OK); (2) got their first internships and/or then their first jobs through a camp connection (similar to what may happen in a private high school, but I found it MORE helpful because sophomore/junior/senior year when going through this you are still seeing the camp friends regularly); (3) camp friends were their social "in" and who they lived with when we all moved to big cities after college (NYC, SF, DC). With (3), it was nice because the camp connection is there, but you get exposed to each other's entirely separate friend/college groups. Then of the 5 or so "connections" my husband and I had when we met in our 30s, two are camp friends. And camp people are who I contacted (over my college friends) in my 20s/30s when I wanted to travel, because they tend to be more worldly and adventurous and prioritize new and uncomfortable experiences (and it would be wrong not to admit they also have the resources).

Imagine how bitter you'll be after your drop $7-10k on summer camp for all four years of high school and you don't get any of those "connections" lmao.

[Anonymous]

I started going to an amazing camp in Vermont when I was eight -- for 8 full weeks. I went seven years and then returned as a counselor. It was absolutely transformative, gave me confidence, learned new skills that I still use today, connected me to nature. I could go on and on. That camp costs about 10k, I believe. And they are no phones, no screens.

I wish I could afford to give my kids that experience of camp culture but all we can afford is two weeks at a lovely camp in WV -- they LOVE it. We are saving to send our oldest for a full month next year, where she will be a CIT and then a counselor the year after.

FWIW I am from NY and sleepaway camp was the norm. There's even a program called The Fresh Air fund that sends inner-city out to the country for a couple of weeks.

Most people recognize how important it is for humans to spend time in nature. It's not some wacky UMC indulgence.

[Anonymous]

Just FYI there are some fantastic YMCA sleepaway camps in the Northeast like in NY that are a fraction of the cost of the fancier sleepaway camps. Perhaps you can split the baby - lose the deposit but switch to one of those (yes, there are still openings). Because as PPs pointed out, you don’t want to find yourself in the position next summer of having to say no to a sleepaway camp your child adored and went to before.

[Anonymous]

If you are sending your child to a 10k+ summer camp that is several states away, yes this is a joint parent decision. BUT, if you can financially make it happen I think it is worth it.

Both my kids go to 7 week summer sleep away camps in Maine. They are expensive, about 11k each. There are ones that are much more expensive. They love going and have the best time there. Good wholesome fun, not a screen in sight. They actually have to talk face to face, interact, be bored, learn new skills, resolve small conflicts, etc. It is an invaluable experience. We are not “fancy” people either (whatever you meant by that). My children attend high FARMS public schools. While it is true, no one at camp is living anywhere close to poverty, plenty of camp families are not billionaires.

Sleepaway camp isn’t a must, but if it won’t hurt you financially, your kids will benefit from it. Send them

[Anonymous]

Some people on this board seem so out of touch when it comes to money sometimes. Just because someone may have a good income doesn't mean they should happily be willing to spend large amounts of it on children's activities. People also have costs like retirements, college, health care, aging parents, mortgages and etc that would like take priority over an expensive summer camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are sending your child to a 10k+ summer camp that is several states away, yes this is a joint parent decision. BUT, if you can financially make it happen I think it is worth it.

Both my kids go to 7 week summer sleep away camps in Maine. They are expensive, about 11k each. There are ones that are much more expensive. They love going and have the best time there. Good wholesome fun, not a screen in sight. They actually have to talk face to face, interact, be bored, learn new skills, resolve small conflicts, etc. It is an invaluable experience. We are not “fancy” people either (whatever you meant by that). My children attend high FARMS public schools. While it is true, no one at camp is living anywhere close to poverty, plenty of camp families are not billionaires.

Sleepaway camp isn’t a must, but if it won’t hurt you financially, your kids will benefit from it. Send them

Can you share which camp in Maine? Looking for something similar (although this price point is high for me)...